


Superstar

by rewriting_westeros



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Braime - Fandom, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Betrayal, Drug Use, Drugs, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Flashbacks, Friendship, Heartbreak, Lannister twins, Lies, Love, Marriage of Convenience, Mental Illness, Mind Rape, Modern Era, Modern Westeros, Music, Narcissism, Pining, Quote: A Lannister always pays his debts, Rape/Non-con Elements, Relationship of Convenience, Romance, Violence, bad relationships, miscommunications, mothers and fathers, secret crushes, spoiled children, the golden lion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 51
Words: 163,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26387440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rewriting_westeros/pseuds/rewriting_westeros
Summary: Jaime Lannister is a singer/songwriter, world renown pianist and guitarist.  His sister sings alongside him.  The perfect pair perform to sold-out audiences world-wide.  On the surface, they are perfect in every way from their looks to their sweet as golden honey personalities and fake images.  Secrets are well-hidden behind smiles, and supposedly unwanted marriages.  We may not choose who we love, but how far will we go to protect them against those who pretend to love us?  How far will one go to keep what never should have been?  Who will be there to pick up the shattered pieces of those left in her wake of destruction?
Relationships: Cersei Lannister & Brienne of Tarth, Cersei Lannister & Tywin Lannister, Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Jaime Lannister & Aerys II Targaryen, Jaime Lannister & Brienne of Tarth, Jaime Lannister & Tywin Lannister, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Joffrey Baratheon & Brienne of Tarth, Joffrey Baratheon & Cersei Lannister, Joffrey Baratheon & Jaime Lannister, Myrcella Baratheon & Brienne of Tarth, Myrcella Baratheon & Cersei Lannister, Myrcella Baratheon & Jaime Lannister, Robert Baratheon/Cersei Lannister, Tommen Baratheon & Brienne of Tarth, Tommen Baratheon & Jaime Lannister
Comments: 335
Kudos: 71





	1. Broken

**Author's Note:**

> So here is something new for you to get started on. I promise I am still working on the other two unfinished works. I WILL finish them! But this popped in my head today and I wanted to get it down. 
> 
> Cersei and Jaime had an incestuous relationship for years - we (readers, watchers, writers) all know they did. We know it was not right and its not natural but that's what happens in GOT. 
> 
> *****TRIGGER WARNING**** Jaime and Cersei have a non-violent/non-consensual encounter at age 19. This is found in chapter 28. If you wish to skip that chapter, you may do so without missing any storyline or content. I am changing it right now (Dec. 10. 2020) into two chapters so that you don't have to read chapter 28 if you do not want to. It got graphic / adult to show how it happened and how Cersei got the job done. You'll miss some dialogue, but that's about it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime finds Cersei with someone else and fights with Brienne who later comes to his rescue.

Jaime sat in the hotel room with a bottle of Crown in one hand and a bottle of Xanax in the other. He just couldn’t believe what he'd seen. His heart ached and stomach was in knots. The city lights of Essos sparkled outside his window and the moon was high in the sky as though it were all telling him ‘everything is going to be alright’ and life was a pretty picture. All he kept seeing was her beautiful naked body and those long blonde waves falling across another man’s stomach. It wasn’t even her husband’s stomach; had he walked into that…sure it would have been gut wrenching, but this…this was like death creeping slowly through his body. 

There she was, softly rocking her hips back and forth, moaning, writhing in pleasure, he could see pale hands sliding up her back, her head tip back, her eyes fling open at just the moment she heard the door. The hardest part was her reaction. She gasped, at least. Although it wasn’t due to being caught, or embarrassment, or even guilt or fear. No, it was because she was interrupted. If he had been Robert walking in on her as a surprise, would it had been different? Jaime doubted that. 

“Jaime! Gods, what the fuck are you doing?” A pillow was hurled at his head. She got off the bed completely naked and stalked toward him. When he only stood there silently gawking at her, she grinned at him – first seductively, and then once toe to toe with him, she sneered and shoved him out into the hall as hard as she could, slamming the door in his face. He could hear her saying to the man in the bed, “I’m sorry. Jaime doesn’t always know his place in my life. He forgets he was born second and he will always be second.” He couldn’t make one foot move in front of the other to carry himself away. He wanted to, hells that’s he _needed_. But then he heard the familiar voice reply, “And what of your husband? Cersei if Robert finds out…” Jaime hadn’t really seen who his twin was fucking, but he definitely recognized that voice.

He burst through the door and sure enough, Ozzie Kettleblack and his greasy black hair and black-as-night-eyes stared up at him from the bed that just minutes before their sold-out performance at The Essos Entertainment Center, he shared with Cersei. “You’re not serious? You’re fucking the drummer?”

“Get out! Get! Ouuuuuut!”

“Are you insane?” Jaime shouted back at her.

As Ozzie reached for his jeans, he asked, “You’re not going to tell Robert about this are you?”

“It’s not Robert you need to worry about, you twisted little fuck!” Jaime growled and grabbed Ozzie by his hair and pushed him out the door. He slammed into Brienne Tarth who was coming to check on the twins after their amazing performance together. As their manager, she wanted to congratulate them on another spectacular show, but the roses she was carrying were now splayed out on the hotel hall floor amongst broken glass and water.

“Dammit Jaime! What the hell is going on in there?”

“Later Tarth!” He slammed the door in his manager’s face and tore into Cersei. “Why? How could you do this?”

“Are you kidding?” She glared at her brother.

“Are _you?_ At least if I had found you with your own husband it wouldn’t hurt so bad but, _Kettleblack?_ _For fuck sake…anyone?_ After all this time, I thought…I believed...”

“Are you for real, right now?”

“Yes, I am for real right now.”

“You sound like a jealous lover instead of a twin brother.”

“I am a jealous lover, Cersei!” 

“Scream it for the entire hotel to hear, Jaime. The press will love to ruin us. And when Robert finds out..the children…how could you be so stupid? You really thought it was just you, all these years?”

“It doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re done.”

“Done? Done with what? Performing together, being seen in public together as the perfect brother/sister duo? Fucking? We are far from done, little brother.”

“No, Cersei…we are way past done. We’re so over done we may as well be ash. I will be on a plane first thing in the morning. We will settle everything with our attorneys later.”

“You think you’re walking away? From our career, our relationship, our love? Our children?”

“What children Cersei? You’ve been quite clear those children are nothing to me, they have never been anything to me. And as far as our career…well…at least I feel confident enough to perform on my own.” He made for the door but she stopped him.

“No one walks away from me. We're a team. We’ve always been a team. You’re not going to tear us apart over one drunken night.”

“You’re sober.” He jerked away from her and opened the door.

“Jaime!”

He walked out silently, but she continued to call his name through the closed door.

So here he sat on the sofa in his Essos hotel room, with a bottle in each hand, wondering when to open them and how much to swallow. He didn’t know quite how long he’d been staring out the window into fake perfection when a pounding on the door woke him from his self-pity. Was it hours? Was it 5 minutes? He made his way to the door and looked through the peep hole. There she was. His manager. His friend. His comfort. _Fuck._

He swung he door open, “What now?”

“Hi to you too.” She greeted him with a small smile. Not her usual bright and cheery smile, just a fake, forced smile that he knew was his fault. “I just wanted to check on you, that’s all. Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Fine. Is that it?”

“I know it’s not my business but I heard you fighting. Are you sure you’re alright?” She peered over him and saw the bottles.

“Again. Yeah. Fine. Is that it?”

“No.” She forced her way in passed him and over to the table with the bottles. She held them up to him. “You fucking promised.”

“Get off it, _please. Gods Tarth_ , not tonight. Not _this night.”_

“Get off it? Fuck you, Lannister.”

“Fuck me? Really? That’s your come back, tonight Brienne?”

“I’m sorry, Jaime. You know I don’t mean that.”

“You look crushed. You don’t have the right to feel crushed.”

“I see. You’re the only one alive with real feelings.”

“Can you go now, please?”

“Not like this, Jaime. Please, stop.”

“Like what? What are you talking about?”

“You want to destroy something? Better yet, from the looks of things – you want to destroy yourself. You _promised me_!” Her voice broke; it was completely out of character for the tall blonde with endless legs and infinity eyes. It startled them both.

“I just need…I just…it’s a bad night. I did promise. I know, I – Brienne you don’t understand. I just need…one glass and two Xanax, and I will be out for the night. I need to be on a plane tomorrow back to King’s Landing and I need tonight to disappear. Like it never was.”

She walked closer to him and held up the bottle of Crown. Looking into his eyes, she spoke softly, “Jaime…” it was almost a plea, “I know you want to feel something different. But that different isn’t always better. I’m so sorry. I am. But this is a pain you need to remember.” She knew. He always knew she knew and she knew that he knew she knew. It was their unspoken secrets – she knew he slept with Cersei and she kept his secret. He knew she kept his secret. They just never spoke of it. At least…they were both fairly certain of that unspoken arrangement. 

He may have been fucking Cersei, but his heart wasn’t hers. It never was. Not because he suspected other lovers, because he never had. It was because of so many things about Cersei…the way she behaved or didn’t behave, her lies, her vindictive personality. Only towards Jaime. The world saw them as Westeros’s most beautiful, perfect, brother and sister. He played the piano flawlessly. She was an exquisite singer. They had 18 platinum singles, 22 gold singles, 17 dragon awards, 20 Westerosi Choice Awards, and were currently nominated for 4 more Dragons and 5 Wolfies.

The Lannisters had been at this since they were 14 years old. It was all they knew. It was all Jaime wanted and needed since the first time he touched piano keys when he was five. He could spend every moment of his life making music and it was the only thing that made him happy. 

Brienne continued, “You can’t erase everything. You will get past this. I promise. You can do this. I know you can.”

“Just for tonight. One night. Just two pills and one glass and I will fall asleep…”

“Jaime…no. I can’t enable you to do harmful things.”

“Babysitting and mothering is not in the manager’s contract, that I recall.”

“No. Its not. But it is in the friendship contract.”

“There is no friendship contract.” He said adamantly and seriously.

She gave him the evil-eye and replied, “You’re absolutely right, Lannister, there isn’t. But I thought our bond was stronger than a written contract.”

“Maybe there is no such thing as a bond.”

“Don’t do that. She is not the entire world, Jaime. And you deserve so much more than what she’s ever given you.”

“And you’re just the woman to give it to me, right?” That came out with way too much anger and sarcasm than he had intended.

“Fuck you. Go lay down and lick your wounded pride like an injured lion. You and I will be on the first plane to King’s Landing in the morning.” She stomped off but turned back around to grab the two bottles he had left on the table. “Remind me to thank your sweet sister for the PR nightmare she’s created.” She slammed the door behind her.

Jaime paced the room, breathing heavy. He needed those pills. He lied – two wasn’t going to cut it. He had to have another bottle of Crown somewhere. He always had Xanax hidden throughout his luggage. He started tearing everything apart. He emptied his carry-on bag on the floor, the big roll around on the bed, he dug through all the pockets of his luggage, his sweat pants, his jeans, his tuxedo pants, his shaving kit was tossed on the bathroom counter and more than half the contents hit the floor. Then he saw it. The little bottle had rolled off behind the toilet, but there it was. There were four left. No Crown to be found but, fuck it, he had four Xanax and that would knock him out, wouldn’t it?

He took the pills with a handful of water from the bathroom faucet and crashed face down on the bed. His jeans were still on, his white button-down shirt was unbuttoned and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He was out. Dead to the world. Sleeping comfortably, and then he heard her. He couldn’t move, but he heard her and he merely thought it was a dream.

“Wake up you sad excuse for a lion!”

Jaime didn’t move until his sister’s hand grabbed a chunk of his hair, lifting his face off the pillow.

“What the…?” His head hit the pillow again; eyes closed.

“I told you, you’re not walking from all this. This empire that I created…” 

Jaime’s eyes fluttered open but immediately closed and he hadn’t heard anything else she said, although she kept screaming at him. All he felt was a burning in his right hand. He just wanted to sleep. That’s all he wanted. The room was quiet. Thank the gods. His hand kept burning and there was this pain that kept growing sharper and harder and he tried to move his fingers but he couldn’t. He was dreaming. He had to be. He was sitting at the piano, trying to play but everything was silent and he couldn’t move his hand no matter how hard he tried. _Wake up, wake up, wake up!_

His eyes flew open and he saw the blade standing up out of his hand. He screamed and tried to move his hand, but the blade went from the top of his hand, deep into the mattress. He sobered up quickly and at least knew enough not to jerk his hand, for it would cause more injury. The crisp white sheets began to pool with blood and he took a deep breath trying to steady himself but he could hear his own heart beat pounding in his ears. He whimpered as he tried to reach his phone with his other hand but he couldn’t get to it. The pain was intense and growing unbearable. His eyes were watering, he was sweating profusely, and involuntary groans were escaping his lips – sounds he had never even heard himself make. Finally, he slowed his breathing and said, “Raven…call…”

“How can I help you, Mr. Lannister?” The phone replied.

“Call…” He gasped.

“Who can I call for you, sir?”

“Brienne. Call…" he grunted through clenched teeth, "Brienne.”

“I don’t have a contact for 'Brienne'.”

“ _Gods! Fuck! The Evenstar…call The Evenstar!”_


	2. Kill the Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne rescues Jaime. Jaime dreams of the first time he meets Brienne, back in 1989. We get a good dose of childhood Cersei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming back for more! I can't wait to see what you think of this chapter!  
> The song mentioned in this chapter is called "We've Only Just Begun." It's performed by The Carpenters. I have no rights to it whatsoever.
> 
> There will be a lot of song use in the story. I will always name the song and who it is performed by (and written by if I can). I will not claim to own any song, unless it is original lyrics by me.
> 
> The entire story is fiction. The characters were created by George RR Martin and I do not own them.

The Evenstar answered her phone but all she could hear was muffled sounds. She could hear him whimper, _is he crying? No, he is not. Most definitely not. She better not be in that room – that is something I do not need to hear._

“Hello? Jaime?” She sounded a bit put out.

“Bri… Bri…Brienne…please help.”

“Jaime? What’s wrong?” She sprang up from her bed and started putting on her jeans. She grabbed her shoes and headed down the hall with the phone in her hand. “Jaime! Talk to me, please.”

“Hand…Cersei…please come.” He could barely get anything out. She was frantic.

She opened the door to his room and called out to him but there was no answer. She walked into the bedroom of his suite and found him on the bed. She saw the knife and the blood soaking into sheets and her head began to spin. Her knees were weak, she felt light headed and dizzy but no one would have known. “Jaime! Gods! What is this?”

“Cersei.” It was barely a whisper. “Please.” He was breathless and barely coherent. His skin was pale and sweaty.

Brienne called 911 and waited the longest 5 minutes of her life. Thank the gods that the hotel has paramedics stationed there for emergencies. One paramedic held Jaime’s hand still with one hand, held the knife in place with the other, and another paramedic took Jaime’s hand in both of his, calmly saying, “Mr. Lannister, this will hurt. But if we are going to save your hand, please just let me do the work. Don’t move.”

Sweat poured off Jaime’s face, head, back and shoulders. “Yeah.” He said looking at Brienne. She placed a hand on his back and closed her eyes. The paramedic looked at his teammate and they wordlessly agreed. “Deep breath Mr. Lannister, on my count…3, 2, 1!” Brienne found herself breathing deeply as well. As they lifted Jaime’s hand he screamed and clawed at the sheets with his other hand. Brienne whispered to him, “I know, Jaime…I know. Come on Golden Lion. It’s almost over.” She wanted to cry but remained strong for him. She could feel the sweat through his shirt. 

“Mr. Lannister, can you get up?” He heard one of the men ask.

“I’ll help him. Come on Lannister, slowly.” She said.

The knife remained in his hand. The first paramedic held on to his hand to keep it as steady as possible. “Bri…” Jaime's head fell to her chest and his left hand groped in search of her hand.

“I’ve got you. I’ve always got you, you know that. Look, he’s going to help us.” Brienne said, referring to the other paramedic.

“I’m going to…” he flopped back down on the bed and threw up on the floor before passing out.

“Jaime!”

“Mr. Lannister, can you hear me? It’s Sam, the paramedic taking care of you.”

The other paramedic, Jon, helped to lift Jaime onto the stretcher. Once he was stable again, they pumped him with morphine and strapped his hand to the stretcher. Brienne ran alongside them keeping up with Jaime, talking to him the entire time. Meanwhile, police officers were escorting Cersei out of the building. Jaime fought hard to keep his eyes open and focused on her – wailing, screaming, fighting the policemen from the elevator to the car. The night sky was ablaze with blue and red strobe lights. “Bri!” He yelled as they hauled him into the ambulance. 

“I’m here, Jaime.”

“Brienne…”

She sat next to him and they began asking questions. He heard them ask if he had taken anything and he heard her answer no, that he hadn’t. He quickly corrected her, or at least he tried to. “So-s s s s sorry. Sorry. Sorry.”

“For what darling?” She wiped the sweat and tears from around his face. He looked at her and said,

“Four.”

“For what?”

“Xan.” He knocked out.

“Jaime!” She shook him. “Jaime? You took _four_ Xanax? Is that what you’re trying to tell us? Gods, Jaime...what have you done?”

He wouldn’t wake up. Between the morphine and the pills, he was knocked out. Brienne explained to the paramedics that he likely took 4 Xanax pills and may have had some alcohol. “Will he be okay with the morphine you’ve given him?”

“He will. We didn’t give much. But we should pump his stomach anyway to be cautious.”

“You’re absolutely certain?”

“Yes, Ms. Tarth, we are sure.” Jon answered.

“How did you know my name?”

“Everyone knows you. You’re his manager. And everyone knows _him_.”

“Oh gods.” Brienne groaned.

“Evenstar.” Jaime whispered.

Brienne looked down at him and swallowed hard. She stroked his hair. “Shhh….come on lion…just breathe. Just keep breathing, love. That’s all you have to do.” She closed her eyes.

Jaime listened to her voice. His favorite sound. So sweet and relaxing. It was like a song somewhere in his head and the screeching sirens became music to ears. Brienne squeezed his left hand. “Just dream, Jaime. Dream about anything that makes you happy. Even if it’s fucking wrong. Go ahead. Erase tonight. Because _this_ battle has only just begun.” She continued running her hand through his hair.

**1989 – King’s Landing Primary**

Aerys Targaryen threw a football from the center of the playground to his friend Asher who was 45 yards away. Asher missed. The ball hit Jaime Lannister in the face. The beautiful face that was buried in a book. “Lannister. If you’re going to be on the playground, you need to either pay attention or play. What in seven hells are you so into over there?”

Aerys grabbed the book and flipped through. “Pianos? What are you 60 or 10?”

“Aerys, just give me the book.”

“Come get it!” Aerys yelled, tossing the book to Asher, who immediately tossed it back to Aerys.

“I don’t care about football, just give me the book.”

“Are you about to cry?”

“Over a book? No. Keep it for all I care. I have more.”

“You’re such a shit Lannister. Really.”

“Yeah, because you’re everything and more, dragon breath.” Jaime turned his head to see a thin girl with long blonde hair – much lighter than his and Cersei’s – standing toe to toe with Aerys Targaryen.

“Can I help you, grayscale?” Aerys asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“Don’t talk to her like that, shit for brains.” Jaime said.

“I wasn’t talking to you, golden boy.”

“Give him his book, you little lizard.” Brienne said.

“Who are you callin’ little?” Aerys asked looking up a good inch at Brienne.

She rolled her eyes and brought her hand to the top of her head and slanted it down to the top of his, signifying how much shorter he was than her. “No. I think I will keep it. It’ll make good kindle for the fire. Since…you know…winter is coming.”

“Oh, what? You mean you can’t just breathe on it and light it up? You’re no dragon.”

“Bitch!”

“No…you’ve got it all wrong Aerys. She is a Tarth, and I am a Lannister. Bitch direwolves and ‘Winter is Coming’ is all about the Starks.”

Brienne chimed in with, “Yeah, I believe the correct phrase is, um…’A Lannister always pays his debts. Is that right, Jaime?”

“That’s it!” He smiled.

Brienne smiled at Aerys, grabbed the book and said, “Bitch!” She cocked back and slugged Aerys Targaryen right in the eye, and as his ass hit the ground, she added, “debt paid.”

Jaime looked at her as though she was the sun, the moon, and all the stars in the sky. His eyes were big and bright and he just couldn’t stop smiling. 

“Here’s your book. See you around Lannister.” Brienne began to walk away and Jaime wanted to stop her but he couldn’t find his voice. Finally, he snapped out of it and ran towards her. 

“Wait!”

“For what? You’re not going to follow me like a lost lion cub, are you?”

“Yes. Well, no. I mean, I really owe you. I can’t believe you slugged him like that!”

“You don’t owe me anything. Just be a decent human to somebody someday and we’ll consider the debt paid.”

“A Lannister always pays his debts.”

“Turning the tables on me now? Do you have any idea how old and played out that phrase is?”

“I do, believe me, better than anyone!” He had to trot to keep up with her long strides. “But it’s fact.”

Brienne laughed at him. “We’ll see.”

“Mmmmhmph, you will, Ms. Tarth. Because…we’ve only just begun.” The bell rang to end recess and he stopped and smiled, watching her walk away to line up with her class to go back inside. _What a badass._ She turned to watch him as he walked to meet his own class. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her and he smiled the rest of the day.

He spent the last three classes of the day composing instead of spelling, diagraming sentences, and dividing fractions. Where words and numbers were scrambled and confusing, he understood the language of music. The notes stayed on the page in their right spaces and lines. It was quite funny actually. Music notes made people dance and yet they were the only things in print that didn’t jump around.

Brienne Tarth made him feel alive. She made him feel like he was worth something. No one had done that since…Jo. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Forget it. He felt happy for once and he wasn’t going to think about the past. He was thinking forward…about the girl he wanted to marry.

He carried the paper in the pocket of his stonewashed designer jeans. His twin sister Cersei met him at the last bell and they walked to the car together. She tossed her long hair to one side and let it fall across her shoulder. “I saw that mess at recess with Aerys. Have you lost your mind?”

“What?” he asked nonchalantly.

“Do you ever listen when father talks about politics?”

“No.”

“Do you not know who _his_ father is?”

“I don’t care who his father is. Does _he_ know who _mine_ is?”

Cersei grinned from ear to ear. “Good answer. You’re slow but you’ll get there. Now listen. We’re going to have do damage control. The tall skinny bitch got called to the headmaster’s office and I’m pretty sure you’re next.”

“What? Why?”

“Because you saw it. You caused it.”

“He stole my book and she helped me get it back…”

“Ugh! You and your piano shit. What is your deal anyway? Are you going to grow up and be some little pansy man? You _know_ this embarrasses father and I. Can’t you leave the music mess at home and pretend to like football or something - like a _normal boy_?”

Jaime didn’t answer. He only thought that he liked music better than anything in the world, but he does like basketball and he is quite good at it. Swimming and diving are also favorites but if he had to choose anything in the world, nothing would ever come between him and his music. He stuck his hand in his pocket and Cersei glared at him. “Ummmm…..yeah. Don’t think I haven’t heard about that either.”

“What are you bitching about now?”

“Ellaria told me you were drawing notes instead of doing real work. Writing songs in class. I don’t know why you bother.”

“Its not a bother if you love it. Do you love anything other than yourself?”

“I love _you_ little brother.”

Jaime laughed as he tossed his bag into the trunk of the car. “I find that _very_ hard to believe.”

The driver didn’t speak to them when they got in but Jaime said a friendly “hello” to which he received a half-warm reply. Cersei didn’t address the man but continued her tearing-apart of Jaime. “You’re never going to have a music career. You need to face that now or you will be a sad, lost, alcoholic adult.”

Jaime rolled his eyes at her, “Well, I might be in good company.”

Cersei looked at him with serious eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I’ll be a drunk and you’ll be insane.”

“Don’t be a dick.”

“Amuse me some more, sweet sister…why will I not have a music career?”

“You’re the heir. Father wants you to take over Casterly and run the family empire.”

“I cannot believe you.”

“It’s true!”

“It’s also archaic! What about you and Tyrion? What about you and women’s rights? Don’t you want to fight to prove you could be CFO better than any man?”

Cersei was quiet after that. She pondered what Jaime said. She opened her mouth to speak and he grinned. She was quiet for the rest of the ride home. Until dinner.

**That evening at The Lannister Residence - Casterly Estate, King's Landing**

At the dinner table, the 10-year-old twins stood behind their chairs, as did five-year-old Tyrion. They waited for Tywin to enter the room and sit down before they sat as well. Jaime helped Tyrion on the chair that was especially designed for him so that he could properly reach the table.

In unison they greeted him, “good evening, father.”

“Good evening to all of you.” Tywin stated, placing his napkin on his lap.

“Tyrion, how was kindergarten, today?”

“Quite dull, father. Thanks for asking. How was your day at the office?”

“It wasn’t all finger paintings and clay projects, let’s just say that.”

Jaime laughed. Tyrion did too and Tywin smiled. Then he asked Jaime what was new at school. But before Jaime could answer, Cersei roared with delight in telling father that, “Jaime instigated a fight with Aerys Targaryen.”

To which Tywin looked at his son with disdain and said, “explain yourself.”

“That is not the right of it father.”

“He brought that stupid book to school again – the one with all pianos in it. I told him to leave that book home but he does what he wants. He is totally out of control.” Cersei said wiping her lips with her silk napkin.

“Did I ask you to speak?” Tywin asked his daughter.

“No, but if you want the facts…”

“If it is Jaime’s story, and he was there, I trust he will give me the facts. Now eat in silence so that I may here my son’s _facts_.” Tywin nodded. “Continue, please.”

Jaime retold the story and although Tywin tried not to grin, he only half failed. “Children will be children.” Tywin sighed into his wine glass.

“That’s all?” Cersei asked in disbelief.

“Do you have something useful to add?”

“I was telling Jaime that Aerys’s father is some big-to-do and he would likely be in big trouble if it got out that he instigated a fight with the son of a political figure, and the man I’m likely marrying someday…”

“What on earth gave you the idea that you would marry Aerys Targaryen?” Tywin growled.

Cersei looked at him again in disbelief, placing her fork down and tossing her napkin into her plate. Jaime pulled out the paper from his pocket and began writing under the table.

“Father,” Cersei said, “You’re an extremely important business man, and Aerys’s father – being who he is, Aerys is likely to follow in his footsteps and a merger between he and I is certainly a smooth business move for our conglomerate to grow and develop into…”

“ _Our conglomerate? A merger?”_ Tywin cocked an eyebrow at her. She placed her hands in her lap. “Honestly Cersei, I don’t know where you come up with these ideas.”

“History class.” Jaime said without looking up.

“Don’t you think it’s a good business move?” She asked.

“It is. If we were in ancient Westeros playing the old Game of Thrones. It’s archaic, don’t you think? Who wants to marry for convenience? Don’t you want to be happy?”

“Well. Yes. But who needs love to make you happy when you have money and positional power? That can certainly make me happy.”

Jaime and Tywin both looked at her and then to each other.

“What are you working on son?”

“It’s a song I am writing.”

“Oh?”

Again, Cersei interrupted with a sweet smile, “He spent the entire second half of the school day drawing notes and making up lyrics for the chic that decked Aerys.”

Jaime’s face turned red. Cersei swooped in and grabbed the paper, bringing it over to Tywin. Jaime slumped with his head in his hand.

Cersei was practically floating on air when she announced, “I will read it aloud.”

Tywin stared at his son. “You will not.”

Jaime piped up, “It’s just that it isn’t finished. I will be happy to play it for you, father, when it’s right.”

“I will be looking forward that. Now…who wants dessert?”

“I do!” Tyrion said.

“Do you know what we are having for dessert, tiny one?” Tywin asked his youngest son.

“Tyrion. I’m Tyrion.”

“I know that. I was just teasing.”

“Oh.” He smiled. Jaime placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on then, what’s for dessert, Tyrion?” Jaime asked.

“Claire the cook made us chocolate cream pie.” Tyrion said.

“And who’s favorite might that be?” Tywin asked.

“It’s mine and Jaime’s!” Tyrion shrieked.

Cersei rolled her eyes.

“Go do your homework, girl.” Tywin said.

“I like chocolate cream pie as much as they do!”

“You’ve been nasty since you sat down. What’s the problem?”

She scoffed and went to her room.

Tyrion snorted and Jaime grinned at him.

After dessert, Jaime showered and got dressed in his pajama pants. He stretched out on his bed and started daydreaming about the brave warrior chic that decked Aerys. She was his new best friend. She made him feel happy and ready to conquer the world. Hells, he could even conquer Cersei and her crappy attitude. He felt that with Brienne at his side, they would do great things. He took out the now crumpled piece of paper and continued writing:

_Before the risin' sun, we fly  
So many roads to choose  
We'll start out walkin' and learn to run  
(And yes, we've just begun)_

_Sharing horizons that are new to us  
Watching the signs along the way  
Talkin' it over, just the two of us  
Workin' together day to day  
Together_

_And when the evening comes, we smile  
So much of life ahead  
We'll find a place where there's room to grow  
(And yes, we've just begun)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Promises, confessions of a grieving friend, telling Tywin and Tryion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the story is canon but some of it way off. This is going to be a bit different than anything you've read before - I hope. There is a unique relationship between Joffrey and Brienne and you will learn all about that in a few chapters. I hope you like this version of them.

**Qarth Medical Center and Critical Care Hospital** **2020**

"I'm sorry Miss Tarth, this is as far as you go. This is Gilly, a nurse here at the Emergency Department. She will take good care of you for now and as soon as there is an update on Mr. Lannister she will let you know."

"But...thank you." She wanted to be with him longer, and wanted to ask to see him. She knew he needed to be seen as soon as possible.

Gilly led Brienne to a private waiting area. "You will have privacy in here while you wait for a report from the doctor. There is fresh coffee and water here if you need it, and paper and pens on the desk there in the corner if you need to make notes and phone calls."

"Thank you, Gilly."

"You're quite welcome, and if you need anything, please let me know. There is a call button here on the phone if you need me. And here is the remote for the television."

"Right. Thanks."

Gilly left and Brienne stood frozen in the center of the room for a moment. Then she flopped down in the plush leather recliner. She couldn't believe this was real. _Oh Jaime...please...what have you done? Four Xanax at one time. Gods know whether he drank tonight. Xanax, liquor, morphine, Cersei....fucking Cersei!_ She stood up and paced back forth, her heart racing with anger, anxiety, and fear. She wasn't ready to call Tyrion. She didn't think she could make it through that phone call. What would she say? He can't talk to Jaime anyway...best to wait until she receives word from a doctor. _Why worry him right now?_ She chewed at her fingernail. She sat back down with her head in her hands. _He is going to be devastated. But he was stabbed. It wasn't cut off. There are so many ways this can go so wrong. And with today's medicine, it could go miraculously right. I will fight for you...I will do anything in this world to help you get better....gods if he can't play...she may as well have just stabbed him in the heart._ She sobbed quietly into her hands. _She could have killed him. Maybe she did for all I know. Who am I kidding? She killed him a long time ago. I tried so hard to help him. I will not give up on him. Never!_

"Mrs. Lannister?"

"Um, no. I'm Brienne Tarth. I am his friend and manager." She as she stood from the chair.

"Is there any family you can call."

"Yes, his father and brother. And...that's all."

"His sister, isn't she in town for the tour?"

"She isn't available right now."

"You should call them and tell them to come."

"Is he..."

"He is stable. Took a while to get him there, but he is okay. He lost a lot of blood and he is lucky he got here when he did. In order to remove that blade, we have to operate. I have an excellent hand surgeon coming in about an hour. We will do the operation and try our absolute best to save his hand."

"You mean he might lose his hand?"

"I can't say either way at this point. He may have extensive nerve damage, he may be blessed by the gods. I will be honest though, it doesn't look good right now,"

"But he is okay right now and he will survive this?"

"He has to get through the surgery."

"In an hour?"

"About, yes."

"Can I see him? Please?"

"Sure." He nodded solemnly and led her to his room.

Jaime was pale. His lips were dry. Eyes closed. She rushed to him, but when she reached him, he looked like he was already gone. She stopped short at his bedside and looked at him head to toe, "Jaime?"

His hand was bandaged and she could see some red coming through the white bandage.

"We cut the bottom part of the blade and the handle so we could wrap his hand and stop the bleeding. Dr. Qyburn is going to have remove what's still inside. He is on a lot medication now; he is sedated. He won't wake up, but talk to him anyway. He will feel that you're here. I know he will. You can stay until we take him in for surgery and then you can wait in his room."

"Thank you." She said without looking away from Jaime.

Once the doctor was gone, she stared at Jaime for a few moments, afraid to touch him. She slowly reached her hand out and touched his face. She didn't expect it to be cold. She burst into tears and laid her head next to his and sobbed.

"You can't let her win. Not this time. Never again. You don't belong to anyone, Jaime, no one. You're going to be just fine, you hear me? I know it. We are going to do this together, okay? Okay. You've got more fight in you than you know. I believe in you...I just need you to believe in yourself. You'll get there. She doesn't get this...this is not her victory. She will never hurt you again. I promise. I am so fucking stupid. I am supposed to be your friend. And I never said anything to you about her. I am sorry for that. I was afraid. I know...I hear what you're thinking. 'The Evenstar is not afraid of anything.' Well...you're wrong. I am afraid of losing you, Lannister. I know it's stupid. I was afraid of ruining our friendship. I was afraid you'd shut me out. I accepted that we could never be. And if I at least had you as a friend...at least had you in some way in my life...it was better than losing you altogether. I guess that made me selfish. But what good what it had done if I said something? You would have cast me aside and continued on anyway. You're going to be good as new soon. They're going to fix your hand and you will be playing piano and strumming that guitar in a few weeks. We can write together if you want. We can do anything you want. I know it's been along time since we wrote anything together. I've always regretting telling you to stop asking because I miss it. I knew I would though. It just started feeling too intimate, you know? I miss a lot of things, Jaime. Please don't make me miss you. Please. I love you so much. I've never said that out loud before. Not to anyone. I guess since you're asleep...I'm being brave." She took his other hand in hers and kissed the top of it. "I love you Jaime Lannister and I need you to stay with me. I don't care about Cersei. I don't care if you have a hand or not. I don't care if you never play another note. I don't care if you can't remember my name when you wake up. I'm not giving up on you." She kissed his forehead and then she surprised herself and kissed his lips. _Did I really just do that?_ She felt his hand gently tighten around hers and then she kissed him again. 

She held on to his hand until they came for him and then she went to the 9th floor where they told her he would be after the surgery. When she went to the bathroom and finally noticed that her shirt was blood-soaked. She looked in the mirror at her red, puffy eyes and thought, _you've got to pull it together._

Knowing he was going to be in surgery for a while, she headed downstairs to see if there was a shop where she could get a shirt. It was after 2 am now, so no...there was no place to get a shirt. She stepped out the door for some air and was immediately ambushed by reporters. Flashes went off in her face, and several reporters called out to her all at once.

"Miss Tarth!"

"Brienne!"

"How is Jaime Lannister?"

"Is it true that Cersei tried to kill him?"  
  


"Did he lose his hand?"

"Is he still alive?"

"Is it true that Cersei has been arrested?"

"Where is Cersei Lannister?"

Brienne went back inside and when she passed the desk, "Did know there is a circus out there?"

"I'm sorry but we can't stop them from being outside. We can only stop them from hanging out inside." The security officer said.

"Do you think you may have warned me?"

"I am sorry Miss Tarth, I didn't notice you were even here."

"Isn't that your job!?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm very sorry."

She knew at that moment she better call Tywin and Tyrion. She took a deep breath and dialed Tyrion first. Thankfully, he was sleeping and hadn't seen any press coverage.

"What's going on?"

"Tyrion...there has been an...incident."

"An incident?"

"Yes. I need you to be fully awake and focused."

He sat straight up in bed, "Jaime?"

"Yes."

"What's happened?"

"Cersei happened."

"Oh...gods, what has she done?"

"He is in surgery, Tyrion."

"What has she done?" He demanded.

"She stabbed him."

"What? Where? Why!?"

"His hand."

"His hand?"

"Yes. Please...I need you to tell Tywin and I need the two of you to come here as soon as you can."

"Where is Joffrey?"

"He is at school. I need you to get him and bring him here."

"Wouldn't he be better off..."

"No. Please, get him tonight if you can. He is likely asleep and they have not heard anything about it. But we can't leave him at the academy, he needs to be with his fa...his family."

"And Cersei?"

"She was arrested at the hotel."

"Father is going to shit!"

"Don't talk to anyone but your father, you understand?"

"I know better than that." He said walking out of his room.

"And Tyrion...please just let me talk to Joff when he gets here."

"Believe me, I will gladly let you handle that part. Under the circumstances I think this is better coming from his 'bean' don't you think?"

"Don't make jokes right now. Please have Tywin call me when he is awake."

"Brienne...is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know Tyrion. I really don't."

"She will rot for this."

"We can only hope."

Thirty minutes later she was dozing off on the sofa in Jaime's room when her phone rang. Before she could say anything, Tywin's voice came booming over the phone. "What's happened to my son?"

"Tywin...he was stabbed in his right hand by your daughter."

"Gods. What is wrong with her?"

_She's a psycho jealous bitch and she has been hurting hurting your son since childhood. Where've you been?_

"I don't know sir. They must have had a disagreement and she became enraged. She's been arrested. Will you please come to Essos? We're at Qarth Medical Center."

"I will have Genna stay here with the twins. I'll have her be sure to keep them away from the television. You've requested that we bring Joffrey, though. Why does his nephew need to be there?"

"Respectfully sir, it was his mother who stabbed Jaime. That alone is reason enough to pull Joffrey out of school. He will need some support from us all right now and he needs to see that Jaime is okay. And if Jaime is not okay, he deserves to be with him. The twins are too young to go through this here at the hospital. But Joffrey...Joffrey has a special bond with Jaime and it would be cruel to keep him away."

Tywin hung his head, but he couldn't disagree. He was thankful for Brienne's thoughtfulness and concern for Joffrey. He was thankful to Brienne for a lot things. But he simply said, "Right then. I will have our team ready the jet and Tyrion and I will be on our way. We'll stop at Dragonstone and pick up Joffrey. Do you have any updates on Jaime since speaking with Tyrion?"

"I don't. But when I do, I will call. Tywin...please don't say anything to Joffrey yet. I'd like to explain things to him, if you don't mind."

"I understand."

"Thank you, sir."

She hung up and took deep breath, and let it out. Telling Joffrey wasn't going to be easy. But after fifteen years with him, Brienne knew him better than anyone, given the circumstances. Once again she was reduced to tears thinking about having that conversation. He may be fifteen, and he may be Cersei's son, but he didn't want to be. She stared out the window and looked into the city. In just two more hours, the sun would be coming up. She will have been awake for 24 hours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! More to come! Please feel free to leave comments or ask questions!


	4. 24 hour memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne recalls the first time she was awake for over 24 hours with Jaime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brienne's flashback.  
> Brienne and Jaime are becoming the very best of friends and are inseparable.

**King's Landing - 1989  
**

Two dirty, sweaty 10-year-olds collapsed on the grass behind the Lannister Family mansion. “I think it’s official, I am exhausted.” Jaime said.

Brienne laid down on the grass with her hands crossed behind her head and a bag of cotton candy laying on her stomach. She asked, “When have you ever worked so hard in your entire life?”

“I don’t know that I have,” he laughed.

“And didn’t you have a good time?”

“Yeah, but if my father finds out where I was, I may never have a good time again. And if Cersei finds out…well…I shouldn’t care about Cersei.”

“What’s her deal anyway? Why is she so moody?”

“I don’t know. Let’s not talk about my sister.” He laid down next to her and looked up at the sky with her.

“Well, your father should be proud that you just helped clean up the old “flea bottom” on Earth Day.”

Jaime Laughed, “My dad would have paid someone to do it for me.”

“I know. But didn’t it feel good to do something for someone else. You saw the look on their faces when we fixed the broken window and helped that family plant a garden.”

“Yeah…I’d love to taste that watermelon once it’s ripe. Do you really think it will grow?”

“Mmmhmph.” She said, barely audible.

Jaime popped up and shook her. “You’re not going to sleep on me are you!?”

“What? Oh…no. I mean…I was. We’ve have been up for over 24 hours. You do realize that, don’t you?”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“I mean, yeah, but I haven’t thought about it. Really.”

“We went to school, then we went on a bike ride, then _you_ decided I should sneak and spend the night at your house.”

“Do you think your dad will know you didn’t go to youth night at the sept?”

“Nah…I’m just shocked Cersei didn’t know I was hiding in your closet for nearly 20 minutes.”

They both laughed.

“Cersei’s not as clever as she thinks she is.”

“Look, that one looks like my dad’s truck! What are you going to drive when you can get a license?” She asked, looking at the white clouds crossing over them in the sky.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. That’s a crazy question."

“It is not. I want a truck like my dad’s, but bigger so I can haul all your musical instruments around.”

“That works for me,” he said with a big grin.

“You’d drive your baby grand if it were legal.”

“Hell yeah!” He smiled really big and laughed with Brienne. Then he said, “okay, check it out, new song…I’m just a daydreamer, a lifetime schemer, lookin’ for a bit of adventure and freedom. Lookin’ for the best of times with some rhythm and rock and rhyme.”

Brienne picked up with, “He’s just a daydreamer, a big-time believer in all the right notes of life. He’s sad but…”

“I’m not sad.”

She looked at him. He retorts, “Not when I am with you, Evenstar.” He smiled.

She sings “He’s sad but he’s happy and he sings sappy love songs…”

He rolled his eyes and cut her off with, “Blazin’ in on a ballad of badass bass with my loooo ooo ooove!”

Together, laughing, “Lookin’ for the best of times with some rhythm, and rock, and rhyme!” They giggled some more and shared the rest of the cotton candy, and watched clouds go by.

Just when she was falling asleep again, he said, “We write a good song. You want to be my writing partner?”

“I’ll be your partner. Forever.” They drifted off to sleep in the afternoon sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think they're cute together? I wasn't too much for flashbacks - I was always one to write straightforward from beginning to end. Do you like slipping into their past? Not only are we slipping into their past together, we are also slipping into Cersei's as well. So...there is definitely some drama ahead.


	5. The Last Piece of Me

**Dragonstone 2020**

Tyrion and Tywin stepped off the plane and directly into a Drogon XLT. Their driver knew where to go and to get them there quickly. The headmaster of the academy was already aware that they were coming, and Joffrey was dressed and ready. He was a bit nervous, but was ready for grandfather and uncle. His luggage was set out and ready to be picked up. 

The fifteen year-old paced back and forth in the headmaster's chambers, his heart racing, his palms sweaty and his golden hair constantly falling into his eyes. _Deep breaths. Slow down. Think about...everything. Nonstop._ He fidgeted with his lion signet ring. He spun it round and round. He took it off and looked at the inside. There it was. The sun and moon. _Where is Brienne? Where is Jaime? Why are Tywin and Tyrion coming in the middle of the night? Brienne always comes for me. Brienne or Jaime. Where is my mother?_ He ran his hands through his hair and breathed deeply, feeling as though there was no air left to breathe. He was dizzy and lightheaded. He bent over forward resting his hands on his thighs. Finally there was a knock on the door and he heard the knob turn. He straightened quickly and stood ready to greet whoever was on the other side.

"Hello Joffrey."

"Uncle Tyrion." He strode across the room to greet his uncle. A firm handshake.

"Are you packed and ready to go?"

"Yes, everything should be in the front hallway. What's going on? It's the middle of the night. Brienne usually comes for me. Or a car is sent."

Tyrion thought, _we should have planned this so much fucking better._ "Yes, well...your grandfather...I thought...Brienne invited us to visit and I know how much you must miss everyone, so I thought it would be nice to surprise you with a trip to Essos."

"Not buying it."

"I know."

"Would you please tell me what's going on?"

"I promised I would let Brienne give you the details. But for now, all you need to know is that everyone is alright."

"Maybe I should text her then. Is she awake?"

"I don't know. But you could try before we board the jet. You'll have time in the car."

Joffrey fidgeted with his ring again while they rode in the car. Tyrion and Tywin could see how nervous he was. Joffrey took off the ring and looked at the inside again. Another deep breath. His head fell back on the leather headrest, he closed his eyes. Tywin looked at Tyrion. Tyrion shrugged. Tywin rolled his eyes and looked to Joffrey. He grabbed his hand and asked, "Where did this come from?"

"Brienne and Jaime gave this to me on my last name day."

"You call your uncle by his first name now?"

"We made an agreement."

"It's rather handsome I'd say. May I have a look?"

"Sure." He took the ring off and handed it to his grandfather. Tywin looked at the inside and saw the symbols of House Tarth engraved. "A lion on the outside, an Evenstar on the inside."

"Perhaps."

"You sure do love her don't you?"

"Respectfully speaking, Paw...she is the only..."

"I understand. I do Joffrey." Tywin kissed his grandson on the head and returned his ring. He looked to Tyrion and shook his head.

"Joffrey, if you'd like, go ahead and text Brienne. You can let her know that we've picked you up and we're on our way to the jet. We should see her in just a few hours."

_LION CUB: Hi Bean. I hope you are okay. I was surprised when Uncle T and grandfather picked me up. We are on our way to Essos and will see you in a few hours. I hope you're okay. Are you? I miss you and Jaime. Is he okay?_

The trio boarded the plane and turned their phones off for take off. They would be able to turn them back on shortly but for Joffrey, nothing would be soon enough. He knew something was wrong if they sent Tywin and Tyrion in the middle of the night. It wasn't uncommon for Tyrion to meet Jaime and Cersei on tour for a week or so. But he knew Tywin rarely went out to se them perform - it was like pulling teeth to get him to go to a concert or small performance in King's Landing. He knew what his children looked like, he's heard them perform live before, and he knows all the music. Why did he need to watch them again and again? Joffrey loved to watch Jaime play anything. He had even been writing a few songs that he wanted Jaime to hear. 

Thirty minutes later, they were able to turn their phones on again. There was no answer from Brienne yet. Tyrion turned his phone on and right away there was a news flash that popped up regarding Cersei's arrest. He quickly put his phone away and said, "You know gentlemen, I believe we should put our phones away and spend some quality time together. We've got about an hour to kill...Joffrey, tell us about the academy. This is your first year there. What do you think of it?"

"Brienne hasn't texted me back yet." Just then, his phone buzzed. "Wait! This must be her!"

_Bean: Hello Darling! I am just fine. Jaime, though, has had a mishap. His hand was injured and he is in surgery. Not to worry though, he will be out of surgery soon, and will be waiting to see you. Have a safe flight, my love. I am looking forward to seeing you!_

_Lion Cub: Is mother there?"_

_Bean: She wasn't able to make it to the hospital._

_Lion Cub: No surprise in that. Uncle Tyrion says we are going to turn our phones off now. I can't wait to see you. Bye for now._

**Qarth Medical 2020**

Brienne closed her eyes again. She did miss Joffrey and couldn't wait to hold him in her arms again. Although he was a teenager, he still let her give him big hugs and kisses.

"Mrs. Lannister?"

"No, Brienne, Brienne Tarth, I am his friend and business manager."

"That's right. I apologize. Mr. Lannister is finished in surgery and on his way up. He is still asleep, but we will start trying to wake him soon."

"Thank you. Is he going to be okay?"

"I believe he will be, but Dr. Qyburn will be coming back here with him, so he will fill you in on the details."

"Thanks again."

Just as the nurse walked out, Jaime was being rolled in. He had a bit of color returning to his face, and was looking just a little better than the last time she saw him. His hand was stitched, top and bottom, and there was a metal cage over it with pins in his hand and fingers. 

"What's this?" Brienne couldn't stop herself from asking.

"Mr. Lannister has had extensive damage to the bones in his hand. We've had to place a rod in is hand, and repair some of his nerves. He may need a second or third surgery, but he is on the mend. He is lucky he got here when he did. "

His hand was black and purple and even turning green. The antiseptic they wiped it down with was yellow and made it look even worse. 

"Will he regain full function in his hand and fingers?" 

"That will be up to him. I believe he can. It will be a long, hard road. However, if he can push himself and endure a great deal of suffering...he can play again. I know that's the question. So if he wants it bad enough...then yes."

"Thank you, Dr. Qyburn."

"You're welcome. I will return tomorrow sometime to check on him."

"Oh, how long will this cage be on his hand?"

"Only five to seven days. His next operation should be in a week - give or take a few days."

Qyburn was out the door and seemed to just disappear. Brienne was alone with Jaime again and she thought to let him sleep, but he began to groan.

"I'm here, Jaime...I'm here. It's okay."

He groaned again and turned his head toward her voice. With out opening his eyes, he said, "I'm going to be sick. I'm going to throw up, now! Right now!"

Frantic, Brienne looked for a pail for him to throw up in and she found one on the table. She held it in front of him just in time. She hit the call button for a nurse.

"Come on, Jaime. You've got to lean over a bit."

A nurse came in to assist and help clean him up. He threw up three more times and the nurse said it was likely due to anesthesia and she gave him some medication in his IV for nausea. Shortly after that, Jaime felt better.

"Brienne...what's going on?" Through all of it, he hadn't opened his eyes. They were still closed.

"Jaime...I need you to open your eyes."

"I don't want to. I can't."

"Oh...come on now...you can do it. Are you still dizzy?"

"Not so much."

"Do you remember anything? Do you know where we are?"

"Was it a dream?"

"Which part?"

"The bad parts."

"I wish it were, love." She caressed his face with the back of her fingers and immediately regretted the phrase and the gesture. She took her hand away and he reached for it with his left hand. He opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was her face. Her sad eyes. Her half smile. He kissed her fingers. He looked into her eyes.

"Thank you for coming when I called...Evenstar." He still hadn't looked down. 

"Nah...you just know that no matter what, I will come running when you call."

Suddenly it hit him. He couldn't feel his hand or his arm. "Brienne...I...I can't feel anything. I can't feel my fingers, or my hand, or entire arm! What's happened? What did she..."

"Shhhh! Jaime...shhhh. Stop. Look! It's there...it's going to be okay."

"Oh gods, Brienne...I don't want to look, I don't want to know what she did. She ruined my life years ago. She ruined _us_. She ruined it all and I let her. And she just took the last of me." He turned away.

"Jaime! You are not your hand! Your hand is just one piece of you and it's not even the greatest piece. Or the most important."

"It's all I've become and you know that."

"You've never been _just your hands._ Look at me." He just stared at the window. "Look at me." She repeated. He still didn't look at her. She waited a moment, and then, "Please, Jaime?"

He finally turned his head to her. Brienne looked into his eyes and said, "You're not going to like what you see. You need to have another surgery in about a week or so. But the prognosis is good if you work hard and endure the pain. You are not ruined. You've never been ruined. You're going to fight to overcome this and you will be stronger than you ever were in your life. Emotionally and physically. And you if you let me...I will be at your side every single step of the way."

He swallowed hard, and gave her a nod. He squeezed her hand and turned his head to look. When he saw the cage around hand and half way up his forearm, his eyes flew open wide, he took a deep breath and looked up the ceiling. He breaths were short but heavy. Then he held his breath for some moments and his eyes filled with tears. He ripped his hand from hers and pounded his fist on the mattress then she heard a whimper and his hand flew to face. He covered his face and then he began to sob. He turned away from her and into the pillow.

Brienne's own eyes filled with tears. She didn't know whether to reach out to him or not. She wanted to. She just wanted to make all this go away and hold on to him for dear life as though he were slipping away. Jaime wanted to get up and swing at something. He was angry, hurt, devastated and he wished he could scream. He needed to unleash his fury somehow and so far his pillow was getting a good dose. Brienne paced back and forth and ran her hands through her hair before walking over to him and resting her hand on his head. He didn't pull away; instead, he turned to her and she wrapped him in her arms and held on to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy picturing all of this as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I really hope you leave a comment to let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, keep in mind that i don't have a proof reader and I am always so anxious and excited to get these out that, usually all of this is a first draft and i just quickly read over it for mistakes and I sometimes miss those mistakes. So please forgive me. I need to learn patience and just hold off but...I was never good at that! LOL

**King's Landing 1991**

**Festival of the Five Kings**

The air was crisp and cool this fall day in King's Landing. The sky looked bluer, the clouds whiter, and then smell of popcorn and sugar filled the air. Seven year-old Tyrion struggled to keep up with his taller brother and his even-taller girlfriend. Or girl that was a friend. "Come on then, T, just climb up on my shoulders. You can see everything better this way anyway."

"Really?"

"Really! Come on."

Jaime knelt down on one knee and Brienne helped Tyrion climb up. "Hey! Can we get a candy apple? And some cotton candy? I want some popcorn too!"

"You better pace yourself, brother, you're not puking in my lap on the dragon coaster."

Brienne chimed in, "Yeah, maybe today we can get a candy apple and save the cotton candy for later tonight. Tomorrow we can have popcorn and a funnel cake and then the next day we can..."

Jaime looked at her as though she turned into a three-headed dragon.

"Does this mean _you'll_ be puking in _my lap_?"

Brienne laughed and said, "No, that's why we're _pacing_ ourselves."

"I don't know if that's really pacing. What do you want to do first, T?"

"We need tickets for the rides! I want to ride everything!"

"Come on bud, we talked about that. You're not old enough to..."

"You mean I am not tall enough. I _know_ , Jaime."

"I'm sorry. You don't know how bad I want to take you on the all the big rides."

"I know. I am sorry too. But Aunt Genna will come get me in a few hours and then you and Brienne get to ride everything and when you come home, you promised to tell me all about it."

"Hey, Tyrion, you know what?" Brienne asked.

"What?"

"To make it up to you, I will ask my dad if he will take the three of us sailing in a few weeks for the Festival of Flames."

"Awesome! Do you think he will?"

"He always takes the sail boat out into the bay."

Jaime said, "Gotta love Festival Season in King's Landing."

Instead of tickets, the trio bought wrist bands that allowed them to ride everything as much as they wanted for the three-day festival. They let Tyrion choose every ride, and didn't tell him "no" for anything, no matter how "kiddie" the ride may have been. They raced down the slides, went through a fun house, took a train ride, rode the flying horses on the carousel and even took him to pet some real horses. They stood in line for the Ferris Wheel and Tyrion said, "Here comes out sweet sister," and he scooted his way in front of Brienne.

"It's okay. It will be fine. We're out in public, she can't be..."

"She is worse in public." Tyrion said. Jaime just kept his head down.

"Dad said she was punished. That she couldn't come to the festival this year." Jaime said sadly.

"Since when does our father stick to anything when it comes to Cersei?" Tyrion asked.

"I thought he might. Just this once." 

"There he is!" Cersei announced. No one answered her. "Aren't you going to say hello, Jaime?" She yelled, pushing her way through the crowd to get to him.

"I didn't know you were talking to me." He said.

"Who else but my twin brother would I be speaking to?" 

"Hi Cersei. I thought you weren't coming."

"Well...you know how that goes. I talked to father and _profusely apologized..."_

"And made empty promises."

"I promised to come to the festival and help you and our dear friend Brienne to keep an eye on Tyrion."

"We don't need any help, Cersei. He is well-behaved. He is not going to run off and..."

"And what, join the circus as a midget clown? No, I wouldn't expect that from a Lannister. We have class. But our friend Brienne might run off and join as a giant in the freak show."

Brienne rolled her eyes at Cersei and eyed her outfit. "That's a nice skirt Cersei. You look beautiful, really. That top totally brings out your green eyes."

"Why, thank you. I didn't realize you followed fashion since you dress so...so...so much like Jaime." She said waving her hand up and down between Brienne and Jaime.

"Yes well, I read the occasional Catlyn Stark Exclusive, so I am well aware how tragic that outfit actually is."

" _What the hells_? What do you mean _tragic?"_

"Those shoes went out of style six weeks ago and it completely ruins everything else. You should _really_ research better before you walk out the mansion."

Jaime couldn't help himself and burst into laughter. His eyes watered and face was bright red. He almost couldn't breathe. Tyrion couldn't help himself either and he was nearly rolling on the ground with laughter. Cersei was so out done that she couldn't even speak. She let out some type of feral growl and balled her fists. She smacked the candy apple out of Tyrion's hand and sent it flying into the sand.

"Well, that was rude. Thank the gods we're rich and I can just walk over to the apple cart and get a new one." Tyrion yelled at her.

"Shhh, that's not something you yell out in the middle of a festival, T." Brienne sweetly scolded.

"Oh. Right." He said.

"Go get him another one." Jaime stated to his twin.

"Yeah that's going to happen." She turned and walked away.

The trio sat together on the ride with Tyrion in the middle. Jaime said, "I can't believe he let the lioness escape her cage today."

"Jaime...it's okay. She's gone. We can get T another candy apple and sit under a tree and share a snack and have some drinks before he goes home."

"That sounds great. Really. Tyrion, check out everything, dude! You can see the top of the Sept! And look! You can almost see inside the Red Keep up here!"

"I'm on top of the world!" Tyrion shouted, kicking his feet.

Jaime looked at Brienne, smiled and winked. She looked at Tyrion who truly looked like he felt on top of the world for the first time in his life. She smiled back at Jaime and watched the wind blow through his golden blonde hair and whip across his face. The three of them screamed and threw their hands up as the wheel sped up on the down curve. They laughed and Jaime looked over at Brienne again and took in her ocean blue eyes and thought how wonderful it would be to spend the rest of his life with someone as genuinely caring and perfectly sweet as she is. No one else would have let Tyrion tag along with them all day - much less with the promise of every day for the entire festival. Even their own sister wasn't going to put up with Tyrion. Jaime knew she only used Tyrion as a reason to get to the festival, and he couldn't believe Tywin believed her.

As the sun began to set, they walked Tyrion to the gates so that he could be picked up. He gave them each a hug tight and thanked them for a wonderful day. Of course the best part was being on top of the world, and Brienne putting Cersei in her place. 'And you pinky promise to tell me about the big rides when you come home?"

"I pinky promise." Jaime locked pinkies with Tyrion and crossed his heart. He promised his Aunt Genna that Mr. Selwyn was going to pick him and Brienne up at the gates when the festival closed and he would be home by midnight.

"Come on! Let's hit the howlin' direwolf!" He said to Brienne.

They stood in line at the coaster waiting anxiously, each trying to play it cool, and chatting about school, Tyrion, their fathers, and whether Jaime would get sea sick on the sailing trip they hoped to go on with Selwyn.

"Seven hells, we're up next, I think." Jaime said, not wanting to sound worried.

"I hope we can sit in the back, you feel it more in the back." Brienne smiled.

"You've ridden this before?"

"No, this is the first time I ever have someone to ride with. My dad's too tall for the seats." She laughed.

"It's my first time too. I didn't want to go alone and my badass sister was always too chicken and Tyrion's too small, and my dad never takes us - my Aunt Genna usually always did and she definitely wasn't getting on this thing! I'm glad I get to have my first time with you. I mean...I'm glad its our first time together. On the roller coaster."

"Shut up, Jaime." She rolled her eyes and then grinned. Her face turned red and Jaime said, "you know what I meant, I didn't mean...I am sorry Bri." She burst out laughing. He grinned and put his head down, his hair falling in his eyes. She loved when his hair was in his face, but then again it covered those piercing green eyes she loved to stare at.

They got on the coaster and the bar came down in front of them. "Do you think you'll scream?" He asked.

"You have to scream on a coaster. It's what you do. I know you'll scream like a little girl."

"Never!" He said coolly as he leaned back and stretched his arm out across the back of the seat.

They coaster jolted forward and they both looked at each other wide-eyed and smiled. "Here we go Evenstar, you ready?"

"Ready as I will ever be, golden lion!"

They began the slow ascent to the very tip top and when the coaster slowed down at the top of the hill, she said, "Don't you dare close your eyes. You're a lion."

"I won't if you won't."

Suddenly they both reached over and held each other tight. They screamed in each other's ear as the coaster went speeding down hill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! I am hoping to write another chapter later today, but I don't know if I will be able to because of Hurricane Sally. It could hit anywhere from Florida to NOLA and I may be panicking if it hits me as 2 or three. Pray that it just disappears into no where because no one should get it.
> 
> Cheer me up with comments! I love you guys and appreciate you all for reading! Good night for now!


	7. The Lady of House Lannister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go ahead and dive right in. I'm not even gonna try to explain.

**Lannister Residence 1991**

"Hello? Cersei Lannister speaking." 

"Good afternoon, young Lady. Selwyn Tarth, here. Is your father available?"

"I'm afraid he is otherwise engaged at the moment, how may I help you?"

"You can help by having him call me back this evening."

"Shall I say what it's about?"

"I'm sure he will know. Thank you, Cersei."

"Good bye, Mr. Tarth."

Cersei ran up the stairs and pounded on Jaime's door. "I know you're in there. Open the door!" There was still no answer, but she could hear him jamming away on his guitar. She pounded again and said, "I know you're in there, you spoiled daddy's boy. You and your little pet midget. Open the _damn door_ , Jaime!" Well, now there would definitely be no answer. The music went even louder and she stormed through the door to see Jaime playing the guitar and Tyrion jumping on his bed playing air guitar. Jaime smirked at her and she stomped over to him and pulled he plug from his guitar. She was so irritated that she gave him a shove backward, nearly causing him to fall back over the amp.

"What is _wrong with you?"_ Jaime asked, pulling his guitar strap over his head.

"Why is that cow girlfriend of yours' father calling my father?"

"I don't have a girlfriend. And he is _our_ father."

"Don't act cute with me."

"Who is acting?"

Tyrion, who seemed to be forgotten on Jaime's bed, asked, "Mr. Tarth called?"

"What's he want with father, Jaime?"

"I don't know Cersei. Is our father speaking with him now?"

"I told Selwyn he was otherwise engaged."

"Father is out by the pool practicing his putting. That's not otherwise engaged."

Tyrion took off running from the room. Cersei chased after him, yelling, "Where are you going, you little varmint?"

"To see father and have him call Brienne's dad!"

Jaime sighed, put his guitar away and left the room, locking his door behind him. Tywin had given him lock and key, ever since Cersei took it upon herself to re-decorate one of his guitars with her nail polish, resulting in her not being allowed to use any for three months. Making matters worse, when she decided that she didn't like the design she painted, she took acetone to the instrument and decided that removing the polish and the finish of the guitar was a wise idea. Things only got worse when she destroyed the carpeting in his room as well.

The three Lannister children stood near the pool watching their father putt. After a hole in one, Tyrion stepped up and said, "Excuse me, dad."

"Hello there! Were you spying on me?"

"Indeed, I was."

"Would you like to have a go at this?"

"Your putter is taller than me."

"Ah...I have smaller ones, just for you."

"Really? Sure! But...you have a message."

"Oh, who's call have I missed?"

Cersei folded her arms and put her weight on one hip. Her scowl was not unnoticed. Tyrion said, "Mr. Selwyn Tarth. Brienne's dad."

"Oh...any idea what that would could be about? Jaime?"

"I'm not sure, dad. Can you please call him back?"

"Certainly."

**Tarth Residence**

"I really just don't see why we can't just invite Tyrion and Jaime. I get it. I do. It's the _right_ thing to do. But you don't know Cersei, dad."

"Are you over exaggerating a bit? They are siblings. Twins at that, and siblings do not often get along as children."

"This is not just sibling rivalry, daddy. Something is really off about her. She treats them horribly - she is not even nice to me - and she embarrasses Jaime every chance she gets. Did I tell you that she actually..."

The phone rang. Selwyn quickly added, "sometimes the hardest thing to do is right thing."

"I rather not go."

"Is that your final answer?"

"No dad, I guess if it gets Tyrion and Jaime on the boat, invite the twisted sister too." She slumped on the couch and listened to Selwyn's call."

"Hello Tywin! How's it going?"

"Very well thanks. I wasn't doing anything, I was just hanging out in the backyard practicing some putting. What can I do for you?"

"Seems Jaime and my Brienne have become quite good friends the last year or so, and the Festival of Fire is coming up next weekend. She had mentioned that Jaime and Tyrion would like to go on the sailboat one evening and I thought I would just invite the whole family out. How about it? Would you and Cersei like to come as well?"

"That sounds like a great time! We'll be there. Let's talk again during the week and we will decide what we can bring. I'll have dinner catered for us."

"That sounds great, Tywin. I am looking forward to having you all."

"I'm looking forward to it too."

**Lannister Residence, Pool Side**

Tyrion looked to his father with very hopeful eyes and a smile. Jaime knew what that was about and pretty much guessed at what that conversation was. He'd rather just not go if Cersei had to go. Maybe he could fake being sick at the last minute. Or just chicken out because he didn't want to get sea sick and throw-up in front of Brienne. Maybe he would just suck it up and be the big brother that Tyrion needed him to be.

Of course, Cersei purred, "Daddy...where are we going?"

" _We gentlemen_ are going on a sailing trip for the evening next Saturday."

Tyrion jumped for joy and hugged Tywin, and then Jaime. He stomped his feet and spun around, "Wooohhoooo!!!!! I have the _best_ _big brother ever!"_

"Slow down bud, you're gonna get dizzy," Jaime smiled. He asked, "We can really go? Thanks dad!"

"You're welcome, boys."

"Excuse me! What the _hells_? Am I not a member of this family too? How rude of Selwyn Tarth not to invite _the Lady of House Lannister."_

Tywin answered, "You are not the Lady of House Lannister, and Selwyn _did_ invite my daughter. However, she is not coming."

"Do you have another daughter I don't know about? Because I am going on that boat."

"You have a poor attitude. Do you not think I don't know where my children are and what they are doing? You were supposed to be at the Festival of the Five Kings with your brothers - you begged and pleaded and made false promises to get yourself there. However, you followed through with nothing and were rude to your brothers and Brienne."

"You ratted me out!?!?" She screamed at Jaime.

Jaime shook his head 'no' and backed away.

"No, I didn't." He looked to Tywin, but before Tywin could defend him, she shoved him backwards into the pool.

"Are you crazy!?!?" Tyrion yelled.

Cersei rolled her eyes and walked away. "Get back here young lady!" Tywin's voice boomed across the yard and she stopped in her tracks. "Sit. Down. Now." He commanded.

Jaime hopped out of the pool on the side. His shirt and jeans stuck to his body, his tennis shoes heavy with water. He was shivering from the cold water and he stalked toward his sister. Tyrion jumped in front of him putting his hands on Jaime's stomach, shoving him back, "No! Please! Please don't go after her! If you hit her we can't go with Brienne either! Please stop!" Jaime looked down at his brother and gave him a nod. He looked to his father and then down at his clothes, ruined with the chlorine water. 

"I will take you out tomorrow. We will replace it all and then some. Sit."

"You're rotten snitch." Cersei said.

"Jaime hasn't told me anything. And neither did Tyrion. I am the richest man in Westeros. Do you think the three of you are just completely cut loose without guards? You're not average children. You're Lannisters. That doesn't make you special. It doesn't make you entitled, although the three of you live that way. It makes you valuable. And while I love all three of you and don't want anything terrible to happen to you, people will use you to harm me and rob me of my fortune. Your future."

"Oh daddy...I am so sorry. Jaime, I don't know what came over me." She began to sob. Tyrion and Jaime looked at each other and rolled their eyes. "It's just that, oh, I will give anything to go with everyone this weekend. Ever since mother died, Jaime has been so distant, he has nothing to do with me anymore. He doesn't love me. I feel like...I feel like he treats Brienne like more of a sister than me. You love her more, don't you Jaime?"

"Cersei. Stop."

"No Jaime! It's true. I've been so hurt and left out ever since she came into your life."

Jaime stood directly in front of his twin and yelled at her, "Look at me!!! Do you wonder why I have nothing to do with you? You can't possibly _not understand_. You've destroyed my stuff, you've called me names, you're cruel to Tyrion. You're mean, and hateful and you lie about everything. You're lying right _now,_ Cersei. You don't want anything to do with me unless someone else has my attention or I am playing music. I am not blind."

"Alright, that's enough." Tywin said. "Cersei, you have gotten out completely out of hand. Your behavior is appalling and I will not tolerate it any longer. You will treat your brothers how you expect to be treated and if you do not, you will lose all privileges. Is that clear?"

"So I can go with you all this weekend?" She smiled.

"Not this time."

"Oh gods, daddy no! You can't be serious?"

"Cersei!"

She began to cry again.

"Please daddy? I will be nice to everybody, especially Brienne. Maybe she and I can become good friends. I don't have any girl friends. Maybe that's what's wrong me, I am so alone and half the time I just want to die!"

Jaime grabbed Tyrion's hand and pulled him toward the house, leaving Tywin to deal with Cersei.

**Festival of Fire - Blackwater Bay**

Jaime held Tyrion's hand as they walked down the dock to Brienne's sailboat. Cersei, who weaseled her way into going was on the other side of him. Tywin said to his children, "I expect the three of you to be on your very best behavior. I expect you all to follow Mr. Tarth's rules."

"Yes father," they replied.

Brienne was waiting on the sailboat in a pair of cut off, ripped blue jean shorts that showed her long legs and a red tank top. She had her hair in a pony tail and just a little bit of makeup to make it noticeable, and some clear gloss on her lips. Jaime looked at her from head to toe and back and again. He noticed that she wasn't wearing shoes and commented, "that's some nice blue toe polish." 

"Thanks! Welcome aboard the Evenstar, everyone!"

Cersei leaned over to Jaime and said, "Isn't that what you call her, the Evenstar? Is that a welcome between her legs too?"

Jaime glared at her and grabbed her arm hard. He said, "Not tonight sweet sister. You're not going to mess this evening up."

"I wasn't aware this was a date."

"It's not a date."

After dinner, Brienne asked Jaime, "What was that about with you and Cersei when you arrived?"

"Just Cersei being Cersei."

"Tyrion, come along an sit with your old dad, and let Jaime and the girls have a good time."

"Go on little one, go be with daddy now." Cersei said - as though no one caught on to how fake she was.

"Oh, Mr. Lannister, can he stay with us? I did invite him to come sailing with us."

"Sure, sure. Have fun Tyrion. Mind your brother, you hear?"

"Yes, dad!"

Jaime leaned against the rail looking down into the water and Brienne stood next to him with her back against the rail. What do you think of this, Jaime? It's a beautiful night, isn't it?"

"Very." He said looking at her.

"Oh for the love of the gods, you too!" She wedged herself between them. "You should just go below deck and make out all night."

"What are you talking about, Cersei?" Brienne asked,

"You two are so in love it's disgusting."

"We're not..." Brienne started.

"Cersei, chill. You're lucky to be here as it is. Don't start your nonsense. If father hears you he will never forgive you for causing a scene."

"Oh...then it's just one-sided? You love her, and I just outted you! Oh my god!" She shrieked. "What a loser! Jaime, you really _are_ the stupidest Lannister. Even a cow like her doesn't want you. You are so sad."

"Jaime?" Brienne was confused.

Cersei continued, "This is so bad. Can barely read, can't add, so he can't multiply and even a beastly freak doesn't want him. You really will forever be nothing."

"Jaime?" Brienne called out to him.

Jaime waked away with his down but quickly turned to grab Tyrion's hand. "I need you to understand right now okay." He said to his baby brother.

"Okay?"

"I need to be alone right now, bud. Please go by dad."

"I love you Jaime. I will always love you." Tyrion said looking up at Jaime as he trotted to keep up.

"I...I love you, please go to dad."

Jaime walked to the front of the sail boat and sat alone on the bow. Tears of pain and anger streamed down his cheeks as he looked up at the moon. "Gods mama...why'd you go away and make Cersei so mean? What is wrong with her? Why'd you leave me with her? You could have just let me go. She says I am nothing anyway. I probably wasn't even worth it." Then he heard a shriek. He took off running to the stern and found Cersei on the deck of the boat with a bloody nose. He wanted to laugh so bad. He looked at Brienne and fought hard not to smirk.

"Brienne Eloise Tarth! What have you done!?" He heard Selwyn coming up behind him and moved out of the way. 

Brienne extended her hand to Cersei, but it was refused. Jaime quickly ran up behind her and put his hands under her arms to lift her and whispered, "take her hand and say you slipped."

"Or what?"

"Do it." He said through clenched teeth.

"I slipped, I'm so clumsy, sometimes, Mr. Selwyn."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, thank you so much for coming to check on me."

"Careful. A boat isn't a play yard."

"Yes, sir." They all replied.

Selwyn and Tywin walked back to the middle of the boat and sat to finish their drinks.

"This animal punched me." Cersei said to her brother.

"I know that, and I thank her for it. Don't act as though you didn't deserve it."

"How can you say that about your own twin sister?"

"You're playing this twin thing out, Cersei."

"Jaime...I love you."

"This is not love. But you win. Keep your mouth shut. The story is you slipped on deck and nothing more. You all agree?"

They nodded, noting the fury in Jaime's eyes. He continued, "You may win this, but I get a moment alone with Brienne."

"No way..."

"Cersei!"

"Alright, alright. I'm going. I will go find the munchkin and make sure he doesn't fall over board."

"Cersei I swear to all the gods and on my life, if you touch Tyrion, I will drown you."

"Don't get your little cock hard over it, loser. I won't hurt your side kick."

"Come to the bow of the boat with me?" He asked Brienne.

"Alright."

He took her hand and rushed to the front of the sail boat.

The moon reflected in her eyes. Jaime thought he was going to drown in them. She must have been in the sun all day getting the boat ready because her cheeks were pink and the little freckles that dusted her nose and cheeks were a little brighter. She was absolutely beautiful and he had to say goodbye. His heart was breaking and he fought hard to even to get the words out.

"Oh look! The lanterns are lighting the sky. Isn't it beautiful?" Brienne said.

"Wow! I've never seen it from a sailboat. I've seen it from our balcony. But not like this."

"Jaime, I am so sorry about Cersei. Please forgive me. I couldn't take it - her saying all that stuff about you."

"Please don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry. She deserved it. But I made a deal with her. I can't have you getting in trouble for me. She will never stop, Bri. She will never let me be."

"Why does she hate you so much?"

"I'm the reason our mama died."

"What?"

"I needed a kidney. Mama was the only match. I needed it right away and no matter how risky it was, she wasn't going to let me die."

"Jaime! It's not your fault!" She grabbed his hand. "It's not! No mater what anyone says."

"Shhh...I know it's not." He half smiled. "Any good mama would save her child." His thumb involuntary rubbed circles on the top of her hand. "I don't even think that Cersei believes it's my fault. We are old enough to know better than that. I think she is who she is and she uses that as an excuse."

"I can't stand it. It's like a knife in my gut every time she talks to you."

"I'm so sorry." He said looking into her eyes.

"Now who's apologizing? Don't be silly."

"No...I am so sorry, Brienne. She is going to use you against me - even more than she does now. It's one thing for her to do this all to me. But I can't have you hurt because of me."

"What are you saying? You don't want to be my friend anymore?"

"I do! Gods, Brienne, I do. This is not right, this is not fair. I lo---I love being with you, and I can't wait to be with you again. You're the best, truest friend I have ever had. I just don't want you in her crossfire of Cersei's wrath and misery."

"I don't care about her. I care about you!"

"You don't understand. She is cruel, and she's hateful."

"Jaime."

"I will miss you so much."

"Stay with me."

He dropped her hand and walked away as the boat docked and stepped off without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? PLEASE tell me!  
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joffrey finally gets to see Jaime and Brienne. Tywin talks with Brienne. Brienne expresses her feelings to Tywin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are back in the present. Thanks for coming back for more! I am so excited and grateful for your comments and the warm reception that this story has received.

**Qarth Medical Center 2020**

Tywin Lannister opened the door to his son's hospital room at 5:00 in the morning. He was sound asleep, probably dreaming peacefully - likely at home, playing that grand piano overlooking his garden and pool. Or maybe he was at a concert in Lys with colorful lights gleaming off his guitar. 

Tyrion waited downstairs with Joffrey in the café. The two were having breakfast, waiting to hear from Tywin that they could go up. He studied his son's face, thinking how much time had passed since Jaime was a little boy. _How many times could she have taken you from me? And I just watched your destruction. She was my child too. But I failed you both where it mattered most._ He looked at the cut across the top of Jaime's hand, and the hues of color that spread to his fingers and up his wrist. _My boy, if I could go back in time...if I could trade places with you..._

Brienne woke and saw Tywin when she looked over at Jaime. She immediately got up to greet him. "Good morning," Tywin said.

"Good morning. How was your flight?" 

"Unremarkable. Smooth skies. A bit nerve-racking. How did this really happen?"

"I don't know all the details. Jaime will have to tell you. If he can. Best I could tell, he and Cersei had an argument. He went back to his room with the intention of sleeping it off and wanted to head back to King's Landing in the morning. I checked on him briefly, but he wanted to be alone. So...I left him. Less than an hour later, I got a call from him that I could barely understand. I rushed over and found him with a knife in his hand." She purposefully left out all the Xanax and Crown.

"I thought the fighting and the hatred...that ended so long ago."

 _How can you be so blind? "_ The surgeon spoke with me after the operation. He said that Jaime can regain full use of his hand but it's completely up to him. He will have to be determined to get back what he once had, put in the hard work and endure the pain. A lot of pain."

"I would imagine."

"He will need another surgery and potentially another after that. The blade went through the top of his hand here, through his palm and pinned him to the mattress. He couldn't reach his phone to call for help so he used the voice commands. Had he not thought of that, he likely would have just bled to death."

"He is smarter and stronger than knows. He can recover from this."

"Tywin...he truly cannot fathom how strong he is. She took that from him."

"Come, let's have breakfast and talk."

"I can't leave him."

"Come on, we'll call Tyrion and have him and Joffrey come up."

*********************************************

Brienne was happy to see Joffrey and welcomed him with open arms. 

"Oh! My darling boy! Oh, I am so glad you're here."

"Me too."

"I've missed you so much. Let me look at you. You're so handsome." She kissed his cheek.

"How is he?" Joffrey asked looking toward Jaime.

"Come on. Let's have a look." 

"He is stable. He will be alright. They are going to watch for infection and keep him in bed a while - he needs another surgery. But he is going to be okay. We'll have to help him, and stand behind him through and through, but he will be just fine."

Joffrey stood close to Brienne and she took him closer to Jaime. "He is okay. I promise. He was happy when I told him you were coming." Joffrey watched closely for the rhythmic rise and fall of Jaime's chest. "Maybe we shouldn't wake him." he said.

"We better. He said not to let him sleep through your visit, and you know how Jaime gets. He will not be pleased if he misses you."

He watched as Brienne gently stroked Jaime's cheek. Seemingly without thought, she leaned down and kissed his forehead. She whispered, "Jaime...wake up, darling. You have visitors."

Joffrey moved closer and took Jaime's left hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze. Jaime squeezed back. He knew that wasn't Brienne's hand. He felt the fingers and felt the ring. He opened his eyes to see his son standing before him, and smiled. He let go of Joff's hand only to tousle his hair. "My boy."

"My...Jaime."

"Can I have a squeeze?" Jaime asked cautiously.

Joffrey nodded and hugged him around his neck. "Cersei - my mother. She did this to you, didn't she? _Why?_ "

"Brienne." Jaime looked to her.

She was going to tell him. She was much braver in theory, when he wasn't standing in front of her. Yet, here they were and there was no backing out. Only, her thoughts were blank and she felt like her tongue weighed a hundred pounds.

Jaime started, "Your mother and I had a fight. We said a lot of things - nothing that hasn't really been said before. I told her that we were finished. She didn't like that very much and well..." he gestured to his other hand.

"Where is she?" The anger in his voice startled Jaime.

"Brienne." Jaime demanded.

"Shhh, he's okay." She reassured Jaime with a hand on his left shoulder.

"She was arrested at the hotel." Brienne answered.

Joffrey's shoulders slumped and he exhaled in relief. 

She continued, "I can arrange for you to see..."

"No." He answered sharply. "I don't need to see her." He looked to Jaime, "Please, I don't ever want to see her. There is no need."

Jaime nodded. "You'll never be forced to her again."

Tywin started, "Robert will make sure that..."

"Robert will be fine." Jaime answered.

Joffrey had so many thoughts running through his head that he didn't know where to begin. _So many questions...not know. Later. What if there is no later?_ "How soon do I have to go back?"

"To the academy?" Brienne asked.

"Whenever you're ready." She stated.

"What if I am never ready? I don't ever want to go back. I want to stay here with you."

Brienne looked at Jaime, who was still loaded on medication, but understood what was going on around him. He waved his left hand as though he were too exhausted to argue, or care, or was saying yes, or no, or..."We'll talk about it, soon. It will be a while before we have to decide that." He managed to say with eyes closed.

Joffrey nodded.

"Sit here with me, it's alright." Jaime patted the side of the bed. 

Tywin said, "I'm taking Brienne to breakfast. Tyrion and Joffrey will visit with you until we return."

Jaime nodded. It was really the first time he heard his father speak since he opened his eyes. That's alright. He has Tyrion and Joffrey to keep him company and keep watch.

*******************************************

Tywin paid for two breakfasts in Styrofoam containers and two coffees. He and Brienne opted to sit outside on the patio and watch the sun rise higher in the sky. "I'll take you back to the hotel so you can change."

"Thank you, but I can't go until Dr. Qyburn makes his rounds and checks on Jaime. They are going to do X-rays and I need to be there for the results and any conversations." She sipped her coffee. Tywin looked older than the last time she had seen him. More lines around his eyes. But then, she supposed she must look a fright herself.

"Understandable. Cersei has been arrested?"

"Yes. They found her wandering the hotel lobby with blood on her hands and clothes. I'm sure there will be a lot of press. They were already lined up at the front of the hospital. Didn't you see them?"

"We came in through the back - through the garage."

"Lucky you."

"You've barely touched your eggs." 

"I'm sorry. I'm...a mess. I care a great deal for him. Sometimes I think I know him better than he knows himself."

"You do." 

She looked up at him.

"You were the only good thing for him. I know that. When he gave you up at 12 years old he crumbled. And she used that to sink her claws into his very soul." _How much do you really know?_ Brienne wondered. She just sat and listened as Tywin continued. "I owe you more than I could ever repay you."

 _Ah yes, A Lannister always pays his debts._ "For what?"

"This is not the first time you save my son. You were his savior from the moment you punched Aerys Targaryen back in the 5th grade. You and music. I knew my children needed help. It became worse and worse over the years and I wanted so badly to believe my daughter didn't mean the things she did. Forced myself to believe that she was just spoiled and the more I tried to turn things around, the more I failed. They didn't have their mother. I was a young, single man raising twins and a baby who was also a dwarf. I had no clue what I was doing."

"Did you try to figure it out? There are self-help books everywhere. It was all the craze in the '80s."

"You're angry with me."

The flood gate opened. "I'm angry with Cersei. I am angry that the man I have loved for 30 years is laying in unimaginable physical and emotional pain, feeling as though the world has ended and that he has been rendered useless. I am angry that for over 30 years he has been subjected to a narcissist and taught to look the other way. I'm angry that the little boy I raised as my own has suffered for the last fifteen years because of Cersei and now _his world_ will also come crumbling down. Tell me Mr. Lannister, how hard did you try?" She was crying now, and couldn't stop herself. She got up to return to Jaime, but Tywin stood in front of her with is hands out in surrender.

"Please, sit. Sit. I'm sorry. You're right. I didn't try. I compensated for it in the only way I knew how - to give into her every whim, to work harder and harder at my business to have something for their present and their future. Look at their futures now. I did what it took to soothe the current situation at hand. Whatever it took in the moment. I knew you punched her in the face on that sailboat. I also knew she deserved it and that my son gave up one of the things that meant the most to him to keep you out of trouble. I am so sorry for that. I took every easy way out when it came to them. Jaime and Tyrion were easy. They were good boys, loving and helpful. Neither of them had a jealous or hateful bone in them. So I tried to hide. I tried to be a decent man and show them love and care but when it came down to it, you're right. I failed. I let Cersei be Cersei and I only dealt with her when absolutely necessary and even then...I failed. I know you love him. I know your heart is broken. It has been broken over and over again for years."

"Yes, well, here we are."

"Here you are."

"You've lost so much time with him."

"I've had him in my life in whatever capacity the gods saw fit. They can be rather cruel, apparently."

"Nothing you've done has gone unnoticed."

"What is it that you think I have done."

"You raised my grandson as your own, while managing the careers of his mother and uncle. You helped Joffrey where I failed his mother. You helped my son where I failed. You took care of my family in all the ways I didn't. I took my children for granted. But you didn't."

"With all due respect, let's not make this about you."

"I'm sorry. I should feel guilty and I do."

"Have you ever said this to Jaime?"

"I suppose it's time I apologize to him. You know I did take Cersei to a psychologist. Once."

"For all the good the one visit did."

"You didn't deny it. That you love him. Don't you?"

She didn't answer. She just looked him in the eye. _Would I have stuck around for nothing in return, raising his son, watching the abuse and being abused myself if didn't?_

Tywin continued, "I know he is an adult. I know he can make all his own decisions. I also know that you will be there and helping with those decisions. As much as I want to take control and help."

"How is it that you want to help?"

"I want to ensure he has all the best care possible - in and out of the hospital. He is welcome to stay at the family home, but I know he will be more comfortable in his own home with you at his side."

"What else?"

"Anything that either of you need or want."

"He needs you to leave Cersei where she is. In jail. Where she belongs. That is what _Cersei_ needs."

"You have my word."

"Give your word to your son."

**********************

Tyrion asked Jaime, "Can you feel any pain?"

"I can't feel anything but when this block wears off, I am sure I will be on fire."

"I'm sorry she did this to you." Joffrey said. 

Brienne and Tywin returned as Jaime said to Joffrey, "Don't be. This is...the gods telling me to wake up. I'm going to come back from this stronger and better than ever."

"She is hateful and cruel. To everyone. And we will never be free. Even when she is dead."

Jaime didn't know what to say. Brienne put her hand on Joffrey's shoulder, "Joff. You have every power inside you to free yourself from her. Your mother made a mistake..."

Tyrion rolled is eyes and scoffed. Brienne just continued, "She made a terrible mistake. I am not saying it was accident. She knew what she intended to do - she went to his room with that knife in her hand. Her mistake was following through. She needs help. And now that she is away, she can finally get the help she needs to be a better person. You have the power in you to let go of everything that's happened and forgive her. Not for her. Not for Jaime. For yourself. You will never forget the things she's done, but she has no control over you and your emotions. Not anymore. She has taught you something very valuable that you can't erase."

"That she has no love for me?"

Brienne's heart sank. Jaime's did as well. He felt the air disappear from his lungs. "No," Jaime said, "you saw first hand what cruelty is. You know what hurt is and hopefully, because of that, you will not hurt the ones you love. You will treat them with kindness. You know what it's like to need to love. You won't ever tolerate that treatment again, not from anyone, and you will not treat others that way. You will protect the ones you love from cruelty."

"We are already through step one, Joff. Just keep your head up. We love you and we believe you. You are so much better." Brienne smiled and put an arm around him, squeezing him tightly.

"What have we completely missed?" Tyrion asked.

"Nothing," Brienne and Jaime said in unison.

"What happens now?" Joffrey asked.

"We will figure it out." Jaime sighed.

"You mean Brienne will figure it out." Joffrey said.

"Darling just relax. Enjoy some time off with all of us, and let us handle the big stuff."

Tywin decided that he was going to get a hotel for himself, Tyrion and Joffrey for the next few days. The three of them left to get settled and rest and left Jaime and Brienne to rest as well.

**Jaime and Brienne**

She closed the door behind them and walked to Jaime's bedside. "It's 8:00 in the morning. Are you hungry, should I get you something to eat?"

"No." He took her hand. "Sit for a moment."

She sat at the edge of the bed, and felt the warmth of his body close to her. "There isn't much room for two, is there?" She asked with a smile.

"I don't care." He looked at her eyes, her hair, and then her shirt and jeans. "That's all from me, isn't it?" He asked regarding the blood on her clothing.

"At least maybe some water?" She moved to get up, but he stopped her by placing his hand on her stomach. "What is it?" She quietly asked.

He looked at her face. Studying it. "What would I do without you?" She just looked at him. He continued, "What have I done to have you in my life like this? I don't deserve you, not in any way. You've been...more than I could ever dream of. I promise she won't win. Not this time. Not ever. But you were wrong, I do belong to someone. At least my heart does. It always has. We will do this together. There is no one else I _could_ do this with. You're not stupid, Evenstar." It was as that moment that she realized he was answering everything she said aloud to him the night before. She abruptly got up from the bed; her heart was pounding in her ears and she was dizzy. He went on, "You could never ruin our friendship. Although I did, once. I may have ruined us many times over. Looks like we were both selfish because I thought having you in my life one or another was better than nothing at all. I _will_ play again. And all those songs that I pretended weren't about you...I will play them all for you. We'll write together. And I will never..." his voice broke, "ever. Make you miss me again."

She kept her back to him because she was too emotional. She didn't want him to see her tears. He said, "I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry for everything. I've loved you since I was 10 years old, and I have never loved anyone else. I didn't love her. I swear with everything I have...I never loved her and I never stopped loving you. I thought I was protecting you. Brienne... _please, look at me_." He begged.

She turned to him. "I have loved you all this time. And I knew. I've always known, somehow that you did."

"Well then...there is only one I need you to do."

"What?" It was barely a whisper.

"Kiss me. The way you did last night."

_Kiss Me The Way You Did Last Night_

_Kiss Me The Way You Did Last Night · Carpenters Lovelines ℗ 1989 A &M Records Released on: 1989-01-01 Producer: Richard Carpenter Associated Performer, Recording Arranger: Peter Knight Studio Personnel, Recording Engineer: Ray Gerhardt Studio Personnel, Recording Engineer: Roger Young Studio Personnel, Remix Engineer: Robert De La Garza Producer, Associate Producer: Karen Carpenter Composer Lyricist: Margaret Dorn Composer Lyricist: Lynda L. Lawley _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? I can't wait to find out!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay and getting this out. I was on a roll for a minute there, getting out a chapter every day. But here we are again, and hopefully I can do some more over the weekend.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!  
> Thanks for reading!

**Qarth Medical 2020 4 pm**

**12 hours post-surgery**

Jaime woke for the 4th time that day. Each time he did, Brienne was awake and watching over him. This time, she was asleep on the sofa. He wished so badly that he could get up and cover her with a blanket. She must be cold. He was still dizzy and nauseated - and not only were the nausea meds wearing off, so was the block in his arm. His hand and fingers were beginning to ache. He took it as a good sign though, the alternative would have been horrible - not feeling anything at all. Now that most of the drugs were wearing off, he finally noticed that Brienne was still in her clothes from the day before and they covered in dried blood. He recalled their conversation from earlier that morning. Or was it last night? Everything was running together. As he watched her sleeping, he thought about their future and he thought about their past. _How in the name of all the gods can she still love me?_ _After_ _all that I've done...all the stupid mistakes I've made and the things I put her through. The things I let Cersei put her through. How could I have been so damn stupid? If Cersei was cruel, then so was I. I should have sent her on her way long ago._ His eyes began to tear. Not thinking about his hand, he tried to lift both hands in an effort to wipe his eyes and hide his emotions but a pain shot through him and he screamed, "Argh! Fuck!" He breathed deeply and bit into his left fist, but it was too late, he had startled Brienne awake and she jumped up to see about him.

"Jaime!? What's the matter?"

"Oh gods...fuck me. Ugh..."

"What happened?"

"The pain meds are definitely wearing off. I tried to move. It's okay. I will be okay." He said trying to catch his breath. He put his left hand down on a small scrap of material. He looked down at the soft, worn, blue scrap with a green dragon printed on it and smiled. Tyrion must have been by while they were asleep.

"What's that?"

"Something I haven't seen in a long, long time."

 **The Lannister Residence 1992  
** **The Lannisters Return from The Festival of Fire**

Jaime ran to his room and slammed the door. It was well past 11:00 but he just didn't care. He took out his guitar, plugged it in and started playing it as loud as he could. He had never been so angry with Cersei. Short of losing his mother, nothing ever hurt this bad. His best friend was now out of his life for good and it was his own sacrifice. He was tired of sacrificing everything for Cersei. 

"Come along Tyrion, I will tuck you in."

"But maybe Jaime wants me to stay with him. Something is wrong dad."

"I think for tonight, you need you let your brother be alone for a while."

"Can I just go tell him goodnight? Please?"

"Very well."

"I have an idea. I will be right back." Tyrion ran to his room and got his blue dinosaur blanket and matching stuffed dinosaur. He came back and carefully opened Jaime's door. Jaime stopped playing when he saw him. His eyes were read and puffy. Tyrion knew he was upset. "Bubby?"

"Hey bud. What you got there?"

"I wanted to let you know that...I am going to sleep in my room tonight. But I thought maybe I would leave these with you." He gave Jaime the blanket and the dinosaur.

"Thanks bud." He ruffled his hair and gave him a squeeze. "That's really nice of you. Are you sure you can sleep without these?"

"Just for one night. Thanks for letting me go sailing with you and Brienne. Good night, bubby. I love you."

"I love you too, big man."

Tywin walked over to Jaime, "Are you too old for a hug?"

"No, sir."

Tywin hugged his older son tight and said, "Good night, my boy. I love you. Don't play too loud and long, right?"

"Right then. Oh! Tyrion! Wait." He ran to the closet and grabbed his old stuffed lion. "Take Leo. Since I have Drogon tonight, Leo will keep you company."

Tyrion's eyes lit up and he smiled wide, "Mommy gave you Leo."

"Just for one night."

"Thanks! Good night Jaime!"

Jaime locked the door behind Tyrion and Tywin. He didn't feel like playing his guitar anymore, so he carefully put it away and sat in his window with Tyrion's blanket. There was the big, bright, pale yellow moon again, reminding him of Brienne's hair. _What have I done?_ He began to cry. _I could have just told everyone the shitty things Cersei said. How crazy and out of line and ugly she was. I just gave up my best friend for Cersei to keep her mouth shut. I so hope that Brienne understands. That she knows this was best for her. So that she wouldn't get in trouble for punching my stupid sister_

_I miss her already. Why do I miss her so bad? I would give anything to call her and hear her voice. I wish I would have kissed her good night. I hope she knows I would have kissed her. But then again, that makes everything worse. This is a broken heart. Missing Brienne is what a broken heart feels like._

**Tarth Residence**

"Well did you enjoy your evening?"

"Thank you daddy. It was really nice. I think I'm...I am really tired. I'm just going to skip the ice cream tonight and go to bed if that's okay." She quickly kissed her father good night and headed to her room. She meant to close the door quietly, but she it slammed hard instead. Perhaps she was angrier than she thought.

 _That's not Jaime...not my Jaime._ She paced back and forth in her room, thinking and taking her hair down. _Maybe it is and I never saw it. No, can't be. It's Cersei. But doesn't he know that I don't care if I get in trouble? She deserved to get punched in the face. My Jaime? He is nobody's Jaime. He doesn't know that. I thought I taught him that! Doesn't he listen when I tell him how great he is? Doesn't he listen when I tell him she has no power over him? Whatever. I am not going to beg a boy to my boyfriend. I mean I am not going BEG anybody to be my FRIEND. Fuck him! This is his loss! If he doesn't want to talk to me any more, fine! We are done!_ She stopped pacing and stood still in the middle of her room. _We are done. It's over. So why the hells does it feel like its only MY loss, and I feel empty and lonely and like I could give anything in this world to hear his voice right now? To call him on the phone and talk to him all night like we always do? I should have kissed him. Doesn't he know that I would have let him kiss me if he wanted to?_ She flopped down in the middle of her bed and cried herself to sleep.

**1995**

**King's Landing Preparatory School of Excellence  
First Day - Year 11**

Brienne tossed her schoolbag down under a great oak tree at the far end of the high school's campus. She spread out a blanket and unpacked her lunch as she waited for Lyanna Mormont to join her. She didn't feel much like eating her turkey sandwich that day, but it's all she had so she would make due if she didn't want to be starving in her next class. She leaned back on her bag, took a bite of her lunch, and laid the sandwich on her belly as she chewed.

"Alright, I've had it. Spill it!" Lyanna said, sitting beside her.

"I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about, Ly."

"As if you hadn't noticed."

"I try really hard not to."

"What is his deal?"

"Who's 'he'?"

"Stop playing. You know. The tall, tanned, blonde, rich boy - the jock-that-doesn't-play-sports-Jaime Lannister-he-who."

"Oh! That 'he'. Yeah. Nothing to tell."

"You are such a bad liar."

"No, really there is nothing to tell. I don't know what he wants. Maybe you could find out for me, that would be helpful, wouldn't it?"

"Me? It's you he's ogling."

"What are friends for?"

"Okay so, when I am ready to tell Jon Stark that I have a massive crush on him, you'll handle up on that?"

"Oh gods!" Brienne sat up right away, "Can I? Please!?! I'll do it today!"

"SHHH! Hells no! You can NOT!"

Brienne laughed at her freaking-out-friend. 

"Brienne...for real though, do you think he will ever actually talk to you? Maybe he wants to ask you out."

"Ha! Believe me, of all things Jaime Lannister could want, it is NOT to ask me out."

"Maybe he needs help with an assignment."

"The same assignment since 9th year?"

"You know! Spill it!"

"Jaime and I used to be friends from 5th to 7th year. He spent more time with me than he did with his own family. I mean every waking moment that was possible, we were together. Then...there was an incident on my sailboat and we never spoke again."

"Brienne Tarth! What incident? He likes you, any idiot can see that."

"And I like him. But as circumstances have it, we are through and there is nothing I can do about that."

"What's the incident?"

"I punched his sister in the face."

"Did you really?!"

"Yeah...guess I shouldn't have done that. Oh well." She took another bite of her sandwich. 

_"Scandalouuuuusssss.....You_ punched Cersei Lannister in the face? Oh gods, what would I give to have been there to see that! What would I give for the _opportunity_?"

"Yeah well, it ruined my friendship with Jaime. He hasn't spoken to me since, and he probably hates me."

"He probably sings your praises every day, are you serious?"

"No, that's his twin sister, and no matter what she did...I shouldn't have done it. It's all over now anyway."

"You miss him!"

"Of course I miss him!"

"Talk to him."

"Nope. I apologized and explained that night and he walked away from me. I wasn't going to stand there and beg him to still be my friend. Would you?"

"No."

"And that is why you and I are friends." She held up her soda and clanked cans with Lyanna.

**History Class  
Advanced Westerosi History**

_You've GOT to be kidding!_ Brienne sat down and slumped in her seat. _I've managed to go the last two years without having a class with him or his twisted sister and he is in my history class this year. I just hope she isn't in here too. Why is he in Advanced History anyway? How'd he manage that? I mean, he is well capable but...OUCH! What the hell?_ Something stung her on the shoulder. She spun around to see Jaime Lannister smiling at her. _Do I smile back? I should just look at him like he is stupid and immature. That's what I will do._ She did. He shrugged his shoulders and laughed. "Are you five?" She hissed.

"Come sit over here."

"No." She turned back around.

"Brienne!" He whispered.

Class started and he had no choice but to give up. But only for the moment. Later he wrote her a note, made it into a paper airplane and sailed it across the class to her while their instructor had his back turned. Unfortunately, it landed on Jon Stark's desk and when he opened it, he scowled at Jaime who vehemently denied it was his. "No! Not you!" He whispered, pointing to Brienne. Jon gave it to Brienne, saying sarcastically, "from the golden lion back there."

She rolled her eyes and read the paper, "Meet at the Red Keep." The Red Keep was a café across the bridge from the school. Her heart skipped a beat, and she didn't mean to smile to so big at the thought of his request. She waited until the instructor wasn't looking again, and sailed it right back to him. He couldn't wait to open it, but his stomach hit the floor when he read a simple, "no." He slouched in his seat and pouted for the next twenty minutes.

At the end of the class, he headed out the door without even looking her way.

_Yeah, he really wanted my attention. Off he goes. Aaaaaand here she comes. Likely why he wanted my attention. Maybe she put him up to it. Maybe he just wanted to piss her off._

"Jaiiiimeee!" Cersei called to him, as she twirled her hair around her fingers.

"What is it?" He sounded rather bothered.

"We need to go to the Red Keep after school today. Aerys is going with the football team and he said that I should meet him there."

"Then ride with him"

"I want you to go."

"I don't want to go. I am not going. Get someone else to bring you. I have to get home."

"What is your deal? Can't you just do this for me?"

"No." He took off walking. "I told you to take your own car. From now on...just take your own car or walk to school."

"Jaime! Jaime!"

He just kept going.

Brienne closed her locker only to see Jaime unlocking his own right next to hers.

"Really?" She said out loud without meaning to.

"I can move down if you prefer."

"No need. I'm sorry. That was really rude."

"I didn't realize that was you."

"Honestly Jaime? I am taller than anybody else in this whole school, you didn't see me?"

"Do you want me to move?"

"No."

"Alright then."

"So no Red Keep?" She asked.

"You said no. So...no Red Keep." He put some books in, took some books out and walked away.

History was their only class together, and their lockers were side by side. They went about their morning, midday, and afternoon business in silence for the first three weeks of school. Was it really coincidence that they arrived at their lockers every single time at the exact time? No, of course it wasn't. He knew what he was doing. So did she.

"You know, we don't have to do this in silence. You could be cordial." He said on morning.

"So could you." She replied.

"Well...okay then."

"Okay then."

Nothing else was said while they traded out books and got ready for the day.

After lunch, they had their Advanced History class together.

"Alright, there is a major project this class completes every year. It is a two-part project. There is the written report and then the recreation. For this, you will work in pairs. You will each do equal amounts of work and you will collaborate - that's the point of working in pairs - to do this together. You will choose your partner by drawing a card. There are 20 matching cards in this bucket. So...you will draw a card and find out who has the match. Your card also tells you what your project will be. You will come up one by one and draw. Once everyone has drawn, you can find your partner."

One by one the class got up to draw their card. Brienne pulled hers and was pleasantly surprised that she got the Sapphire Warrior vs. Golden Hand the Just. Once the last person drew, Jaime walked right up to Brienne. "Show your card, Tarth."

She held her card up. He held his card up. "She wanted to smile, but she rolled her eyes." He said with a smile.

"No, she only wanted to roll her eyes."

"Come on, this will be nice. It will be like..."

She looked at him with a straight face, "Don't you dare. Nothing could ever be like old times."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a Friday night high school adventure; Jaime and Brienne discuss the history of The Sapphire Warrior and the Golden Knight.

**The Red Keep Café - 1995**

**Three days following the pairing for Advanced History**

It was Friday evening and the café was packed with school kids, as it usually was. The weekend ahead meant football games, swim meets, and freedom. Brienne and Lyanna sat in a corner both sharing a plate of fries, each with a strawberry shake. Jaime and his friend Bronn sat at the end of the bar waiting to order something to drink. Aerys strolled in hand-in-hand with Cersei and a group of fellow football players. They sat at table in the center of the café, carrying on, being loud and obnoxious,. Clearly wanting everyone to know that the football team and their girls had arrived.

Cersei sauntered past Jaime without acknowledging him. She sat on Aerys's lap at their table, but Jaime didn't even notice. Brienne hadn't bothered to look to see who walked in. However most everyone turned around when they heard her laugh out loud at whatever joke Lyanna made.

"Uh oh...Jaime Lannister is ordering a soda at the end of the bar. Want to go say hi?"

"Hells no. Have I told you that we are paired together for the Advanced History project? Not only that, his locker is next to mine. And I don't mean on the same row, two down, I mean it touches mine."

"That's a problem why?"

"It just is. For me."

"You're full of it, Tarth. You know it."

"It's complicated."

"Can't be that complicated. He's walking this way."

"Hells."

Jaime walked up to the table with a smile and said, "Hi Lyanna. Brienne."

The girls said hello, meanwhile Lyanna inwardly freaked out wondering how the hells Jaime Lannister knew her name.

He continued, "Brienne, since we have this project to work on, I wondered if we might get together this weekend. We could meet at my house..."

"Jaime...as lovely as your home is, I'm not going there."

Cersei walked up, snuggling up to Jaime, placing an arm over his shoulder and pressing her body to his. "Brienne is finally coming to visit after all these years? How lovely that will be! It's been so long since we've all been together."

"I'm not coming, Cersei."

Cersei pouted, "Such a shame." She looked at Jaime, then back to Brienne, "I hope you're not staying away on my account. I've always regretted us not becoming better friends."

Jaime clenched his jaw and his face turned red. He tapped his fingers on the table impatiently. "Cersei. Is there something you want?" He asked.

"I just wanted to say hello to our dear friend Brienne, here that's all. And, to remind you, Jaime, that you're needed at home all weekend."

"Except in the evening. You know that."

"Father's away this weekend, and you promised to watch Tyrion."

"Except in the evenings. Cersei, go back to Aerys. I think his lap is getting cold."

She glared at her brother and then looked back at Brienne, "It was a pleasure."

When she was gone, Brienne asked Jaime, "You really think I am ever going to your house again?"

"I'm so sorry. No, I wouldn't expect you to. But we have this project to do and I do have to be home during the day. Father is out of town and Tyrion can't stay alone, he is too young still."

"You can come to my house or we can meet somewhere in the evening. You don't have to be home in the evening...apparently."

"I have to be somewhere in the evenings on weekends. I'm sorry."

"Well then...we have problem, don't we?"

"My father will be back on Tuesday. Can we meet at your house after school?"

"Alright then. Tuesday. Right after school. I'll...order us a pizza or something."

"Thanks. I will see you Tuesday."

Jaime left the table, grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

"Don't you want to know where he has to be? Do you think he has a date?"

"Why would I care?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Stop."

"You know you want to know. And even if you don't...I do!"

"You can't be serious."

Lyanna jumped up and took out a twenty dollar bill, handed it to the server and ran out the door. Brienne ran after her and tripped over Cersei's foot crashing to the floor. She paid no attention to Cersei who was falling over herself laughing and quickly got to her feet and out the door after her friend. She was breathless as she asked, "Have you gone mad? Where did he even go?"

"Come on! He is getting in his car at the back of the building. If he pulls out this way, we can follow him in your car!"

"And if not, then we've lost him and that's probably best."

"Get in!" Lyanna fussed impatiently.

"I can't believe we are doing this."

Lyanna pointed, "There he is! GO!"

"We can't let him see us! He will think we are mad!" Brienne pulled out of the parking space and followed Jaime at a distance. They followed him to a music shop. He ran in and out within in 10 minutes, emerging with a small paper bag and a book. The next stop was to the gas station, where he got his own gas for the car. The third stop was at his house. 

"Now what?"

"Well, it's Friday night and we've got nothing else going on. We wait."

"So we are on a stakeout in front of the Lannisters'? All I need is for Cersei to see me here."

"Pull around the corner and wait behind the shrubs. From the hill, we'll be able to see anyone who comes or goes from the drive."

"You sound as though you've done this before. Why?"

"I...well..."

"You have! Why are you spying on the Lannisters?"

"I'm not spying on the Lannisters. I spied on Jon Stark one day and he stopped by here for some reason."

"Why was he here?"

"I never found out really."

"And why were you following Jon?"

"Would you please concentrate on Jaime?"

"You just don't want me giving you the third degree. This is far from fair."

"Well, I can't ask him out if he has a girlfriend. And I can't just ask him if has a girlfriend."

"Since when are you so shy? You tell everyone like it is and never hold your tongue."

"Here he comes!" She said grabbing Brienne's shoulder.

"He has Tyrion in the car. He's not going anywhere special."

"Would you just follow him?!"

"Do you know how insane this is?"

They followed Jaime and Tyrion to grab a burger and back home. Then they watched as Jaime and Tyrion loaded Jaime's guitars into the trunk of the car. He hugged Tyrion goodbye, tousling his hair and giving him a high-five. He kissed his Aunt Genna on the cheek and headed down the driveway.

"He's going somewhere to play music." Lyanna said. "How did we not know that he had a regular gig playing music?"

"Because we don't talk to him."

"Word gets around and we hear everything. Especially things we aren't even meant to hear."

"Maybe he doesn't want anyone to know."

"Cersei tells everybody everything."

"Not everything. Especially about Jaime. And the gods forbid people know about something awesome he does that doesn't involve her."

They followed Jaime to the Dragon's Den."

"He is not about to pull those guitars out here."

"The hells he's not, Brienne. Look."

"He was a good player at 12. Only the gods know what he plays like now."

"Well there is only one way to find out."

"No way! Come on, we haven't been invited, I don't want him to see us, and if he does, we have absolutely no reason to be in this place."

"Alright then. We will wait. I've been here a few times with Jorah and I know that when the band plays, you can hear them from the patio..."

"No." Brienne said suddenly. "If we are going to do this, we're just going to do it. We're going home to dress properly for this place and then we are going in. We will get a table at the corner, half way between the rooms so that we are not in the lounge, but we can see the band. The lights will be low and he won't see us, but we will see him."

"Well, well, well...look who jumped on the dragon."

"Shut up. It's Friday night. And we've got nothing else to do. We may as well enjoy some music."

"And nachos. They've got awesome nachos." Lyanna added.

That night, as planned, the girls returned to the restaurant/lounge. They were able to get the perfect spot because Lyanna called her cousin Jorah, who owned the place. He reserved a private balcony for them, which was extraordinarily kind because the place was packed and those balconies sell for for 200 dragons a night. It really was perfect for them because the balconies were dark other than the dim floor lighting and they were so high up and back that there was no way Jaime would be able to see them.

"Well, I guess just for this one night, we're all grown up." Brienne said.

Lyanna laughed. "He would do this every night if I asked."

"We can't make this a habit...can we?"

"Of course we can. There are 10 balconies around this place. With the other nine selling out every weekend and the cover charge, plus the restaurant and the bar income, Jorah is well set. He could shut down tonight and still be a millionaire the rest of his life."

The house lights went out and the stage lights came on. There was a spotlight on Jaime sitting at the piano. The room was silent until he played first few notes. He played solo for the first three minutes and then the rest of the band began to play. There was no singer tonight; they just played some jazz and swing music. He only played his guitar twice throughout the night. Brienne couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him. His golden blonde hair - still falling his face, and shining in the spotlights - blue, green, pink, blue at times. The band had a glass bowl for tips and before the first set was finished, the bowl was overflowing. When the band took a break and the house lights came on, Brienne looked around to see if Cersei was there. She dared not move from the balcony and risk being seen, but there was no sign of Cersei anywhere. Maybe she was out with Aerys. Or even backstage.

"You're enjoying this way too much." Lyanna said.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're off in dreamland somewhere. What are you thinking about?"

"I...nothing."

"No, really. Tell."

"A long time ago, Cersei told him he would never have a music career. Look at him, Lyanna. He belongs there. He's going to be a great musician someday. I could listen to him play forever. He's...he's just brilliant."

************************************

The following Tuesday, Jaime and Brienne met at her house as planned. She never mentioned going to the Dragon's Den and neither did he. It did seem like old times, as they sat on her bed sharing a pizza. No plates, just the box between them, and their drinks on the floor next to the bed.

"You changed your room."

"We're not 12 anymore. Haven't you changed yours?"

"A bit. No more bunk beds. Tyrion hasn't slept in my room in quite a while now."

"Do you get lonely?"

"No. I mean, I miss him being little and needing me. We do play video games together. But, it's nice not having a little one jumping up and down on the bed to wake you up with the sun on weekends. I mean, someday it will be nice again, with my own kids."

Brienne just ate her pizza and didn't say anything for a while, so Jaime did. "Have you missed me at all? Or are you just furious and want nothing to do with me?"

She looked up at him over the rim of her glass. She sipped and then put the glass down. She was trying to think, but she couldn't with him looking at her that way.

"We don't need to talk about that, we were 12 years old."

"Brienne..."

"What is the point? I told you I was sorry. I should not have lost my temper and punched Cersei. And that ended our friendship."

"That's not...

"Come on Jaime."

"Right. But that's not..."

"Let it go."

"You never asked where I go in the evenings."

"It's not my business, Jaime. We are not...like we used to be. If you go out on dates, or do charity work, or steal from the sept, its not my business."

"Steal from the sept? And condemn myself to the seven hells?" He smiled.

"It's not my concern what you do. Ever."

He finished his pizza, and took his books out. "What is this story between these two anyway?"

"You mean you don't know?" She asked.

"I know. But do you know?"

"The Sapphire Warrior was from Tarth..."

"Just like you."

"Yes, just like me. She was a great fighter, from a noble house. She was determined to use her skills to protect her king. She won a place in his guard by winning a tournament against one of the most skillful knights already in his service. No one knew that the person Ser Loras was fighting was a woman until she removed her helm upon winning. When the king asked what she wanted, she asked to serve as a member of his guard. He agreed, and she became the first female to serve in the King's Guard."

"Her king was murdered on her watch." Jaime added.

"Yes. And everyone thought she was responsible. But one witness stated otherwise and therefore, she couldn't be touched. She was charged with escorting the Golden Knight from his prisoner of war status back to King's Landing. During their journey, they were captured. The men holding them hostage tried to rape her and he lost his hand saving her."

"Because he fell in love with her." Jaime said.

Brienne added, "He never told her that he was in love with her. They returned to King's Landing and she was paid for her services and sent away."

With a smile on his face, Jaime said, "He never forgot her. They met again some years later. That's when he gave her his sword, and new armor. He charged her with finding his run-away sister-in-law."

Brienne proudly told him, "Which she did!"

"And returned her to her ancestral home. Just in time for the Long Night."

"During the battle, The Sapphire Warrior and the Golden Knight fought side-by-side, each wanting to protect the other. The Golden Knight and the Night King were battling it out and that's when the Sapphire Warrior became worried that the man she secretly loved was going to be killed. So she killed the Night King, _with_ the Valyrian Steel Sword that _The Golden Knight had given her_." She said looking into his eyes.

Holding her gaze, he added, "And that night, during the celebration feast, he knighted her in front of all the knights and sell-swords, and the queen, and the all the noblemen and women of the north - making her the very first female knight in the world."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for staying on this journey! It will be at least one more chapter, probably a few more before we get back to present day. But we will get there and we are also going to visit with Cersei, I promise, and you will definitely get a point of view from her - along with a few memories, I am sure. 
> 
> I love all the comments that I have gotten and I certainly appreciate you all taking the time to let me know what you think and how you feel. I definitely look forward to hearing from you.


	11. Scars of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present Day   
> Jaime recognizes Brienne's scars.  
> Tyrion visits.  
> Brienne and Jaime talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to go back to the present day for a moment. We are going to High School though and then its off to college briefly. If you think Cersei was bad as a child, just wait until you see them in college.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Qarth Medical 2020**

**5 days Post Surgery**

Brienne arranged vases of flowers while she waited for Jaime to return from another set of X-Rays. She moved some things around, packed up a few items of clothing that needed to be taken to the wash. She was coming back from getting a pitcher of ice and water and some clean cups when they wheeled him back to the room. 

"Hi there. I'd ask how it went, but from the look on your face...it must have been painful."

"I'm trying really hard to be a big boy right now."

She gave him a hug and a kiss. "I'm so glad you're here," he said. "Thank you for staying." 

"I'm glad you let me stay."

"I couldn't do this without you."

"Oh...I think you'd learn to cope." She walked to the window.

He smiled, and replied, "But why would I want to?"

"I thought you were trying to be a big boy." She laughed. "Do you want these open now?" She asked, gesturing at the curtains.

"Yeah, we need some sunshine. Other than the light of my life, lighting up my heart night and day." He looked her up and down with a grin. "I like what you're wearing today."

She laughed, "You're kidding."

"No, really. Those sweats look really comfy and soft, they sit just just right on your hips, below your belly button and that T-shirt...move one way or the other and I catch a glimpse of that flat little belly."

She smirked at him and reached up to open the curtains. Her shirt lifted up, exposing her bare skin and a crescent scar just above the line of her sweats. Jaime bit his lip and closed his eyes. He could hear the growl coming from deep within Ramsay and her screams that day - such a beautiful day until...

"Jaime?" She said when she turned around.

"Come here." He held out his hand. When she approached him, he slid his hand under her shirt and slowly lifted up.

She snatched his wrist. "What are you doing?" She asked quietly.

"You now what I'm doing."

"I don't...don't do that."

He looked up at her eyes, and moved her shirt anyway. "Jaime." 

He slid his thumb over the pink lines over her hip, and although she could barely feel anything, it was like an electric shock coursing through her body. With Jaime confined to the bed, on lots of pain medication, and only having the use of one arm for now, he hadn't touched her much other than a bit of hand holding and some kisses now and then. She closed her eyes and softly touched his hand. "Why are you doing this?" She whispered.

"I'm so sorry." He slid his hand around her back, feeling the scars that curved around there too. "Don't hide it from me. "Its there because..."

"This is not because of you. And it certainly is not there because of your son."

"It's there because of my sister. Had I never been with her..."

"Had you never been with her, we wouldn't have Joffrey."

"We?" He half smiled.

"He is just as much mine as he is hers. She was horrible mother. I am sorry to say that. I don't ever want to hurt you, Jaime."

"You're not wrong. He's ours. He will be ours. As soon as this is all over, he will be." 

Brienne slid into the bed next to him and put her head on his chest. He said, "This is a sweet surprise. This feels good; so good to have you close to me." He kissed the top of her head and asked, "Do you think we're too old to try for a baby of our own?"

She turned her head head into the crook of his neck and sobbed. "I hope that means, no. I mean, that we can try. We're not old. Brienne?"

There was a knock at the door and she moved to stand but he held her tighter. She wiped her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder, dreading that he would ask about that later. She needed him to just let that go. Of course she wanted a baby with him. She wanted to marry him and have a life with him since they were children, the past be damned and forgotten.

"Come in." They both said. "Sorry." She whispered.

"Don't be sorry. Never be sorry."

"Well this is a pleasant sight, I must say." Tyrion said entering the room. "Shall I leave you too alone and return later?"

"No, please come in." Brienne said. She moved again to get up, but Jaime stopped her.

"No you don't! I've got you where I want you. I'm not giving you any time soon." He gave her a peck on the lips and caressed her shoulder.

"I take it you're feeling better, brother."

"I am suddenly feeling a bit better. How about you?"

"Ahhh...our sweet sister is in a cage, I couldn't be better."

Brienne just laid with Jaime and closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his warmth against the length of her body.

"Have you heard anything about what's going on with her?"

"Robert is in town. He arrived early this morning. He will be going to see her soon. He hasn't asked to see Joffrey, yet."

Brienne opened her eyes. "Is Robert planning on stopping here?" She asked.

"I hope not," Jaime said.

"I actually don't know what his plans are." Tyrion said. "Father and Joffrey will be stopping in later, I believe."

"How are Tommen and Myrcella?" Jaime inquired.

"They are fine. They are still with Aunt Genna. I know that Robert is planning to be here only for the next day unless absolutely necessary. Then he will be headed back."

"Back where?" Brienne asked.

"Wherever he came from, I presume. Certainly not King's Landing. Father has refused to see Cersei for the time being. He is not having our attorneys involved and therefore she will have to come up with one of her own. Robert is very...he is behaving a bit strange, if you ask me. It's as though he doesn't care, or isn't worried. I am not sure what to think actually. If he believes that she will be innocent, or that father will buy someone off, or...

"Tyrion. She did this. And for the first time in my life, I am not giving in or turning my head. I can only hope that dad doesn't back down either."

"I don't think that will be a problem, Jaime."

"How's Joffrey?"

"Quiet. He's been pleasant. He asks about you a lot."

"He's been texting me. Checking on Jaime and I."

"That's good. He says that he doesn't like to text too much in case he is disturbing you. He knows you both need to rest."

"Tell him that we said it's okay to text as much as he wants. If we are sleeping, the phone will be on silent, but we'll get back to him."

"I must say...the two of you look quite cozy in that bed together. How long has um... _this_ been a thing?"

"It should have been a thing 30 years ago. But now that it is..."

Brienne put her finger over his lips to hush him. Her eyes were still closed, and she seemed to sink into him.

"Well...I just wanted to stop by and let you know that Cersei is still in a small cell, with no hope of release in sight for the near future. With that said, I will be off to take my nephew shopping and out for lunch."

"Where is father?"

"Working from the hotel today. Rest assured, he plans to visit later, as I mentioned. I will tell him to call first."

"Thanks for stopping by. You'll come back this evening, won't you?" Jaime asked.

"Yes, perhaps I will bring dinner."

*********************************************

Jaime kissed the top of Brienne's head. "You know...I much rather kiss those soft, beautiful lips."

"I know."

"Well give me your lips, woman. I miss them already."

She tilted her head up and kissed is lips. Their kiss became heated and forceful as Jaime slipped his tongue into her mouth and she taste him. She caressed his tongue with hers and ran her fingers through his hair. She pulled back. He looked into her eyes, "Don't stop."

She leaned her head against his. "What is it?" He asked.

"It's everything. I love you so much. I want this to be real. I'm just so afraid."

"I know. I can't tell you not to be. Because I am too." He said.

She looked up at him. "I don't want to lose you to her again, Jaime. Part of me knows that you're through with her. But its _far from over_. This is not just you and Cersei being physically intimate. This is a lifetime of abuse, and betrayal and deceit, and you have children together. She can spend the rest of her life behind bars and you will never be through with her."

Jaime sank against the pillows.

She said, "Please don't be angry with me."

"I'm not angry with you. Of all the concerns you have...and they are valid...don't ever be afraid that I am angry with you, okay? This isn't going to be easy. But please don't shut yourself away from me. I know I have a lot to make up for; a lot to prove. I am still alive because of you. Not only because you saved me five days ago, Brienne. You've been saving me for...there hasn't been a time when you haven't. From Aerys Targaryen in the school yard to the drugs, the drinks, the late nights, Cersei's craziness...you're my everything and you always have been. I can't give that up. I can fight. I can be better. You taught me that. And I will fight for you until my last breath. I love you. I will spend the rest of my life with you if you let me."

"I love you. You already know the answer to that. I am terrified though Jaime. I am. I feel like this is only the beginning and everything is going to come crashing down."

"It will, Brienne. We both know that. And I am afraid too. I won't hide that from you. I promise I will not hide anything from you. Even if I think I am protecting you. I haven't even hidden the worse parts of me, why start now? This is it. We are together now, and that's that."

He kissed her. She tried hard to fight against the lump in her throat and the tears that needed to pour from her eyes. She was overwhelmed with so many emotions that her head was spinning. One thing she knew for sure was that she loved Jaime and would do anything in the world for him - as always. Even though they had known each other longer than they hadn't, they needed to slow down.

"I want to make love to you so bad. I want to feel every inch of you with both hands, and my tongue, and I need to be inside you."

"Jaime." She said abruptly. "Slow down, slow down."

He laughed and said, "I can't help it. I am still human."

"I know. I need all those things too. I...I want you, I need to fe..." She shook her head and continued, "We've been here before remember? There have been times I have missed you so much I think even my soul ached for you, and ever since then I have shut myself off and learned to live with things the way they are. I am not going to push you away or run from this. I just need you to slow down."

"Okay. I know. I've missed you, Brienne. I've missed you so much." He held her close, she wrapped her arm around his neck and they fell asleep together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading, and I am very much looking forward to sharing the next chapter with you. How'd you feel about this one? More little hints of the past for you to think about here.
> 
> Looking forward to anything you'd like to share with me on this one, as always!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cersei worms her way into Jaime's life.  
> Jaime tries getting closer to Brienne again.  
> Cersei is just being Cersei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are with another chapter into past. There is a lot going on in this little disaster of a chapter, but I hope you find it interesting. Thank you for stepping back onto this roller coaster of a story!
> 
> As always, your comments are very welcome and you know I look forward to them! Thanks for always being so kind and generous!
> 
> Much love! XOXO

**The Lannister Residence 1995**

Tywin Lannister was wrong when he said that being a Lannister didn't make his children special. In some ways, to Jaime, it was the only reason he could be special. He realized that if it weren't for his father's money, he wouldn't have six of the finest electric guitars, three beautifully handcrafted acoustic guitars, and the shiny, fine-tuned black grand piano in the ballroom. Without his father's money, he would never have been able to afford private music lessons five days a week since he was five years old. Had he been born to another family, he wouldn't be where his is right now. In the ballroom of a mansion, where the sun shone through floor-to-ceiling windows, over looking a built-in swimming pool. The room was empty, aside from that grand piano, and Jaime just kept pecking his tune. He'd peck at the keys, and write some notes, peck and write, peck and write.

The heavy oak doors opened and in sauntered Cersei. Jaime didn't stop writing until she approached the piano. He looked up at her, half with annoyance, half with confusion. "What can I do for you?" He asked.

"I thought I would listen to you play for a while, if you don't mind."

"You never want to listed to me play."

"Maybe it's time I did, Jaime. Maybe it's time for us to be a real brother and sister. Maybe it's time for me to grow up and stop being such a shit."

"Well, that would be nice." He said, dripping with doubt.

"I don't hate you Jaime. I am sorry for all that I have done over the years. Really. I'd like for us to be friends."

Jaime grinned, although he wasn't sure whether to believe her. He wondered where this was all coming from and why. Why say anything at all? In his experience, actions always spoke louder than words. Cersei didn't have many friends. Only a select few and most of them she had only because she met them through Aerys. If she and Aerys broke up then, she likely would not have any.

"That might be nice too."

"I decided to try out for the choir."

"Can you sing?"

"I don't know. I mean, I sing alone in the car and in my room. Sometimes in the shower. I might be a total tone deaf jack ass for all I know. But I don't think I sound half bad."

"Well, let's hear something. What's your favorite song?"

"What can you play?"

"I can _play_ anything."

"Okay, play that song you wrote a few years ago."

" _Which_ song?"

"I don't know, something like gold hair and blue eyes and some birds in town...

" _Birds in town_?" He laughed. "You mean, "Close to You?"

"I don't know." She giggled.

She seemed genuinely happy and interested in Jaime for once. There wasn't any hint of sarcasm, no cockiness.

"How do you even remember that song? It's been so long since I have played it. Let's see...it goes like this...ready? 

_Why do birds suddenly appear, ev'ry time you are near?_   
_Just like me, they long to be close to you._   
_Why do stars fall down from the sky, ev'ry time you walk by?_   
_Just like me, they long to be close to you._

_On the day that you were born the angels got together._   
_And decided to create a dream come true._   
_So, they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold_   
_And star-light in your eyes of blue._   
_That is why all the boys in town follow you all around._   
_Just like me, they long to be close to you..._

"Jaime..."

"Hmmm?"

"You wrote that about Brienne, didn't you?"

"No! It's just a silly song, really. It's not about anyone in particular. There are few blondes with blue eyes at school."

"There are not actually."

"Well, there is my sister. Who was always mean to me but I would have loved to have a decent friendship with."

"Your sister's eyes are green."

"True enough sweet sister, but you do have hair of gold and 'green' just didn't fit the song."

Cersei smiled a genuine smile and threw her arms around him from behind. "You're lying your ass off, but I don't care. We're here now and that's all that matters. Will you help me practice a song for the audition?"

"Sure." He said looking back at her.

**************************

Jaime and Brienne had worked well together for the last six weeks. They got along fine and each secretly enjoyed being with the other, although neither of them would say so. They met in the hall on the way to Advanced History, and Brienne said, "Hey Lannister, this is it. Are you ready to turn this thing in?"

"I don't know. I feel like we should read over it again or maybe there's..."

"You're worrying again. We've both read it 4 times and we read it aloud together. It's so done we can stick a fork in it, chew it up and swallow."

Jaime asked, "In that case, I say we throw it on Pycell's desk and meet at the Red Keep to celebrate after School."

"Sure, why not?"

"Great. I'll order us some cheeseburgers and shakes."

"Sounds good." She said.

When Brienne arrived at the Red Keep, she found Jaime in a booth in a corner, waiting for her. When she sat down, their server came right over and delivered two cheese burgers with fries, a strawberry shake and chocolate shake. Jaime's was chocolate and Brienne's was strawberry. She immediately stole his cherry from the top, sipped her shake, ate the cherry from her own, and then swapped their shakes.

"I thought you liked strawberry."

"I do. But I _love_ chocolate." She smiled.

He took the chocolate shake and sipped it, and gave it back to her, "Luckily I _like_ strawberry too." He smiled.

"So...um, what are your plans this weekend?"

"Oh, you know. Just music stuff."

"Well, it seems our time together has come to an end, golden lion."

"So it seems, Evenstar."

They both smiled, sadly. 

Jaime began, "You know we don't have to stop hanging out..."

Cersei slid into the booth next to Jaime and sipped his shake, "What's up guys?"

"Hello, Cersei." Brienne said.

"Good to see you. Did Jaime tell you that we are working together? He's helping me learn a few songs so I can try out for the choir."

"That's lovely, the two of you working together."

"It's been fun, she's actually pretty good. I think I might convince dad to get her actual lessons and she will be just right."

Cersei leaned into Jaime and placed a hand on his chest. "Mmmm, fry." He fed her a fry. 

_He actually fed her a fry. Gag me._

"Well that all sounds...really nice." Brienne said.

"Yeah..Cers, look, I am just going to finish my burger. I will be home a little later. I think Aerys is waiting for you over there."

"Trust me...he isn't."

"What's the matter?" Jaime asked. Cersei began to cry. She put her head on his shoulder.

Brienne grabbed her backpack and made to leave. "I should go. Jaime, it's been nice working with you these past few weeks. Thanks for the burger."

"Wait! Don't go." He said urgently.

"Oh gods! Wait, Brienne...really don't go on my account. I have interrupted the two of you. I'll go."

"No Cersei, really, it's okay. I've got to..."

"No, no, no, J, I will see you at home and we'll chat over a movie and some popcorn or something. Maybe you can play me that new ballad you were pecking out a few weeks ago. I love you bubby." She pecked him on the cheek and left.

"Sure Cers. See you at home."

Brienne asked, " _What_ was that?"

"I really don't know...she's been trying, for several weeks now. All of a sudden she made a complete turn around. We're like, best friends now."

"Really? A few weeks...like six?"

"Bri...come on, she seems really genuine and real or not, I can't say that I haven't enjoyed the change."

"I'm sure you have. I'm really happy for you. J." She hadn't even finished half of her burger or anything else. She took out a twenty and threw it on the table and left.

"That's not fair."

Brienne turned around and without stopping, she said, "You're right about that." She turned back and walked right of the café.

***********************************

**Choir Auditions**

Cersei paced up and down the hall outside the audition room, "I'm so nervous...I might throw up."

"Stop. You're well prepared for this. We have been practicing for weeks and you haven't made a mistake in the last three. And I know you're full of shit because there is nothing more that you love than being the center of attention."

"You know me so well."

"Yeah. So no games. I'm playing this for you, and then I'm out of here."

"Right, okay. I am nervous though. Maybe I am just excited."

"That' probably it."

When it came time for Cersei to actually sing, she blew Jaime away. She sounded nothing like she did when she sang for him alone. She sounded like a seasoned professional. Like a star. Of course she landed a spot in the choir, but when they left, "Cersei...that really was incredible. But what the fuck was that?" 

"Aren't you proud of me?"

"I'm a bit confused. Have you been taking lessons that I don't know about?"

"Well, yes. And that's why I wouldn't let you ask father because I was already taking lessons. I just wanted to impress you and father and make you both proud. I wanted you and I to be able to do something together. We should do things together and have common ground."

"Cersei...I am supposed to trust you. You could have told me."

"Please don't be angry with me. I am sorry I kept this from you, but this time, it wasn't to hurt you. It was to surprise you and to make things better with us. I destroyed so much over the years and we can't get that back. We will never be children again. But we can move forward. Please move forward with me."

Jaime nodded and said, "I understand. Come on. Let's go home and celebrate. Dad will be so proud."

"You think?"

"I know he will."

She looped her arm through his and they went home. 

***************************

Months passed by and Jaime and Brienne had gone back to not talking. Oh they spoke. Only to be cordial. Only when necessary. Lyanna kept that standing reservation with Jorah, and she and Brienne were at the Dragon's Den every weekend to hear Jaime play. One night, they finally had a singer. Brienne was excited to see who it would be and how Jaime sounded playing with someone singing. When she saw Cersei step onto the small stage and kiss Jaime on the cheek before starting her blood began to boil. Her cheeks turned red and and her heart raced. The blood seemed to run from from her head and she felt dizzy.

"Are you seeing this?" She asked Lyanna.

"I'm seeing it. I just don't believe it. You can't deny that she has a killer voice though."

"You're not helping."

"What's wrong?"

"She couldn't let him have the spotlight. She couldn't let him have this one thing without cutting into it."

"You sound like a jealous girlfriend."

"Do I?"

By the first break Brienne was really ready to leave. As she made her way down the stairs in the dimly lit room, she ran right into Jaime. "Brienne! Hi! What are you doing here?" He looked even better up close. His jeans fit him just right in all the right places, and his crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and unbuttoned at the top...that beautiful head of thick golden hair, and those eyes. Those green eyes with just a hint of gold swirling through them seemed to glitter in the stage lights.

"Hi Jaime. I was just going home."

"No! You can't go home - you saw me play didn't you?"

"I did. You were quite fantastic. Congratulations."

"Thank you! I've been playing here a few months."

"I know. I mean, have you?"

"Is this your first time here?"

Lyanna piped up, "We've been coming here for over six months." That earned a glare from her best friend.

"Why haven't you told me you've been coming?"

"Why haven't you told me you were playing here? Why didn't you invite me?"

"You didn't want anything to do with me."

"Do really believe that Jaime? Or is that just what you told yourself to make it easier?"

"What? No. I have wanted to ask you to come here for months."

"Why haven't you?"

"I - I was stupid. Please don't leave. Knowing I can play for you makes this so much better." He smiled.

She agreed to stay and went back to her private balcony with Lyanna. It was a beautiful evening. Jaime kept looking up to her balcony to ensure she was still there. She truly felt like he was playing just for her and everything suddenly felt very different. She noticed he was more passionate about what he was doing. He really seemed to light up the stage and although Cersei was there singing, it was like he owned it all.

At the end of the second set, she went to find him on stage when he was packing up.

He spotted her off to the side and ran over to chat. "So...what did you think?"

"You were amazing. You're always great, Jaime, but tonight...you seemed like...during that second set you really were on top of the world."

"Maybe I was."

"Maybe." She smiled and bit her bottom lip and so did he. It was rather cute actually, how they just stared at each other for a few moments.

"Hey...have lunch with me tomorrow." He requested.

"Okay. Sure."

"I will meet you at the table by the third window. The one with the sunflowers outside."

"I'll be looking forward to it," She said.

"Me too. Good night, Brienne."

"Good night, Jaime."

Lyanna was loud enough for Jaime to hear, "Yeah...good night Lyanna!" 

"Oh! Good night Lyanna. Thank you for coming!"

Once outside, Brienne grabbed Lyanna's arm and giggled all the way to the car. "Can you believe that?"

"Which part exactly? The part where he tried to hide his excitement that you were there and having lunch with him tomorrow or the part where the two of you forgot I was standing there."

"All of it! Just all of it!"

"Look at you, are you finally giving into him? You are all giddy and shit, like a - well you _are_ a high school girl in love."

"I _am not_ in love. Don't be crazy."

"Really?"

"Come on!"

"No, you come on! Look at you! Your face is red, you can't stop smiling. And you'd be an ass to not believe that he doesn't feel the same way - he watched our balcony like a hawk the entire time he played."

"No..."

"You know he did!"

Jaime was smiling ear to ear while he ran around the stage picking up everything - his guitars, the wiring, turning off lights and ensuring the sound board was off and secure. Cersei had come out just as Brienne was leaving. "Jaime...you invited Brienne Tarth to my very first performance? Have you lost your mind?"

"Cers, people don't need an invite to come here, they just show up."

"But what was _she_ doing here? This was _my_ night. She couldn't possibly have just _happened to just show up_ out of the blue. She had to know we were playing."

"What are you getting at? I was happy that she was here. But I didn't know she was coming. I ran into her when she came down the stairs at the break."

"She could have embarrassed me and ruined everything for us."

"Why would she do that?"

"You know why. Revenge."

"Revenge? For something that happened when we were 12? That's not Brienne, Cersei. That's you. Are you really starting this mess again?"

She walked over to him and put her arms around him. She pressed her body against his. "What are you doing?" He backed away.

"Jaime, I am sorry. I am not starting anything. What we've got going on...our friendship, us playing together. I can't have anyone come between us."

He sighed, "You're my sister. How can anyone come between us? Let's go home." He picked up his guitars and walked off the stage and she followed.

***************************

**Kings Landing Preparatory School Excellence**   
**Lunch Time in the Cafeteria**

Brienne arrived at the table before Jaime, so she sat down with her lunch and waited. Just when she thought she was being stood up, he arrived with a smile and placed two chocolate shakes before her.

"What's this?" She smiled.

"One for you, and one for me. Here, take my cherry."

"Really?"

He blushed and laughed out loud, "That didn't sound quite right, did it?"

"No, but I will take you up on that offer anyway." She blushed, took the cherry from the top and stole a sip of his shake.

"I'm sorry I am late. I tried to sneak out of algebra a little early to run to the Keep, but it just didn't happen.

"Thank you for this, it's sweet. But you didn't have to go all the way to the Café for me."

"I wanted to. I thought it would be a good cold treat on this hot day. And...you love chocolate shakes."

"That I do." 

They smiled and blushed, staring at each for some moments, neither of them touching their lunch or the shakes. Finally Jaime asked, "Did you have a good time last night?" 

"I did! I've had a good time every time I have been to see you." _Shit!_ "I mean...I...

"Oh stop. So you've been going to see _me_? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Alright. No games. All truth." She said.

"All truth." He replied.

She looked down at her hands and then back at him. "I wanted to see if you were ever going to tell me yourself. I wanted to see when or if you'd invite me to go see you. When you never did, I was worried you didn't really want me there. But once I started going, I loved seeing you so much, that I couldn't stop going."

"I wanted to invite you. It was always on the tip of my tongue. I was afraid you'd say no. It really did seem as though you didn't want to be around me."

"I'm sorry I was so good at making it seem that way. I've missed being your friend, Jaime."

"Thank the gods, because there is something I wanted to ask you and I am not going let this opportunity pass us by."

"What?" She grinned.

"You know...our Summer Formal is coming up in a few weeks, and I would love to go with you."

"Oh... _really_?" Her sapphire eyes lit up like a million stars.

"Yes, Brienne...will you go with me?"

Suddenly the life seemed to drain from her face. "Brienne?" He asked. Noticing she was looking at someone behind him, he slowly turned around to see his twin standing there with a scowl on her face.

"Thanks for the shake, Jaime. It looks like Cersei needs a word with you." She picked up her shake and food tray, went to walk away, but Jaime grabbed her arm, causing her to drop everything, creating a mess on the floor.

"Brienne, I am so sorry." He said, and they both bent down to clean the mess. Cersei is laughing loudly and then they look at each other and laugh as well. Jaime asks, "so, is this more romantic? What do you say? Will you go with me?"

"Jaime..."

Cersei laughs harder and says, "You're asking this beastly boy-girl to the prom? Jaime are _you_ out of your mind? You've got your pick of the school and you want _this_?"

Brienne looked at Jaime, "Did you two work this up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're all over each other lately, with everything. You're closer than ever, did you work this up to humiliate me in front of the whole fucking school?"

"You know me better than that. How could I do that to you? Why would I do that to you?"

"It's just Cersei's style isn't it? To get me back after all these years."

"No, please, I want to go to this dance with you. No one but you. I swear to the gods ten times over, Brienne."

Brienne looked at Cersei and asked, "What are you jealous, he didn't ask you?"

"Only a loser would go to summer formal with her brother. Guess you won't be going. You don't even have a brother to take you. Likely he killed himself so he wouldn't have to."

Brienne looked at Cersei dead in the eyes. Cersei knew that look and backed up. It took every fiber of being not punch Cersei in the face, but she just picked up her back pack, threw it over her shoulder and walked away. 

There was nothing Jaime could possibly say or do at that point. He stood there dumbfounded at his sister's cruel words. He turned to her to see her walking off in Brienne's direction. Not thinking of the chocolate pudding caked all over his hands, he grabbed Cersei's shoulder to stop her. "You are way out of line, Cersei!" His eyes were on fire and his face was red. Cersei's white satin blouse was ruined.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing touching me like that? You _simple idiot_! This is a Catelyn Stark original and you've desecrated it! AAARRGH!" She shoved him back hard, but he was quick and grabbed her wrist, taking her down with him into the mess of spilled food and chocolate shake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song "CLOSE TO YOU" is written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. It is the version performed by The Carpenters if you'd like to hear it. I claim no rights to that or any other song mentioned.
> 
> I will try to list a sound track for this story, and of course full credit will be given to the real writers. If something is mine, I will tell you.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime shows up at Brienne's house the night of the summer formal only to find out she made plans to hang out with Hyle Hunt. He begs her not to go, and she comes to regret not listening. There is a conversation about sapphires.
> 
> Head Mistress Olenna Tyrell puts Cersei in her place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible triggers in this chapter as Hyle Hunt shows up so...yeah. It's not bad, however I am just putting it out there. Just because I don't think it's bad, doesn't mean it's not bad for someone else. I did not get graphic, and the intention for this story was NOT rape, which is clearly stated.

**Tarth Residence 1995**

**Night of Summer Formal**

Brienne threw on a pair of jeans and a tank top. She put on some worn out combat boots, a little make up, ran her fingers through her platinum blonde hair and put the finishing touches on her lips just as the door bell rang. _Ugh, why did I agree to this?_ She looked at herself in the mirror once again and headed down the stairs. She opened the door with a smile that quickly evaporated into thin air when she saw Jaime Lannister standing there in nearly the same outfit, except he was in a white t-shirt - that showed all the muscles underneath.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you."

"We haven't spoken in weeks. Why are you here now?"

"I asked you to go out with me tonight. And I meant it Brienne. I really wanted us to go out tonight. I wanted to dance with you..."

"Are you drunk?"

"No."

"You haven't had a damn thing all night?"

"No."

She shook her head aback and forth, gave a faint smile, rolled her and said to him, "I don't understand you Jaime. It seems it would just be so much easier if you forgot about me and let all this go. Cersei is never going to stop...I don't know why, but she clearly has a problem with you having any friendships and you're not doing anything about it."

Hyle Hunt came up the walk calling out, "Hey beautiful! Look at you!" He whistled. It was more of a "come here dog", whistle than a "damn you look hot" whistle.

"Hello, Hyle. Jaime was just leaving." She stepped out and turned to lock the door.

" _What's going on_?" Jaime asked.

"Hyle asked me to go out with him tonight."

" _I_ asked you out tonight."

"And then we never spoke again after your sister turned things into a disaster. You didn't even try." _Why was that?_ She wanted to know. _Was it because you were too afraid to cross Cersei? Was it because you were too afraid to stand up for yourself and get what you wanted? Or was it as I suspected - you and the queen of mean conspiring against me?_

"Brienne, don't go out with him tonight. Let's talk about this."

"Back off Lannister. " Hyle said chomping his gum.

"No. I am not backing down. Brienne, _don't_ go out with him tonight. Please, we can work this out. I am sorry about Cersei."

"Lannister." Hyle said, stepping up to Jaime. "Back the fuck off. She told you to leave. You'll get a turn with her another night. That's if she even wants anyone besides me ever again." Hyle laughed, and added, "At least I don't have jealous siblings getting in the way of what I want. No wonder Brienne wants nothing to do with you. You can't even protect her from your own sister."

"Jaime..." Brienne said, "I'm sorry I have plans tonight. We'll talk soon. Okay?" Brienne looked genuinely sorry as she looked back at him when she got to Hyle's car. 

Jaime stood at Brienne's doorstep wondering how this came up out of the blue with Hyle, and more importantly why. Why did Hyle bring up Cersei? What did he know? Cersei, Cersei, _Cersei! No!_

**************************

"I thought we were going bowling."

"I changed my mind. Too crowded."

"Too crowded? Really? For what exactly?" 

"Don't you think it's too loud in the bowling alley to really talk and get to know each other?"

"No. I don't, actually. So where are we going?"

"I thought we would go to my house and shoot some pool."

Brienne frowned. "That' wasn't in the plan."

"Relax." He rubbed her knee. "It's going to be fun."

"Hyle. You said we were going out." She swatted his hand away as though he were cockroach. "Don't touch me."

"You're not going to be like this are you? I mean, I asked you to the dance, you said "no". I said I would skip the dance just to go out with you and do whatever you wanted to do."

"Going to your place is not what I want to do."

"You want to go bowling?"

"That _is_ what you offered. Look, it's not that I particularly _have_ to go bowling. It's just that the plan was to go out and _do something_."

"Don't you trust me? Shooting pool is doing something. I am good at it."

"I don't trust anyone who feels the need to say, 'don't you trust me?'"

Hyle laughed. "You know, you really have nothing to worry about. I am not interested like that. No offense, it's just...you're really not all that."

"Well that's good, then. Since we're being honest, I have no interest in you either."

"What, you like girls?"

Brienne burst into laughter, "No, I like _men_."

"Well anyway, my parents are home so, you're safe."

"So we're going to your house anyway."

"You're going to love our pool table."

"I bet." Brienne said with sarcasm. She slouched sideways in her seat and looked out the window. "Hey, you know what...you can just bring me home."

"We're half way to my house."

"And that means we're half way from my house. We're even. Let's call it a night."

"Are you really going to do this? What the hell does Lannister see in you anyway? You're so damn weird. Not even attractive."

"You're not so hot yourself. Where the hells do you get off talking about my looks anyway? Have you looked in a mirror?"

"Look, we got off to a bad start. I do like you. I even think you're kinda cute. "You've got a killer body."

_You have no idea. More like the body of a killer._

While Brienne and Hyle argued a bit more, and she finally conceded to giving him another chance, Jaime drove around trying to figure out where they could have possibly gone. He drove by the Red Keep, the movie theater, the bowling alley, the skate park, the race track, the amusement park, but there was no sign of Hyle's car. He was sure to spot that tacky thing anywhere with it's custom paint job of dragon scales and flames, it's over-sized tires, and large, double, chrome exhaust system. While driving from place to place he became more an more concerned as he ran through his conversation with Hyle over and over again. _You'll get your turn with her another night....he mentioned Cersei. More than once. I think. Didn't he? If she wants anyone other than him...that ass can't possibly be that much of a great date. I'll get my turn...get my...FUCK! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! Brienne, what have you done? Shit!_ _I know she wasn't thinking of that. If I didn't catch it, I know SHE didn't catch it. No, no, no, no!_

Jaime slammed on the breaks in the middle of the King's Road and did a complete 360. He sped off in the direction of Hyle's house and found his car in the drive. He parked on the side of the house, got out the car and began to walk around the house to see if he could see them anywhere inside. All he could see was them playing pool together. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It was innocent enough. _For now._ Hyle took a shot and missed. Brienne got off the bar stool and went to take a shot and made the 6 into the side pocket and 4 into the corner pocket. Hyle seemed impressed. Jaime watched them laugh and "sword fight" with the pool cues. It all looked to be fine. Brienne looked to be happy. Unfortunately. Just as Jaime thought maybe he should leave before being spotted outside, the lights in the room went out. His heart pounded and he began to sweat. He stood frozen waiting to see if any other lights would come on, but the didn't. Suddenly he heard the front door open and Hyle's car roared. He ran around to his own car and followed them.

"I have a surprise for you." Hyle said looking over to Brienne.

"What surprise?"

"Let's have a bit of fun."

Brienne grinned and wondered what Hyle could mean. All she kept thinking of all night was Jaime. She was more than ready to get home. Maybe she would give him a call, or even take a ride and see if she could find him. Knowing Jaime, he was likely out by the bay sulking. 

"That's okay Hyle, I have a really early morning tomorrow and I'd rather just get home to bed if you don't mind."

Hyle gave her a devious smile and sped up. He turned left instead of right, and she knew instantly that he was not bringing her home. She was angry and began devising a plan. Wherever he stopped, if he refused to bring her home, she would start walking. She would call her dad and if he couldn't be reached, that was it, she was walking somewhere - anywhere that Hyle Hunt wasn't. He passed the school, and the parking lot was empty and everything was in darkness. 

"Why are you passing here?"

"Checking things out, that's all."

_Something is not right with this. What in the seven is this douche bag up to? Does he know that I could take him? I don't care if he does play football. He can run, but he can't fight. He can't even run. Soft, pudgy fucker. Ugh._

After 30 minutes of silence, Hyle finally asked, "Recognize this place? We've been invited to a party."

"You expect me to go into Cersei Lannister's house?"

"But it's also Jaime's house."

Brienne couldn't argue that, but Jaime likely wasn't here. He couldn't stand Cersei's friends and...well, maybe he would be home. There were so many people there, that she could likely avoid Cersei and possibly find Jaime. Maybe he would be holed up in his room. _Ugh! None of this is right! Something is so off about this. I can just sneak away. If I don't act cool about this, it will make things worse. What the fuck is going on? It has to be some kind of set up._

Jaime couldn't believe what he was seeing. His father was going to have an absolute fit and kill Cersei when he returned from Lys. He was right, they shouldn't have been left alone. Aunt Genna could have come. But with Tyrion off with Tywin, and the twins being 17 now, he trusted all would be fine. _How wrong_ _could anyone possibly be?_

Jaime slipped in through the back gate and used the pool entrance. The house was full of people whom he didn't like and he just wanted to find Brienne and get out. Get out. Of his own home. Cersei and her friends were all in the den, the ballroom, and various places downstairs. He couldn't find Brienne anywhere but he did see Cersei speaking to Hyle. Jaime couldn't quite tell what she was giving him...looked like an envelope. Strange things were definitely happening. He walked over to the ballroom, thinking that maybe Brienne had gone in there looking for him. There was no sign of her there either. 

"Hey! There you are." Hyle said wrapping his arms around Brienne's waist. "I brought you a whiskey."

"A whiskey. Really?"

"Don't tell me you don't drink."

"Not really, no. I don't enjoy hanging my head in a toilet."

"If you do it right, you won't be hanging your head in a toilet." He mumbled, "although...that's where it belongs."

"You're an ass." She snarled, and walked away.

"Oh stop being such a prude. Taste it."

" _No_."

"Look, I brought you here to have a good time. I need whiskey to have a good time with you."

"Then why did you ask me out at all you dipshit?"

"Okay, okay...I'm sorry. Its just that...I've had a crush on you for years. And I never had the nerve to ask you out."

"You _don't_ think I am buying any of this, do you?"

"Come on, I know you want to look for Lannister. The whole world knows you love him."

She didn't say anything. He continued, "Let's go see if he's upstairs, I bet he is locked in his room crying over you."

"I don't need you to help me look for Jaime. I'm fine on my own. I'd rather just leave actually."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stair case, "don't make a scene, just follow me."

She couldn't even answer him - things were happening so fast. 

"Come on, Tarth." Hyle's nails were digging into her wrist, and he ran so fast, and pulled her so hard she was loosing her balance. He knocked on all the doors, calling out Jaime's name. He opened the wrong door - it was Tywin's room, all the way at the end of the hall. Hyle spun her around and shoved her face down on the bed. She quickly got up, only to see Red Connington smiling down at her. She looked to Hyle and then saw two more figures in the shadows. Aerys Targaryen. Cersei Lannister. _Oh. I see. Everybody's revenge._

Cersei's smile was evil, yet eager. Her eyes were green pools of wildfire and she was excited. She was giggling like a school girl as she stood there, camera in hand. Aerys and Red held Brienne down on the bed while Hyle straddled her and held her head straight. Cersei walked over to film Brienne as she kicked and squirmed and lifted her hips off bed trying to knock Hyle off of her. Cersei said, "All he wants is one kiss. Hold still and we'll let you go, you stupid freak."

Brienne screamed as loud as she could and finally Jaime burst through the door. "What are you doing!?" Jaime shouted.

"Hyle just wants to play a game." Cersei said.

"Get off her! Now!"

"Do it Hyle, hurry!" Cersei said. Brienne continued to fight and she managed to get loose from Red but he grabbed hold of her arm again and the sat on it. As Jaime moved to tackle Hyle to floor, Aerys leapt from he bed and threw Jaime against a wall instead. 

Cersei looked at her brother, "You better fight harder than that. Hyle's about to get what you have dreamed of for years...to be Brienne's first kiss."

Jaime fought as hard as could to get away from Aerys. Brienne wiggled and screamed again and Jaime was able to free himself. He threw Hyle off Brienne and onto the floor. Connington, Targaryen, and Hunt stood breathless and worn out. Brienne got up and ran to Jaime. "Are you alright?"

"Am I...alright?" He asked breahtless. "Are _you_?"

"You idiots! What the fuck am I paying you for if you can't even hold down a girl? Grab them both!"

Jaime shouted, "Stop! Stop! Stop! You're _paying_ them to do this!?" Just then Aerys and Red grabbed hold of Brienne again and threw her against the wall.

"Hurry up, Hyle! She's not paying us that much!" Aerys yelled.

"At least you get a blow job I'm sure." Red said.

"She isn't even that good," Aerys laughed.

Jaime said, "Hyle! Stop!" and grabbed him from behind. "Whatever she is paying you all I will triple. I swear on my life. Let her go." Jaime shoved Hyle to the floor and reached for Brienne. He looked into her eyes and said, " _SAPPHIRES._ I will give you sapphires. Just get the fuck out of my house."

"Jaime! Have you lost your mind!?!? What is wrong with you?" Cersei yelled.

Without taking his eyes off Brienne, he said, "I will give you my mother's sapphires, if you swear you'll never touch her again." He wiped a tear from her and left his hand resting on her cheek.

"Jaime no!" Brienne cried, clutching his shirt. "Don't be so foolish! Don't you dare."

Jaime and Brienne held each other's gaze and Aerys interrupted with, "Lannister...it's okay man. Keep your mother's sapphires. Your sister got a little crazy. This was all so wrong on so many levels." He walked toward the door and waited for his friends.

"Brienne..." Hyle walked over to her. "I am so sorry. This was the stupidest thing I have ever done. I know you don't believe me. But I am really, truly sorry."

"Me too. I am sorry I hurt you. I don't know what we were thinking."

The three guys walked out of the room and Cersei began to follow. Jaime spun around and went after her immediately. "Not you!" Jaime grabbed her by the back of her hair.

"Let go, you psycho shit!"

"You're the psycho! _What_ are you trying to do? Why are you so bent on hurting us all the time? You need help Cersei." He snatched the camera from her and shoved her out the room. Brienne looked at him with tears streaking her face. Realizing how terrible she must look, she turned away from him. Then suddenly she found herself running into his arms. He clung to her. 

"I am so sorry!" She cried. "I should have listened to you. I wanted to tell Hyle to fuck off the moment you showed up on my doorstep but I was so stupid and stubborn and I..."

 _"You're sorry?_ Brienne, you have _nothing_ to be sorry for! I am the one who is sorry! I am sorry for all that Cersei has done, the pain she has caused us over the years... _gods Brienne...no, no, no..._ don't say you're sorry."

*************************

**Headmistress Tyrell's Office**

Olenna pressed stop on the VCR and looked Cersei in the eye. "Your father had a lapse in judgement leaving you and your twin brother home alone for two weeks. Although, the old lion didn't need to be out of the capital for his little lioness to scheme and connive, did he? He only needed to be in another room." 

"Excuse me? My father has paid a great deal of money to send both my brother and I here for the last..."

"And I have enjoyed every penny he's given me. But all good things must come to an end. You've worn out your welcome."

"Headmistress, if we could just speak about this seriously..."

"I've spoken as serious as I can."

"This didn't even happen at school. It happened at my house."

"Was it not explained to you in explicit detail that once you become a member of this elite school, you are therefore a constant representation of this fine institution and you must behave accordingly both in and out of school? Everyone knows you Cersei Lannister. Everyone knows you attend _my school._ And all of King's Lansing knows about this video tape. In fact, as far away as Lys is...your father already knows about this video."

"I never meant for Brienne to be hurt. It's not like it was real...it was just a joke. The boys got carried away. You see, I thought it would be funny if Hyle got to kiss Brienne before Jaime because well, he's had a crush on her since we were 10 years old."

"You realize that being pinned down and sat upon by someone two or three times your own body weight is not a joke? You, your friends and your brother are finished at this school."

"Wait! Jaime too? He really didn't have a part in this. You saw on the tape he tried to stop it all. I am such an idiot. You're absolutely right. I will spend the next year trying to fix all this if you just give me another chance. My father will..."

"Yes, I know, your father will pay a great deal of money to cover up the fact that his little lioness orchestrated a mock rape."

"What? No! That's not what..."

"Did you not watch the tape? Her shirt was practically torn off. The girl had the fight of her life and you recorded it. She _is_ a great fighter but she couldn't defend herself against the three strongest players on the football team, now could she? Your brother loves her. He loves and cares so much for her that offered his deceased mother's sapphires in order to save her. You are spiteful, mean and sinister. You resent the world and think that it and everyone in it owe you something. I'd say you belong in therapy but you will never go and Tywin won't command it. So...you're out. I don't know what you're so worked up over. Tywin will never punish you. I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met. At a certain age it’s hard to recall, but the truly vile do stand out through the years. You may be the queen of mean, little girl, but you don't own this school. I do. Your father is here to collect you and take you away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading more of this story. I appreciate everyone for taking the time to read it and CHOOSING to read my stuff and come back for more. It's not empty words when I say that your comments mean so much to and that they are appreciated. They light me up! I can't wait to hear what you thought of this chapter. Thank you again and again!


	14. Chapter 14

**Qarth Medical 2020  
6 Days Post Surgery**

Jaime was sleeping, however he was restless. More so than he had ever been throughout this entire ordeal. He was moving his head from side to side, moving his legs, grinding his teeth, and he was laying in a pool of sweat. He was talking in his sleep and woke Brienne. She went over to him and stroked his hair, "Jaime...wake up. Jaime?"

"Cersei."

"No. Its me. Brienne."

"Cersei, stop. No."

"Jaime, you're just dreaming. You've got to wake up."

"No, no, no!" He jumped up and his eyes flew open. When he saw Brienne, he grabbed her arm. "You're here. You're okay? You're okay. I'm...I'm okay. Oh gods...." He let his head fall back on the pillow and he looked up to the ceiling.

"Here, let me." She wiped his forehead, face and chest with a cool towel. "Yeah, you're okay. We're okay. What was that about?"

"I...I don't know. I was with Cersei, and she was...I...don't remember."

Brienne didn't believe him, but she simply nodded. She probably didn't really want to know anyway. "You'll probably get some good sleep soon." She glanced at the clock and back at him. "They are coming for you in about an hour, you know."

"Oh. It's almost time?"

"Hopefully once they take this cage off, and we get you moving around, you'll feel better. You think?"

"I can't wait to move my hand again. See how these fingers work. See how your skin feels on my right hand." He winked at her.

"Jaime..."

"I'd like to get out of here. Being stuck in this bed is driving me crazy. I want to go home." The reality of that began to sink in.

"Me too." She smiled.

"I am only just realizing...I've been wanting to get out of here so badly, and just go home. But...you know...Cersei is everywhere. I don't want that. I don't want to go home to that. I need to go home to something fresh and new with you. Not the same place where I am haunted with miserable memories..."

"You won't have to. I will make certain of that. You can come home with me for a while."

"What if I never want to go back?"

"You don't have to. We can find you a new place."

"Find _me_ a new place?"

"Yes. Find _you_ a new place."

"I thought we would...

"I would love that Jaime. Honestly. But remember...one step at a time. As much as I want to jump in head first, we have to take this one step at a time. Come home with me. Stay with me until you're well. If you want a new place, we'll find you one. If you never want to leave..."

He smiled and reached for her. "I've never wanted to leave you."

It all sounded wonderful to her. Of course Brienne wanted Jaime to stay forever. All it would take would be one set back from Cersei - one tear, one session of begging and manipulation - and then he'd be back in her arms, saving her from herself. Keeping out of prison. Or was this finally it? It took nearly losing his hand to realize how much he loved Brienne and wanted a real life with her? No. He always knew. Did it take Cersei maiming him and almost killing him for him to realize he needed sever all ties with her? _And_ who is to say that he can stay away from her even if this is the case? Brienne didn't know. Whether Jaime knew it or not, Brienne knew that this was the calm before the storm. She could feel it. 

**Tarth Residence - 1995  
Four Days after Summer Formal**

Selwyn answered the door with a scowl on his face, but he motioned for the young lion to come inside. "Mr. Selwyn."

"LLLLannisterrr." 

"How is she, today?"

"The same as she has been. She is in her room."

"Thank you, for letting me come by. Finally."

"I didn't do this for you. I did it for her. I want you out of her life for good. Your sister is a dangerous poison for both of you. You might not have a choice in the matter but my daughter does. If you continue to seek out Brienne, and the two of you remain friends, Cersei will sink her claws in farther and farther and some day there will be real bloodshed. But Brienne has asked me day after to let you come by. And there is no stopping her from seeing you, I understand that. But you better figure this out. Go."

Jaime nodded and went to Brienne's room. He found her sitting in her hammock chair hanging near the window, knees drawn to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them. As soon he walked in, she wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Brienne?"

"Jaime. Hi."

"Hi." He said softly, walking over to her. "May I?" He gestured to the window box seat and she allowed him to sit. He grabbed old of her swinging chair and spun her around to face him. "I've been asking your dad for days if I could come by."

"So have I. He finally caved."

"I'm glad he did. I didn't think you'd ever want to see me again, but I at least wanted to apologize...face to face." 

"You're not to blame for the things she does. I just don't understand...why she...why did you help me? How could you offer your mother's sapphires for me?"

"I would have done anything to help you. Given anything for them stop hurting you."

"But sapphires? Your _mother's_ _sapphires._ I - I don't understand any of this. I would hate to think you were in on this too and just wanted to play hero." Her already red eyes filled with tears again. 

"What? No. I don't even know how or why anyone could think of such a plan. Had I known what she was planning I would have had you far away from there. I would have gotten _real help_ from someone who could actually stop Cersei."

"I know that."

"Then why ask?"

"Because I am so mad! I don't know what's real and what's not. There is a part of me that trusts you and part of me that feels like I can't trust anyone. Do you know what it feels like to have two people hold you down against your will and fight with all you have for freedom? I can beat those guys, Jaime. Individually I can tear them apart. But together, they were just to much. The whole time they held me down all I kept thinking was that I am stronger than that. I could get away and save myself. The harder I fought, the stronger they became. They became heavier, and although I could breathe the whole time, I was suffocating on the inside. I wasn't fighting to stay alive. I never thought they were going to kill me. I was fighting for my freedom. Physically and Metaphorically. Did you know they tore my shirt?" She moved the neck of the shirt she was wearing now and showed him the claw marks on her neck. "If raping me wasn't in the plan...how'd my jeans get undone?"

Jaime looked at her wide-eyed, his mouth fell open. He was speechless. She continued, "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters! We can press charges against them and have them..."

" _It doesn't matter."_

"Don't ever say that. Yes it does. We have proof on the camera."

"We have proof of Cersei saying that she wanted them to steal my first kiss so _you_ couldn't. We have them apologizing. They can spend forever behind bars or die for their crimes or walk the streets free for all I care. It happened. It's over. It's over _for them_. No matter where they are, when they walk the beach or when close their eyes to sleep at night, _it's over_. For them." She looked into his eyes. He sat watching her as her eyes filled against her will. She held his gaze, strong as steal but she regretted every word she spoke. She could have held it all in. So why didn't she? She didn't want him feeling guilty. She didn't want him knowing the torment she was going to live with. She didn't want him thinking she was weak. Yet here she was spilling everything, including those wasted, nonsensical tears that meant nothing to anyone - including herself.

 _Do you want to explain to me why Cersei is under the impression you want to be my first kiss?_ She couldn't bring herself to ask. She probably didn't want to know the truth, although she had her suspicions. 

"Brienne...I'm so sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen to you. I can't change the past, I - " 

She cut him off. "We need to stop this. You know? I have missed you for so long, and spent a crazy amount of time thinking about you and whether you were alright...what you were doing. How she was really treating you. Nothing is different. It will never be different. She is like a jealous girlfriend, not your sister."

Jaime put his head down. He knew she was right. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I know my sister needs help. But I have come to realize that I can't let her rule my life forever, Brienne. I want you to be part of my life. I've missed you too, please don't think that I haven't. You were my best friend. I wondered if you missed me...wondered if you felt the same. I wanted to call you, and come by. I wanted to have lunch with you and hang out at the park. When I got that music gig at the Dragon's Den...who do you think I thought of first to tell?"

She rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes to stop her tears, but they fell anyway. Jaime continued, "I only didn't because I thought you never wanted to speak to me again. But didn't you realize that I called off our friendship on the boat that night to protect you? I made a deal with Cersei that night if she kept her mouth shut, and kept you out of trouble that I wouldn't talk to you anymore."

"Part of me thought as much. Part of me thought you were angry with me for punching her."

"Cersei deserved it. I mean...that's horrible to say. But she was horrible that night. Looks like she only got worse. You were the best thing in my life. I had a second chance with you and damn Cersei and all her problems and...I was stupid and selfish. I am so very sorry for what's happened. I should have just stayed away from you. I would give anything to have had that all go so differently." He looked at her. Her eyes were red, she had circles under them. She looked weak and tired. "Tell me what you're thinking. How are you? Please tell me how to help you."

"You can't." She felt her throat grow tight. If she spoke another word she would break.

"I will do anything you want...anything you need. If you need to talk about it, I am here. If you want me to take you somewhere to talk to someone..."

"No. I'm tired Jaime...I am so tired and miserable in my own skin. I know this all could have been so much worse...and...I...I do thank the gods that it wasn't, believe me. They could have done anything they wanted in that room. She knew that, that's what she wanted. She didn't just want them to steal my first kiss, she wanted them to take everything. She wanted them to hurt me to hurt you." It came out sharp and cruel. Not how she meant it. She was angry and trying to conceal how bad she was hurting.

Jaime knew that was true. He swallowed hard and put his head in his hands. "I am sorry. I could never tell you how sorry I am. I am leaving."

"No! This is not about you. This is not your fault. Please tell me you understand that."

"It is. I told you I was stupid and selfish and if I had never sought you out and tried get our friendship back..."

"What do you think I was doing in the Dragon's Den all those months? Lyanna and I followed you there. When we worked on that project together and you asked me to get together with you...you said you couldn't meet at night. I wanted to know why. So we followed you around until we found you. And then I kept going. I didn't want you to see me. Then there was this part that did even though I was afraid."

His face lit up for a moment and he tried not to smile, but he gave a smirk, flashing those perfect white teeth, "You were interested?" His smile faded and he asked, "Why would you be afraid?"

"Stupid, unimportant reasons."

"I still miss you." He said. He didn't mean to say it, it slipped out. He surprised himself. "I'm going to miss you for the rest of my life, Brienne."

She got up from her swinging hammock chair and asked, "What do you mean? We're giving up now? We're letting her win...again?"

"No...it's just...I'm leaving King's Landing. And I never want to come back here."

"Where are you going? Are Cersei and Tyrion going too?"

"No. I have enough credits to graduate early. I got into the Academy of Music Arts at Mereen."

"You didn't." Her face positively glowed. "Jaime that's..." she tried to calm down, but she just couldn't..."Jaimeeee! Oh gods...hells!"

Jaime was glad that she was happy for him, but a little disappointed that she was downright ecstatic considering that fact that he was leaving to go half way around the world. Brienne went to her desk and grabbed an envelope.

"You're awfully happy that I am going across the sea."

"You're not the only going across the world. Open it." She beamed from ear to ear. Her eyes had that sparkle that he longed to see. It was as though nothing terrible had happened just a few days ago.

Jaime held an envelope with a gold seal, just like the one he received from the Academy of Music Arts. He looked up at her, somewhat confused. He turned it over and sure enough, he recognized the envelope right away. He quickly pulled the letter out and smiled as he read it. She said to him, "I have enough credits to graduate early too. I got a music scholarship too."

His eyes opened wide as he realized what this meant. He smiled and threw his arms around her, spinning her around her room. "Do you realize what this means!?!? We're going away together! We don't have to miss each other!"

She laughed and let him spin her around, savoring this feeling of happiness with the boy she would never call her own. "Gods Brienne! This is amazing! But wait...how did you...when did you become interested in music? Why _this school?"_

"You've missed a lot over the years. When we were kids and you were so incredibly into music, I wanted something that we could do together. I took up drumming for two reasons, I needed something that you didn't play and I discovered I was good at it...and...it helped me with some emotional stuff too, like if I was mad or sad, or whatever - I had something to beat on." She laughed. "You're not angry with me, are you?"

"Gods no! Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was meant to be a surprise. Something we could do together. But I couldn't tell you until I was _really_ good at it. Then all that stuff with Cersei happened. I never gave it up because I fell in love with it. I never got to tell you because...we were never really talking on that level - we never had time to..."

He hugged her again, "You did that for me?"

"At first...yeah. I did. You were my best friend and I wanted us to 'create' together. Then it became about me. And I got better and better and it landed me in Mereen."

"We're both going to Mereen."

Together they said, "And there will be no CERSEI."

"Where are your drums? You've got to play something for me!"

"No, I don't. They are in the garage. I drove Selwyn crazy in the beginning and I just never moved them out."

"So...the man you started all this for is finally in the know and he doesn't get to hear how great you are?"

"Not today, Jaime." 

"Okay. I understand. Do you have any idea how happy I am?"

"Me too. Really."

"You look tired still though."

"I can't sleep. I haven't slept in days. I close my eyes and they are here. If I start to fall asleep, they creep into my head and then I am wide awake."

"Are you eating?"

"I'm not really hungry these days. I will get past this. I will. Don't worry about me. In time, it will pass and I will be outta here and moving on."

"It doesn't work that way."

"It does for me." She sat down on the bed and he sat beside her. He moved backward and laid down on her pillow crossing his ankles. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"Taking a nap."

"It's 6:00."

"When you're tired, you're tired, no matter the time. No matter the time, if you're sleepy, you should sleep. If not, you get really bitchy. I need a nap. You don't want a bitchy lion on your hands, do you?"

"In my experience, male lions are just lazy. They lie around and let the female do the hunting."

"Well this lion worked really hard to graduate early. Despite his learning difficulties, I might add. You should rest too. Let the male lion take you out for a burger after your nap."

"I can't sleep with you in my bed, Jaime. Well, don't sleep. I am going to sleep. Talk to me until I fall asleep."

"You're a real pain in the ass." She said laying down facing him.

"Watch it Tarth. Don't be mean to the boy that's on his knees begging forgiveness."

"You never have to beg, Jaime."

"You never have to worry again. About anything. I will never let anyone hurt you again."

She gave him half a smile, "We'll see."

She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. He watched over her until he fell asleep himself.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime says his goodbyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming back. I received some good comments about the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one. As always, I will be looking forward to your thoughts!

**The Lannister Residence 1995**

Jaime had some clothes packed in suitcases, and was continuing to rifle through the dresser drawers to ensure he hadn't forgotten anything. He looked around and thought how much he was going to miss his own bed and...Tyrion bounded through the door and ran to the bed, flopping down dramatically. "Hello, Brother!"

Jaime laughed. "You always knew how to make an entrance. Hello little brother."

"You're all packed. Mostly."

"Mostly? What am I missing?"

Tyrion grinned and leapt off the bed and curled up in Jaime's suitcase. "You're the perfect fit!"

"I can stow away with you and help you study. Out of Tywin's three children, I am the only one truly ready for university."

Jaime laughed again, "I can't disagree with that. But, our father would be so lonely without his golfing partner."

Tyrion rolled himself out of the suitcase and sat in the bean bag chair. "Our father should have a penalty for subjecting us to our sweet sister for all these years."

"You're so wise."

"Don't be a smart ass. You're going to the other side of the world and I am stuck here with the Queen of Cruelty. Not to mention, I did ask if I could have this room while you were away and father told me no because you would be coming back for the new year. I'm not allowed to jump into a grave while it's still warm."

"That _would_ be rather rude, wouldn't it?"

"I suppose so. Do you know father isn't sending Cersei back to school?"

"She got expelled. But she should be going to a different school."

"Nope."

"Tyrion...what do you know that I do not?"

"Who says I know anything at all?"

"Spill it shorty." Jaime leaned on the desk facing his little brother. His ankles crossed and his arms folded.

Tyrion grinned. "You'll owe me a debt."

"Oh no! This is brotherly bond. Pact stuff. You have to tell!"

"Still...there is a certain CD collection that's just been calling to me for the past few years..."

"Fine! I will grant you access to anything within these walls while I am away. But! You have to tell me everything and when I leave, the door gets locked behind me. Therefore...whatever you desire, you must take before I leave. And I might want custody of it when I come home."

"Deal!"

"Deal!" Jaime and shook his brother's hand and waited for Tyrion to spill all.

"Father was overheard on the phone with someone setting up a job at Casterly Cove for Cersei."

"WHAT!? No way!? Doing what?"

"Food Server."

" _Food Server?_ Like at the Golden Palace?"

"Oh no, no, no, dear brother." Tyrion's eyes sparkled and a brilliant smile crept across his face. As Jaime realized where his brother was going with this, he felt himself stop breathing. His hand raised to his face to hide his widening smile, but Tyrion knew in his brother's eyes that excitement could not be contained. Tyrion went on, "Our sweet sister will be working at the Red Cactus."

Jaime was in hysterics. He couldn't breathe. His eyes watered and his face was Lannister-Red.

"You mean..." he laughed harder, "You're serious!? There is no way dad is putting her in there."

"Oh yes he is! And I cannot WAIT to be her first customer."

"So Cersei Lannister...the owner's daughter will be preparing and serving nachos with cheese and jalapenos and fries and burgers and making shakes, and slurpees and...getting sticky and wearing that _uniform_!?"

"Indeed."

"You will be taking photos won't, you?"

"I cannot wait!"

"I can't believe I am going to miss this!" Jaime shouted.

"That's not all. Job duties are not limited to Velvet Cactus alone. The bathroom in the next hut is on the list of doo-teez."

"Oh gods! This is fantastic! It's the perfect pay back."

"Don't get too excited. It's likely only for a week or two. Father also said that she has to spend the entire summer working in some capacity. Five days a week at minimum. Mondays and Tuesdays are her days off because the Cove is busiest on weekends. She has to do every position that she is currently qualified for. She will be sweeping, handing out towels, waiting hand and foot on the guests who rent the cabanas...and she has to take safety training, CPR, food serving safety and everything that every employee has to do. Eventually she will be a lifeguard. She may have gotten put out of school, but she hasn't been put out of the family. Yet. He told Aunt Genna that its highly unlikely you will ever want to run Casterly Enterprises so that leaves me and Cersei. The sooner she can start learning, the better."

"Why wouldn't I want to run Casterly?"

"You _don't_ want to run Casterly. You want a music career. He's not going to force something on you that you're not going to want. If I take over Casterly, it flourishes and lasts forever with expansions and collaborations, and I want to build new parks all over the world. This summer, I get to start working on my idea for the new water coaster I told you about. Dad is buying me the new software for skipping seventh grade. You're not the only genius in the family."

Jaime snickered. "I am far from a genius, bud. I worked my ass off to get here. The only thin I am a genius with is a keyboard and some strings. I couldn't run dad's company. Well I could. But the only place I'd run it is into the ground. You are going to do great. Hopefully you behave yourself and can stay out of Casterly Cove's fine kitchens."

Tyrion's face turned serious. He bit his bottom lip - just like his brother. "I'm going to miss you. More than you can imagine."

"I'm going to miss you too. So, so much."

"You'll be very busy I am sure."

"Yes well, you will be pretty occupied this summer with your new coaster plans. And who knows what else you will dream up. Twyin Lannister will be incredibly proud when he announces to all of Westeros that his son - who isn't even a teenager yet - has created the fastest, longest coaster of all time. And I am sure you and your friends will have the entire summer to harass our sister at our waterpark's finest dining establishment.

"Eh. I can only enjoy that for so long. I do have many friends. But none of them are you."

"And none of mine are as great, or special to me as you are."

"Oh, I think there is one exception." Tyrion grinned.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know, somehow, I don't even doubt that."

***********************

There was a knock on Jaime's door. "Come in." He didn't bother to get up from his bed. His jeans were unbuttoned, his t-shirt thrown to the floor, hair a mess and his feet were bare. He was looking at drum kits in a magazine.

"Hello, Jaime."

"Cersei."

She wore a short, flowy dress showing her smooth, tanned legs. Her long hair was in golden waves down her back. "We haven't spoke in weeks."

"I'm well aware of that. What brings you here now?"

"You're leaving tomorrow and I don't want us to part on bad terms. I know I have issues. I know I have done wrong...and I have royally fucked up a lot of things. Despite all that, I truly love you. You're my twin. If any two people in the world should be close and unified it should be us. I don't know what's wrong with me. I really don't."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't blame you."

She looked grief stricken and honest. She actually did look sorry. This was one of those rare occasions -albeit similar to the last - where Cersei Lannister appeared to be earnest. Last time was just a ploy. This seems real. Like she is losing part of herself. Yet, it is a part of herself that she never wanted much to do with. Unless someone else wanted it. He was like a toy she forgot about until someone else wanted to play with it. He realized that. However deep down, she was his family. His twin sister, and he really did love her. He pitied her; he understood what it was like losing a mother. It would be hard to say that he grieved for Jo more than anyone. Who can measure grief? It was because of Jaime that she was gone. If it weren't for him needing a piece of her, she wouldn't have had the operation that gave her an infection. She would still be alive.

He blamed himself. Cersei blamed him too. Tywin knew better. Jo wouldn't have had things any other way. Her baby or herself? Surely she would choose him over herself a million times over.

Cersei surprised him, "I've got a lot of growing up to do. I don't have a choice. I am a spoiled, selfish brat. I can admit that. But it's time to accept things the way they are and move forward. I swear to you, with all that I am...I am so sorry for what I did to Brienne."

"Ahhh...I see. That's what this is about. You think if you grovel to me, I will tell dad how sorry you are."

"No. I know better than that. Brienne herself and all the gods together could speak on my behalf and there is no getting out of this. In truth, I know I got what I deserved. What kind of person does that to someone? It wasn't supposed to happen like that, Jaime. It was just supposed to be a kiss. It got way out of hand. I did tell them what to do, and I paid them. They did exactly what I told them to do. They just...got a little rougher than I expected them too, but I will say that in the moment, I got excited and was all in. I kept telling them to get it done. I look back at it now and realize how horrible it must have been for Brienne. And for you. I mean, you really must feel something for her - you offered our mother's sapphires."

"Well it doesn't matter now, does it?"

"I know my word is nothing. But I am sorry and I do wish you the best in Mereen."

"Promise yourself something. Get the help you need. Go to therapy like dad and Tyrell suggested. Do something for yourself - get better. The world isn't against us. Just because mom's gone doesn't mean you're alone. You still have me, Tyrion, Dad, Aunt Genna...and you could have tons of friends if you treated people right. I do love you Cersei. No matter what you do, or what you say...you're my sister. And I will always be there for you, and I will always love you."

"That means everything to me Jaime. Really. I love you too. See you in a few months."

"See you in a few months."


	16. Chapter 16

**Mereen 1995**

Jaime is still waiting on his car to arrive from across the sea. Tywin promised it as soon as possible, but Jaime understands that it will take time. He decided to borrow a bike and hunt down his friend. After riding around campus for about an hour, he finally spied a pair of long legs sporting a pair of black Dr. Martins boots and some very short cut offs. A blanket was spread neatly under her, a back pack thrown to the side with her books spilling out, a bagged lunch sitting next to her and a book across those perfectly toned legs. He smiled as he watched her take a bite of a red delicious-looking apple without looking up from her book. He left the bike parked near a bench and quietly walked over behind the tree. He peered around at her and was taken aback at hearing her hum his song. He stood with his back against the tree and joined in with, "Sharin' horizons that are new to us...watchin' the signs along the way, talkin' it over just the two of us, workin' together day to day...together, together...we've only just begun."

She gasped, "Jaime!!!" She jumped up and threw her arms around his neck without giving it another thought. "It's about damn time!"

"You're telling _me_? Two freaking weeks and I haven't seen you anywhere!"

"I can't believe they stuck you on the other side of the campus."

"Not one single class together and our schedules couldn't be more different."

"Sit down! Do you have time?"

"Yeah!" He Laughed, "I was out looking for you! I couldn't take it anymore."

"Really?" She grinned. 

"Really." He repeated as he stretched out on her blanket. His legs were stretched out opposite hers and he leaned back casually on his elbows.

He asked, "How are you liking university life?"

"I miss my dad, my own bed, my own drums, and I thought I'd have _you_ to keep me company but you're clear across the earth."

Jaime laughed and Brienne asked, "what about you? Do you like it here?" 

"I miss Tyrion, I miss Aunt Genna's cooking, I miss my bed, my piano, and...I wish I wasn't clear across the earth with my head stuck in a book most waking hours."

It was her turn to laugh. "What are your classes?"

"Music Theory, composure, and...I don't know what it's called but it's boring. I spend a lot of time playing though, _which I love_."

"Most of my classes are music producing and business-related. I don't get a lot of playing time in and I miss it."

"Why not?"

"Well, I have a room mate, you know? And she is a violinist. I have practice pads, but it is definitely not the same, and I want to jam. I have no one to do that with yet and most of the time..." she held up her book and frowned.

"I never got to hear you play. It's not fair." He crossed his ankles and folded his hands across his stomach, leaning his has back flat on the blanket.

Brienne leaned back on the tree again and closed her eyes. They sat in contented silence a few moments, and when she didn't answer him about hearing her play, he looked up at her through one open eye and saw her leaning back with her eyes closed. He grinned and put his head back again. She opened an eye and saw him, looking like a golden god with the sun beaming down on him through the branches and leaves of the tree. She smiled and closed her eyes again. Suddenly she felt a smack across her boot.

"You should let me make you dinner." He said with a wide grin; his eyes lit up.

"What?" She looked surprised.

"I can cook. Something."

"What can you cook? Pasta and cheese from a box?"

"It's something!"

"Don't you have roommates? Do you even have a stove?"

"Bri...I have my own apartment. Tywin sprung for a comfy little condo. I even have an oven and a microwave. We can have movie night too! I have a VCR! Come over tomorrow night! We can have pasta out of a box, I will get us some microwave popcorn, and rent us a movie. What do you want to see?"

"Jaime..."

"I am not taking no for an answer."

"I am not saying 'no.' I just can't tomorrow night."

"We are a world away from home. No one to interrupt us, no one to tell us...anything!"

"I have a test on Friday. I can't afford to not do well or I will lose my scholarship. But I really do want to."

"Friday then?"

"Friday. And I want dessert. Brownies with chocolate icing. No nuts."

"Right...no nuts. We've had enough of those in our lives."

*****************

**Casterly Cove Water Park**   
  


"Daddy?"

"Yes Cersei."

"Are you absolutely serious? I mean, completely positive that I need to be a food server this summer?"

Tywin Lannister drove his shiny black SUV through the back gates of Casterly Cove Water Park. It was his very first park that he opened several years ago. Not his first business venture - that happened what felt like centuries ago. However, this was his first since the birth of his children. He opened it with them in mind. Tywin himself loved theme parks and waterparks and couldn't wait to enjoy them with a family of his own. So what better way than to open a park just for his two little lions? He began design work for Casterly Cove shortly after Jo made her announcement. 

"Cersei...we've spoken of this a hundred times between the end of your school career and now. I would think it clear by now that I am serious."

"Well, its just that...don't you think I need to continue my education if I am taking over this whole business?"

"This is continuing your education, and I do not recall saying anything about you taking over this 'whole business.'"

"Why else would you be forcing me to work in every low-level aspect of this place?"

"You need to experience every single aspect of what it is like to work here. You need to know how to treat people properly, and in order to do that, you need to know what they go through on a daily basis - what it is like to be where they are and do their job. Nothing is beneath you. If you want your business to be successful, you must be willing and ready to step in and help. You can be the owner or the CEO, and if someone is unavailable to fix the toilet, you need to fix it. If the employees in the Snack Shack are very slow at the lunch rush, you cannot stand there and watch them. You must understand why they are slow - perhaps they are short a few employees that day. Perhaps all of them are there, but a machine is broken. Maybe there are other circumstances you need to look into and offer some assistance. If the line is too long, you need to figure out a better system. Things can always be made better."

Tywin parked his car in his designated spot and made to get out, then stopped. "Remember Cersei, everything that I do, I do because I love you. I want you to be a good person and be very successful in life. If you want to continue in the lifestyle you've been raised in, you have to work hard to maintain it. I will not be here to do all of this forever. Let's go now."

Tyrion hopped out of the car and ran to the gate. He could not have been more excited to get started on opening the park. Three weeks to go and he simply loved helping everyone turn on the slides for the first time, testing them out - after the Engineers had their final say of course - taste-testing the snacks...too bad Jaime was going to miss it this year. Tyrion was certainly going to miss being at his side. Jaime was referred to as little boss, Tyrion as tiny boss and of course Tywin was _The Big Boss._ Tywin was sure to miss him this year too. Last summer they talked about Jaime starting a band and performing there Friday and Saturday nights. It was just talk and nothing was ever set in stone but the ideas were flowing. There was a grand pavilion with a state of the art sound system, the most brilliant lights and it sat right on top of...THE WALL. The Wall was formed to look like the actual wall of ice and magic that stood in the north centuries ago that stood as protection from Wildlings, White Walkers and other crazy bad things. At Casterly Cove however, it formed giant waves in the wave pool. It would have been the perfect place for patrons to relax in a tube and watch a concert. Jaime and Tyrion both had big dreams for the pavilion; they wanted to have complete entertainment with concerts and comedy - even open mic nights and yes, weddings.

The youngest Lannister stepped through the gates, hi-fiving the guard as he went in. Tywin and Cersei each said hello and then headed to the wardrobe department, where Cersei was fitted for her uniform.

"Okay, Daddy...this is beyond the joke. You've got me. I have learned my lesson. I actually learned my lesson that very night when I saw the hurt in Brienne's eyes and the pain on my brother's face. That was a horrible thing to do and I would never want to experience it myself. Please, forgive me."

"You're forgiven. This is not a punishment."

"If this cactus hat is not a punishment then you're just cruel."

Tywin raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying that you learned your vile behavior from me?"

"What? Oh. No sir. Daddy, please?"

"We are going to be late if we don't get moving. Change out of hat outfit and into your old clothes. We have to get cleaning."

"Cleaning? Cleaning the whole park?"

"You will be helping to clean and repaint the wave pool today. If you don't finish today, you should be done by tomorrow evening. Once that task is complete, you will move on the the next."

"What about Tyrion?"

"What of him?"

"Tyrion is doing fun things today like helping with the slides."

"Yes. Tyrion has always helped with the slides, and he also helps me in my office, organizing and designing. Tyrion has assisted in some way or other since he was 9 years old. you have had the pleasure of running around for free with your friends and snacking all day and harassing the life guards. Not toe mention scaring them into thinking you were drowning on several occasions."

"Daddy, the smell of chlorine is sickening. I think I am allergic."

"Funny...you weren't allergic all the times you had fun. Get started. You will need to learn how to make nachos and clean the bathrooms. If you think chlorine is sickening, wait until you spend the day knee deep in liquid cheese and peppers. And poop."

Tywin pushed his designer sunglasses up the bridge of his nose and walked away before Cersei could say another word.

*********************

As it happened, Jaime's car arrived on Thursday. He told Brienne that he didn't want her coming across campus on a bike all alone at night and she could expect him to pick her up at 6:00. This was his early day. He was finished with classes by 2 pm and spent the afternoon cleaning his apartment. He enjoyed the last two weeks living like a bachelor, but it was time to pick up the dirty socks from the hallway, the boxers from the bathroom floor, and he finally did the laundry. He cleaned his bedroom, not that he planned on Brienne spending time there, but he wanted to be able to show it off - even if it wasn't properly decorated yet. Perhaps she could make a few suggestions and they could go on a shopping trip. Jaime ensured the bathroom was sparkling clean, as well as the kitchen. He realized that perhaps he could use a few extra things. Maybe a few real plates and cups rather than throw-away. He visited the local market and while he was there, noticed a magazine full of recipes for foods with fresh ingredients. He did promise pasta with cheese, but his wasn’t coming from a box this time. He bought some local-made cheese and fresh pasta, cream, milk, eggs, etc. If he was having his best friend over at his own place for the very first time, he would be doing it with class, like a Lannister should. He would also be making his own brownies and icing from scratch. Thank the gods ten times over that he had Fridays off. He would cooking all and re-cleaning the condo all day.   
  


Jaime put the icing on the brownies at 5:15, gave the marble countertop a quick wipe down once more and headed to the car. He showed up at Brienne’s apartment wearing a smile.   
  


“Evening, Tarth.”

”Lannister.”

Her eyes were blue than usual, sparkling like her a thousand stars. Her smile lit his heart on fire and he just couldn’t stop staring.

”What?” Her smile faded, fearing something was wrong with her appearance.   
  


“you look great.”

”oh stop.”

”no, I mean it. You...your eyes...just, everything about you.”

”you clean up quote nice yourself.”

He huffed and looped his arm in hers saying, “I’m Jaime Lannister. I look good even when I look bad.”

Brienne rolled her eyes but still she couldn’t help cracking up at how bold he was. Still the same conceited Jaime.

They arrived at his condo and as he unlocked the door, he stated, “Welcome to Lannister Landing.”

She looked at him and asked, “You names your condo?”

”I just made that up, right this moment. Too cheesy?”

”Way.”

”Noted.”

”Yeah, please don’t use that on any girl you try to pick up.”

”Too late.” He said under his breath.   
  



	17. Chapter 17

**1995 - Jaime's Apartment**

"Wow! There is definitely a lot of neon lighting in here."

"Too much?"

"It's the '90s. Its mandatory...and it's very cool. I like the way the blue lights up the living room. It's totally futuristic."

"Well, thank you."

"Check out the entertainment center. Tywin wanted me to feel at home and have all the best. The TV is a bit much."

"Gods, Jaime! It's what...52 inches?"

"Whatever it is, it's perfect for movie night with my BFF, and look, a state of the art sound system with an entire CD collection of every music genre imaginable. And...a VCR - I rented a few movies to pick from. And if we don't make it through all these these tonight...you will just have to come back tomorrow."

"There are seven movies here, Jaime!"

"I wanted you to have a variety to choose from."

"You are a very gracious host." She grinned. "I'm surprised Tywin didn't stock your collection with VHS tapes too - all the latest movies that haven't even been seen." She laughed.

He grinned and said, "It's coming in a few weeks. We will be well-entertained on weekends. But! You haven't seen anything yet! Come this way." He pulled her into the kitchen with a beautiful six-burner stove and double sided refrigerator. He showed off his masterpiece of golden, home-made-from-scratch pasta and cheese.

"This smells delicious!"

"I hope so. I made this all by myself. I call it Pasta Jaime. If it's good, we can rename it Pasta Brienne. It sounds better." He laughed.

"You made this!?"

"I did. I worked extra hard on these brownies. No nuts! With chocolate icing. I'm especially proud of these, since they were a special request."

"Jaime...you have absolutely outdone yourself. No one has ever done anything like this for me."

"You deserve it. I wanted tonight to be special." He bit his bottom lip as he looked at her a little too long, but just couldn't tear his eyes away. She smiled and blushed, looking down at her feet. 

"Well, I know it's going to be taste amazing." She said looking back up at him.

"Yeah." He licked his lips. "Come on I'll show you around." He lead her around the entire condo, even showing her the laundry room, which he made sure to clean thoroughly -it was definitely a mess. Although she didn't say so, Brienne was rather impressed that everything had a place and was put away neatly. Even his bath towels were folded neatly and the tub was spotless.

Although it would have been the proper thing to do, they didn't sit at the kitchen table for dinner. He served them each a bowl of pasta and a soda, and they sat on the living room floor at the coffee table to eat their dinner. She chose the first movie. "Seven" - a psychological thriller about the seven gods.

They sat on the sofa and snuggled under blankets. At the half of the movie, Jaime said..."Brownies and milk?"

Brienne laughed at him, "We've just seen a man have his head crushed; his brain smeared in the pit of despair. You're thinking brownies now?"

"You're _not_?"

"Of course I am!"

She followed him to the kitchen and watched as he cut through the moist, delicious-looking and smelling brownies and the icing stuck to the knife. Jaime eyed the knife and Brienne swiped it from him. "Guest rights - I get to lick the knife." Jaime watched as she innocently licked the residual brownie crumbs and icing off the knife. He felt his heart skip beats and he felt dizzy. He wanted to take the knife from her and toss it into the sink and capture her lips with his own and feel her tongue slide around his. He swallowed hard and then came out of his trance when he heard the knife hit the porcelain sink. "Is it good? The brownie?" he asked.

"If your music career doesn't take off, you can definitely have a career as a chef." She smiled. "I might have to have a second brownie later."

"Well let's just see how right you are." He took a bite and fell back against the refrigerator in great relief that he didn't totally screw up the recipe. He loved it, she loved it, he couldn't possibly ask for more. Could he?

At the end of the movie, she exclaimed, "That better not be how this ends!? That's it? You're kidding!"

"Looks like it! That sucks!"

They both laughed. "You want to watch another one?" He asked.

"Oh, I don't know...that piano looks mighty lonely over there, you could play something new."

"I don't have anything new. I mean, I do, but it's not nearly ready. I couldn't play it."

"Okay then...well, if you want to watch another movie...we could do that. Brownies again at the half?"

"And a tall glass of..." _you?_ He wanted to say. "Milk?"

 _You?_ She thought. "Who ever heard of brownies and no milk? Are you kissing? KIDDING." She cleared her throat. "Are you kidding?"

Her face turned bright red and she took the movie from its case and tossed it to him. 

"Brienne?" He looked at her sweetly and she wanted to melt into a soupy puddle.

"Yeah?" She said, looking away from him. He took her hand.

"Would it be...I mean..." His phone rang at the most in opportune time. "Dammit. Once second." He ran to the kitchen and answered when he saw on the caller ID that it was Tywin. 

When he returned to the living room, Brienne was standing at the book case. "Hey! Everything alright? I hope you don't mind, I was checking out the music collection."

"Oh, no. Not at all. Anything you'd like to hear?"

"How about this one?" 

"I didn't know you were into smooth jazz."

"I told you. You've missed a lot over the years."

"A pleasant surprise."

"Isn't that sort of what you were playing at the Dragon's Den back home?"

"Sometimes. We tried to play a variety now and then." He put the CD in the player and then sat on the sofa sideways so that he could face Brienne. "That was Tywin on the phone. He says hello."

"Oh...you told him I was visiting."

"Is that okay?" He raised an eyebrow.

She bit her lip and smiled, "Sure. That's fine."

"No...what's the matter?"

"He will tell Cersei."

"I'm not keeping our friendship a secret to please anyone ever again. Especially Cersei."

Brienne remained silent.

Jaime asked, "You know...we're in university now...we're not children. We could have a glass of wine if we wanted."

"And...do we really want to? You _do_ have to drive me home later."

"I do, but..."

She crinkled her brow and asked, "How did you get a bottle of wine?" 

"It came with the condo." He shrugged.

"It came with the condo?" She asked skeptically.

"I promise! The building manager dropped off a welcome basket and he must have thought I was older since I am at university with my own condo."

Brienne laughed. "Have you ever had wine or anything for that matter?"

"Oh you know...Tywin let us have a glass here or there at parties but it's not like I ever actually drank much. Come on, at least one glass each. We're practically adults, out on our own and..."

"Can you even get that thing open?"

"I saw a cork screw in a drawer. I will grab some wine glasses and be right back."

Before she could protest further, he was off to the kitchen. "What are you even doing with wine glasses?" She called out to him from the sofa.

"They were in the gift basket."

"Oh gods." She sighed to herself.

He returned, sitting on the sofa dramatically and placing the glasses on the table. Brienne couldn't help but smile at him as he inspected the cork screw and tried to get it into the cork properly. As he fumbled with the tool, she looked around the room, taking in the atmosphere. _What's really happening here? Gods I am in trouble. These lights are beautiful; he is even more beautiful, always was. Not that he would want me by any means, but I've always been...always had a crush on him from day freaking one. I went and picked this freaking music and now he is opening some wine. As if any of this has crossed his mind. I am just the fun friend he's hanging out with...likely practicing for when he likes a girl Shit! Has he met a girl?_

Jaime continued fumbling with the cork screw, and continued to fail. "Whoever came up with corks to seal wine bottles? This is totally absurd." He looked at Brienne who just smiled at him and waited patiently. _She is just being polite. My Brienne would have swiped this away and just took over by now. Unless she is enjoying watching me...nah...not my Brienne. My Brienne. Listen to me. This is what is absurd. She isn't MY Brienne. As if she wants someone like me. My family is psycho...well, one fourth of us is psycho - I am pretty fun, and Tyrion is crazy in a good way. Tywin has his ways but...why am I thinking of these people at this time? We have music, mood lighting...is this all too much? The wine is too much, we're not even 18...it won't matter anyway..."BAM!_ There we go!" He laughed, "See! I've won."

"You certainly did."

Jaime poured her glass first and handed it to her. "Is this _your first_ glass of wine?"

"It is, actually."

"Well don't sip, yet! We need to toast." He poured his glass and Brienne waited as he poured slowly. _A toast to us and our....life together? No, that's not right...hells._

Jaime held his glass up to her, "Here's to Jaime and Brienne, and a long, strong, _smooth,_ friendship with no more shit from Cersei." They clinked their glasses and Brienne replied, "to us!"

They both sipped at the same time and made scowling, grimacing faces. They held the wine in their mouths and looked to each other red-faced. _Shit! She is being so nice, she doesn't want to just spit it out. I'll take one for the team this is rank!_ Jaime spit it back into his glass.

"AAACKKK!" He coughed. "That is the worst!"

Brienne spit hers out in to her glass and coughed. "It's very corky." She said through bursts of coughing.

"I'm sorry. That was awful! I swear not all wine is like that. I don't really like any wine, honestly. But I just thought...we'd try it."

"Your toast was lovely, Jaime, really. But um..." she placed the glass back on the coffee table and continued, "I hope this wine is not an indication of what becomes of our friendship. Full of debris." She laughed.

"It was rather awful, wasn't it?"

"That's okay." She put her arm around him and continued, "We have the rest of our lives to try new things together."

"Well, said." Jaime smiled at that, showing her just how bright his eyes could be when he was happy. He said, "Well then, my lady..." he picked up his soda, and handed hers over to her as well, "here's to the rest of our lives." They laughed and clanked the glasses together, and sipped their soda.

Days turned into weeks and the pair found themselves into the type of friendship they had when they were ten years old. Inseparable. They seemed addicted to each other. They did act responsibly though, "Jaime, I really can't come by this week. I have so much studying to do and I have a project. I am so sorry."

"Study at my house."

"Yes, because we're going to actually study."

"Fine. But when these exams are over...you're mine again."

"Absolutely. We will cook together, and play video games and we can even write together. It will be great."

"I get to call you every night?"

"Yes, please do. You will give me a much needed break."

In the middle of the week, Jaime showed up at her door with a smile. "Hi."

"Hi! This is a nice surprise." Brienne said.

"I'm not staying. I don't want to interrupt your studying. I just wanted to drop this off to you. It's your favorite from the burger spot and an added treat...it's a health nut must-have." He held up a chocolate shake.

"Oh gods! You're the best! Please, come in for a minute."

"Nope. Get to studying, Tarth! I just missed your face that's all. I've seen you, and now I will go home and sulk in lonely self-pity until the weekend."

"Thank you so much Jaime. This is great. Really! Are you sure..."

"Goodbye Tarth!" He pulled the door closed and walked away smiling. _Gods! Does she have any fucking idea???? One more second or if she had asked again, and I would have gone in and never left! What is wrong with me? I miss the girl. Why in seven hells do I miss her so much? I missed my family when I first got here. I still miss them. But not like I've missed Brienne the last few days._

_******************_

_"Boyfriend?"_

"We're just friends. We've been friends since we were kids. He's so sweet to stop by and bring take out, isn't he?"

"Does _he_ know he is just a friend?"

"Of course," Brienne laughed, taking out the fries and burger, "it's not like that with Jaime."

"Are you for real? I mean, you do hear yourself?"

"What are you talking about, Mel?"

"You! You're all smiles! Almost fucking giddy! And him! Do you _not see_ how he looks at you?"

"Jaime? He's looked at me like that since we were ten years old. Believe me, it doesn't mean anything."

"Is that why your face rivals the red of a strawberry and your face is stuck like that?"

Brienne giggled. "Stop."

"I'm right! You like him!"

"Don't you have something to study for?"

"No guy that is just a friend goes out of his way like that to remember your favorites and just stop by for 10 seconds to drop it off. Not to mention using lines like 'missing your face' and...'sulking alone at home'. Come the fuck on, Brienne."

"No, really. We'd never work out anyway."

"Good."

"Good?" She asked sipping her chocolate shake.

"Yes. Good." Mel answered. Brienne rolled her eyes and bit into her burger just as Mel asked, "So you won't give two shits when I ask him out then."

Brienne stopped dead mid-bite and her eyes nearly popped out of her head. Mel continued, "Yeah. Thought so."

******************

The afternoon drug on slowly for Jaime who went home alone, as he said he would. He turned on the TV. Nothing to watch. He turned on the smooth jazz CD that he and Brienne listened to on her first visit. He turned the volume up and thought about the long legged blonde, and how badly he wanted to dance with her. _We never got that dance. From the summer formal back home. I should have danced with her that first night. Doesn't mean I still can't. Two more nights until I see her. I can't believe I said, 'I miss your face.' It's not a lie. I just can't believe I said it._ He sat at the piano and began to play along with the music on the stereo. The drums came in on the soundtrack and it hit him like dragon fire running though his veins. He ran out the door, jumped in the car, put on his sunglasses and smiled all the way to town.

*******************

_Mel doesn't know what she's talking about. There is no way. That's just Jaime. But what I wouldn't give for that to be the reality of it all. Why else would I punch the shit out of Aerys Targaryen? Oh let's face it. Even if Jaime did like me back...Cersei would do everything in her power to drive us apart and he'd let her. I'd love to think he wouldn't. But its not so simple. He'd have to give up his family and I couldn't let him do that. What kind of person would I be if I did? I can dream though, can't I? It would be nice to lay in his arms while watching a movie. To hear him say how much he cares for me and loves me. To be with him and know that it means as much to him as it does to me. Imagine our lives together if we both had thriving music careers - he'd be a writer and performer, I could do the mixing, arranging, producing and manage his shows and...this is completely insane and a waste of time...study Tarth...just study._

_********************_

"I'm on my way. Are you ready?"

"Yes, I am ready. You said 4:00. I'm not the one who is always late." Brienne said rolling her eyes. "You're driving - you shouldn't be talking on the phone."

"I'm on campus, driving 10 miles per hour. I think I'm alright. Oh...hey...dress your rock star best."

"What? Why? I thought we were staying in tonight."

"I think you should wear those jeans...the ones I like...the tight white ones with the holes and the frayed ankles. Wear that black and white T-shirt with that black leather jacket."

"I'm actually...are you looking in my window?"

He cracked up laughing, "that's not what you're wearing Tarth."

"On my life, I'd bet you a thousand gold dragons if I had them, that's what I am wearing."

"Well then, walk outside, I have a big surprise for you."

Brienne walked outside and sure enough, she was in the outfit he was talking about. _No fucking way. This is either the biggest coincidence in history or we have an even bigger than I ever dreamed._

"Another surprise?" She said getting in to his sporty little car.

"This is a surprise to end all surprises. I don't think I can possibly top this. Even if we live to be a hundred."

"Are you being serious?"

"Totally. Oh...wait. Did you pass all those complicated tests you were studying for? Because if not...this is all wasted. I can't give surprises to failures."

She playfully backhanded his arm, "I am not failure Lannister, where is my gift?" He smiled and she asked, "Gods, it's not you is it? That'd be quite...boring."

"You did NOT just call me boring." He acted offended and sped out the driveway backwards, swerving his car around to go in the opposite direction.

"No, no! Slow down! I want to live to see real surprise!"

"Are you in this relationship for the gifts?"

"Duh." _What sort of relationship is this Jaime Lannister? Please fucking tell me. I need to know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so nice to be back on this story! Thanks for returning with me for more! I hope you enjoyed this lengthy chapter and I hope to work on more tonight. Please let me know what you thought, as it really is important. 
> 
> Thank you again, and I can't wait to hear from you!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun times and unexpected surprises with Jaime and Brienne.  
> Sad news for Brienne.

Jaime pulled into his garage and handed her a blind fold. "You trust me, right?"

"I did. And now that you ask, I am not so sure."

He smiled, "You _do_! Put this on before you go inside. I won't let you break yourself. I'll hold your hand and guide you through."

"You're full of surprises aren't you?"

"Always. Come on." He quickly got out of the car and ran to the other side to meet her.

She allowed Jaime to tie the blindfold on and lead her through the house. "Smell that?" He asked.

"You cooked! It smells amazing. No wine tonight, I hope."

"Nah, I've got something much better than that."

"I know where you're leading me. You're leading me to the den. Are you about to play something new for me?"

"Not exactly." He said, flipping on the lights. He admired his set up. It was beautiful. "Are you ready?"

"I'm ready! Come on! Can I take it off yet?"

"Now!"

She removed the blind fold and stood speechless. She looked at Jaime with her mouth open and her eyes wide. 

"Well...say something!"

"How did you...Jaime! Oh gods, I can't believe you..."

"I _really_ hope this means you like them."

"I just...yes...gods...I don't know what to say..."

He put a set of drum sticks in her hands and said, "Say you're ready to jam with me."

She smiled and threw her arms around him. "Thank you so much, Jaime! Thank you! They are beautiful! They are absolutely perfect."

Jaime got his guitar and Brienne sat behind her brand new drums. She hit the sticks together and started to play. Jaime was amazed at how talented she was, and the songs chose to play. He loved watching her behind those drums. He thought she looked like a rock goddess - of course he had seen her smile, he had seen her happy. But he had never seen her so alive as when she sat behind those drums. Jaime joined in with his guitar and they must have played ten songs together before they stopped.

He loved making her so happy. There was no greater feeling in the world than seeing his best friend happy. Well, perhaps there would be _one_. At the end of the last song, she smiled and thanked him again. 

"Jaime...I am so happy. Overwhelmed by the this really. I still can't believe this."

"Do you like the color?"

"Oh I love it! But these must have cost...no one has ever done such a thing for me. I can't ever thank you enough."

"You already have. Come on, let's eat."

Jaime was becoming quite the cook. He made twice baked potatoes, grilled asparagus, and he just needed to throw the steaks on. Dessert was, of course, chocolate brownies, no nuts, with chocolate icing. After all, tonight was a celebration. Brienne's exams were finished and she got her surprise, and Jaime got his BFF back and they killed it tonight.

"That steak is smelling great, Jai!"

"Thank you. I am thinking you may have been right a few months ago. If I fail at a music career, I am definitely falling back on being a chef. With my father's money...I can open his first restaurant!"

"Sounds like a plan."

They ate dinner in comfortable silence, and together they cleared the table. "You look great by the way. You look like some cool rock star."

She laughed. "You know, you definitely made me _feel like_ a rock star. I'll say it again, I can never repay you - or even top this. But you have no idea how much this means to me."

"That's all I need in return." He said with honesty. "I just wanted to make you happy."

"You've certainly succeeded."

They stared at each other for a few moments, smiling sweetly, admiring each other's eyes. Finally Brienne cleared her throat and grabbed a dish towel. She tossed it to Jaime and said, I'll wash, you dry."

After playing a few video games on the PlayStation, they decided to watch a movie, then a second movie, then a third. They fell asleep with Brienne laying one end of the sofa, stretched out with her legs tucked behind Jaime who laid on the opposite end in front of her. They shared a king-size blanket from his bed, and did not move until noon the following day.

"Oh Gods...Jaime...the sun is up."

He opened his eyes and stretched like a lion, his shirt raising a bit to reveal unbuttoned jeans and toned abs. Brienne caught a glimpse of that and swallowed hard. He said, "So it is. Breakfast? Or...lunch?"

"Why didn't you wake me to go home?" She asked.

"Why didn't you wake me?" He grinned.

"We must have fallen asleep about the same time. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I don't know why you just don't stay here anyway. You could, you know."

"Could what?"

"Would you not rather share this giant condo and all it's neon glory with _me_ , than live with Mel in that _chicken coop_?"

"Are you making fun of my apartment?"

"No, I'm sorry. It's not that." He dropped one leg to the floor and sat up sideways, grabbing her foot to bring her leg over his. He never let go of her foot. "You spend more time here anyway. I love having you here, you like being here. And I..." He trailed off.

"You what?" She asked.

"These few months have been great. You can't deny that."

"They have Jaime...and I love the idea. I really do." She smiled excitedly.

"I feel a 'but' somewhere though."

"Let's think about it for a while, okay? I mean, maybe I can start out by spending weekends here and we could do this gradually."

Jaime wanted to beg her to stay, and his heart felt empty, although she didn't say 'no' completely. "So...you're not completely turning me down?"

"I'm not, no. But what is it that you expect from this?"

"Well...you would have your own room, of course, and other than that...things would stay the same. We'd still be best friends, we could study together, help each other out - we could write music together, have dinner together..."

"It sounds nice. There is just one thing."

"What?"

"Well...more than one thing, actually. I mean, there is Tywin, the rent, having other friends over, privacy..."

" _Privacy_? Like for what the bathroom? You'd have your own."

"No, Jaime, like what if you meet someone and want the place to yourself? Like, if you want to have a romantic dinner or enjoy some quiet time in front of the TV with someone."

"Have you met someone?"

"No, but what about you?"

"Are you looking to meet someone?"

"You're avoiding the question."

"I don't need privacy, Brienne. Do you?"

"No."

"My dad's not going to mind. Of anyone in the world moving in, you would be last person he would have a problem with. And be real...you don't actually think I would charge _you_ rent do you? That's insane! There is no way you're paying to live with me. I don't pay to live with me. Tywin does."

"How fair is that, though? Tywin doesn't owe me anything."

"It's more than fair. My dad's the richest man alive in Westeros."

"No arguments there."

"Please give it some thought. I really would love for you to be here with me."

 _Why though, Jaime?_ It didn't matter that all the things he said made absolute sense. She wanted it to be more than that. "Right. Let's give it a few weekends." She said.

Brienne spent the next weekend there with Jaime - having her own room, own bathroom, cooking dinner together, eating together, hanging out. It was perfect for both of them. He even gave her the space she needed for doing homework and studying. It was hard, but he did it. She found it enjoyable to study in his presence while he strummed his acoustic guitar. It was relaxing and while she usually liked it quiet, it actually helped her concentrate better. Although they set up the spare bedroom for her, she didn't even use it. They spent their nights on the sofa under the one blanket. In the morning, she looked forward to the lion-like stretch, revealing his smooth abs. How she wanted to run her hands over them. She slept in shorts and a t-shirt which Jaime noticed had nothing underneath. It would raise up a little when she stretched out opposite him to reveal a very toned tummy and those shorts well, they couldn't be short enough. He enjoyed the feel of her behind him and he could only imagine how smooth the long legs were. They both silently wished that instead of being head to toe, they were snuggled up together head to head. She wanted to feel his arm around her, holding her against him, and he wanted the same.

"So...you really need more time?" He asked when she was packing up.

"It's only been one weekend. Let's work our way up to extended stays. I really want this Jaime. I do. I had a great weekend here with you." _I don't want to leave you, gods I'd sleep with you on this sofa every night of my life._

"I understand. I do."

"I know we're friends. We're closer than most people ever become. But are you sure you're not just lonely? And bored?"

"I don't want just any room mate. I don't want anyone moving in. If I was lonely, I could get a dog. It's you that I want here."

_Does he have any idea what he's saying? What the fuck are you trying to say, Jaime? Its me you want? How? Why? Do you want me...as your girlfriend, your friend...what?_

Brienne went to her own apartment after her classes on Monday. She tried to settle into her room, but it wasn't going very well. Suddenly there was nothing comfortable about the place; not her room, not the shared living spaces with Mel, not even Mel. Brienne didn't want to talk or to be bothered. She was quite irritable. By now, Jaime would have noticed this and made her a cup of tea, or offered her something, anything. She felt like a stranger in her own apartment.

Meanwhile at the condo, Jaime straightened out the magazines on the coffee table. He looked at his CD collection and, as massive and diverse as it was, he couldn't decide on anything. He really needed to study, or rehearse or write something, but he couldn't concentrate on anything. He laid on the sofa in silence. That wasn't comfortable either. He would feel better with Brienne's long legs against his back.

Brienne didn't even feel like organizing her work for the week. _What's wrong with me? Forget this for now._ She decided that taking a shower might help. All she could think of was Jaime. Over the weekend it felt like they were a married couple. They went out together, stayed in together, cooked and cleaned the kitchen together, ate together, and she loved playing music with him. She enjoyed all genres of music with Jaime whether it was something slow and jazzy or something hardcore. No matter what they played it felt like a sexy dance, a pull, a give and take or a sparring session. She reached for the soap and thought, _we did everything together this weekend but shower together. It felt so good sleeping next to him on the sofa. We wouldn't do that on a regular basis tough. That would be ridiculous. Ridiculously fabulous. His body stretched out next to mine. Stop...I would love to know he feels like...skin-to-skin...oh gods! No, no..._

She dried off and threw on a pair of sweats that she had cut into shorts and an old worn out white t-shirt. Her hair was wet, but by now she was just tired and ready to go to sleep early. She laid in her bed and snuggled under the covers, missing the smell of Jaime on his blanket. _So what's it going to be like if I move in? I will be in the same stupid position. I will feel the same about him but it will be like self torture because he will be right there with me all the time and remain untouchable. So we will live together and instead of feeling lonely and wanting to be with him, in his arms from a ten thousand yards away...he will be in the next room. Twenty yards away. Hmmph. Maybe he will give me the room downstairs instead._

The phone rang and startled Brienne out of her dilemma. Hoping it was Jaime calling her to come back, she reached for her phone and saw on the caller ID that it was Selwyn. She smiled and answered the call.

"Hello sunshine!" Selwyn said.

"Hi! How are you?"

"Well...I've got some news."

"Uh oh. This doesn't sound like happy news."

"I'm afraid not, love bug. I decided to come back to Tarth at the wrong time."

"Hurricane season."

"Have you seen the news?"

"Dad, I'm 17, I don't watch the news."

Selwyn laughed. "Okay, Okay. You should really keep up with what's going on in the world. But um...anyway...straight to the point - there is a category 5 headed for Tarth. And there is no getting off this island now."

"What? Dad, no! Why didn't you leave sooner? What's going on? Didn't you know this was coming?"

"Oh, love. This monster wasn't coming here. It made a turn at the last minute and gained strength. Now there isn't a ship that will sail near here or a plane that can fly in or out."

"No! There has to be a way. You can't stay there! Please, you have to try. Jaime's dad can help us. I know he can. He has all these connections and...he might even own a jet! I will sell my soul to Cersei Lannister to get you off that island."

Selwyn chuckled a sad sort of laugh and sighed, "You _are_ something fierce. Just like your mama. Willful, and protective. I'm okay. I am. You are a strong, smart, loving girl, and whether I survive this or not, you're ready to stand on your own. You always have been. You don't need this old man hovering about."

Brienne was angry and hurting. She fussed at him, "You're wrong! I do need you. Please don't leave me. Promise me you will do whatever it takes to beat this storm. You can survive this - you can survive anything! I know you can. You have a plan right?"

"I do." Selwyn did have a plan. It wasn't the one his daughter hoped for, but she didn't need to know that. 

"Dad...please. You are so strong, you can beat anything. You were the best swimmer on Tarth, you've won triathlons..." Brienne knew that even the strongest man alive was no match for a storm such as this. Too much could happen.   
  


“Brienne. Please listen. It’s alright.” His calm voice was soothing. It was like a familiar song playing; one that she knew she would likely never hear again. This was the only family she had left in her life, and the only family she had known since she was 8 years old.   
  


Selwyn continued, “I love you with all that I am.” Brienne cried. Tears rolled down her cheeks like waterfalls, but she bit her bottom lip to keep it from quivering and held her breath to stifle her cries as Selwyn said, “I am so proud of you. You are the very best part of me. Someday, you will find someone to love and you will be the best part of them too. You bring out the best in everyone.”

”Please don’t do this, daddy. PLEASE. Don’t say good bye. We will see each other again. Won’t we?”

Selwyn was quiet for a moment. Brienne said, “daddy...I love you so much. I think...if I pray hard enough, the gods will keep you here with me. And I will come to Tarth soon to see you and help you rebuild everything. I can come right after this storm and help you and we will make everything better than it was before.”

”I know you would. It’s not goodbye forever sweet girl. It’s until we meet again in another world.”

”I love you daddy. Please, please remember that. I will think of you every single day until we meet again. And I will never give up on you. I will find you somehow. I love you, love you, love you.” She sobbed.   
  


“I love you Brienne, now and always.”

He hung up the phone.

The world crashed around her. It felt as though she were being crushed. She was like a fish without water trying to catch her breath. Her head was spinning and she was absolutely lost. She felt helpless and hopeless. 

She didn’t bother changing her clothes, she slipped on some sneakers and ran. She was used to running; her long legs carried her through three years on the track team in high school. She didn’t even consider the 10,000 yard run ahead of her she just knew she couldn’t stop. She was so hurt and so angry that she needed to run and getting to Jaime meant possible last minute help for her dad. He could call Tywin and she would do anything in the world to pay him back up to and including being Cersei’s little bitch the rest of her life.

_Please be home. Please have a fucking jet. Please, please, please help me get to my dad. He’s all I have. He’s everything in this world and he is slipping through my fingers. I don’t care what I have to do. I don’t care what I have to give up. I don’t care if I have to sell my soul to the god of death and die a million times over and over.  
_

She didn’t notice that the sky opened up around her. Raindrops hit her like tiny stinging pebbles but she didn’t notice that either. The rain mixed with her tears and although the air around her became cool, she was hot and running on pure adrenaline. The ground beneath her was slick from the rain and she slipped on the rough cement, sliding at least a foot. She jumped up ignoring the pain and continued running. She just needed to get to Jaime. Whether he could help or not remained to be seen but other than Selwyn who was out of reach, Jaime was the only person in the world who could help her through this.   
  


When she reached his door, she was red-faced and breathless, her eyes were bloodshot from crying and the wind and rain beating her in the face. Her hair and clothes were soaked. 

She rang the bell and beat on the door but there was no answer. He was taking forever. She beat on the door again and again and again and finally she heard him yell, “I’m coming! One second!”   
  


She was finally greeted by a shirtless Jaime in plaid boxers, toweling his dripping hair. He was stunned when he opened the door to see the girl of his dreams before him, dripping wet in a see-through T-shirt. He could see all of her seductive curves - her small waist, her flat belly, her breasts and those pink nipples that seemed to call to him. He lowered the towel to his waist to cover the problem growing under his shorts.  
  


_Oh gods._ This was the absolute last thing he expected in all his life. He looked up to see her eyes and all he saw was grief and pain. Her lips were turning blue, she was so cold and the rain was cascading off her hair and face. His eyes opened wide at the sight of her and he desperately wanted to take her in his arms. Before he could move or speak, she said, "Please help me. I need you." She crumbled before him. She didn't mean to. She certainly didn't want to.

With no thought to what Brienne might see or feel, Jaime dropped the towel and put his arms around her. He held her close to him and didn't let go. "Gods Brienne...what is it? What's wrong?" She backed away from him.

"My father. He's in trouble. He's on Tarth and he can't get off the island. There's a hurricane, a category 5 headed there, expected to make landfall tomorrow morning. No ships or planes can get in or out. He said it's too late for that. Jaime..."

"What?" He looked into her eyes, searching for a little bit of hope somewhere, but he found none.

"He called to say goodbye. He called to say goodbye." She began to cry again and turned away from him. He spun her around to face him and looked at those eyes again, even more beautiful when red and watery. _How can this be? How can any of this be real?_

"Hey...Evenstar..." he moved her hair of of her eyes, and cupped her cheek and whispered, "Let's warm you up, okay? Come on with me. This is all going to be okay, we will do this together, right?"

She shivered and remained silent. He took her hand and lead her to his bathroom where he had left the heater on from his shower. The room was still steamy. "Take a shower and warm up. Okay? I am going to close my bedroom door. Just take anything you want to wear. There are sweats, and shorts, and shirts and hoodies, and socks and anything you want is okay with me. It's all in the dresser. I'm going to call Tywin and see what he says. I won't come in until you open the door. Just, whenever you're ready."

She shook her head and went into the bathroom. It took at least 20 minutes for her to warm up. She couldn't think of anything at all really and just let the warm water cover her. She stared at the walls and eventually came out of her trance when she realized she was in Jaime's shower. She used his shampoo and soap and quickly got out. When she was dressed in Jaime's gray sweats and a clean black T-shirt, she opened the door and sat on the bed with her knees up to her chest, waiting for him to come back.

Jaime walked in cautiously. He wanted to do everything he could to help her and Selwyn. He just wanted to take all her pain away. He looked at her sitting there, with her head on her knees. She didn't seem to be crying at the moment. But he knew she was devastated. Maybe it would have been better if Selwyn hadn't called. Jaime was nervous. He stepped closer and sat on the bed with her. "Hey."

"Oh Jaime...I am so sorry I showed up here like this - in whatever I was in - am in. I didn't mean to do this to you...but you're the first person I thought of and all I wanted...I just...I don’t know.”

”You know.”

”I don’t know why.”

”You don’t have to.”

”What am I going to do?”

”I called my dad.”

Brienne looked at him with the first glimmer of hope Jaime had seen since she got there. “And?”

He shook his head, “no pilot will fly head first into hurricane like that.”

Brienne felt sick; she knew exactly what that meant. Her father didn’t stand a chance against a category 5 on an island. She buried her face in her hands again and then abruptly ran for Jaime’s bathroom.   
  


He followed her and as she fell to her knees in front of the toilet, he knelt beside her and put his hand on her back.   
He got up, but only to wet a clean wash cloth with cold water.   
  


With her head still in the toilet, “Oh fuck! Fuck, I am so sorry Jaime!” She cried. “I shouldn’t have come here, I need to go. I can’t believe this is happening.”

”No! You’re not leaving, you hear me? This is the only place you belong, here with me where I can help you. You deserve to be with someone who lo-cares about you, no where else.”

His heart pounded. He was adamant that she wasn't leaving. She really did belong there with him and the only thing that mattered was getting her through this.   
  


“Thank you.” She said, as he held the towel on the back of her neck and moved it to her her face.   
  


“You’re welcome. Can you walk?”

”I think so.”

”Take your time getting up. Here.” He extended his hand to her and helped her up. ”Go to my bed. We can rest there for a little while. We’ll turn the news on and see what’s happening.”

He wanted to say that perhaps it would change courses again. If it changed once, could do it again. It may lose strength. He didn’t want to give her false hope. He kept his mouth shut. Brienne made her way to the bed and flung the covers back. She took the remote from the night stand and turned on the TV. Jaime went downstairs to get them each a drink. He filled an extra glass with ice for her and when he went back up stairs she already had the weather channel on. They were talking about how devastating everything would be and how the island may disappear altogether. He put everything down and sat next to her. "We don't have to watch this. Maybe we shouldn't." He said.

"Leave it. Somehow I feel like I have to watch it."

"I brought some water for you."

"Thanks."

"Are you comfortable? You should try to sleep."

"How can I possibly sleep?" She yawned.

His smile was comforting. "I think if you lay here and relax and we put on some nice music, you will drift off to sleep. The storm isn't due to hit for a few hours. And it's not good for you to watch this all unfold. You know that."

"I know."

"So just...try to take a nap. That's what we'll call it. I can leave the TV on with the volume off."

He put on some music and they did drift off to sleep. But when he woke, he found her pacing the room like a caged lion. The storm had hit Tarth and the destruction was severe just as they said it would be. Most of the island was covered in water, but it would recede. There was no sign of life, although rescuers would look for survivors in the coming days. The once lush, beautiful, island paradise was levelled and covered in water. It looked like a desolate place that was being discovered for the first time. There was no way her father survived that.

"Brienne?"

Jaime got out of the bed and quickly walked over to her.

"That's it. Its over. It hit the island and hovered for about two hours and went on. It hit as a 5." She spoke fast and her voice was shaky.

"I'm...I'm sorry." He stood there, not sure whether to go on speaking or leave her alone or hold her. So he just waited to see what she would say next.

"I have to get out of here. I can't breathe, I don't want to...I don't know how to...I can't, not with you, but I need..."

"What? What do you need?"

"Nothing. I have nothing now. My mother and brother and sisters are gone...my father is gone. It's just me! There is nothing left for me. Anywhere."

"That's not true."

"Yes. It is - "

"That will never be true. I'm here. You have me. I will always be here for you. I will always be your family."

She ran for the door but he put his arm out across her stomach and blocked her, catching her with his other arm wrapped behind her. She tried to push him off but he was much stronger than she thought, or she was weak with fatigue and grief and couldn't get away. He found himself behind her, holding her around the waist as she tried to fight him, too embarrassed to cry in front of him again.

"Please let me go, I just have to go downstairs. I won't leave, I promise. Let me go!!!"

"No! Stop. Stop. Please, Brienne!"

"Jaime...I can't do this with you."

"Then who? Mel? No. Look at me!" He let her go and she turned to him only for a second, for when she saw his eyes, she feared would break. "It's okay. It's okay to feel and to let go. You came here for a reason. You knew I would take care of you. You knew you'd be safe." She leaned against the wall and he walked to her. He reached out to her and she turned, leaning her head against the wall. Her hands were on the wall and he took one in his but she pulled away. He had enough of that. He grabbed her shoulder and spun her around, holding her in place against the wall. His eyes were glowing, sparkling with hints of gold. He looked like a lion with his messy mane. He seemed to growl when he held her hands near her head. He took her by surprise. He could still see the pain, the anger, and hurt in her eyes. He felt it in his heart. Why couldn't he just take it all away and bear it all for her?

Through gritted teeth he commanded, "Now talk to me." He softened, but he spoke deeper, raspier, as though he were trying not to cry. "Tell me everything. Tell me what you feel, tell me what you need. I will do anything. I will be anything you need."

She looked into his eyes, searching for something, but she wasn't sure what. Courage, hope, help. Finally, she said, "He's gone. I couldn't help him. He was alone. He's all I had in this world and he's gone! He's gone, my daddy is gone!"

His eyes filled with tears as she crumbled into his arms. Moments later they were curled up on his bed crying in each other's arms. Two seventeen year old children lay grieving together. One for her father, and the other for the girl he adored. He cried with her until they were both cried out.

She calmed down but her breaths were still shaky. She pulled the covers around them and as she drifted off to sleep, she told him, "Nothing is more hateful than failing to protect the ones you love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading. Please let me know your thoughts! I greatly appreciate them all - positive and negative. Next, I believe we will be getting into present day again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was a bit sad. I hope this makes up for it. Please let me know what you think.

**Qarth Medical 2020**

"Bri...what are you doing?"

"Hmmm? Oh, nothing, I was trying to look at the schedule to see what we have to cancel and there a lot of refunds from advance sales...I will have to do a press release at some point, I can't believe I haven't done that yet."

"Put that away. All that can wait. People understand what we're going through and if they don't, they are heartless assholes."

"They are your fans, how dare you." She said feigning disgust.

He smiled and said, "Listen to me for a moment." He looked at her with glassy eyes. "Come here." She walked over to him and sat at the edge of the bed.

"What is it?"

"In a few minutes, they are going to come for me. I'm going to be gone for at least 4 hours. Take some time for yourself. Get out of this hospital a little while. Go to Joffrey's hotel room. Have a shower. Eat a decent meal, and get yourself some new clothes. You deserve that."

She put her head down and bit her lip. He asked, "What's wrong, Bri?"

She smiled and tried to joke, "Are you tired seeing me in sweats and Ts?"

"You know that's silly. I'd never tire of seeing you in anything. I'd never tire of seeing you in nothing at all." He laughed. He put his fingers under chin and lifted it so their eyes would meet. "Baby...what is it, really?" His hand went up to her cheek and she closed her eyes and leaned into it.

She whispered, "Don't do that, Jai...don't call me that."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"Do I? Tell me." He spoke low and deep and it sent shock waves through her.

"Come on, Jaime. Please."

"No." 

She took his hand from her face and kissed his fingers. He continued, "I'm going into surgery. I don't want to go like this. We need to be open with each other."

"I - I...can't jump head first into this feeling like I am constantly standing on a trap door waiting for it to open under me. I want you. I love you and I want this to be real. Gods...I need it to be real. I have been ready for a life with you for so long, Jaime."

Jaime swallowed. "Me too. I've loved you longer than I haven't." He swallowed a thick lump in his throat, "You know all my deepest secrets and...you still accepted every part of me. _Those secrets_ are constant living, breathing reminders of who I am and what I've done and not only have you stayed by my side, you've loved them as your own. I thought by giving into Cersei that I was protecting you. It hurt you more - it hurt us both. I wasted too much time not moving forward with you because I was ashamed and never thought you'd want to be with me this way. I should have known...I knew...for you to you to stay all this time, you must have loved me somehow."

She stood up and walked away, looking out the window. She ran her hands through her hair and said, "That's not all. I know she is locked in a cell. I have this stupid fear...I know it's not possible...but I am so afraid that if I am not here with you, something terrible will happen. I know she can't get to you. I know she can't hurt you again. But I have failed you so many times, Jaime. I can't fail you again."

"What? You've never failed me. Not once. What are you talking about?"

"Yes I did. If I had been there with you - if I had gone home with you back then, if I had taken you up on that offer to be the drummer early on, if I had stayed, if I had told that I was...or even that I lost..."

"Don't do this to yourself. Please. It was never your responsibility to protect me or save me and yet you've saved me more times than I can count. You've endured more than any friend could. And you never should have. I didn't deserve your friendship then, I don't deserve you now. I will make it all up to you an more. And if you decide you don't want me...I understand. But I love you. I do. You were right, so long ago. Nothing is more hateful than failing to protect the one you love. I am the one who failed. And I am so, so, sorry."

"No...no, no. Let's just move on. We both made mistakes. Horrible mistakes. But here we are. And hopefully this is our time."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

"If this surgery goes well, I am going home in a few days. Does that offer still stand?"

"It does." She smiled.

"I've missed sharing a home with you all these years."

"Me too."

**********************************

**King's Landing 2020**

**Brienne's Home**

It was a long, miserable flight back to King's Landing. It was well past midnight when Brienne unlocked the front door. "Welcome home." She said.

"I like he sound of that."

"Are you hungry, or would you like something to drink? Oh...shit!"

"What's wrong?"

"Well, I haven't been here in months. There is nothing here. I cleaned out everything before we left on the tour and..." she opened the refrigerator, "there is some cold water. I do have some pop-tarts in the pantry."

"Strawberry?"

"Yes."

"I love strawberry pop-tarts."

"Well, then, I will grab the toaster and we will have pop-tarts for an extremely early breakfast."

They were both exhausted but they happily ate their pop-tarts and laughed at each other and said how they'd never forget their first meal together back at home. Jaime commented about how pop-tarts are much better with an ice-cold glass of milk and Brienne definitely agreed.

"Hey, I'm sure you want to shower and relax. I think you should have a bath though. You don't want to get your hand all wet. I have the perfect tub for soaking. I'll go run you a hot bath and you can relax a while. How's that sound?"

"Perfect."

While Jaime soaked alone in this massive tub for two, Brienne used the guest bathroom to shower. She wondered what the sleeping arrangements should be. _This is fucked up. Do I ask him if he wants to sleep in my room with me? I miss sharing a bed with him. I want him to stay with me. What if he needs time and space? And if we share a bed...then what? I can't worry about that. Not now. That's a ways off. It's been so fucking long. Too damn long. I have missed the feel of him for what feels like six lifetimes. I just need him in my arms and if I can at least have that...I will be grateful._

Jaime was stretched out in Brienne's giant tub wondering _has she had anyone in here with her? I'd love to make some new memories in here with her. Gods, I've missed her. The feel of her, the way she sounds, the way she looks...her face, those eyes...those legs. I just need her in my arms again. I want to tell her I love her all night, whisper in her ear, touch her everywhere._ His head fell back and he closed his eyes. He could remember from so long ago. His body began to respond. _Oh gods, Brienne...I can't do this to myself. I shouldn't...fuck. Oh I need you...so bad._

Brienne walked into her bedroom just as Jaime pulled up his pants. He looked at her, in her shorts and top and he just couldn't help himself. They said it was forever, and here they are alone in her house. "What do you want to do...I mean, where should I..."

"Sleep?"

"Yeah."

"With me. If you want. I mean...I...please..."

He walked over to her and looked at the silky shirt was wearing. Obviously there was nothing under it, he could see her nipples through it. He looked into her eyes and slid his hands around her waist and up her back, her arms went up around his neck. His hands moved to the front of her and he caressed her nipples through the silk. She moaned into his neck and gently raked her teeth across his bare shoulder. She could feel him, hard against her body and she moved her hands to his ass and pulled him against her. He kissed her lips softly and caressed the back of her neck.

"Do you know how much I have missed you?" He asked.

"I think I have a good idea."

"I'll show you."

"I was really hoping you would say that." With that, she took her shirt off and dropped it to the floor. He pushed her down on the bed and laid beside her, kissing her and caressing everywhere. He could not get enough of touching her body. She wiggled under is touch and gripped his hand, moving it to her breasts. She pulled his boxers down and pulled him on top of her. "I missed you, so much." She said, running her hands through his hair, "Is this even real?" 

"It's real, Bri...I promise this is real." 

She opened her legs and he slipped inside her. Her legs locked around his waist like she would never let him go. She held him close with her legs and her arms and for a few moments he remained still, savoring the velvety, silky feel of being inside her. He kissed her, caressing her tongue, and then he looked into her eyes, "Can you feel how real I am?" 

"Yes." She couldn't take it anymore and she slowly rocked her hips against him.

"I am here. I will always be here." he kissed her again. 

She spoke against his lips, "I love you, Jaime. I love you." She looked into his eyes and he smiled. 

"It feels so good to hear you say that. I love you too."

He began to move, first it was slow and deliberate, but his motions made her crave more of him. She moaned into his mouth and arched her back, her hands went from his hair to his shoulders, to his back and to his ass. Her legs fell from around him. She was sweating, and breathless, her hands were in her own hair, and then gripping the sheets, her feet were flat on the bed pushing her body up toward him, he got up on his knees and gripped her hips and moved harder, faster, and deeper and within a minute, they hit their release together. Still joined, he laid his head on her chest and while he caught his breath, he kissed her gently, "I love you, Brienne. I love you and I want to make you happy. I want to take care of you and please you. And you know what?"

"What, Jaime?"

"Next time...I want to pleasure you for hours." He laughed.

"We have a lot of time to make up for don't we?"

"We certainly do."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rather long chapter. :) Enjoy!

**Mereen 1995**

Several months passed since Brienne showed up that rainy night. Since that night, she has only been back to her apartment across campus to pack her things and move out. The decision was mutual between her and Jaime. They fell into some patterns that neither could explain. Well, they each knew why; however they would never discuss it with the other and as long there were no complaints, said patterns stayed in place. Neither wanted to alter the sleeping arrangements. Brienne had slept in Jaime's room every night since the hurricane on Tarth.

Night after night, Brienne would have night terrors of her father during the hurricane. She would see him injured and bleeding or drowning and calling out to her for help. Jaime always woke up to calm her down and hold her until they both fell back to sleep. The nightmares were becoming less frequent, and while they were both grateful for a full night's sleep for a change, they both missed the closeness of the other. One night, Jaime rolled over in his sleep and put his arm over her. She smiled when she felt him and let herself drift back to sleep. They fell asleep together on the sofa many weekend nights. Some nights, if Jaime came home from a late-night class or playing music with friends, he would find her asleep on the sofa. He'd watch her for a few moments, run upstairs and grab the blanket from the bed and slide onto the sofa with her. Once, she woke up uncomfortable and went to his bedroom alone. She didn't like the cold bed all alone, but didn't want to wake him. When he realized he was alone, he ran up to find her fast asleep. He slid in quietly next to her and this time, it was her turn to put her arm around him. It startled him at first, as she had never done that; he relaxed into her and fell back to sleep.

They practiced together, and separately. They studied together, cooked and cleaned together, did the shopping together, went to see movies and lived happily, all the while never saying anything about being anything other than friends.

Jaime received a call from Tywin one evening while he and Brienne were at dinner. He had decided that they needed a night off from cooking. What he really decided was that he wanted to take Brienne out for dinner at a nice restaurant.

"I'll call him back tomorrow." Jaime said putting the phone in his pocket.

Brienne laughed. "Let's not forget, this is Tywin Lannister, he is not going to stop until you answer. It's fine, Jaime. Answer his call." Jaime let it go to voicemail anyway, but Tywin called right back. "Oh gods, the old lion is being relentless. You were right." He answered the phone and was greeted with a growl.

"What were you doing?" Tywin asked.

"Brienne and I are out having dinner. How are you?"

"I am well. Your brother and sister are well. Your Aunt Genna is well and of course, they all send their love."

"Please let them know that I miss them all and I return their love. And yours, I am sure."

"Always, you know that. As you know, the New Year is coming in the next few weeks and school will be out for the holidays."

"Yes, sir, I am." Jaime looked down and fidgeted with his fork. 

"I am going to send you a plane ticket to come home for a weeks and spend some time with the family."

"Right. Can I give you a call tomorrow sometime? I would love to negoti...ate...I mean, speak with you about that, it's just, we're at dinner and you know a steak isn't as good when it gets cold." He smiled up at Brienne who continued picking at her potato. She silently laughed at him and he gave her a little wink.

"Very well. I am sorry I interrupted your...date."

"Oh...well....that's alright, dad. I will call you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too."

Jaime hung up and turned the phone off. He put it in his pocket for the rest of the evening. Brienne noticed an immediate change in him. He was quieter than before. He had been talking her head off about music and lyrics to a new song he was writing, his grades going into exams, the future, anything and everything including new things he wanted to cook. Suddenly, he didn't have much to say and he wasn't enjoying his dinner much at all.

"What's wrong, Jaime?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. I am sorry. How's your food?"

"The fish is wonderful. For the third time. Did he upset you?"

"No." He gave her a slight smile. "He asked me to go home for the holiday. You're welcome to come of course." He added quickly.

"Jaime...you know I'm not going home with you." She smiled weakly.

He looked even sadder, however, he knew there was no convincing her and in truth, he didn't want to subject her to Cersei. He also knew he didn't have a choice but to obey Tywin and go home.

When they got home that evening, she went to her room to change out of her dress. She put on a pair of satin shorts and a white t-shirt and went downstairs to watch TV. She didn't hear Jaime coming down to meet her. He stood behind the sofa for a moment, trying to form the words so they didn't sound like pity, or obligation...but he was just so sad. 

"Bri..." he walked around and sat beside her. She tossed him the remote control and waited for him to sit. "Oh...thanks, we can watch whatever you have on." 

"Are you going to sit?"

"Yeah." He sat down.

"You seem to have something weighing on your mind golden lion. What's up?" She bit her lip. So did he.

"I don't want to go home."

"Why not?"

"I just don't. I don't want to go without you." He chuckled. That part confused her.

"Without me? Don't make this a pity party, Jaime. I am a big girl. Maybe I will...I could probably use some time alone. To really sort things out. I love being with you and spending time with you. You have been amazing these last few months. I couldn't thank you enough for being there for me. But don't you think...I mean..." She didn't want to say it. Not any of it, because she loved their relationship. She knew it was inevitable that sooner or later, Jaime would meet someone and fall in love and she would have to move into her own room. "We can't keep going like this."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. We do _everything_ together."

"Is that bad?"

"No! I love it. It's just that...we both know this can't go on forever. You're going to meet someone and then what? I can't keep sleeping in your bed. I mean, who'd believe we're sleeping together and not..." She trailed off and suddenly felt hot. She could feel herself turning bright red and she turned away from him.

"I like our living arrangement."

"Arrangement. Do you hear yourself? Doesn't it sound...odd?"

"Maybe a little. Aren't you happy though?"

"I am. In fact...I am so happy with you that I am terrified that when things change...I will be incredibly unhappy."

"So am I. So why change things?"

"Jaime..." She looked into his eyes and felt the sting of tears and looked down to avoid his eyes. Those emerald green eyes that would see right through her and steal her soul, again and again and again. What would happen if he knew her feelings. Did he already know?

He didn't want her to hurt, or feel lonely and he wasn't going to let things change for them just yet. He picked up the blanket off the floor where he dropped it and flung it across them. "Snuggle up Evenstar." _If it's alone time you need, you will get it. But not until I leave._

The next two weeks went by quicker than either of them wanted. "Take care of my car while I'm gone. Are you sure you're okay with me going? I don't really want to go and I certainly don't need to. My family will have enough people there to occupy them at the annual Lannister New Year Party that I will not be missed."

"Tyrion is on pins and needles waiting for you to come home. No matter how old he is, you know he misses you."

"I almost forgot! I got you something. So you're not too lonely."

"You did not get me a pet. Please tell me it's not a cat. Or a dog. Or a lizard or some sort."

"No, no, no! It's a goldfish!" He went to his closet and got a big goldfish bowl with a blue bow around it and a big fat goldfish swimming around.

Brienne burst into laughter as he placed it on the kitchen table. "Does it have a name?" She asked.

"I thought to name it Daenerys."

She burst into laughter again. "You want to call a fish Daenerys?"

"Yes!"

"Daenerys it is." She smiled widely.

She drove his car to the airport and got out to help him with his bag. "Well then...I guess I will see you in...three weeks."

"Right. Three weeks." He repeated.

"Enjoy your family. You need to spend some time with them. I am sure they miss you."

"I am going to miss _you."_

"You will be too busy to miss me." They reached for each other at the same time and held tight for a few minutes. They pulled apart, but still held on, looking into each other's eyes. Jaime leaned in and Brienne turned her head just in time so that his lips grazed her cheek.

"I will call you every day. You can sleep in my bed if you want. You probably should - I know we said..."

"Come on Golden Lion...you have a flight to catch. You're almost late."

"You promise to think of me?"

"Jaime! Go!" She smiled at him.

He began to walk away. "These few weeks are going to go by so fast, you'll be disappointed that I come back so soon."

She rolled her eyes, "Goodbye Jaime!" 

She quickly walked back around to the driver side of the car, got in and drove off. She tried to think positively about spending time alone - no studying, no deadlines, no organization, she could play her drums whenever she wanted - if she wanted, she could play the piano too. She could watch what she wanted, when she wanted, and there would never be a need to compromise. She could play any video game and not have to share. It was going to be great.

So why, when she walked through the door, did she burst into tears?

Jaime was greeted at the airport just outside King's Landing. Tywin regretted not being able to pick him up himself, however, Tyrion hopped out of the car and ran to him, throwing his arms around Jaime who bent to his level as soon as he saw him. He picked up his little brother and spun him around. This was one time Tyrion and Jaime were both glad he was still the size of a seven year old. "Gods, T! Let me look at you! You've grown a little, I think."

"Two inches!"

The brothers laughed and high-fived each other. On the way home, they talked of university life, and how things had been at home since Jaime left. He definitely got an earful about Cersei's misfortunes with the cheese machine at work, and they shared a good laugh about that. Jaime had to admit to himself that he couldn't wait to see his twin after all this time. Not that he missed her, just that he wanted to see if she had changed at all.

When he arrived home, he went to his room, which was still exactly as he had left it. He set his bag down in the closet, but didn't bother unpacking. He felt like a stranger in his own room. He looked out the window - same view of the pool. He would later miss that beautiful view of the city lights he had back home. _Back home? Mereen is now home. With Brienne._ He took his phone out and dialed her number. He hesitated on pressing the send button. He stared at it for moment and finally hit the button. She didn't answer, so he left her a message:

"Hey, Evenstar. It's me...your golden lion. I...just wanted to let you know that I made it to King's Landing and I am home. Although...this just doesn't feel like home. Anyway, call me when you get a minute. I will be looking forward to hearing from you."

She returned his call shortly after, but he was being entertained by his twin. Brienne left him a message:

"Hello, _golden lion_. I miss you - your call, I am sorry I missed your call. I hope you're enjoying your family. I would love to hear from you. Call when you can. Bye."

Jaime listened impatiently as Cersei talked about how miserable her summer was, working every single day and not having weekends off. She does have to finish high school as it turns out but its through a correspondence course - not through an in-person high school. She has no friends, and Aerys dumped her. She didn't ask him anything about university. However, she did ask him to come watch her perform at the Dragon's Den.

"You're still doing that?"

"I am. That's the only good thing going for me. Will you sit in with the band and play a few songs?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe."

It was Brienne's first night home alone. She had never been alone over night in the condo before. Most of the students on campus and nearby had left to go home for the holiday so there was virtually no one around. The street was eerily quiet when she looked out the window. She decided to shower and get into her night clothes. 

As she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, the phone rang. She answered right away this time, and was happier than she thought she would be to finally hear Jaime's voice.

"Hi!" She answered. He could hear the excitement in her voice.

"Hi to you! You sound happy."

"I am, I missed your call earlier and I was disappointed. I wanted to hear all about your first day back. How is it?"

"Boring. I was glad to see Tyrion, and dad. Aunt Genna stopped by for a while and talked. But Cersei is...she is a little more tame, I think, but she is incredibly self-absorbed. How was your afternoon?"

"Uneventful. I ate some mac and cheese that I cooked from a box, and I finished off your last strawberry pop-tarts as a snack."

"You were missing me!"

"No one said that. Don't get all full of yourself. I have only been here alone for a few hours."

Jaime laughed. "I know you. You missed me."

"And what of you? I'm sure you're sitting in your window box, looking out at the moon, wishing you were back here in this desert wasteland just so you could beat me at some new video game."

Jaime jumped up from the window box and said, "No! I am stretched out on my bed!"

"You weren't a moment ago."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You know me so well."

"You're lying on the bed, on your back, in your jeans, unbuttoned. No shoes, no socks, no shirt. Your hair is a mess and falling back off your face, like a lion's mane."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay. Okay! You're right."

"I do know you well, Lannister."

"I can't wait for a hot shower. I am tired after traveling all day."

"I'm sure you are."

"And _you..._ mighty Evenstar...are on the sofaaaaaa...no shoes. No socks. Your cut off shorts, and a black T-Shirt. Your toes are freshly painted. You haven't fed Daenerys yet. You're lying down...all the way to the end of the sofa with your butt against the arm and your legs hanging off."

"Jaime!" She sat up.

He let out a full belly laugh. "This is fun! We should do this every day at various times of the day and see how good we are!"

"Yes, well...when you live with someone day in and day out for months on end...you tend to pick up on little habits."

"Don't fall asleep and forget to put the ice cream back in the freezer."

"Oh gods! I can't believe you!" She laughed. "That was a one-time thing."

"Really?"

"Really!"

"I miss you." He said in a serious tone.

"I miss you too." She finally admitted.

"Brienne...I can send you a plane ticket. You can stay at a hotel. I will stay with you."

She quietly said, "Don't be silly. Spend time with your family. I will be here when you get back. I may sell off some video games, but I will be here.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

As he snapped the flip phone closed, there was a knock on the door. Thinking it was Tyrion, he opened the door with a smile that quickly faded when he saw his mirror image staring back at him. “What’s up?” He asked, standing in the door way.

”Well, don’t be rude. Invite me in.”

”Come in.” He stood aside and Cersei sauntered in, making herself quite at home laying across his bed.

He glared at her and folded his arms, stating, ”There is a chair by the desk, you know.” 

”Yeah. That’s not comfortable.”

Seeing he would get no where with her, he sat at the desk. Cersei said, “How’s the um...condo?”

”Great.”

”What’s it like living all by yourself?”

”It’s fine. I stay busy. I have lots of work for school, and I practice a lot. I do all my own cooking, cleaning, laundry. How’s having a paying job?”

”It’s shit. I mean it’s nice, not having to ask father for money so much. But I only make $5.75 an hour and I work myself to exhaustion every day. I come home smelling of cheese and jalapeños and most of the time I wear the stuff. I’ve already come home with cheese in my hair.”

Jaime laughed. “I can’t say I feel for you. I don’t. I rather love this for you.”

”Okay, I get it. I was a real bitch. I was totally awful and I know I deserve all this mess. I’ve learned my lesson. I’m sorry for all the bad things I’ve said and done.”

”Words are wind, Cersei.” He said without much feeling.

”They’re not.” She sighed. “I know you don’t believe me. I really have had time to think about things. It’s not like I wanted to, you know. It’s just that these thoughts crept into my head when I least expected it all. I thought about you a lot. You have a better sense of humor and you're not as...tightly wound as I am. So, of all the people in the world to imagine while I was working...it was you that I thought of. No matter what was going on, you were the one creeping into my head with that silly smile and those bright eyes. I could totally hear you in my head the day of the cheese incident, ‘Cers, look at it this way, now you don’t have to cut all your hair off for charity. No one wants a wig that smells like cheese.

"Every time something pissed me off or drove me crazy...it was you in my head. We were never close and that was all my fault. I blamed you for mom and that was...that was just stupid. I knew better than that. Mom would have given her life for any of us. All of us. Jaime I am so sorry. I wasted all this time acting like I hated you. _Actually hating you_. I was wrong.”

”We've already been through this, haven’t we?”

”We have. I never realized what you went through as a little boy. I never considered your feelings when mom died. I mean, I never looked at it as though you lost her too. Or what you were feeling because she died sacrificing part of her body for you and then ultimately her life.”

”Enough. You’re sorry. It’s over. You should go now.”

”You believe me this time, don’t you? I love you and I want things to be right between us. I would love to come see you in Mereen and spend some time there.”

”I don’t think that’s any good idea.”

”What harm could it do? It will bring us closer.”

”We’ll see Cersei. I have things to take care of now, so if you will excuse me for a while.”

”What things?”

  
“What do you mean?”

”Like, you mean, ‘ _take care, take care_?’” She looked at his undone zipper and smirked.

”What? No! Get out!” He walked her to the door and went to the shower.

_She cannot possibly think I believe anything that crosses her lips. And there is no way in seven hells that she is coming to Mereen. Not with Brienne there. No fucking way._

Jaime looked in the bathroom mirror and he liked what he saw. His hair was a mess, the way Brienne liked it. His five o’clock shadow was showing up, which Brienne had also commented on - it made him look rugged and less boyish, she had said. She liked him both ways. _O_ _h it would be nice if Brienne were here with me. I miss her. The last few months have been...she isn’t getting tired of me, is she? She seemed happy that I was leaving. I suppose a break wouldn’t hurt. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, which I am learning._ He locked the door and started the shower. Steam filled the room quickly. He couldn't get Brienne off his mind; he wondered how she was really doing and why she was so happy for him to be home. 

_Has she met someone? She talked of privacy before. Did she need her own privacy? No. Did she? Was she going to...Brienne wouldn't do that. Would she?_ The thought wouldn't leave him. As angry as it made him to think of her sexually involved with someone, he became incredibly turned on. As he leaned against the marble counter, he felt his cock harden. He had thought about Brienne many times. He wanted to kiss her full lips. He wanted to caress her legs, her back, her tight, flat stomach...he wanted to touch every part of her. He fantasized about her countless times but he always stopped himself before it got too far. She wasn't his. She would never be his. He didn't deserve her. He was a million miles from her now and he could let himself go. He missed her and wanted her more than he ever had before. Was it because she was now out of reach? Because he didn't know if she was with someone else? It was torture night after night sleeping next to the woman he was in love with and not being able to touch her as he wanted. His only relief was in the shower - and that was only when she wasn't home. He ached for her under his jeans. He couldn't get out of them fast enough. He got into the shower with only his imagination...and his imagination brought her right into his arms.

**************************

Brienne woke up late two mornings in a row. She hadn't slept well without Jaime there. _I bet he's sleeping like a baby...home finally, for the first time in months. He must be enjoying Tyrion, and Aunt Genna. She was always kind to me. I don't envy him with Cersei though. Perhaps they're getting on just fine. People change. Although somehow...I can't see Cersei Lannister changing for the better._ The phone rang just as she sat up to get out of the bed.

"Hi! I can't believe you're calling so...early? Is it early there in King's Landing?"

He chuckled a bit. "Yeah, it's quite early. It's almost lunch here. So...it's what...10:00 at home?"

"Home? Oh! Here...yes. I just woke up actually."

"Really? Me too."

"Well you slept late."

"I can't sleep. It's like...I dunno."

"I know. I can't sleep either." She swallowed hard.

"Are you alright?" Jaime asked softly.

She paused a moment, thinking that she missed him. "I'm good. Really. Aren't you enjoying being home?"

"This isn't home anymore. Home is...home is...not here."

"Jaime...it can't be all bad. I mean, how's Cersei treating you?"

"She's alright. I'm still suspicious. She wants me to go see her play at the Dragon's Den. And she asked me to sit in. I'm not sure I care for that much."

"Perhaps you should! It will be fun for you. You love to play music and I know you miss it."

"Not as much as you might think."

"You? Come on. If your fingers aren't tickling the keys they must be broken."

"You're right. What are your weekend plans?"

"Well...Tormund and I are going to do some practicing together."

"Tormund...the big ginger guy?"

She laughed, "Behave, Lannister."

"I'm not the one having members of the opposite sex over while I am home alone."

"You sound quite jealous."

"I do, don't I?"

The doorbell rang. "Oh fuck!" She said into the phone.

"What's wrong?"

"Well...I overslept and the bell just rang. That's him now. I'm so sorry. I've got to go now."

"Brienne!"

"Yeah?"

"Should I be?"

"What's that, now?"

"Jealous. Should I be?"

Her heart pounded, and she slowly smiled. Then it faded to nothing. "Why _would_ you be?" She asked running down the stairs.

"Well, it's just...I mean...you know. Do you...fancy big gingers? Wh-what I mean is...does he play better than me?"

"No one will ever play like you, Jaime. Ever. I've got to go now. Call me tonight?"

"Sure. I lo-I'll um...be looking forward to it. Enjoy."

"You too."

They hung up. Jaime was miserable. _Enjoy? What the fuck was I thinking? Stupidest Lannister strikes again. Geez. What the fuck is Tormund Giantsbane doing in MY house? OUR house? Piss._

Later that evening, Jaime caved in and went with Cersei to hear her sing at the Dragon's Den. He sat with his father, brother, and Aunt Genna, who he convinced to come along. Cersei sang beautifully, but he wasn't all that impressed. He was a little bored to be honest and downright uninterested. Cersei sauntered over to their front row table. "Jaime, will you play a little? It would be a dream to perform with you again." She sat on his lap and put her arm around his neck.

"I don't think..."

"Oh Jaime! That would be wonderful, don't you think?" Aunt Genna exclaimed. "I haven't heard you play in so long. I have missed it."

"I could play for you at home sometime."

"You look good under the spotlight. Like a true golden lion." Aunt Genna commented.

"Now you're trying to sweet-talk me." He smiled widely at his aunt.

"Is it working?"

"I suppose." He looked up at Cersei and said, "I'm only doing this for Aunt Genna. I'm still cross with you. You understand?"

Cersei kissed him on the cheek and said, "Thank you little brother. You will not regret it."

"Somehow...I find that hard to believe," he said.

Jaime sat in on the entire next set. He played flawlessly and had to smile and admit to himself that he did love the spotlight. He felt comfortable there. He felt as though he faded away into an alternate universe where he was playing with and only for Brienne. He could live on that stage forever if it meant he could say everything he needed to say to her in a song.

After the last set, a gentlemen in a suit approached Jaime. "That was quite the performance."

"Thank you." Jaime shook his hand, and gave him a warm smile.

"Robert Baratheon, Executive Producer and Owner of Stag Records."

The young lion's jaw dropped and soon the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. "Jaime Lannister. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Baratheon."

"Robert's fine. Just Robert. You um...ever thought about recording?"

Cersei nearly dropped the microphone she was putting away. She spun around to see Jaime and the man he was speaking with. She couldn't believe the handsome man that was before her brother. Why was he speaking with Jaime when _she_ was the star? Jaime was merely back-up. She walked over to them.

"Jaime? Care to introduce me to your new acquaintance?"

"I'll introduce myself. Robert Baratheon. You had quite the performance as well."

"Why, thank you." Cersei said. "Did I hear you speaking with my brother about recording?"

"Your brother is extremely talented. I'm looking to produce an instrumental album in the new year. I thought he might have something to contribute."

"Jaime! That sounds absolutely splendid! Don't you think?" Cersei beamed at her twin brother with all the fake pride any true lioness could exude.

"It does sound promising."

"Here is my card." Robert said handing Jaime a shiny, card-shaped piece of metal engraved with his contact information. "I don't suppose you have a card."

"No, I am sorry, I don't. I've never had the need before."

Tywin walked over and the men struck up a conversation and ended with Tywin saying, "You can reach Jaime through me. Here's my card."

Robert smiled and shook Jaime's hand again before stepping off the stage. 

*********************************

"Tell me you're going to record with him." Cersei said in the hallway between their bedrooms.

"I don't know."

"How can you _not_ know? It's the opportunity of a lifetime that you may never have again. It could open doors for us that will..."

"Us? Of course that's what this is."

"Jaime. Be real."

"No. You be real. Do you think _I_ need Robert Baratheon and Stag Records to open doors for me? I thought you were smarter than that. I have enough talent that I can record with anyone. I don't need him or his money. I can open my own studio..."

"But you need his management."

"My father is Tywin Lannister. I can have any manager in the universe when I am ready." He went into his room and shut the door locking it behind him.

Jaime dialed Brienne's number and when she answered, he could barely hear her with all the music playing.

"Where _are you?"_ He asked. 

"I'm home! Hang on just a sec. I will go outside!" She ran upstairs and he could hear the sliding door of his bedroom open to the balcony.

"What is going on?" He demanded.

"Oh! We were just having a few friends over to rehearse a few songs. How are you?"

 _"We?_ You sound winded."

"I just ran up the stairs that's all." 

"What's really going on?"

"Tormund, Ygritte, Mel, and a few others stopped by for a jam session. It's been quite fun actually. I can't wait for you to join us when you get back."

"Really? Tormund's been there all day?"

"Well, he left for a while this afternoon. He told a few friends about our set up and then called me back and I said they should come play. We sound pretty good together, you know. Well, it would be perfect if you were with us..."

"Brienne...you trust these people? I mean, you're there alone."

"Jaime...yes. Mel was my room mate, Tormund is like a big teddy bear and Ygritte's just cool as shit, you've got to meet her."

"Can't wait."

"What's wrong, Jai?"

"Nothing. Go play with your new friends. We'll talk soon."

"No! Wait! I can talk now. I..."

"Later."

He hung up and tossed his phone across the room on the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair. Brienne dialed his number but he didn't even know because it was on silent. He reached for his guitar but ultimately left it alone. He certainly didn't want to play now.

The next evening Tywin asked Jaime to join him for dinner at the Silver Scales, owned by Brandon Tully. Jaime sat quietly sulking most of the evening, just listening to his father speak. His arms were folded, he barely sipped his wine and he couldn't decide what to order.

"Son, what the hell is wrong?"

"Nothing, father. I'm sorry. I _am_ enjoying this time with you."

"You're not."

"I am. I am sorry I was a bit distant."

"What have I been rambling about for the last 10 minutes?"

"I...Baratheon something?"

"Yes. Baratheon something."

"I'm sorry."

"I thought you would be excited to discuss this opportunity."

"It's a great opportunity. It is."

"But?"

"Nothing. I will be happy to work with him."

"Jaime...I want you to do what you feel is right. What makes you happy."

"Thank you."

"You know...you told Cersei that you didn't need anyone. That you had me, and your own or _my_ money. That's true. But you don't want to rely on what you can do for yourself. It's also nice to have your talent recognized by others, isn't it?"

"It is dad. I know and understand that. I just...I just said that to Cersei. Mostly because she was only happy for me because of what it might mean for her. She hasn't changed much, has she?"

"I'm afraid not." Tywin said into his wine glass.

"When would Robert want to do this recording?"

"Not until the new year. Perhaps in a few months."

"So I could fly home, do the recording and fly right back to school?"

"I don't think it's quite that quick."

"I don't make mistakes. I can do it in a day."

"I love your confidence." Tywin said taking another bite of his fish.

"I don't make mistakes. I haven't made a mistake in years. I can do it in a day. Especially if he sends me the music in advance."

"I know."

"And you truly want me to be happy? No matter what?"

"Of course."

"Please let me go home." Jaime said looking into his father's eyes.

Tywin noted how serious and sad his son looked. He hadn't seen this side of him for a long time.

"Aren't you already home?"

"This is not home. Not any more. It's just not."

"You're missing your friend."

Jaime looked at his father. Then at his wine glass. Tywin said, "You've always loved her haven't you?"

Jaime took another sip of wine and said, "I believe so," placing his glass back on the table. Then he picked it up again, sipped, and said, "I haven't told her how I feel. But...I really want her to know. I can't tell her over the phone."

"No, of course not. And she won't come here."

"I'm afraid not. I wouldn't do that to her. Not with Cersei."

"No self-respecting Lannister handles business of love by phone. And it's perfect timing really...with the new year approaching..."

"So you understand?"

"Did you really think I wouldn't?"

"You're going to let me go back?"

"I've missed you, my boy. It's been good to see you. But I understand."

"Really!?"

"Really. I will book a flight tomorrow. You'll be home in time to celebrate the new year together."

"You won't tell Cersei, will you?"

"No. But you will tell Tyrion yourself. I'm not going to be the one to tell him."

Jaime smiled brightly. "Tyrion will understand. I know he will." He took another sip of wine and finally tried some of his lobster. "Thank you, dad. Really. You couldn't possibly know how much this means to me."

"Oh...I have an idea." Tywin said sipping his wine with a smile.

***************************

Two days later, Jaime was on a plane headed for Mereen. He hadn't told Brienne he was coming, and he took a cab to the condo. His heart raced as he put the key into the door and turned the knob. 

He found her in the living room, sitting on the floor at the coffee table playing a board game with Tormund and Mel. They were drinking and laughing. Music was playing on the stereo. 

"That's my song! I love that song!" Tormund exclaimed. He took a sip of whatever it was he was drinking and said, "Brienne, you've _got_ to dance with me."

"I do not!"

"She doesn't dance!" Mel said, "She will never dance - not even with me!"

"She'd dance with me." Brienne's head snapped around when she heard Jaime's voice from the hall. He was standing there looking cool, leaning on the door frame with hands in his pockets and his ankles crossed.

"Jaime!" She ran to him and threw her arms around him, kissing him on the cheek. "Gods, you're home!" She smiled.

He put his arms around her waist and held her to him. "I am. This is a sweet homecoming."

"I thought you wouldn't be back for weeks." She whispered.

"I need to talk to you. Now." He whispered back.

"Is something wrong?"

"No." He touched her cheek and looked into her eyes, "I hope not. Can you come upstairs? To our room?"

"Our room?"

"Well...we've shared it long enough, don't you think?"

"Oh. I...we have. I'll be right up. Jaime? Did you bring someone...I'll be right up."

"I bet you haven't fed Daenerys in days."

"I fed her this afternoon for your information."

Jaime grinned and headed up the stairs, but stopped midway, "Hello you two! I'll be down soon."

"Looking forward to it, Lannister. I'd love to beat you in a riff off."

"No chance, Giantsbane. No chance." He continued up the stairs and dropped his bag on the floor in front of the bed. The room was neat and well kept. The bed was made, the bathroom was clean, everything was perfect - just as he knew Brienne would keep it. 

"Jai? You wanted to talk?" She asked, walking into the room. She was wearing his old, worn out, grey sweat pants - the ones she always stole - and a black, cropped T-Shirt.

He sat down on the bed, "Come sit down." When she sat, he stood up abruptly and paced the room. "Stand up." He commanded. She did as she was told and he paced more. "Jaime? Please just tell me." She was nervous and on the verge of tears. She didn't quite know why. She expected this; she had said as much herself. He was going to meet someone someday and she would have to sleep in her own room. Or worse, did he want her to move out? _Already? She only just moved in._ She followed his pacing.

"There is no easy way to say it."

She leaned against the wall and said, "Then just blurt it out!" 

He stalked toward her and placed his hands on the wall on either side of her head. "Just blurt it out?"

He saw the look in her eyes - slightly intimidated, nervous. The vein in her neck was pulsing and her breath quickened. She responded, "Come on golden lion, just do it!" The confidence in her voice was almost a challenge and certainly betrayed her body language. He looked into her eyes and pressed his lips against hers. 

She was shocked and frozen at first, but her lips were incredibly soft and inviting. He couldn't stop now. Suddenly she began kissing him back. Now she couldn't stop. He opened his mouth against hers and breathed her in. She found his tongue and his body pressed against hers. His hands found her waist, and he pulled away from the wall. Her hands were in his hair and then around his neck. She broke free from his kiss and held him close, her forehead resting on his shoulder.

They were both out of breath. Finally after a few moments, Jaime said, "That's not what I had planned. It turned out much better."

"What exactly _did_ you want to say?" Brienne asked.

Jaime pulled away, taking her hand and leading her out to the balcony. "I wanted to say that I came home because I missed you. I couldn't stay away, and I am tired pretending that I don't have feelings for you deeper than friendship."

"I think you said it rather eloquently." She kissed him again and as he deepened the kiss and held her in his arms, the sky exploded with fireworks welcoming 1996.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think?


	21. Chapter 21

**2020 - King's Landing  
Brienne's Home**

Jaime opened his eyes. He had finally slept so soundly and felt so much at peace that when he saw the blue and white ceiling above him, it took him a moment to realize where he really was. He looked over at Brienne sleeping sleeping next to him and smiled. She was lying on her stomach, sound asleep, with one arm under the pillow and the other resting at her side. She had one leg stretched out and the other was bent. The blanket fell below her hip and covered only half of her butt and the leg that stretched out straight. He could see the other half of those scars clearly now. Scars he wished didn't exist. They didn't make her any less perfect in his eyes. _She'll always be perfect to me. That just...didn't have to happen._ He'd never forgive himself, although it wasn't really his fault. _Her body is perfect. Her heart is pure and perfect. The scars I placed on her heart far outweigh those on her skin. How did the gods ever see me fit for her? How did she ever see me worthy?_

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. She remembered the night before and blushed, but only a little. "Hi," she said.

"Good morning." He smiled and pulled her into his arms. She kissed his chest and closed her eyes. He laid flat on his back and she rested her head on his chest, asking, "Did you sleep well?"

"Best I've slept in a very long time." He said tying to pull the blankets over them both. He could barely close his fingers around the blanket to get a good grip, so Brienne helped.

She looked up at him, "I'm happy to hear that," she smiled. "How do you feel?"

He caressed her lips with his own and answered, "Like I am alive," he kissed her and then looked at her face, her hair and into her eyes, "and drunk on sunlight," he said against her lips. He kissed her harder, slid his hand down her body and pressed himself against her. She sighed into his kiss and wrapped her leg around him. Her heart was about to explode. She ached for him - not only with her body; with her heart. She couldn't believe they were sharing a bed again after all this time. _So much for taking things slow._ She was thankful, she was excited, she was sad and heartbroken. Was he going to stay this time? Did he mean what he said about forever and having children? Was this going to be her life from now on? It was always her life - enjoying Jaime every moment she could and being terrified that something or someone would snatch him away any second. She wanted to look at him, to see his face and read every change upon it. Yet she couldn't open her eyes. She pushed him over onto his back again and straddled him. She could feel him inside her. She sucked in a deep breath and her head fell back. He lifted himself up on his elbows and looked at her. She was an exquisite sight to him. He was careful of his right hand, but his fingers grazed her skin with feather-light touches across her thighs, her sides, her breasts and up to her neck. 

She was torn between how good she felt, how happy she wanted to be and how scared she was. She wanted him. She wanted all of him. She accepted that he loved her and always had and now that he said it out loud, finally, she couldn't bare to think of losing him again. She stayed all these years and gave up so much, lost so much, and although she still grieved that loss, she gained much along the way and this moment made it all worth it, didn't it? 

She rocked her hips against him and his left hand gripped her tighter, "I love you," he said. She felt the tears slide down her cheeks and tried to be slow and nonchalant about it when she put her hands up to her face. As soon as her hands left his chest, he opened his eyes and looked at her face. He grabbed her wrists before her hands reached her face. He sat up immediately and held her against his body. She never opened her eyes, she just buried her head in the crook of his neck and cried as he held her. 

Jaime stayed silent as he held on tight. His hands roamed her back and waist and he kissed her shoulder. "Shhh...my love. I know you're scared. I'm not the easiest man to love, am I?" He held her face in his hands, looking into those beautiful eyes he could drown in.

"I didn't mean to ruin the moment. You're very easy to love. Just not so easy to keep."

Tears stung his eyes. "I know I've broken promises to you before. I've regretted them all from the moment I broke them. I never wanted things to be that way. I did what I thought was best at the time. I was lost and confused and scared - and that sounds utterly ridiculous. I was just stupid. They are not excuses, Brienne, I swear to you. It's honestly how I felt. I thought it was better for you to not be with me and instead of protecting you, I broke your heart. I should have known that at the time. But I was a real shit at reality. I thought you were okay because you stayed and you were...I knew. Sometimes I knew it hurt you and you were just being strong. You never should have stayed. I swear to you...I will never hurt you again. You will have anything and everything you need, want, desire...I won't walk away again. Nothing will tear us apart."

"I know. I know. I've always forgiven you. I always felt like a fool coming back for more and hoping there was something between us; that you would see it and that someday we'd be together forever. Now I feel like this is it...I finally have you but it's just a cruel joke. As happy as I am, I'm just as broken. I don't want to be. I don't want to feel this way."

"I've never wanted to not be with you. I have wanted to marry you since I was ten years old. I fucked that up over and over, but never again. I promise. If you'll have me, we will be married and we will make as many beautiful babies as you want."

She took a deep breath, let it out and looked away from him. She whispered, "Oh gods, please...please...forgive me. Jaime...there is so much I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"We've both made mistakes in our relationship. I knew why you made the decisions you did. I can't fault you for feeling the way you did, and at the time...even now. I understood why it was happening. I was angry. I was fearful of how Cersei would react and the things she would do, so I accepted and respected your choices and that's why I made the decisions I made. I've never been with anyone but you. There is only you, Jaime - you're the first and you're my last."

"We don't have to talk about..."

"We do. And we will. It's not fair to either of us if we don't Just...not right now, okay? Please...not right now."

"I won't push you. Whenever you're ready."

His heart was full and so were his eyes. She leaned in to kiss him. His cock stirred inside her and began to grow hard again. She arched her pelvis and rolled her hips and there it was, fully hard again. She moved her legs so they were straight on either side of him and he moved himself on top of her and made love to her. She could feel tears on her cheeks and she cried along with him. She looked at him and wiped his tears. "How can we hurt so bad and feel so good at the same time?" She asked, wrapping her legs around him.

He answered, "It's never going to hurt to love me again. Understand?" He didn't stop this time. She wouldn't have let him. They needed each other desperately, they couldn't get close enough. They moved together, sighed together, moaned together and found their release together.

He held her close after. "Can we just stay here forever and die like this?"

"I want to have a life with you first." Brienne said.

Jaime's phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and said, "so much for sunshine. A giant rain cloud just filled my sky."

Brienne ruffled her brows. Jaime answered the phone and Brienne sank under the covers when she heard, "Kingslayer!"

"King." Jaime replied with little emotion.

"I'm sorry I missed you in Essos."

"No, you're not."

"Come now, good brother. I've always liked you despite everything. Felt sorry for you, but I liked you. I'm seeing our lioness today."

"For the first time?"

"Yeah. I've been here a few days but I've been putting it off."

"Took some time to visit a few friends?"

"Don't start with me Lannister. You know the arrangement. And with your new found freedom, I need not guess who's bed you're finally in."

"What do you want then?"

"I just wanted to check on you. See how you are doing."

"I'm alright."

"Come on Jaime. How are you really?"

"My sister tried to kill me. The man she couldn't live without. Her reason for living. I've had two surgeries a week apart and I can barely use my hand. I have months of physical therapy to go through."

"Tell me you're pressing charges. Tell me you're done for good."

Jaime was silent. "Jaime." Robert pressed.

"Yeah. Both. Yeah."

"Why the hesitation?"

"What are you going to see her for? Aren't you done too?"

"Yeah. I hope to be. It will be a long time before Cersei and I are ever really done. I'm really sorry for how all this turned out."

"Not as sorry as I am."

"What will you do?"

"Live day by day I suppose."

"Why did you leave Essos? Are you coming back?"

"Only if I have to. I suppose there will be a trial or something."

"She isn't getting out of this. Your father can't just..."

"He won't," Jaime was adamant. Then he thought about the past and relented with, "At least, that's what he's promised."

"We'll see. Have you seen Joffrey?"

"He's well. He's in King's Landing. For now, he's with my father and the twins."

"Jaime...Cersei is going to want to see him."

"He doesn't want to see her."

"Don't you think he should?"

"No, I don't, actually. I promised him I would never make him see her again if he didn't want to."

"How can you promise that?"

"Come on, Robert."

"She is his mother. She still has rights. And despite everything, she loves him."

"Cersei doesn't know what love is. If she does, it's quite clear she loves only herself. I will not force him to see her. He has been through enough." Brienne grabbed his arm and looked at him with pleading eyes. He kissed her on the head and paced the room.

Robert asked, "And the twins?"

"Do you think it's wise for the twins to travel to Essos just to see their mother behind bars? A mother they barely know?"

"You know I have legal authority. If she puts up a fuss I can't deny her..."

"Robert...I understand that. But have some empathy for their feelings. They're children."

"I am thinking of their feelings too. What if they ask to see her?"

"It's not Cersei they ask for."

"It's not. So don't you think it's time they have a proper life with people who care for them and want to be with them?" 

Jaime stared out the window. He looked back to Brienne who gave a small smile. It gave him hope and made him feel slightly at ease. Jaime said to Robert, "Can we talk about all of this in person? I can meet you half way between here and Essos, or anywhere you like."

"I understand it's a lot all at once. The incident, an upcoming trial, the aftermath..."

"I am not disagreeing with you. I am not." He looked back at Brienne. "I love them. I want them. I just think there is a lot to discuss. Cersei will never give up her rights to the children and legally...on paper..."

"I do love them, Jaime. I want you to know that. I always have. None of this their fault. But none of this is fair either. Not to anyone."

"Especially you, I know. Can we...please keep this between us for now?"

"Sure. There is a lot to consider. I don't know even know if they will take away Cersei's rights to the children, but if they do...there is no one better to take care of them than...than you."

"Right."

"I'll call you after I've seen Cersei."

Jaime nodded as though Robert were able to see him.

Robert said, "Goodbye, Kingslayer."

"King."

Jaime tossed the phone on the bed and looked at Brienne. He didn't know where to begin. Should he ask how she would feel about taking in the children? He knew how she would feel. But it's so soon to be thrust into this with him. They were finally about to start a life together and...how could he think that his children wouldn't be a part of that? He knew. He just didn't think that all three of them would be thrown at both of them so quickly. He sat down on the bed beside her and looked into her eyes. Before he could say anything she smiled and said, "Get dressed."

"We need to talk."

"Not naked we don't." She smiled, "I haven't given you the grand tour of this place. Come on, go have a wee...brush your teeth, and I will show you around. I'll meet you in the hall. Then we'll go out for breakfast."

"We can't put this off."

"Will you trust me?"

They met in the hall and Brienne took his hand and lead him to the other side of the house. "I meant it when I said I love you, Jaime. To love you is not only loving you...it's loving all that comes with you. It's accepting all that comes with you. I've never given up on you...on us. I've tried. Gods know how hard I tried. It just wasn't possible. So when I bought this place...this massive, unnecessarily - too - large -just-for-me home...I didn't really buy it just for me. Open the door."

Jaime looked at her and reached for the door handle. "Go on." She smiled.

He opened the door to another hallway leading to more five more bedrooms and an entirely separate living area. He couldn't believe his eyes. "This is too much." He said.

"Too much for just me. Or just us. But not too much three children."

He looked back at her again, put his arms around her and kissed her. "Brienne are you sure about this? This is a lot for you to take on..."

"Tell me...Jaime...what's so different? Honestly. I have taken care of them all since they were born. I spent more time with Joffrey, yes. But, it's not as if we don't know each other. After all...It's not Cersei they ask for."

"They love you, they really do. It will be an adjustment having them all together 100% of the time. If you prefer me to take them to my place, you can come there with us."

"You didn't want to go to your place. I wouldn't have shown this to you if I didn't want to do this. If you and your children are okay with this, then so am I. I hope you all are."

"I am. I will never be able to thank you enough."

"You don't have to thank me. Just love me."

He pushed her against the wall and kissed her. "We might need a bigger place, sooner than later."

"I can only hope."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert visits Cersei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is not canon at all. At least I don't think so. Robert is actually being genuine here. So is Cersei. I am anxious to hear your thoughts on this chapter, and continue writing on. I've been away from this too long and I am excited to be back at it.
> 
> Thanks for coming back!

**2020 - ESSOS**

**ESSOSI ASSYLUM & DETENTION CENTER **

Cersei Lannister sat alone in an 8'x8' windowless room with white cement block walls and a white ceiling. The lights were bright. There was a single bed with one pillow and one blanket. On the other wall was a toilet without a lid, a small sink and a desk, which was attached to the wall, and a chair, which was bolted to the floor. There really was no point in the desk. She could ask for paper and a pen, but they would only give her one sheet at a time and a single black crayon due to safety reasons. The door was bolted shut 24 hours a day, every day. She was considered dangerous and was only allowed 30 minutes outside each day, but even then, she was locked in a cage that was 13 feet in height and 15 feet wide by 15 feet long. When she would go outside, she usually just sat on the ground, or laid flat on her back soaking up the sunshine.

Most days she was silent, refusing to answer questions. She'd occasionally ask for water, but that was mostly the extent of it. She hadn't asked for phone calls, she knew there was no point - who would speak with her? Certainly not Jaime after what she'd done. The children? _I've ruined everything with everyone...Jaime...my children...Robert. I have nothing at all now. No family, no career...no Jaime._ Tears streamed down her face. _Father will never forgive me...Jaime can't possibly forgive me or ever truly love me after this. What in seven hells was I thinking? I wasn't. Something is wrong with me. My own children don't even cry for me. What's wrong with me? Why have I done these horrible things - to my own brother for fucks sake?_

A face appeared in the narrow window of the door. It was just barely enough for guards to see in and for her to see them. This time, it was Robert. She stood from the bed and moved to the door so quickly it was as though she was in disbelief - she was seeing a ghost.

  
"Robert!? Is that you?" She put her hand up to the glass.

He nodded and put his hand up to hers. 

"Will they let you in? Please, _please_ say they'll let you in."

Suddenly Robert was gone and the guard appeared. He said, "I can let him in. I'm going to open the slot. Put your hands out." A small slot just big enough for Cersei's hands to fit through was opened. She complied with the request and felt the metal hand cuffs slap around her wrists. Reality hit Robert hard in the chest. He swallowed hard and leaned against the wall.

The guard continued, "Stand next to the foot of the bed with your nose against the empty wall. I am going to open the door and come in with another guard behind me. If you move before you're told, you will not receive your visitor, you will be sedated and moved to the dark cells for three days. Do you understand?"

"I do." She replied.

The two guards stepped in; the first guard searched her and the second searched her cell for any dangerous items. Cersei remained as still as stone against the wall although tears traced her cheeks. "Mrs. Baratheon, turn slowly to me and sit at the center of the bed."

Her ankles were shackled. The chain between them was locked to an eye-bolt welded into the floor beside the bed. She would be able to stand, but she wouldn't be able to walk so much as two inches from the bed. Her hands remained cuffed behind her back. The guards exited the room and said to Robert, "Mr. Baratheon, the door can remain closed for a private conversation, but unlocked should you decide to leave early. We will be just outside the door at all times. Your wife will remain cuffed and shackled. You may touch her it she allows it. You have 20 minutes visitation."

"Thank you."

When Robert entered the room Cersei jumped up to run to him, but her chains stopped her. He caught her before she fell over. She burst into tears and he held her. He swallowed hard and held on to her for dear life. "Oh Gods Robert! I need to put my arms around you!" She sobbed.

"For fuck's sake Cersei!" He continued to hold her, "What did you go and do this time?" He backed away from her and put his hand on her cheek. "You make it so hard sometimes, do you know that?" He scolded her.

She could see the tears standing in his eyes. He continued, "Your brother, Cers. Your _twin._ The one you love most in this world, remember?"

She couldn't look at him. He went on, "You make it hard. Hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to go on half the bloody time, and you know it don't you? But it doesn't matter does it? Because it's not your fault. And I will still go on loving you. And you know that too. But even if you don't know...I am standing here a fucked over fool, still fucking loving you."

"Robert..."

"I can't help you this time. I can't take fix this. Even if I could..." he shook his head, "You know it's time."

"Yes." She whispered.

"I know you're hurting. There is no way you can't admit that. I love you my lioness, I always will. I love the children. I even love your brother, after all this time. Fuck...I loved him first. The best thing I can do for you is let you stay."

Tears still stung her eyes. She knew Robert wasn't wrong in leaving her there. She knew he wanted her to finally give in and get the help she needed. Still, she had to know, "Please tell me this...did you...do you...honestly love me? Have you ever?"

"Oh Cersei...if I didn't...would I have bothered to come?"

"I know. I had to ask."

"I know. You wouldn't be _you_ if you didn't. "

"Have you seen or spoken to Joffrey? The twins?"

"Not yet. Joffrey's out of school. Tywin and Tyrion got him out in the middle of the night to avoid a fiasco. He's okay. He is home with Tywin and the twins."

"And Jaime?"

"Jaime is back in King's Landing."

"I'm so sorry. I know I did it, I admit that I did. But I..." she furrowed her brow and looked the floor, shaking her head. She looked back to Robert, "Its such a blur, I barely remember it all. I need to remember. I need to hear his voice. Just to know he is okay."

"He almost died. He had two surgeries in a week's time and will be in physical therapy for a long, long time."

"Can he play?"

"Not now."

"Someday?"

"Perhaps."

"Will you bring the children? Ever?"

"Cersei..."

"They are all I will ever have."

"Cers...you might lose your parental rights."

"What? No Robert! That's all I ask...please, don't take them from me!"

"You are in no condition to raise children. If we're being truthful, you _never were_. You will be here at least until Joffrey is 18 and by then...Tommen and 'Cella will be right behind him. They won't even know you."

"They barely know me now."

He looked at her lovingly and with empathy, "You see? You can't expect them to want to be with you - not after you've nearly killed their...Uncle Jaime. Cersei, don't make things harder than they are."

"If I can't fight for them, I have nothing to fight for. If I don't fight for them, they will feel as though I gave up and don't care for them or love them."

"They already feel that way. I think it's best to turn custody over to Jaime now, don't you?"

" _Jaime?_ I can't do that. Why would you...you're their father."

"Yeah, Cersei. I am their father." He said looking into her eyes. "And I love them dearly. I do. But they are best with Jaime now."

"Why might that be?"

"You know why."

Cersei sobbed. Robert sat next to her on the bed and put his arm around her. "Don't send them to him. Please."

"I am never home. Neither of us - you nor I - have ever taken care of them. When you were on the road, Jaime did more to raise the children and look after them than either of us."

"Say it Robert...it wasn't Jaime. They love _her_."

"Don't be angry."

"You're not sending them to Jaime. You're sending them to Brienne."

"You did them wrong Cersei. They were babies and you ignored them. You mistreated them; you put Joffrey in harm's way more than once."

"They are _my babies_."

"Yes. They are, my darling. They are your babies. Your little lion cubs. Aren't they?" Tears filled his eyes, "They were yours to show love to and protect and care for. And you didn't. You couldn't. They are not your pawns, Cersei. If I am their father, I can't let them be. It's time to let go. Find a way to let go of all your anger and hatred and get yourself together."

"For what?"

"For you, my darling. For you." he kissed her lips and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please, please tell me what you thought of this chapter. 
> 
> Apparently, through everything, Robert loves Cersei. He has always known that she has mental health issues and he loved her anyway. He turned a blind eye to many things she has done, but he had his reasons as well. This is really going somewhere with him, and Cersei and the children. Please stay tuned for more soon.


	23. Diving into the Deep End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day at the pool having fun with the Lannister children. They certainly keep Tywin busy and he loves every moment. Jaime and Brienne have a talk with the children.

**2020 - Tywin Lannister's Estate**

**Poolside**

The sound of children laughing and splashing filled the air. Joffrey stood on the diving board as Myrcella pushed the donut into the center of the pool. She held it carefully so that it didn't get away. Joff waited for Tommen meet him on the board. Tommen was supposed to do the count down, but he called out, "Paw!"

Tywin knew what he wanted, so he pretended not to hear, just to tease his grandson. His sunglasses sat on top of his head and he pretended to be reading the paper. 

"Paaaaaw!" Tommen called again.

"He's faking you out, you know that, don't you?" Myrcella asked.

"He thinks I don't know that. But I do." He slinked off the board like a cat and quietly made his way over to his Papa who still hadn't looked up from his paper, but was grinning from ear to ear.

Joffrey said to Myrcella, "Now I've got to stand here and wait for him to play games with Paw? That boy is too much. I'm so pale I'm going to burn up here if he doesn't get his act together."

Myrcella laughed at her big brother. "Check it out Cell, I've been working out at school." He flexed his muscles and turned to each side so his little sister could see.

"Is it working? You're still skinny!" She yelled up at him.

He looked at his arms and laughed, "I think the sun's in your eyes."

They shared a laugh. "I bet that's it," she replied, "you're so white, it's just reflecting off your big ol' biceps."

Tommen snuck around behind Tywin and roared like a lion before wrapping his arms his Papa and soaking his clothes.

"Oh!!! You ferocious lion! You got me good! That's cold!" He shivered and gave Tommen a playful smack with with his paper.

"You can't fool me, Paw, you knew I was coming!"

"I most certainly did not! Now...I suspect you and your brother and sister want me to watch your shenanigans."

"Yep. And count down."

"Alright. Meet your brother up there before he burns."

"I heard that, Paw!" Joffrey called out across the pool.

Tywin laughed and made his way closer to the pool. He stood in his designated spot to count down and watch. The boys were on the board and Myrcella was still in place in the pool, still treading water and holding the donut still.

"3, 2, 1!" Tywin counted, and on "one", Joffrey dove into the donut hole and as soon as he popped out, Tommen dove into the center and then he popped out. Myrcella was about to move the donut when Tywin said, "Doesn't oldest Lannister get a turn?"

All three kids yelled, "Yeah!" Their attention was quickly snapped back to the shallow end when a familiar voice called out,

"Is that really a wise decision? I mean...Lannisters generally don't act like fools, do they? Least of all the old ones." Jaime was smiling wide in a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a pair of blue jeans. He had already removed his shoes when he walked through the house. Brienne was at his side in a pair of cut off jean shorts and a pink tank top.

"Watch me!" With that, Tywin dove into the donut just like his grandsons before him. He swam to the shallow end where Jaime was waiting. "Uncle Jaime!" The twins yelled and jumped out of the pool. 

Jaime said to his father, "I'd applaud your efforts at that sad dive, but..." he held up his bandaged hand for his father to see.

Tywin replied, "No need, my boy! I know how spectacular I am." Tywin said walking up the steps. By the time he got out of the pool, the twins were wrapped up in Jaime and Brienne.

"Uncle Jaime! We didn't know you were coming!" Tommen said.

"We missed you and Bean so much!" Myrcella said.

"We certainly missed all of you!" Jaime said, hugging her again.

Joffrey said, "I'd get a towel but you're already soaked, so..." He hugged Jaime really tight and then gave Brienne an equally, if not tighter hug.

"Oh my, darling boy! Are you doing alright?" She asked quietly before letting him go.

"I'm okay." He answered. 

"Why didn't you call, Uncle Jai?" Tommen asked. 

"This was a bit spur of the moment. I decided just this moment to pop in on you."

"We're so happy you did!" Mycella said, with excitement, as she took a towel from Joffrey.

"Bean! Will you swim with us?" Tommen asked.

"I can't today, love. I don't have a suit with me. But soon, alright?"

"You'd fit one of mother's there in the pool house."

Jaime said, "Not today, cub. But soon, we'll come spend the day. And you all can come to visit us at Brienne's house and swim there, and play the day away."

"What about you? Will swim too?" Tommen asked.

"In a few weeks, I just might." He answered.

"What happened?" Myrcella asked, inspecting Jaime's hand.

Joffrey looked at Jaime and made his way over to the towels to wrap himself up. Jaime looked at his father and then to Brienne. Before anyone could say anything further, Tommen finally asked, "Where's mother? Is she inside?" He seemed to hold his breath as he stared at Jaime's hand. 

Joffrey noticed his brother's anxiety and called him over, "Come sit with me, buddy. We can share a drink. Mum isn't coming this time. Do you want to share orange or strawberry?"

"Grape."

Joffrey made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes, but opened the grape drink and gave his baby brother the first sip. "Thank you." He said.

"Sure, bud."

Joffrey had come to take good care of his younger siblings, just as Jaime had done with Tyrion when they were younger. Thank the gods that Joffrey was mostly Jaime. _Mostly_. There was a time when bits of Cersei showed up. Brienne took care of that as quickly as she could and Jaime was never so thankful for anything in his life. It pained him to see his son torn apart.

"Way to go Joff." Myrcella smiled, "Use those new baby muscles to twist that cap."

"You're going to see these baby muscles in action when I pick you up and toss you in the water." He flexed his right arm and tapped his bi-cep, "look at that...see it? Give it a kiss."

"I can't even find it!" Myrcella laughed. She walked over to her brother and inspected his arm with great drama before giving it a peck. "I'm not kissing you, my lips might fall off!" She exclaimed with laughter.

Joffrey laughed and took a sip of the nasty grape drink he was forcing himself into.

"What is this mess about?" Brienne asked with a giggle.

"They make us work out at school. I was showing my non-existent form."

Jaime laughed. Tywin rolled his eyes.

"So, what did happen to mother this time anyway? It's rare she isn't gracing us with her presence while you're here." Myrcella said.

Joffrey looked at Jaime with a gesture of, "get on with it." 

"Your mother is fine." Joffrey glared at his dad, but remained quiet for the time being.

Jaime continued, "There was...an incident in Essos, which resulted in my injury..."

"Honestlyyyyyy." Joffrey drawled.

"Would _you_ like to tell your nine year old brother and sister the truth?" He asked.

"Jaime..." Brienne said, placing her hand on his knee.

"Go on," Tywin encouraged.

"You know this story?" Tommen asked.

"I do." Tywin answered.

"Wait a minute! Joff knows the story already too? We are always last to know everything!" Myrcella tskd and smirked.

Jaime continued, "I'm sorry I got off to a bad start. I didn't want to hurt you, or alarm you. But your brother is right. The truth is always best. Your mother and I got into an argument that didn't end well. I went to my room and fell asleep. She came into my room to talk to me and when I wouldn't wake up to talk to her, she became even angrier and she shoved a knife through my hand."

" _All the way through!?_ " Tommen screamed.

"All the way through. I called for Brienne and she came to help. Paramedics came and took me to the hospital and two surgeries later...here I am."

"Is she in jail?" Myrcella asked.

"Yes." Jaime answered.

"Are you okay?" Myrcella asked.

"I will be."

"Does it still hurt?" Tommen asked.

"Yeah. It does."

"Well, didn't we all _know_ something like this would happen? I mean, mother always _was_ extremely volatile."

Brienne thought, _she sounds like she is thirty years old. But she always was extremely mature for her age._

Jaime said, "Perhaps we should have. Maybe I did. I don't know, Cella."

"So...she is still in Essos?" The little girl asked.

"She is going to be there for a long time. There will probably be a trial..."

"Why are we going to bother with that? Somehow she _always_ gets away with everything she does. We spill fruit punch on the carpet or have a snack in the wrong room and get punished. Cersei "Song Bird" Lannister can lock Tommen and I in a hotel bathroom - _on purpose_ \- and somehow she is hailed as mom of the year by Time Magazine."

"Cella..." Jaime started.

"Aren't you tired of her, Uncle Jaime? Make this stop! _Please. Look at you..._ she could have ruined... _did she ruin your career?_ "

"Myrcella, calm down." Joffrey said.

She slunk down in her chair and folded her arms. Jaime reached for her hand. "Cella...look at me. I promise that as long as I am alive, your mother..."

"Cersei." She interrupted.

Jaime went on, "Cersei. Will never hurt any of us again."

"Are we supposed to go see her?" Tommen asked.

"Only if you want to. I won't make you go if you don't want to. But if you do want to, your dad and I will take you. Together."

"Dad? Where is he in all this? Essos?" Myrcella asked.

"You're okay with going to see her?" Joffrey asked.

"I have no desire to see or speak to her ever again. But for the three of you, I would if you needed me to."

"How can you two possibly be twins?" Myrcella commented.

"I wonder that myself, everyday." Tywin replied.

Joffrey walked to the trash can to dispose of the empty bottle he shared with Tommen.

Tommen said, "Brienne should have just been our mom. It would just be so much better."

Joffrey looked to Brienne and Jaime and cocked his eyebrow.

"Don't say it." Brienne said and she hung her head. Joffrey put his hands up in surrender.

"So just like that...we never have to see her again if we don't want to?"

"I don't know about that," Jaime said, "I said you didn't have to see her while she was in jail."

"You said as long as you were alive, she would never hurt any of us again." Myrcella cried.

"That's right. I did, Cell, but listen..."

"No, no, no. _No_." She was adamant. "Prison or home, or in a field of wild flowers, I don't want to have to see her. You promised."

Jaime looked at Brienne who walked over to Myrcella and knelt before her so they were at eye-level. "Listen to me," Brienne turned to Tommen and Joffrey, "Come here, both of you." She held her hand out for Tommen and he took it. "All of you...I love you. Each of you, and your...Jaime loves you more than you will ever understand. We will do anything in this world to keep you safe. No one will hurt you again. I would fight off wild bears to keep safe. If I failed in the past, I am so, so sorry. Uncle Jaime and I can only do what the law allows us to. But we will fight for your best interest with everything we have. If you don't want to see Cersei...we will not force you - any of you. But if it is ordered by a judge, I will lay my life down for you before she hurts you. I swear my life to you."

The twins wrapped their arms around her. Jaime stood and walked to the house without a word or a look back. Joffrey already knew of Brienne's sincerity. She already had laid her life down for him once before. 

"Come on you two, let's go have some fun. Bean's always going to take care of us. You know that." He smiled at her and said, "Go check on Uncle Jai. He probably needs you." he nodded toward the house. "By the way...you've never. Ever. Failed." He smiled, and Brienne gave him a smile back.

Tywin added, "Go on. I'll keep watch out here."

Brienne found Jaime pacing like a caged lion in the grand ballroom. "Hey." She said upon entering. He looked at her and said nothing. He just clenched his jaw and turned away. He walked to the piano and ran his left hand along the shiny black surface. He opened the lid and slowly ran the fingers of his left hand across the keys.

Brienne just watched silently as he pecked out a few notes with is left hand. He moved his right hand up to the keys, but it was too painful to maneuver his finger in any way. He slammed the lid shut and put his head in his hands for a second and looked at Brienne.

"I'm sorry I left it to you at the end."

"You didn't. I wanted them to know that they have me as much as they have you."

Jaime shook his head. "That's how it's always been hasn't it? I fuck it all up, and you come and fix it."

"What?"

"Myrcella and Cersei...they were both right. Myrcella said Cersei could have ruined me. And she did. And Cersei said...that I am useless, I am weak, and I am the stupidest Lannister."

"Don't do this to yourself. You're not. You are _not ruined._ And you are _none_ of those things."

"They are _my children. All of them."_ Tears flooded his eyes. Tears fell from Brienne's. "I can't be ashamed of that. I love them. The situation may not be ideal, it may not be normal or right, but _fuck!_ They are mine, Brienne. They are here in this world, enduring all this shit because of me. I won't deny them. I will do anything in this world to protect them and if I have to tell the world so that I can save them, and keep them from that hateful, cruel, despicable woman, I will. I don't care. My life belongs to you and to them."

Brienne stepped closer to him and touched his cheek. "I am here for you, Golden Lion. I love you so much." She kissed him and said, "I love you, Jaime, and I love your children as though they are mine. I have been in this fight with you for so long...why would I walk away now?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel about this one? I would love to know your thoughts!  
> More to come!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you would like to see pics of the story, check out my instagram page and follow me! @rewriting_westeros


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New experiences and revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready...

**1996 - Mereen - The Condo**

As fireworks exploded outside, Jaime and Brienne were on the verge of an explosion in his bedroom. His hands slid to Brienne's lower back and caressed her skin under her shirt, her hands found their way into his thick beautiful hair, but when she felt his hands on her skin, she pulled him closer and held tighter.

"I've wanted to kiss you every day of my life since we were ten years old," he admitted.

"Good to know." She replied breathlessly.

He grinned, looking into her eyes. His hands slid around her sides, and he could feel how tight and tight her stomach was. "I want to kiss you everywhere." He said, trailing kisses down her neck to her shoulder. She turned his face back to hers and kissed his lips. She moved her hands to his shoulders and then under his shirt to feel him. "I could take this off...if you want."

"Shit."

"What's wrong."

"We still have company."

"Oh...can you call it an early night? Wait. I can't believe I said that. It's rude. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I will tell him you're tired from your trip and that we have some things to talk about."

Brienne told Tormund goodbye and ran up to find Jaime in just his jeans, looking out the window. He looked so damn good standing there without a shirt. Like a god, really. His hair was a golden mess, he had a nice tan, she could see how well defined his muscles were. He didn't work out or anything - but moving music equipment around often enough will do something to you, she supposed.

"I'm back." She said startling him. He turned around and smiled. He could hear his heartbeat and was scared to death that she would too.

"What were drinking tonight? Do you want me to get you something?" He asked.

"No. Do you want something?"

"No."

He walked over to her and kissed her again. "I missed you while you were gone, Jaime."

"I missed you so much, I had to get on a plane and come home."

She smiled shyly and repeated, "Home."

"This is home now. Here, with you, Bri." He searched her eyes for a reaction and she smiled at the thought that they would have deeper relationship. "Your eyes...they are astonishing you know?"

"Thank you. But so are yours."

"Not like yours. I could drown in them and die happy."

"Stop." She giggled. "

"You don't know how happy I am. To finally have this out and know you feel the same."

"I've always felt this way, Jaime."

"How are we both so...so...clueless - we know each other so well."

"It doesn't matter now, does it?"

"No. I guess it doesn't." He kissed her and his hands began to roam her body. He felt her warm hands on his chest and his tongue seemed to think for itself as it made its way between her lips. It startled her at first and backed away but before he could say anything, she kissed him again caressed his tongue gently with hers. He tugged at her shirt and raised it slowly and she asked, "What are you doing?"

"Taking your shirt off."

She let him. His breath hitched and his cock stirred when there was nothing underneath. He swallowed hard. He bit his bottom lip and she asked, "What's wrong?" as she brought her arms cross her chest. He gently stopped her.

"I've never...I...you're the first..."

"I've never been with anyone. You're the first person I've kissed."

"Me too." He said looking at her body.

She gently lifted his chin so she could see his eyes. "So kiss me again, and again."

He immediately invaded her mouth and ran his hands up and down her back and around her sides, holding onto her, pressing her bare chest to his. He wanted to touch her, but he was afraid to go too far. Was too far the same for her as it was for him? What was too far for him? What was his point of no return? He backed away. He couldn't bare the look in her eyes when they were no longer touching.

"We should talk about this."

"Okay." She said backing against the wall to lean on it.

"I don't know what I'm doing."

"You don't want to...

""Oh gods...yes! I do, I just don't know...

"Neither do I."

"I didn't plan this. I mean...I should have known...I always wanted to - to - to..." motioned at her body with his hands. 

"Do you want to stop?"

"No. I don't want to stop. But I don't know how...where to...what if we can't stop?"

"We'll stop. I always thought...I would be...married before you know? I mean, not right now, we don't have to stop here. With just kissing. But...maybe..."

"Right. Okay. So...we will just stop each other when we need to, and that will be okay. Just...no actual..."

"Right."

"Right."

"Okay."

They stood there for a moment staring at each other in a nervous state of wanting to touch each other and kiss each other everywhere but neither of them made a move. Suddenly they burst into laughter and she ran into his arms. She kissed him and he turned her around and laid her on the bed. He was on top of her, kissing her lips, her neck, her chest, her breasts. It hit them both at that moment, as one thumb caressed her nipple and his tongue circled the other and he sucked and nibbled and she arched herself into him that this really was happening, this was real and it all felt overwhelming to both of them, it felt so good to both of them. She could feel how hard his cock was through his jeans and it felt so good to feel him between her legs. Their bodies ached but it felt so good touching each other for this first time. He looked at her and smiled and then moved to her belly. He kissed and licked and caressed while her hands played in his hair and rubbed his shoulders. She couldn't keep her hands off him. He moved down lower until her shorts were in the way. He looked up at her again and put his hand on the button. She nodded. He released the button and the zipper and she lifted her hips for him to pull her shorts down. He barely noticed that her panties were blue before he pulled them off. There she was - completely naked before him. She was his. He caressed the soft blonde curls and kissed the tops of her thighs and the insides of her thighs and she covered her face with her hands as she smiled and moaned and anticipated his every move. He slid his finger up and down her slit and felt it become wet. 

He kissed her pelvic bone and ran his tongue to her center. _Gods, I hope I get this right. She is perfect._ She let out the most beautiful, sensual sound he had ever heard and he was sure _that_ alone would be his undoing. "Oh! Gods! Jaime, what the fuck are...you...doing to me?" Her hands gripped the sheets and she began to sweat. She was out of breath. "Oh it's so good. Can you keep doing it? Oh right there! Again. Gods! I don't, I've never felt anything like this. It's feeling...oh...ahhh....ahhhh, don't stop, please....ahhhh...Jaimeeeee!!!" She was breathless and exhausted but without a moment's hesitation, she popped up and had him flat on his back. 

Brienne was determined to do for him what he just did for her. She unbuttoned his jeans, pulled them down and tossed them to the floor. _What the fuck now? I have never seen one of these up close and personal - how do I know what to...oh wow._ His underwear soon followed the jeans. "You don't have to..."

"I want to. I will." She kissed his lips first and wrapped her hand around his cock. She played with it and touched it and got a feel for it. "How do you want me to...

He was breathless and felt that his heart was likely going to burst through his chest. "That's...that's...oh...yeah, that's good."

She wanted to do exactly what he did for her, so she moved to the edge of the bed and kissed his cock with tiny little pecks and sucks, she slid her tongue around the head and sucked gently. "Oh FUCK! stop, stop, stop."

"What's the matter?" she asked frantically.

"Nothing, I felt like...oh gods, please...don't stop. Do it again. I'm gonna cum, use your hands, just your hands. Like this." He grabbed her hand and held it around his cock, moving up and down and suddenly he cried out with pleasure and this white, hot goo shot up and nearly hit her.

He laid there panting, and with his clean hand, he pulled her up close to him and kissed her. "Oh gods...that was so...that was incredible." He kissed her again. Neither of them could stop smiling.

They showered together and ate in the living room. They were drinking Crown and seven and eating macaroni and cheese - this time it was quick stuff from a box. Jaime was smiling when he said, "So...I guess this is it then, huh?"

"It? For what?"

"You and me. No more dragon shit about you sleeping alone in some other cold bedroom across the house."

She grinned. "You just want me to suck your cock every night."

"I certainly wouldn't object." He sipped his drink. "I hope you know...I mean, really know...this is not about sex. It's a great bonus, don't me wrong. But I just _feel_ so much for you. I want us to be together always."

"I feel the same way. Jaime...I meant what I said earlier. Don't misunderstand...please. I want to be with you in everyway. I want to make love to you and please you and I can't wait for the day that we can. I just feel like we need to wait on that. Is that okay - like _really_ okay?"

"Brienne...I love everything about you. You are absolutely beautiful from the inside out. There is no one like you. I respect your wishes and if we're pouring our hearts out and being honest...I rather wait until we're married for that too."

"Why?" She wrinkled her eyebrows. In her mind, she wondered why he would want to wait, and was he really being honest. She knew Jaime... _her Jaime_ , but she did want to hear his perspective.

"I know how I feel about you. I know I want to be with you the rest of my life. Legally we can't get married right now because we are too young, and my father will never sign the paperwork. Neither of us are ready to raise a baby right now. We have too much we want to accomplish. We should at least finish university. Besides...we can work on a our sexual healing skills in the meantime." He said crawling over to her and planting a kiss on her lips before continuing, "And we will have something amazing and new to look forward to on our honeymoon."

She laughed, happily agreed, and leaned back on the floor pulling him on top of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your thoughts? Too much to young? Too soon? 
> 
> I went there with this for a reason. So get ready for the next chapter. But I do love to hear from you so please share your thoughts.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	25. It's Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime meets with Robert Baratheon

**1996 - Mereen - The Condo**

Jaime was playing the piano and Brienne was in the kitchen, cooking dinner. "Do you need some help in there?" He called out to her.

"No! I am enjoying your playing. Keep going. It's beautiful."

He kept playing as she requested, until she walked into the room carrying a brownie. Topless.

He immediately stopped playing and pulled her against him. She put the brownie in front of his lips and he batted her hand away tossing the brownie to the floor.

"You made a mess!" She feigned anger.

He took her breast in his mouth and sucked and kissed and he hugged her around her waist, lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her to the sofa. "Is the stove off?"

"Yeah." She said kissing him.

He stood behind the sofa and sat her on the back of it, standing between her legs. He kissed her and caressed her tongue and took a handful of her hair and gently pulled her head back, trailing kisses to her ear. He whispered, "Can I make love to you? Right here, right now? I need to make you feel good."

"Please." She whispered into his mouth.

For Jaime and Brienne "making love" didn't mean actually fucking. They both knew they were in love - although neither of them ever said the word - it was completely obvious in the way they treated one another. "Making love" came to mean they were going to pleasure each other into orgasm in anyway they could without intercourse. They were still seventeen and it was important to both of them to wait until they were actually married. Over the last three months, they had become almost obsessed with each other's bodies. Looking for new ways to tease and please and damn near torture each other for hours on end bringing each other to the edge and leaving them teetering on the edge of orgasm and dragging it out until they couldn't possibly last another moment. It was heaven. They played a dangerous game sometimes. It was already getting to the point that she wanted to feel him inside her. He wanted to feel her warm and wet around his cock and move slowly in and out of her forever, but they found ways around it. His fingers inside her, her mouth around his cock, pleasuring each other orally at the same time, or give and take and give and take.

They had always been in love. But having it out in the open brought them into a whole new world of happiness and closeness that neither had ever imagined They felt as though they were already one. 

Just after dinner one evening, after they had cleaned up and settled in to write some music together, Jaime's cell phone rang. 

"Hello?"

"Jaime Lannister."

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Robert Baratheon. We met a few months ago at the Dragon's Den - you played a few sets."

"Hi! I remember. How are you?"

"I'm great. I had mentioned recording a new album when we met. I got a little behind schedule but, I spoke with your father today and he gave me your number. I hope that's okay."

"Sure. Yeah."

"Well, I was wondering if you had any original music that you'd like to contribute. Right now I'm looking for something a little romantic, but a little upbeat. Something that younger people your age might get into, but something that screams love. I want something other than smooth jazz and definitely not techno."

"I can send you a few pieces."

"How about I fly you back to King's Landing for a few days? It won't be long. You can fly out after your last class on Friday and fly back Sunday after lunch."

"I..." he looked at Brienne who emphatically shook her head 'yes'. "Yeah. Yeah...okay. My last class ends pretty early on Friday. I could be at the airport for 3:30, I guess."

"Alright then. My brother will call you tomorrow to set it all up and give you an itinerary. Do you want to stay at your own home and see your family? Or do you want to stay at the Highgarden Hotel and get a taste of what it's like to be a music mogul for the weekend?"

Jaime's eyes lit up and he looked at Brienne. "I'll stay at the hotel." He said looking into her eyes.

Robert ended the call letting Jaime know that he would receive a call tomorrow evening from his brother, Renley. He said that he could bring his own guitar if he wanted to, but that he had plenty at the studio he could use if he wanted.

"Did you hear that?" He was beyond excited.

"I did! Jaime that's beyond amazing! Can you believe it?"

"You're coming with me! We are together now, and you should experience this with me. I want you with me. I mean...if you want to be there. I don't want to sound demanding. I want you to be happy."

"I would love to go. We already proved to ourselves and each other we can't bare to apart. Don't you want to think about it and maybe have some time to spend with your family."

"The only family I care to spend time with adores you. You and I can stay at the Highgarden and dad and Tyrion can visit - we can have dinner, you and I can take T out...and if we get all of our assignments ahead of time, we can come home on Monday instead of Sunday and on that long ass place ride...we can do all of our work."

"Oh, alright. Alright, YES! I would love to go with you!"

He gave her a big hug and a kiss. "We are on our way Bri...we're going to write music and play to sold out crowds and sell millions of albums and..."

"Live happily ever after?"

"Absolutely, Lady Lannister."

"Ahhhh, you're forgetting already."

"What's that?"

"I'm no lady."

"You're my rock star. My Evenstar."

*********************************

**1996 - King's Landing**

"Gods, Jaime! Look at this place! Our summer house on Tarth wasn't as big as this suite!"

"Get used to it Evenstar!" He said opening a bottle of water.

"Do you really think we're going to live like this someday?"

"Bri...I'm a Lannister! Even if we never write another song or play another note, we're going to live the high life one way or another."

"Yeah...you're right. How did I get so lucky in the lottery of love?"

He laughed, "The lottery of love?"

"Yeah...I got the best looking, sweetest, richest, most talented man in the seven kingdoms."

"All seven huh?"

"All seven."

"You know the North became independent at some point in history."

"Yeah, well, it's still a kingdom, so it counts." She said pecking him on the lips.

There was a knock on the door and Jaime was pleasantly surprised to see Tywin through the peep hole. "It's dad!" He flung the door open and hugged Tywin tight.

"Hello, my boy! It's good to see you!"

"It's good to see you, dad."

"Hello, Brienne, darling! It's always nice to see you."

"And you sir." She smiled and accepted a kiss on the cheek from the older gentleman.

"Did you bring Tyrion?" Jaime asked.

"He had a late meeting at school, but he is meeting us at the restaurant."

"Great! I can't wait to see him. I miss him." Jaime had to admit.

"Me too, I can't wait to hear all about school and the new things he is designing at the park." Brienne added.

Tywin answered, "I find it all quite intriguing myself, although I don't understand all this engineering. You're going to love it! I can't wait to see the models - already from the simulation videos he's done, I can't wait to ride it myself!"

"I'm so proud of him, dad - you must be too. It's just amazing what he can come up with."

"It really is. It's also amazing what you've got going - this is wonderful opportunity you've got yourself into."

"I am beyond happy these days, dad. I really am." He looked at Brienne and smiled. Tywin noticed that she blushed and Jaime grabbed her hand and pulled her closer.

"Well, well...congratulations to you both."

"Thank you, sir." Brienne said.

"Come along now, Tyrion will arrive before we do, if we don't get moving. There is a car waiting for us."

The young couple held hands out to the car and Tywin couldn't help but smile at how much Jaime doted over Brienne - opening doors, pulling her chair, discussing the menu, and deciding what to order together so they could sample each other's food. Tyrion was a ball of energy and everyone enjoyed listening to him rattle on about what school was like and the incredible water coaster he is designing. Both Jaime and Brienne were fascinated and they can't wait to ride it - together of course. They promised to come for the opening of the park when it makes it's debut - but of course that won't be this summer. "We're hoping for the opening in '98. But I'm afraid it may not happen until '99. Aaaaannnnd...there is this... _situation."_

 _"_ Oh. You're going to talk about that with your brother. Okay."

"What's wrong?" Jaime asked.

"It's not that anything is _wrong...._ per se. I'm being petty. Dad says I am being petty and I know I am...and if I don't just _overlook_ the issue, then I will likely be alone forever."

" _What_ in seven hells are you talking about?" Jaime asked with a laugh.

"This is not funny, Golden Lion."

"Out with it already T!"

"There is a girl."

"Really!?! Spill it!" Jaime exclaimed.

"Well, it's just that...she's taller than me." he said sheepishly.

Jaime and Brienne both laughed.

"This is not funny! I look like an absolute fool. I look like her little brother!"

"How tall is she?" Brienne asked.

"Or rather...how much taller is she than you?" Jaime interjected.

"Like an inch and a half or something."

"It's not that bad." Tywin said, sipping his wine.

Brienne looked at Jaime and pushed her chair back. He took the hint and stood next to her. They both smiled.

"Oh, the two of you don't count. You're just friends."

Jaime leaned over and kissed Brienne - a little too long for being in a crowded restaurant.

"I knew it!!! I knew it! When were you going to tell me?"

"Shh! All of King's Landing doesn't need to know." Brienne said.

"What - are you ashamed of my brother? The richest, most handsome, most talented teen in Westeros? He belongs on the cover of a magazine."

Brienne put her hand on Jaime's chest. "I would never, ever be ashamed of him. I am very proud of him, in fact."

"Then why hadn't you told me?"

"You know why."

"Ahhh...yes. I haven't failed to notice that our sweet sister is missing this evening."

"Oh, I am sure we'll see each other before I leave." Jaime said slicing into his steak. "I just wanted to lay low for a while."

"That will be rather hard to accomplish, considering your 18th birthday is next week. She will want you to stay - or come back."

"School." He answered.

"And then there is this recording contract you're here to sign and complete."

"That's why I am staying low. I don't care if she knows about Brienne and I. Nothing is getting in our way this time."

"I love you brother. But don't be naïve. Please don't be stupid about this. Cersei..."

Tywin interrupted his youngest child. "Tyrion. Eat before your food grows cold. You haven't touched a thing since it arrived."

Tyrion looked at Jaime and knew it was time to shut up. But there was a lot he needed to tell his big brother.

After dinner, they returned to their suite awaiting on the arrival of Robert Baratheon - The King of the Music Industry. He was known to every musician, performer, songwriter, and producer in the kingdoms and across the seas. Everyone wanted to work with him and most people in the industry wanted to be him. If your album was produced by Stag Records, you were definitely somebody. Jaime was feeling lucky that he had this opportunity. He was proud to share it with the love of his life, and he was especially excited to get into that high tech, state-of-the-art-studio.

Jaime paced the room, looked out the window, paced some more and looked out of a different window. "You're sure I look okay?" He asked.

"Positive."

"How do you feel? Are you alright?"

"Come on Golden Lion. Stop all this. I have complete confidence in you, and so should you. _The King_ has personally asked you to meet with him - not the other way around. I am so proud of you Jaime. You're everything and more and that always come through whenever people meet you." She gave him a kiss and held him tight around he waist.

"You have a way of washing away every shred of anxiety I have. You know that? Just looking into those eyes makes everything easier." He smiled.

"I love...that you feel that way." She paused for a minute. "This is going to be a great trip. Robert is going to love your song. _And you_."

There was a knock at the door, and Jaime opened it with a smile. He really did belong on the cover of a magazine, with his piercing emerald eyes with just a touch of gold running through, his perfect smile, and beautiful golden hair.

Robert was the picture of an executive with his silvery-gray suit and deep blue shirt. Jaime extended his hand and noted the gold ring on Robert's right hand was shaped as antlers. 

"Welcome, please, come in. It's nice to see you again." Jaime said.

"And you. Hello!" He said to Brienne. 

"This is my girlfriend, Brienne Tarth. She is my co-writer and partner."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Brienne. How long have you known Jaime?"

"It's my pleasure, Mr. Baratheon." She extended her hand to him, and he took it. "Jaime and I have known each other since we were children, actually."

"A long time then. That's good. You must have quite the dynamic."

"We do, actually. We both write music and lyrics and as you know, I play piano, keyboard, and guitar. Both acoustic and electric. Brienne plays drums."

"Interesting. So, Golden Lion, if you had your choice of any song that you've written, which would you record?"

Jaime answered immediately without hesitation. "Evenstar."

"Tell me about it."

Brienne had never heard of this song named for her. Jaime never once told her about it or played it. At least not that she knew of. She was very intrigued now.

"It's all piano. Equal parts fire and ice coming together."

Brienne tried not to look wide-eyed at his explanation. Robert asked, "Lyrics?"

"None."

"What's it about?"

"Two souls finally becoming one and letting go of fear. Letting love and passion take over them and fulfilling their destiny."

"You know, you sound like a forty year old who's been hurt a thousand times and found the love of his life."

"Sometimes it takes a lot of pain and loss to get the beautiful side of life."

"And that's reflected in your song."

"I believe so. Yes."

"You agree?" Robert asked Brienne.

"I've not had the pleasure of hearing that one. Jaime hasn't shared anything of it with me."

"So you'll be hearing it for the first time tonight?"

"Tonight?" Brienne asked.

"I am completely captivated by your boyfriend's passion for music, life and his love."

Brienne blushed and looked at the floor for a moment, and then to Jaime. "That's not..."

He interrupted her, "It is. It's all about you."

"Well then...my car is outside. Let's take a ride to the studio."

"Now? Tonight?" Jaime asked.

"Now. Tonight." Robert repeated.

They drove for about 20 minutes before arriving at the studio. They pulled into the parking garage of a mirrored, high-rise building. They entered the offices of Stag Records with its hardwood floors and dark walls. The teenagers were in love with what they saw of just the offices with glass walls and mirrors - black and gold everywhere, golden stags and antlers, and lining the wall of the hallway to the music studios were gold and platinum albums of all those who came here before them. 

Stag Records was empty, as it was after hours. They were there with just Robert - Executive Producer - Owner - Music Mogul - THE KING.

"This the Throne Room, as I like to call it. It's my favorite room." It was dimly lit with cerulean blue walls and lighting. It was packed wall to wall with equipment and instruments, microphones, a sofa...it was Jaime's dream room. Yes, his father had money. He had some of the best instruments money could buy. But Robert's were even better. Not that Tywin wouldn't get him the very best of everything...he just hadn't had the guts to ask yet. He wanted to deserve the best and for Tywin to _know_ that he did. His fingers itched to play that grand piano in the middle of the room. 

Robert continued, "Brienne, make yourself at home here on the sofa. There's drinks - anything you like is available. Can I make you something?"  
  


She would have loved a Crown and Seven but she thought maybe it was best to not get tipsy.

"Thank you, perhaps...water for now."

He poured her a glass of ice water and headed through the back door, flipped some switches and more lights came on. Her returned to sit on the sofa across from Brienne and said, "Play Evenstar for me."

Without a word, Jaime sat down and began to play. He forgot about Robert sitting there, and dreamed about his life with Brienne. From the moment she stepped into his life with a dangerous right hook on the playground, to riding the Ferris Wheel and the roller coaster, to loving Tyrion along with him, to sailing during the festival of fire, and enduring Cersei's wrath that night, to losing their friendship, to reconnecting and growing ever closer, to making love to her and into their future. A boundless, endless, rapture of of love, marriage, children, and music.

Robert was mesmerized, but more importantly to Jaime in this moment was that he truly seemed to reach Brienne, who had tears in her eyes. When everything was silent, Robert looked to Brienne and raised his eyebrows and gestured toward Jaime. All she could say was, "That's the most beautiful song in the world."

"Only you can get that out of me. It's yours. It will always be yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for returning...I am getting there, I swear. It's a process.   
> What are your thoughts?


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for coming back! I hope you enjoy this!

**1996 - King's Landing  
** Highgarden Hotel

Jaime woke to the fresh smell of Brienne's shampoo as her hair tickled his nose. He tightened his hold on her and kissed her cheek as she snuggled against him. “Good morning, Evenstar," he said running a hand through her hair.   
  


“Good morning.” She smiled, without opening her eyes. She enjoyed feeling his warm, bare chest against her bare back and his legs tangled with hers.   
  


“Feeling okay this morning?” He asked, running his hand over her leg.

”I’m sure you could make me feel better.” She turned over and held him. There was a knock at the door.   
  


“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding. What’s it like, 7:00?”

”9:22.”

Jaime grumbled as he looked for a T-shirt. He really didn’t need one though, the person on the other side slipped something under the door and said, “special delivery for the Evenstar and the Golden Lion. Enjoy!”

Brienne slipped on a T-shirt and waited for him to open the note.

  
_Jaime & Brienne:_

_I hope you enjoy this as much I did last night. Even more so, I hope the rest of the world can feel the love and passion you have for each other through your music. Brienne, I’m positive that when he says “it’ll always be yours” he is not only referring to the most beautiful song in the world, but his heart.  
  
_

_Congratulations, Jaime! Welcome to Stag Records. I would like to invite you, your father, and Brienne to dinner at my home this evening to discuss a contract. Please phone my brother, Renley, and let him know whether you all will make it._

_Regards,_

_Robert_

"Congratulations! Isn't this amazing?"

"I don't know what to say. I have wanted this my whole life and it's really happening."

"I am so happy for you!"

"Thank you. I am even happier that you're here with me for all of this. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else."

"I am excited to be part of it."

"Let's play this, shall we?"

She nodded emphatically and followed him to the stereo. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist as he turned on the player and put the CD in. She kissed his shoulder and when the music started, he turned to her and took her hand, "Will you dance with me?"

"Yeah." 

He took her in his arms and held her close, she never felt so loved in her life. _I can't believe this is happening. I am dancing with the man of my dreams, to the music that he wrote and named for me. If this is not love...the way he looks at me, the way he touches me, and holds me...I will never know what it is._

Jaime smiled as he looked into her eyes. "Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything."

"I'm afraid I'll sound like an ass."

"I don't think you could,"

"I feel like this is a new beginning. For us. I feel like we're growing into something new and special and we are starting real life together."

"It feels good, doesn't it?"

"It feels incredible. Like the past really is the past - fading away and all that matters is us and what's to come. And there is so much to come."

"I don't want to wish away the present, but I can't wait for what's to come." She smiled.  
  


”You know, I started writing this just after you started sleeping my bed. After that first night, I knew I didn’t want to sleep without you. I wanted you in my bed as much as I always wanted you in my life. It was so hard, sleeping next to you every night. I wanted to hold you close, to kiss you," he kissed her softly then, "to touch you in all the private places that would make you feel good.”  
  


“I wanted all that. I would lay there aching in my heart _and_ body, wanting you to put your arms around me. To touch me, and make me feel good. Feel loved.” She whispered in his ear. 

”Here we are. An entire song later. I finished it the day after we made love for the first time. Our wedding day can’t come soon enough. I want to have a good, long life with you. With a happy marriage and babies and a strong, solid career. And even with none of those things if I can just have you by my side, the way we are today...I will be happy for the rest of my life.”

She kissed him. He slid his tongue between her lips and pressed himself against her. She could feel him right where she needed to. As the song was coming to an end, he took her T-Shirt off so that she was only in her lacey panties. He walked her backwards to the bed, laid on top of her and kissed her. He moved her legs apart with his knees and she could feel him hard through his sweat pants. 

"You feel so good, Jaime." She arched herself into him.

"It feels so good like this." He said rubbing himself against her clit.

"I feel like...I'm gonna cum." She said.

"Me too."

"Slow down, slow down."

"Why?"

"I don't want us to cum yet. I want to keep feeling good like this."

"I don't think I can."

"Please try."

"Oh...okay...there. Gods." He lifted his hip a bit.

"That feels good, but..."

"You miss the movement, don't you?"

"Yes...slowly?"

The music stopped and then they heard it, "It's the most beautiful song in the world."

"Only you can draw that out of me. It's yours. It'll always be yours."

They smiled at each other and kissed, he moved a little harder and she cried out with pleasure and as soon as she did, he kissed her deeply spilled into his sweatpants. Without a moment to spare, Brienne exclaimed, "Oh...Jaime! Did you hear it?"

”I LOVE IT!” Jaime proclaimed.

”Oh my gods!!! I can’t believe he did that!”

”It's perfect! Don’t you think? It makes the song so much more intimate and real. And to have you be part of it...it’s...it’s...I just love it. And that felt so good. It felt so good to be close to you like that."

"I want to feel you...feel your body. Sometimes I want you so bad it hurts."

"Me too. We'll get there. Don't let me give in, and I won't let you give in. It's important to us both."

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

”What?” He asked quietly, kissing her shoulder, caressing her belly.

”Us. This album...life.” She laughed.

”Believe it. Believe it with all your heart. This is it. It’s really happening. It’s like a fairytale isn’t it?”

Yes. It was like a fairytale. But with every love story, there was an evil villain. Brienne was just waiting to see when their villain would show up again. She kissed the love of her life and wanted him to make love to her. She wanted the ring he promised, the marriage, the babies, the happiness. She just wondered if it was really going to happen, and if it all fell apart, how in seven hells would she survive?

********************

Dinner with Robert Baratheon was a successful event. The alcohol flowed, contracts were signed, and laughter was non-stop. Everyone enjoyed themselves and the best part of all of it was that Brienne couldn't have been prouder of Jaime when Robert said that instead of being on the compilation album with just one song, Jaime was going to put out his first solo album to be titled "Evenstar".

He was really on his way and he was ecstatic that she would be there for this. 

That evening, Robert gave him a $30,000 signing bonus. In cash. Later that evening when he was alone with Tywin, he would ask if that meant that he was cut off.

"Cut off?"

"I know thirty thousand dollars is a lot of money. But it's not enough to get me through until I start earning money from record sales and tours. And I wanted to buy Brienne a ring as soon as possible. With my own money. Not your money."

"You're a good man, Jaime. You've never disappointed me. No. You're not cut off. You will never be cut off. If you want to use your money to buy your girl a ring, so be it. Are you sure she wants the same thing?"

"Positive."

"Then do you what will make you both happy. You deserve happiness, Jaime. You know that, don't you?"

He looked down and said, "Thank you, dad. Can you please keep this between us? It's meant to be a surprise. I mean, Brienne knows how I feel. And she wants the same thing, we've talked about marriage and a future. She knows that someday we will be married. We're going to wait to be married when we finish University. So she isn't expecting the ring until much later. But I would like to give it to her now."

"She'll be thrilled."

"I hope so."

************************

Sunday night Jaime took Brienne to dinner at the Red Keep Cafe. He ordered them each a cheeseburger with fries and chocolate shakes, just like when they were in school. It was fun and the food was delicious. It had been a long time since they had cheeseburgers and shakes together. After dinner he drove them to Blackwater Bay and sat on the seawall. It was a clear, dark night. The sky was black velvet; the full, pale moon and scattering of stars was was their only light.

"I've always wanted to take you here, you know?"

"So why hadn't you? Friends can go out to the Bay together."

"Not us. There was always too much between us. I'm glad I didn't though. If we had gotten together too soon, we may not be here tonight. And then again...I don't believe that to be true for one moment. We'll always be together."

"I believe you. I think the gods will keep us together no matter what. Come what may, Jaime...I will always want you. I will always be on your side, and as long as you let me, I will be with you."

He moved her hair from her face, and smiled. "Well that's good to know."

"That's all you have to say?" She smiled hopefully.

"Yes. That's all I have to say." He turned and stepped away.

"Jaime?"

He turned back to her and got down on his knee with the box in his hand. "What are you..."

He opened the box.

She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. She couldn't stop staring at the ring before her. He reached for her arm and pulled it away from her face.

"Brienne. I am committed to you in everyway. There is no one like you in this world. You're _my world_ , and I want to spend my life proving that to you. Please, be my wife?"

"Oh gods Jaime!" She looked up from the ring to him. "Yes." She whispered. She pulled him up to kiss him. She ran her hand through his hair and held his face in her hands as showered him with kisses.

"I know we agreed to finish university. And we will. I couldn't wait to give you a ring. I wanted you know that I am yours."

"I am yours Jaime...now and always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your detailed, supportive comments so far. I truly appreciate the time that you take to let me know your thoughts and feelings on this and I look forward to hearing from you!
> 
> If you have a moment, please let me know your thoughts on this one. I will be writing more tomorrow!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fast forward to 2000.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a much longer chapter than what I usually post. This is a bit of a fast forward but in the coming chapter things will slow down again and go at the normal rate. This is written as an over view of the lives of Cersei, Jaime and Brienne over the next year or two really. This is a long segue into the parts that I think you've been really wanting to get into - which is how Cersei and Jaime end up having their "relationship" and how Brienne is involved with Joffrey...it's all coming soon!

**2020 - Brienne's Home**

The physical therapist arrived early to work with Jaime. While they were out on the patio, Brienne took the opportunity to clear out some space for Jaime to put his clothes away which would hopefully help him feel at home. While cleaning out the closet she came across a box she hadn't opened in years. Her heart stopped as she ran her hand over the smooth woodgrain top. She was afraid of the memories contained in that box. Having locked everything away in that box was like locking away her heart. Tears poured from her eyes as all the heart break she felt so long ago came rushing back. She heard him clearly, _"I'm no good for you."_ It was just like it was happening all over again. The crack in his voice tore her apart back then and it was tearing her apart again. She didn't want to remember that time. She wanted to pretend that it never happened.

 _He's here now...I know he is here to stay, we love each other and there is no one left to hurt us. No one. She is locked way. Locked far away on the other side of the world - oceans and seas away. Gods, what are we doing? How can we keep doing this to ourselves? We have to. We are meant to be and there is no other way. We are meant to be or we wouldn't be drawn together over and over time and time again despite all the blocks in the road. He was right when he said we'd always be together. We were together. Just not the way we needed to be._ Her fingers were on the latch; she dared not look inside that box. Part of her wanted to. Part of her wanted to burn that box, however there was something even more precious than the she ring she once wore. _Oh Jaime..._ She sat on the floor of the closet, leaning against the shoe rack, holding the box against her chest as her heart raced. She felt sick. She was torn between seven different hells and finally being happy - why couldn't she just let herself be happy now?

"Brienne?" Jaime called.

She was so lost in thought she didn't even hear him. He wandered through the open door and found her on the floor. "Bri? What is it?" He knelt before her and moved her hair from her face.

"Nothing. Nothing - you're done already? With the therapist?"

"Yeah, he just came for an assessment - what's got you so rattled?" He sat next to her, leaning against the shoe rack, his legs stretched out before him. He took her hand and kissed it, then held it against his heart.

"Old memories." 

"That's a beautiful box." He took it from her hands. It just slipped out really; she hadn't made an effort to hold on to it.

She said, "I haven't opened it in...a really long time. I'm afraid to open it now."

"Why?"

"I can't...I avoided it for so long wanting to erase it all. And even though you're here...it still hurts so bad and I don't know why. Why is this so hard?"

"What's in this box?" He asked cautiously.

"I should have given it back. I know that. I am sorry...I just couldn't let it go."

"Brienne..."

"There is a lot that I can't let go." She looked up at the ceiling to keep the tears from falling, and folded her arms across her chest. "I just got so good at pushing it aside and living with it - just going through the daily motions and doing what I had to do - what you wanted or I thought you needed - what I needed, what I thought would appease Cersei and make life easier. And every time you and I grew closer...she ripped us apart."

Jaime opened the box and immediately recognized the smaller black velvet box inside. He picked it up, held it tight and was suddenly filled with emotion. "You kept it." He opened it. It took his breath away. She stared at it and couldn't breathe. "I never forgot that night." He said.

"Neither have I."

"I bought this with the advance that Robert gave me the night I signed the contract. You were ight beside me. Remember? I told my father...I wanted to buy you a ring with my own money. Not his. He gave me his blessing, and was happy for us. He said I deserved happiness."

"You do, Jaime." She said softly.

He let out a bitter laugh. He looked in the box again and found the original CD recording of "Evenstar" and held it up, looking at her. "I'm glad you kept this. You should have it." He opened the note attached. "Robert was right, you know? It was my heart. Its always been yours. And it always will be. We locked ourselves away. Please tell me we are not so far gone that we can't be those two lovers dancing together for the first time...looking forward to the future."

The future was going to be equally as hard and complicated. Still, she wasn't giving up. Not now. 

She replied, "I think the keys were always in the lock. We just couldn't find the strength to turn them."

"Well, I think we're strong enough now. Don't you?"

She nodded. He placed the CD back in the box and she saw the moment it caught his eye. The moment she dreaded. She was always going to tell him...13 years ago, she was going to tell him, but that moment was stolen from her. Everything was stolen from her.

His hands shook as he stared at the grainy black and white picture. He looked at her and his mouth fell open in disbelief, "What's-who-Brienne...Bri?" 

**********************************************

 **1997 - Mereen  
** **The Condo**

The alarm went off at 3 am. Brienne popped up and shook Jaime. "Do not pretend to not be excited."

"I don't know if I am excited or having an anxiety attack." He pulled a pillow over his head. "I think it's both." He was muffled under the pillow.

"Its just butterflies. Come on, get up, we have to get dressed. This your big moment."

"It can be your big moment."

"Jaiiiiiiimeeeeeee! Get up!" She yanked the pillow to reveal his beautiful smile, and hit him with it.

"Alright! Alright! Come on, let's go shower." He grabbed her arm.

"Oh no! There is not time for that. We will never be out and and ready for the announcements if we go in there together."

"I don't care about that, Bri. Come with me...please? We can be quick. Quick like bunnies."

She burst into laugher, "Are bunnies quick in the shower?"

"I don't know but we will find out, let's go, bunny Bri."

She shook her head and went to start a pot of coffee so it would be ready for whenever they emerged from the shower.

He was already in and wetting his hair when she got in. She turned her back to him and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I can feel your heart beat." She said.

"I told you I was having an anxiety attack."

"Not _my_ Golden Lion! Come on, now. You'll get it, you know you will."

"Oh, of course I will. I was having anxiety over you. I couldn't wait to get you hot and wet."

"I'm always hot and wet for you."

"You're a naughty girl, you know that?"

She laughed, "Yeah...but I am your _naughty_ girl." 

They finished in record time that day and were seated on the sofa in front of the TV with coffee and breakfast when the nominations for the Wolfies were announced. Jaime had been nominated for newcomer of the year, artist of the year, song of the year, and album of the year. He jumped up on the sofa and screamed. "Can you believe this!?!?" His hands were in hair and his heart was pounding. He pulled Brienne up there with him and hugged her. "Oh gods, Bri! This is too much! I can't even begin to...to even _think!_ "

"I am _so_ proud of you! This is your dream!"

There was no way he wasn't going to be nominated. "Evenstar" sold over a million copies in 3 months across the world. He was on the cover of magazines, on television morning shows, on the radio and Evenstar was the most requested song for 6 months running. People were dancing to it as their first dance at their weddings. Jaime commented to Brienne, "It was always meant to be just for you. I will write you a new one for our wedding." He laughed.

"There is nothing like the original."

He smiled.

That morning, Robert called to congratulate him. He also heard from Tyrion, his dad, Aunt Genna, and Cersei.

"Hi Little Brother."

"Hey, Cers. How are you?"

"I have never been more proud. You are simply golden. Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"I've missed you over the last few months. You didn't bother to see me while you were in King's Landing and you didn't come home for our birthday."

"No, I didn't. I've just had so much going on with school and the album. I did send you a gift though. You said you loved it. Did you really?"

"It was beautiful, Jaime. Thank you. I've worn it several times actually."

Jaime had sent her gold bracelet with 9 rubies and 9 white diamonds in celebration of their 18th birthday, and to hopefully appease her for not being able to come home.

"How've you been?"

"I've been good, actually. I've been singing at the Dragon's Den on weekends - in addition to working for our father and those awful correspondence courses to graduate."

"Well, I am proud of you too. Have you been seeing anyone new?"

"No. I...um...I'm not really interested in anyone, really. I do miss you though. This house is terribly quiet without you playing music constantly."

"I'll send you an autographed copy of my album." He laughed.

"Jaime... _please come home_." She sounded desperate.

"What's wrong?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"We just miss you. All of us."

"Not you so much, I am sure."

"That's not true. I've taken you for granted. I was mean and cruel and I...don't like not having you here."

"Maybe this is the best thing for you and I? You know? Maybe we should spend some time apart. I can't come back there Cers. I just can't. I don't want to, honestly."

"To me? Or to King's Landing?"

"Cersei...I love you. I do. But we were never...close. We never had a relationship."

"And that is the problem. Don't you see?"

"Are you crying? What's really going on?"

"No, I am not crying. It's just that I have missed you - just because I treated you badly doesn't mean that I don't care about you or love you."

"Well, then...I would be afraid to think about what you'd do if you did hate me." He laughed.

"This is not funny, I am pouring my heart out to you and you're making fun of me."

He laughed out loud. "I'm sorry, really. I just can't believe the things coming out of your mouth."

"I'm sorry. I will let you go. I really just wanted to congratulate you on your success, little brother. I love you. Take care of yourself."

*************************************

Several months passed by and it was the night of the Wolfies. Jaime and Brienne flew to Winterfell where the awards were being held. It was a beautiful scene at the historic castle. Neither of them had ever been in the snow. They were definitely making the most of this opportunity. They had a room at the castle and spent the morning walking through the snow and building a snow family, making snow angels and meeting up with Robert on the balcony for coffee and tea. They met other artists who were fascinated with Jaime for being so young and talented. People came up to him and wanted to meet him and asked to work with him. It was a whirlwind of an adventure that he never thought would be reality. Yes - the opportunity would have come up. His father is Tywin Lannister and he alone could have opened doors for Jaime. But Jaime was even more amazed and proud of himself that he did this all without Tywin. Robert happened to see him play. That was all. Robert Baratheon was in the Dragon's Den on the right night. 

At the award show, Jaime walked the red carpet with Brienne on his arm and they looked the picture of perfection. Each time his name was called for an award he gave her a kiss and walked proudly on stage like the lion he was. When he accepted the Wolfie for album of the year, "I've thanked everyone I possibly thank my last three times up here tonight." He smiled. "And I've thanked Brienne, my fiancé, each time. But Brienne...this is all because of you. I wouldn't have written those songs if you were not the love of my life. And you are. Thank you for being by my side since we were ten years old, for not giving up on me and I love that you are my inspiration. This song has been played around the world and I am honored by that. But no matter how many times it's played and who it's dedicated to on the radio... _it's yours_. _It will always be just yours_." He blew her a kiss and walked off stage.

She smiled brilliantly in her seat as her heart raced. She blushed a thousand shades of pink and red but she couldn't have been happier and felt more loved. The man she loved just stood in front of hundreds live and millions on television and professed his love for her. _This is not real...gods, how can this be happening to me?_

It was though, and the camera loved her. There was also a clear picture of the gorgeous cushion diamond on her left hand ring-finger.

*****************************

**Lannister Residence**

The room erupted in screams, applause and laughter and Tyrion and Tywin hugged. Aunt Genna danced with Tyrion, and Cersei put on the best fake smile she could muster. "Our boy did it! He made it!" Tywin exclaimed.

"I can't wait to call him tomorrow!" Tyrion said. He really couldn't have been more excited and proud. He was so happy that Brienne was going to be part of his family and that she was there with Jaime tonight.

"Perhaps next year, I will be there with my brother." Cersei said.

"Perhaps, yes. I hope so, Cersei. It would be wonderful to have both of my twins highly successful on their own and following their passions."

Tyrion eyed Cersei carefully. She had that look on her face. That miserable, scheming look. He didn't like it at all. He knew Cersei was jealous of two things - Brienne, first and foremost, and second, Jaime's success. She wanted to ride Jaime's coattails of success and bask in the spotlight. As for Brienne, she loathed her and was jealous of the way Jaime felt about her - the things he said about her with the entire world watching and the the ring - well, the ring was like a stab in the chest.

"Cersei..." Tyrion said, "You have everything it takes to be successful in the music industry. You are absolutely stunning, and your voice is incredible."

"Don't patronize me you little dragon turd."

"Must you take everything as a jab? I am merely complimenting and building you up. You don't need to act like a bitch and kill the mood."

"Really?" She answered without a smile.

"Really." He didn't smile either.

"You think I am good?"

"I think you're amazing."

"Thank you."

"He's right. You'll get there. You're just as talented as Jaime. Oh Tywin! Can you imagine two music icons in the family?" Aunt Genna asked.

"I wonder if my children will invite me to all their award shows and concerts?"

"Oh daddy! Of course we would! You'll have front row seats and backstage passes for life! So will you Aunt Genna...oh and my biggest fan, Tyrion!"

"Oh I can't wait!" Aunt Genna exclaimed.

Tyrion said dryly, "Can't wait."

************************************

**Winterfell Castle - After Party**

"Are you okay? I am so sorry that took that so long. Interviews and photos and all kinds of people just wouldn't stop coming at me." Jaime said catching up to Brienne.

"No, no, I am great! I've met some really nice people and had a few drinks. How are you? Still high on the excitement, I hope."

"Definitely. Can I get you a drink?" He asked undoing his bow-tie.

"Yeah, I'll come with you."

They were stopped four times before making it to the bar. Executives wanted to meet him, singers and musicians wanted to meet him and they all gave him their contact information. It was overwhelming. Robert caught up to them and congratulated Jaime and he even congratulated Brienne - after all - it was her song that made Jaime a winner that evening. Indeed it was a night to celebrate and one they would never forget. 

They took lots of pictures that evening - many of each other, many together, and some with celebrities they couldn't believe they were meeting. Recordings of the songs that won that evening were played, and Jaime danced with Brienne to his of course. They even played the part with their voices at the end, and when they kissed on the dance floor, the crowd erupted.

"You look beautiful tonight."

"Thank you. You're incredibly handsome yourself, you know."

"I do know." He laughed. and she rolled her eyes.

"Oh god...I'm marrying _that guy_ \- who _is_ and _knows_ that he is the gift of the gods to the world."

"Well, then we are even, because I am marrying the woman who knows she is all that and more."

"Me?"

"You." 

******************************************

**Six Months Later - Robert Baratheon's Office**

"What, no Brienne this time?" Robert asked with a smile and a tight "bro-hug." 

"No, she has a lot going on with school so she stayed in Mereen this time. You said this would only take a few days."

Robert found a friend in Jaime Lannister, which was rare for him. He soon realized how loyal he was - after the release of "Evenstar", the calls started coming in for him to jumo labels, but Jaime wasn't jumping ship. He was signed with Stag and he was staying. Robert trusted no one and only had business dealings with his other clients. Robert had enjoyed Jaime's relaxed personality over dinner that night at his home. They spoke of many things other than business and Robert enjoyed getting to know him. On this visit, they shot pool together, had lunch and met with a journalist for Westeros Weekly. 

Jaime soon became like the little brother Robert never had but always wanted. Sure...he had Renley, but Renley didn't want to have him. They were very different. Robert tried to rough-house with Renley and play games like football and soccer and take him hunting and fishing. Renley couldn't stand any of that. He gagged when Robert tried to teach him to skin a deer and cried when Robert tackled him during a football game. While they shared some sort of commonality when it came to Stag Studios, they didn't have much else in common and only spoke of business deals. Renley was next in line to inherit Stag from their father. Robert had no heirs. Renley was just waiting - he was sure Robert would drop dead of some sort of alcohol poisoning or over dose, and he would finally have his reign.

Jaime on the other hand, was into every aspect of the industry - more writing and performing - less business - and he and Robert could talk for hours about everything from swimming and basketball to music arrangements, song titles and marketing ideas. Robert was also like the older brother Jaime never had. Robert would ask him questions about Brienne and even talked about wedding plans with extravagant ideas. He never got too personal though, and Jaime was grateful he never crossed that line.

He was so impressed and intrigued by Jaime and his talent with writing and performing, he told him that he slayed him the moment he heard "Evenstar". Robert nicknamed him "Kingslayer." 

"Hey what are you on for tonight? I have a suite for the Westeros Warriors game tonight." Robert said.

"Oh gods...I would love to but, I promised my sister, Cersei that I would have dinner with her tonight."

"Cersei...the one who sings at the Dragon's Den."

"Yeah, that's Cersei."

"Why don't the three of us have dinner and go to the game after?"

"Oh. Sure. I will let her know. I am sure she would love that."

Cersei dressed to kill that night. Or better to say that she dressed to slay the king. She was stunning in her emerald dress that matched her eyes. The skirt was short, the top was low and it curved to body in all the right places. Robert's eyes nearly bulged out when she got into the car. She was a little annoyed that most of the conversation centered around Jaime and all his success. Once they ordered dinner, Robert brought up her talent and the fact that she had been drawing a crowd at the Dragon's Den. She smiled and acted as though she were a bit shy. Jaime grinned at her theatrics. 

By the end of the evening, Robert was asking the two of them to perform together. 

*******************

 **Lannister Residence  
** Later the same evening

Jaime paced back and forth in the den. "We're doing this on my terms. I don't want to do this at all. Understand?"

"Jaime, please? I've finally got his attention. I've finally got this opportunity." _Right, an opportunity you never wanted until I signed a contract and won four Wolfies._

"I don't understand why you need me."

"We need each other. We love each other. Deep down we do Jaime, and that will come across in our performances."

"You make it sound like we're romantically involved. Were brother and sister - not lovers. That's not..."

"Imagine how wonderful it would be for the Lannister Twins to perform together and win Wolfies together. We can do things for each other that we can't do alone."

"That's not true. Tell me why you want this with me so badly."

She scoffed and looked away. "I'm waiting." He said, folding his arms.

"Please don't make me..."

"Why? Why _me_? You hate me."

Her eyes filled with tears. "I don't hate you, I love you! I always have. The only time I was ever happy or felt normal or even close to you was when you played and I sang. It's all we have together. I'm the one who made things that way, I _know_. You're my other half Jaime, and I miss you. I need you to make me feel whole. I shoved you away because I was angry and scared. I finally understand my own madness. We lost mother, and I was devastated. I knew that it wasn't your fault. But I acted like it was to distance myself from you because you were so sick at that time and if I lost you too...well I couldn't bare it. I know how lucky you are to even be alive."

"That doesn't explain your crazed behavior once I got better. Or to Brienne."

"I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I got jealous. I guess I distanced myself but I didn't really want to. And I knew how much fun you were - how wonderful of a person you really are. She got all your attention and I had nothing. Instead of making things right with us, I went the opposite direction and I was so wrong."

"Cersei...why do you think that I can't love more than one person? Why do you think that I can't be your brother and friend because I am friends with someone else. We are family. You and I. And if you treat me with respect, we can be the best of friends too. You're right. You are my other half. And even through everything that's happened between us, I've never stopped loving you. I don't wish bad things on you - or to see you hurt or unhappy. But you have to know how you've made me feel all this time. You have to know how badly you've hurt me."

"I do. I will spend the rest of my life making it all up to you. That's all I can do. I will do my best with Brienne - to show her too, that I was wrong, I know that I was wrong and I want to make her feel loved and welcome into this family."

"You have to come to the understanding - truthfully and legitimately - that my life is just that. _My life_ and you will not interfere in it in any way. I am with Brienne, we're engaged and I will marry her. No matter what you do, you will never come between us."

"I just need you to give me one more chance. Let me show you how good things can be between us."

*******************************

**1999**

Jaime and Cersei's musical career as "THE LANNISTERS" took off. Jaime had become accustomed to the spotlight with his previous two albums and six more awards. Cersei felt like she was thrown into the spotlight and she couldn't be happier. Crowds formed outside the airport to watch them get off the plane and into their limo whenever they arrived somewhere, people stopped them at restaurants for autographs, they received fan mail from other celebrities. Celebrities bought front row tickets to their concerts. The twins always lived a privileged life having been born into the wealthiest family in Westeros; however, celebrity status was new.

While Jaime put his studies on hold for a while, Brienne kept at it - ever determined to finish. She would meet up with Jaime where she could and they made sure to speak every night. She had quite the collection of magazines with him on the cover, Cersei on the cover or both of them on the cover together. She kept track of how many times a day she heard their songs on the radio and she always counted the days and the hours until she would be meeting up with somewhere. 

It was inevitable that with some maturing and so much time together, Jaime and Cersei became closer. They spent all their time together - how could they not? Each other was all they had. They were on tour without family and more than not, without Brienne. When Brienne could join them, Cersei was on her best behavior - even taking her out shopping and for facials and massages. 

Jaime was actually happy. He felt fulfilled. He was engaged to the love of his life, his sister was accepting her and treating him good for the first time in their lives - they were finally friends and he had an off-the-charts music career.

Robert was always there every time they arrived someplace new. He and Cersei had been getting along quite well lately and Jaime was sure that he was falling in love with Cersei. He couldn't help but smile when Robert showed up with roses for Cersei three performances in a row. Robert may have been the King on the outside, but he fell in love with the song, "Evenstar" because he was a romantic at heart.

Cersei had Jaime wrapped around her finger before the end of the year. She did everything right - she respected his privacy, respected his fiancé, treated him with kindness and love and said all the right things at the right times. 

They finished dinner in her room late one evening after dinner and laid in her bed watching TV one night after a performance. She could see that he was staring at the TV, but not really watching it.

"What's the matter Jaime?"

"I'm tired. Aren't you?"

"If you're tired, you should sleep."

"I can't." He said absently.

"Look at me." She said.

"Why?" He barely said.

"Look at me baby brother, I know you."

He turned his head and gave her a glare. 

She touched his cheek, "When's the last time you slept?"

"I don't know."

There was a knocked at the door. Cersei answered, "Hello. This is a pleasant surprise." It was Robert, looking handsome in a black suit.

"Hi. I just...um...Jaime! I didn't know you were here."

"That's okay. I am leaving. I need to try and get some sleep."

"Jaime...are you alright?" Cersei asked. Before he could answer, she said to Robert, "Did you know he hasn't slept in days?"

"What? No wonder you're looking like shit. When's Brienne meeting you? I bet she can help you get the rest you need." He laughed.

"Funny. Not for another week or so. And the problem is that all I can't turn off all the shit in my head. I can't stop thinking of music and lyrics and needing to try it out or write stuff down."

"I can help you with that." Robert reached into his pocket and took out a small bottle of pills. He shook four of them out into his hand. "Take the blue ones to help you sleep. And take the orange ones to wake yourself up in the morning. You'll thank me later."

"I don't want to..."

"Take them and get out of here please. Please? I don't give a shit if you take them tonight or not, but sooner or later you'll get desperate and you will be glad you have them. Good night." Robert shoved him out the door and he walked to his own room next door.

Robert asked Cersei, "Was I rough on him? I don't like to be. I love the guy, really. I worry about him, you know."

"Jaime's fine. He needs some rest that's all. I wish I could help him, I know he's exhausted with all this. I am too." She sighed. "But I am always up for some company. What brings you in tonight?"

"You, actually."

"Me?" She smiled.

"I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me tomorrow night."

"At 2 am you were wondering if I would have dinner with you tomorrow night. Is that...tonight or tomorrow night."

"It's 2 am?"

"Yeah. Robert. It's 2 in the morning."

"I hadn't noticed. Fancy a drink now?"

"Sure."

Robert went to the bar and poured them each a vodka. He handed Cersei the glass and she said, "It's not really the drink I want." She untied the belt on her robe.

Robert said, "I didn't really come here for the drink. OR dinner tomorrow."

He slipped the robe from her shoulders revealing her naked body. Her perfect, naked body. He kissed her lips and she shoved her tongue in his mouth, loosened his tie and removed it. He stripped down in seconds and before he knew it he was fucking her against the wall. Jaime could hear her screams and moans on the other side and decided right away he needed to take that blue pill.

His alarm went off 5 hours later and he really didn't want to move. He remembered the other pills Robert gave him and took them. He went to the shower and then he called Brienne.

"I'm worried about you, Jai. Please don't make a habit of this." She said. 

"Can you please come out here?"

"Yeah, actually, I was hoping to hear from you today. I can fly out tonight and meet you. I took care of everything early and I can be with you for the next two weeks."

"Really!?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh gods, please get on that plane. Right now!"

She laughed. "Okay, golden lion...I am coming to you."

"I miss you Bri...you will never how bad I miss you and want to just have you in my arms."

"Jaime...if this is too much right now, please talk to Robert."

"Bri...you know I can't do that. We have a contract - a ten-year contract and there are all these press conferences and meetings and...people paid for these tickets..."

"I know. I know. I'm sorry you're having a bad time."

"I will be alright once you get here."

"So I guess I will be seeing you in about 15 hours then?"

"Yeah. I will be counting the minutes."

"Me too, love. Bye."

***********************************

Cersei sat down to breakfast with Jaime and Robert. "Did I just hear you say Brienne was staying for two weeks?"

"Yeah! I can't wait to see her." He was finally all smiles for the first time in days.

"You just saw her two weeks ago." Cersei said.

"Don't sound like that. I'm happy she will be with us for the new year. Wait until you're in love with someone - you will be the same."

"Yes, it's always nice to spend New Year's eve with the one you love, isn't it?"

"Yeah and this year, I will have both my favorite women." Jaime laughed.

"I've made the favorite list. How lovely."

Robert didn't say anything, Jaime chose to ignore her snide comment and look at the breakfast menu.

"You both have a sound check today at 10 am. Cersei, I have some new dresses for you try on after that and Jaime...you have a tux fitting and...something else...fuck, what was it? Oh, you and I are going to look at guitars."

"Are we?" Jaime tried to hold back a smile.

"You can be excited, it's alright. It's going to be a grand adventure, I'm sure."

"Are we going where I think we are?"

"The House of The Undying - where music lives forever."

"Custom made guitars...."

"Watch out Robert, you may not get him out of there in time for our performance tonight."

"No worries, darling. I own him for the next 10 years. At least."

"He will be uncontrollable. Like a child entering a toy store for the very first time." She smiled and stroked her brother's hair. "I love you little brother. Go, have a great time and create something beautiful."

"Indeed I shall."

Jaime _was_ like a child in a toy store. He was overly excited but kept himself calm. He reminded himself to behave like a Lannister and conduct himself like the celebrity he is. The number of guitars in the 'house' was astounding. There were two floors of guitars lined across the four walls - you couldn't even see the walls, and in the center of the room was a custom Grand Piano and custom drum set surrounded by several other instruments on stands. 

It was a beautiful sight - Jaime read about this place in a magazine, but the pictures really didn't do it justice.

He walked over to the drum set and looked it over carefully. He wanted it for Brienne. It would make her so happy to have those drums. Silver and blue with clear heads, "they light up! Look at this Robert! Have you seen drums that light up? Oh gods...this is so cool! She's got to have these. I'm not going to tell her. I'm going to have them shipped home."

Robert shook his head and laughed. "You know you can have a set customized."

"Maybe I can have the sun and moon put on the 1st bass and 'BRIENNE' on the 2nd bass. Tacky?"

"Up to you Kingslayer."

"I know! The sun and moon on the 1st bass and 'EVENSTAR' on the 2nd. That will look beautiful. Don't you think?"

"She is going to love anything you give her."

An hour went by before Jaime looked at anything for himself. He found a gold microphone for Cersei. "You know I can't go back without something for Cers. She will have a fit."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she loves to be doted on by anyone."

"High maintenance?"

"You don't know the half of it. You fancy my sister quite a lot, don't you?"

"Does that bother you?"

"No. Not at all. I want you both to be happy."

"We've been having a good time together."

"Oh, I've heard."

"Oh. Sorry about that."

"I took those little blue pills and went to sleep rather quickly. Just...maybe use a different wall tonight."

Robert let out a boisterous laugh at that.

The owner came over to see Jaime and show him some of the custom guitars. Jaime looked at them in awe and they had pleasant conversation about some of the instruments and other things, like performances and Wolfies. Jaime arranged to have the drums shipped to the condo in Mereen. He only wished that he would be there to see her face when they arrived.

"I would love to have a guitar made."

"Of course. What are your favorite colors?"

"The blue of my fiancé's eyes."

"We can start there. Of course pictures won't due. I will have to meet her in order to match the color perfectly."

"Certainly. She is flying in tonight. We can stop by tomorrow."

"Perfect. You want something that will honor your Brienne."

"You knew her name."

"Ahhh...Mr. Lannister. The whole world knows your lady's name after the Wolfies."

Jaime smiled with pride. "I would like something that honors the two of us together. As one."

"What exactly do you have in mind?"

****************************

**Next Morning - 3 am**

Jaime's alarm went off, but he couldn't wake up. It went off again at 3:15 and 3:30. Jaime hit the snooze button one more time and at 3:45 the alarm went off again. This time he knew he couldn't hit the snooze again. He had to get up and meet Brienne at the airport. He brushed his teeth and threw on some jeans and boots and a T-shirt and got in the waiting car. He fell asleep and the driver had to wake him so he could get out and watch the Lannister family jet touch down. He always watched the jet land when she was on it.

He leaned against the car and let her come to him. Well, he was going to, but he couldn't wait to see her face and hold her. He met her at the stairs when she got to the bottom. 

Brienne wrapped her arms around his neck and said, "Oh my darling! I am so happy to see you!"

"Evenstar...it's so good to have you in my arms. Where you belong." He didn't seem himself at all. He seemed lethargic and slightly withdrawn.

"I missed you so much."

"I've missed you. So much sometimes it was hard to breathe."

She kissed him. "Come on, let's go, you must still be tired."

"You must be exhausted yourself. You had a busy day and a four-hour flight."

"I am rather tired. But I am so excited to be with you."

Jaime fell asleep on the way back to the hotel and Brienne had to wake him when they arrived.

"I'm so sorry." He said as they got to the room.

"What for?"

"I'm just so sleepy, that's all. I have someplace to take you later."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. It's a surprise. I can't wait really. But let's get some sleep, shall we?"

"Jai?"

"Yeah." He said stripping down to his underwear.

She started undressing. "What did you take last night?"

"Whatever blue pills the King gave me." He laid down and he was out.

Brienne snuggled up to him and it took a few minutes, but she fell asleep on his chest.

*******************************

Jaime didn't need the pills once Brienne was there. He woke up on his own about 5 hours later and felt better than he had in the last two weeks when he felt her hair tickling his chest and her warm breath on his stomach. He caressed her hair and let her sleep a while longer.

As always, Brienne enjoyed watching him from the front row and from backstage and getting kisses between outfit changes. Cersei could barely stomach the amount of affection they had for each other. Still, she smiled and pretended to be happy for them. Robert started stealing kisses from Cersei as well. This still didn't really appease her but she pretended it did. Not only was she putting on for Jaime, she was putting on for Robert. Ultimately she was lying to herself. She couldn't quite put her finger on why precisely it bothered her so much to see Jaime and Brienne together that way. It was odd.

On New Year's Eve, The Lannisters had a performance on a cruise ship on the Narrow Sea, immediately followed by fireworks at sea. It was beautiful really. They spent the next several days relaxing on the ship until it docked in Lannisport. Robert immediately boarded a plane back to King's Landing. He would be catching up to the them in the coming weeks. 

They were nearly mobbed when they arrived at the hotel. Jaime & Cersei graciously put on a performance, hanging out with the guests and even having a sing-a-long. This lasted for about an hour and then the twins bowed out and said they had early morning obligations. They laughed their way up to their rooms saying how fun it was and they should interact with fans more often.

"Come in with me. Have a drink." She said to Jaime & Brienne.

"Alright, just one, Cers."

"Jaime, I'm tired." Brienne said. "You go on. I'm going to the room. I'll try to be up when you come in."

"I won't be long. Just one." He kissed her sweetly and went in with Cersei. They had already killed a bottle of whiskey and four bottles of wine at dinner with Brienne. Cersei poured them Tequila shots. One lead to two and two lead to four.

He said, "Sis..I gotta go. I really...really need to go."

"Jaime...wait." She kissed him. It wasn't like a sister kisses her brother. This was no peck. She lingered on his lips too long, and her lips were too parted.

"What are you doing?"

"Don't you love me? At all?"

"Of course I do," he said taking her hand.

"Not like you love her." She shot back.

"What? No, not like I love Brienne. What's going on?"

"Stay with me tonight."

"You need some sleep. You really do. You're not thinking right."

"I am. Don't make me sleep alone tonight."

"Cers...I have to go. Brienne..."

"Brienne, Brienne, Brienne..."

"Are we back to that? What's gotten into you tonight?"

"You! You've gotten into me and I can't do it anymore."

"What?" He was actually stricken. "What are you talking about?"

"What's she like in bed?"

"Cersei! That's not up for discussion, good night."

"Tell me...is she bold and adventurous? Or does she leave it all to you while she lies there like a dead fish?"

"Definitely not a dead fish."

"I would love to know what she is really like in bed."

Jaime glared at her and made for the door. "Jaime! You've never fucked her have you?" She laughed.

"That's not your business, I'm going to bed."

"You mean to sleep. You're my brother. We're just talking. What exactly have you done?" She poured him another shot. "You must be doing something to pleasure each other. Is she even good at it?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I wouldn't think she would be. I could teach her something. A lot."

"Maybe she could teach you." He took another shot.

"So she likes to please."

"And torture and tease." He smiled widely. "Cersei, this is not a good conversation for us to have. That's my private life."

"But you're just starting to open up to me. I like this. Go on. Did she gag the first time you shot off in her mouth?"

He went for the door handle but she cackled loudly, "She did!"

"No, she didn't."

"That's intriguing. You couldn't have been her..."

"Her first and her last. How many people have you been with now? Since what? Seventh grade?"

"I'm not a whore Jaime, I just like to feel good. I have needs just like you and your...giant sapphire."

"Don't mock Brienne. If we are stuck in a fucking contract together for the next ten years, let's just respect each other and get through it, huh? I won't ask you about your personal life and you won't ask me about mine. You've got what you wanted. You got me away from everybody most of the time and its just us."

"How do you know..."

"Its what you've always wanted. Now I am here, and most of the time Brienne is hundreds if not thousands of miles away. You've won. Let it go." By this time he was lying on the bed with his eyes closed.

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't love your career so much. Don't blame me."

"If you remember correctly, I was supposed to do this on my own. I'm not stupid. You worked Robert to get this going."

"However I got here, Jaime, I got here. You have to take what you want in this world. You act as though you're the only one in this family with any talent." She took a shot and handed him the glass. He sat up, took a shot, and laid down again, all without opening his eyes.

"I don't. You are talented. But don't you think you can do things on your own? You don't need me."

"But you need me. People aren't going to keep buying just instrumental albums with the piano. You know people love a good song to sing to."

"We both have a lot to offer the world."

"We do. But we are so much better together."

"Yeah, you're right." He was exhausted and ready to go. He knew she was right though.

"This always happens, doesn't it? Is it because we are the exact same person? Or because we are incredibly different? We are dangerously similar Jaime."

"We're not. We are nothing alike."

"We are. More than you know. I know you Jaime. You're addicted to her. Maybe you haven't fucked her. But you're dying to feel the inside of her. I admire you really. How do you do it? I'm dying without human contact. I've seen your cock hard through your jeans - gods you're 19 years old and still a virgin."

"I'm marrying Brienne and we made our choice. I'm leaving. Don't ever bring this up again."

She began to cry, talking about how he didn't love her and he was abandoning her.

"Cersei please, stop doing this to yourself. I will never abandon you. I love Brienne, and I want to marry her and have a family but that doesn't mean I don't want you to be there every step of the way. You're still my other half."

"How can I be your other half once you're married?"

"You know what I mean. We've got something great, you and I." He reached for her hand blindly, but he found it.

"What do we have?"

"We are finally behaving like a brother and sister should. We have the biggest and best music career ever in the world. And we are just getting started." He yawned.

"And you have..."

"I have the love of my life waiting next door. I've got to. Good night." He fell asleep there on Cersei's bed, with his hand in hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I look forward to your thoughts!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. We finally find out how Cersei got Jaime into an incestuous relationship. 
> 
> ************************PLEASE READ THE NOTES FIRST******TRIGGER WARNING*************************************************
> 
> *************************************************TRIGGER WARNING*************************************************************
> 
> You know Cersei, so this is a very manipulative, non-consensual, non-violent situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I wasn't going to get graphic on the two of them together. However, I broke my rule for the sake of explaining how this all went down between them and why and how it was non-consensual. If you want to skip this chapter, skip it. You know it happened. You won't miss anything but the details of that. I did it because I wanted you to know how two 19-year olds committed incest and how Cersei manipulated him into it. 
> 
> After this chapter, there will be no more graphic, sexual details of Cersei and Jaime together. When something happens between them, you'll know it, but it won't be explicit adult content.
> 
> If you read it and don't mind sharing your thoughts, please tell me what you think - in terms of the writing and whether it made sense and is it believable in the sense that a narcissist can get away with something like that. And anything else you would like to express. I always love to hear your thoughts and opinions.
> 
> I thank you so much for reading and I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Cersei watched her mirror image sleeping in her bed. She sat still, watching his chest rise and fall. He was beautiful. He was more beautiful than she was. Most women in the world knew who was, and most of them wanted to be his. Jaime knew he was gorgeous. But he didn't really consider himself a sex symbol. Although he was sort of becoming one. He was asked to model underwear for House Baelish but he refused. Cersei would have done it. She would have done it beside him. With him and not given a second thought to what the world thought. The world probably would have thought it was sexy - twins modeling nearly naked together - the similarities and differences between their bodies. 

She watched his facial expressions as he slept, and thought he must be dreaming of Brienne. She watched and waited a while. She unbuttoned his shirt, careful to be slow and subtle, not wanting to wake him yet. His muscles were well defined - his pecs, his abs, his skin was smooth and perfect. She turned her hand palm-up and ran her knuckles softly from his chest to his naval to the waistband of his pants. 

Jaime _was_ dreaming of Brienne. She had come to his hotel room and surprised him. He opened the door to see her standing there in black thigh-high boots, and a silk jacket. He was happy and surprised to see her so he stood in the door looking her up and down at first. She was beautifully perfect with her red lips and black-lined eyes. She untied the belt on her coat and held it open to reveal her naked body.

He reached out to put an arm around her bare waist and pull her into the room. He opened his mouth to speak but she captured his lips and told him not to speak.

She dropped her coat in the middle of the floor and pushed him toward the bed. Her boots were off now and she laid next to him, caressing him and talking to him.

“You’re mine...you know that?” She whispered. “I want to pleasure you. I can show you knew things - make you feel things you’ve only dreamed about. Things you’ve wanted so long, but no one would give you. Just let me love you, Jaime. Please.” She didn't sound like herself. She sounded like Cersei.

He could feel her hands running up and down his arms and his chest. His cock twitched and it began to ache. As she massaged and caressed his legs and moved to his groin his cock began to throb. She caressed it through his pants. She unbuttoned and slowly, gently unzipped his pants and and then she massaged his cock with deliberate, hard strokes, then soft, and she gripped it harder and then ran feather light touches over his shaft over and over until he began to squirm. He was still asleep. He never opened his eyes.

He whispered, “Brienne...please.”

His shorts were gone. He felt her warm hands on his throbbing cock and she stroked it carefully, slowly, and then harder. Then it stopped. His heart was pounding and he reached for her but he couldn’t feel her. Her hands were on him again, but it wasn’t right. It looked like her in his dream but it didn't feel like her.

He moaned in his sleep. He was aching and desperate for relief but it just wasn’t coming and then suddenly he felt something new, warm and wet. He could feel her legs pressed against him and he tried to stop her “br...no, no...”

“Shhhh...let go. Let yourself cum.”

“I love you Brienne.” He mumbled unconsciously, “I love you, baby.”

She leaned into his ear and said, “I’m not Brienne.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading!  
> I greatly appreciate your comments and honest feedback.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After reading a few comments (none were bad or ugly and I was not scolded by anyone - thank you for being nice to me), I decided to add some warnings to the tags and the general story description. I have also decided to divide chapter 28 into two separate chapters so that readers do not have to go through the non-consensual aspect of that chapter and still be able to read about Jaime's reaction and the aftermath without missing the part of it with Brienne. 
> 
> So...if you've already read chapter 28 before today (Dec. 10, 2020 at 10 am US Central time), you can skip this chapter.

His eyes shot open to see his sister straddled over him and he could feel his cock inside her. His eyes opened wide and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He was paralyzed with shock. "Cer.." he breathed. "Stop! Stop! Get off of me, please. Wha...what the _fuck?"_ She rocked her hips and he could feel her around him, wet and warm, his heart pounded, his mind raced, he thought of Brienne, he looked at Cersei and finally he could move again. "Oh...gods, Cersei...stop."

"Let yourself go."

He grabbed her hips and as he moved to throw her off, his body responded in release and he spilled inside her.

“What the fuck have you done?! Why?! How could you do this?” He put his head in his hands. He felt as though the room were spinning. Anger, rage, confusion, shame, covered him like heavy blanket.

“How could **I**? _You_ responded! You _let_ me.”

“No! I was asleep. I was dreaming, and I woke up to find you on top of me and by then it was just too late. I tried to move and...fuck!” He paced the room and grabbed her shoving her to the wall. His face was sweaty and red, his eyes blood-shot from the alcohol and tears that he couldn't avoid. 

“Jaime...stop.” She calmly stated. “The moment you tried to move, you came. You looked me in the eyes and had a fucking orgasm and it felt incredible. You felt good inside of me. No one has ever made me feel that way. And we both know that it felt good to have me sitting on your cock. If I am guilty, so are you.”

“I was asleep! I was drunk! You knew that!”

“And?”

“I didn’t want to have sex with you. You had to know that! You’re my sister! This is not right. Gods - did I cum inside you?”

“Would you stop? I’m on the pill. What the fuck difference does it make now? So, you’re my brother. People have needs and desires and what is sex or fucking or love making? It’s just two bodies getting pleasure; getting off. All we both need, all we want is to cum. And I love you more than anything in this world. So tell me...how can that be wrong?”

“You’ve never loved me.”

“I have always loved you and tried to hide from it and run from it and treated you like shit because of it. Because I was afraid of it. I was jealous of anyone who got your attention and that was Brienne and I did horrible things to tear you apart. And here we are now.”

“You’re sick. You need help, Cersei, _real help._ ”

“No. I love my brother and he loves me. I fixed us.”

“How? You broke us!!! You’ve ruined my life.”

“You’re too good for her. You don’t need her. She is inferior. We are two perfect human beings who need to be together. We are meant to be. We shared a womb, we came into this world together and we shall die together. What are you so afraid of? That we've sinned? That people will talk? You're a lion . A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of sheep. You're afraid that I am right. It terrifies you how good I felt and that you want to be inside me again. You're terrified because it's not Brienne you want to feel...it's me."

"Nothing makes sense.”

“It all makes sense. Lay here with me. Hold me. Touch me. Show me you’re not angry.”

“I am angry Cersei! I’m going to throw up.”

He ran to the bathroom and hung his head in the toilet. While he vomited, Cersei kept talking to him.

“You’ll come around. I know you will. But for now...consider your lover. Brienne Tarth who is just in the next room. She loves you and _needs_ you. And you just fucked your twin. What will she think of you now? How will she feel when she learns that you broke your...vow?”

He ran from the room and let himself in the room next door. He looked at Brienne sleeping soundly in the bed they were to share. She was in nothing but satin bikini panties. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to pour his heart out to her. He wanted to destroy the world around them. Instead, he went to the bathroom and ran the water as hot as he could, stripped down, locked the door behind him and got into the shower.

He stood in the shower, sobbing, feeling like he would be sick again. _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you...I never did. I wanna fuckin' die - that's what I deserve. I was weak and stupid and I should never have trusted Cersei - never signed that contract. I don't need this shit. I don't need this career - I need Brienne. How can I tell her? She is so good and pure and she would understand, and accept that this wasn't me who did this...but this rip her to shreds. The humiliation she would she feel, the betrayal - and later if this became public...I can't even be with - touch her, kiss, make love to her after being with my...sister!_ _How could she be with me? She couldn't - it would disgust her and if I don't tell her and she finds out...that's worse! Gods Brienne...Brienne, I can't be without you...there is just no other way. How would I even explain this - that this was not my doing?_ _You can't rape a man. Can you? But that's how this feels._ He pounded his fist on the marble wall and leaned his head on the wet stone. _She took everything from me - she took Brienne - she took my life - I have nothing. I am nothing._

His body shook and he thought, _I hope die right here. Right now._ He wanted to stay there forever and never face reality. He got out and dried off. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. Then he put his fist through it. He wrapped it in a towel, wrapped another around his waist and opened the door. Brienne was standing there about to knock.

"Oh! Hi! I'm sorry. I really have to go." She smiled at him. He didn't even look at her. He walked away and began putting his clothes on. She hadn't seen his red-rimmed eyes, pale face, and misery. She hadn't noticed his hand, wrapped in a towel.

"Get dressed when you come out. We need to talk." He hurried into his clothes and then sat on the bed to wait. She came out and stood before him. "Are you sure you want me to put clothes..." Then she saw his face. "Baby? What’s wrong? Tell me.” Her voice shook as she spoke to him. She reached for his hand and saw the blood-stained towel. Jai...what have you done?"

"Get dressed. Please." She quickly put on a t-shirt and jeans. She knelt in front of him and said, “Jaime, please just say it,” touching his face and thumbing away his tears. “Gods...please.”

He shook his head. "I don’t want to do this. I’m so sorry.” He gently took her hand from his face, “Please don’t.”

Tears sprung to her eyes immediately. She knew what was next. He said, “We can't be together. You and I aren't...I am not good for you.”

“What? Why? No...you are, you’re perfect.”

“I am not. I’m no good. Not for you, not for anyone. I'm not even goof for me.”

“This is not you talking. What’s happened?”

“I made a horrible mistake.”

“It’s okay! It’s okay, it’s okay. I promise. Anything is forgivable. I forgive you! You don’t even have to tell me about it. Jaime, _please..._ a few hours ago you couldn’t wait for me to get here, and everything was perfect. You were in love with me and wanted to marry me. We can still be okay. I don’t care what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter.”

“Gods Brienne, it does. I wish it didn’t, but it can’t be undone, and it will destroy you...me...both of us.”

“We can fix...”

“Not this."

"Jaime. I love you. I trust you...and..." 

“Stop, please don’t say that.”

She continued, _**"and I** **know**_ whatever it is...you didn't intend to hurt me.” He looked at her sadly. She went on, "It’s true! Jaime?” She sobbed into her hands. He sat there crying, dying inside, wanting to reach out to her and hold her. Finally he gave in and did; it only made things worse. She clung to him as tight as she could, saying, “Please, please...It’s okay. I _know this is not you, Jaime._ It’s not. Cersei’s done something. What has she done? I am not afraid of her threats."

“I’m so sorry. I’ve made a huge of mess of everything. I wanted to marry you and have a life with you...

“Please just help me understand. Why is this happening? You said you missed me.”

“I missed you. I do miss you. I always will and I will always want you. But I can’t be with you. The condo is paid for. Stay as long as you need to. Finish University there. Please. I can’t go back.”

“What in seven hells makes you think that I can possibly stay there without you? Call Robert. Tell him you had an emergency. We can work through what ever this is.”

“We can’t. You and I are finished. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

“And you’re not?”

He clenched his jaw and stood back from her. He felt like she hit him in the heart. She turned off her feelings instantly. She wasn’t going to cry and grovel. She wasn’t going to make a complete fool of herself over a man who didn’t want her anymore.

He answered, “This hurts more than anything in the world.”

“No, it doesn’t. It can’t because you wouldn’t go through with this. My Jaime, that I love and worship - yes, worship, would talk about this and tell me what happened in the last few hours to turn our world inside out. This is not you. This is _not_ _my Jaime_.”

“I am your Jaime, Brienne. I will always be your Jaime and no one else’s. But I can’t marry you.”

“That makes this all the more harder." She sobbed. She tried hard not to, but she couldn't stop herself that time. "That makes no sense. Then how can you walk away from me? You’re not mine if we are not together! How can you think that for one mistake, one time, that I would stop loving you and leave? Do you think I can turn off my love for you so easily? Oh, wait...obviously, you can.”

“It’s best for you if I just walk away. You said you trusted me. And you have to trust that I am doing the right thing.”

“Oh fuck the right thing!" She yelled. His jaw dropped and she went on to say, "Better for who, exactly? Is it better for me? Or you? Or _Cersei?_ You have no idea what’s best for me, _GOLDEN LION_." Her voice cracked and she was about to crumble. She needed his arms around her to hold her together and promise it would all go away. She also knew that his mind was made up and this was over. She packed her bags as fast as she could. She was glad that she hadn't really unpacked much. She put her shoes on and took her bags to the door. 

"Brienne..."

"I am going. Please call...no, I am sorry. I can't impose on you."

"I am truly sorry. I will call Gedrick to pick you up and take you to the plane. There will be a car waiting to take you back to the condo when you arrive back in Mereen. I mean it Brienne, the condo and everything in it is yours. My car is yours now."

"What makes you think I want it?! I don't want anything from you! Especially your heart! It's not mine. It never was."

Brienne walked out the door without a word. When it closed behind her, Jaime knelt at the door and cried more than he ever had in his life. Al lthe times he cried over her before - he only _thought_ he knew what a broken heart felt like. 

Brienne got into the elevator and was all alone, she leaned against the wall and cried quietly, “Jaime...please. I forgive you, I love you...I will always love you.”

If he were to call her to come back right now, she would let him have his way with her - she would make love to him all night. She would feel him inside her for hours and not regret it. She would let him cum inside her over and over...and...that’s not the answer. _That's not going to fix anything. Sex is not love. But it's comfort. Its him, its something, its as close as two people can ever be...and that's all I want from him. Love._ _He's never once said it to me. Not even today after I told him that I loved him, I trust him, and anything is forgivable. But love is shown. Show, don't tell. That's been our thing from the day we met. But I **said it**. I told him for the first time. And nothing. _

She was broken. Even after losing her father, she never knew she could hurt this bad. At least she knew that her love for him was real. Even if his wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and standing by for updates. I would love to hear your thoughts! It's a sad situation.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne returns to Mereen.  
> Jaime and Brienne deal with the aftermath of their breakup from opposite ends of the earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing this chapter, I listened to a song by Tegan and Sara called 100x. In case you want to hear it. I am not sure how well it fits - it sounds good, and I think maybe it does. It seriously helped me.

**2000**

**Brienne**

The plane ride back to Mereen was a nightmare. Flying on the Lannister Family Jet was horrible. It was luxurious, spacious enough for her long legs, plush and comfortable and full of memories with Jaime. She recalled the conversation about rescuing Selwyn from Tarth to escape the hurricane. Thoughts of flying with Jaime to King's Landing for the first time - flying to the Wolfies. Jaime always took good care of her. His hand was always in hers, his arms around her waist, he doted on her and made sure she was warm enough, comfortable, or had a drink or a snack.

Tonight, she was cold and alone and confused. Her heart was heavy and longed for answers, she was exhausted from crying quietly, discretely. Tear tracks stained her face as she looked out of the window at the city lights. Her eyes burned, her chest was heavy, her throat was tight. _I can't understand this. I don't know if I ever will. What could I have possibly done to make him think we shouldn't be together? I love him, I respect him, I was good to him. I gave him every part of me that he wanted...I thought. We had an agreement and it meant just as much to him as it did to me to keep it. Did he lie? I know he didn't lie. Jaime doesn't lie. I can't second guess myself with this - it's not me - its not Jaime - Cersei has to be behind this._ Brienne caught a glimpse of the ring on her finger. It was beautiful. He chose it himself, especially for her. She hadn't expected it all that night. She put her fingers on it, knowing she should take it off but she couldn't.

She put the key in the lock at the condo and turned. The first thing she saw when she walked in the door...the drums Jaime bought her. She rushed past them and into the living room to go up the stairs. She made it up to the bedroom and dropped her bags where she stood. She spun around looking at everything in the room. _Jaime is everywhere in this room; in this house_. _How can I stay here? I can't even breathe in this room. It's okay. I don't want to breathe anyway. Is this what a panic attack feels like?_ She took a deep breath, and another, and another, and another, but she couldn't get enough air. _Jaime...Jaime...Jaime...what the fuck happened to you? What happened to us? I don't want this...I don't want to be here - I don't want to breathe without you..._ She began to cry hard, loudly sobbing, and she forgot to even to care how loud she was - no one was there to hear to her anyway. What did it matter? Why cry at all? What was the point? She was face down on the bed, crying into Jaime's pillow. _It smells like him. I need him here. I wish he wouldn't have said yes to Robert - had he never said yes...that's not true. I am so proud of him, and I am so happy that he has everything he wanted. Everything but me. I want him. I want him back...I...want him to make this stop hurting...I want to talk to him, and see him and hold onto him all night...I will never get to do that again._

Eventually she cried herself to sleep. She didn't wake up until 1:00 in the afternoon the next day. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun was bright and warm, but it felt like it should have been storming outside. She laid in the bed with the TV on, not really watching, not really listening. _I need a shower._ She stayed laying there, not moving for another hour. She wondered where Jaime was and what he might be doing. Was he happy and with someone else? Or was he just as miserable?

**Jaime**

Jaime opened his eyes and immediately ran to the bathroom to throw up. _Gods...last night was a nightmare. That's all it was. I'm hung over. That's what this..._ he heaved into the toilet again; he could smell the alcohol coming out of him. _That's exactly what this has to be. I will never drink like that again._ He ran cold water in the sink and splashed it over his face and went back to the bed. _It wasn't a nightmare. It's my new reality. I'm not sick because I am hung over . I'm sick because my sister fucked me last night, and I sent Brienne away. Brienne. What have I done? I could call...no. I can't. What good would that do either of us. I want to know that she got home safely. But I know she did. I want to know if she is okay...but I know she is not and I can't help her. I want to make this right and I can't. I can't help the one person I love most in this world and I will never, ever hold her again, or kiss her or be able to look into those soul-capturing eyes. I want to go home. Fuck...what home? I want to go home with Brienne. I want out of this contract, I want to be away from Cersei...can I get out of this? How can I possibly get out of this?_

_I miss Brienne so much. Why did I go in Cersei's room? Why did I keep drinking? If I had just gone to the room with Brienne...it doesn't even make sense! I would have gone back to the room and made love to her all night...and how did Cersei...? This isn't right._

_Why did you do this Cersei? How could you? I don't understand._

There was a knock at his door. He looked out the peep hole and saw his sister. He was disgusted. He didn't want to see her or peak to her or have anything to do with her. _Maybe she will go away. She can think I'm in the bathroom._

Cersei went away and had Robert call. Jaime finally answered six tries and two hours later. 

"Are you hung over?" Robert asked.

"Probably."

"How's Brienne?"

"She had to go back to Mereen."

"So soon? What happened?"

"We ummmm....we broke up."

"What!? Why? Jaime...you both..."

Jaime cut him off. "I think it's best if we're not together. I don't deserve her."

"Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"Please let it go. Let's not talk about this."

"Fine, fine. I bet I get some good songs out of you though."

Jaime silent and Robert finally said. "I'm sorry. That wasn't right. Are you...okay?"

"No. I am not. It was my decision. I can't go back now. But I just...I feel so empty and I wish to the gods that this could have been different. But it can never be."

"Does Cersei know?"

"I don't know what Cersei knows. I'm sure she does. Look...I need to pack. Are you traveling meeting us in Lannisport?"

"No. I will see you when you get back to King's Landing. You're going to do just fine though. Eat lots of carbs this morning and get your shit together. Get some rest on the plane. This is your last show and then its home sweet home."

"Yeah. Bye then."

"Bye."

Jaime didn't meet Cersei until the very last moment. They were taking a car to the airport at 3:00 and he met her at her door at 2:55, which gave them exactly enough time to get to the elevator and get downstairs to walk to the car. He didn't speak to her in the car on the way, or for the first hour of the flight.

"Are you never going to speak to me again? We're a team. You can't go the next ten years not communicating."

"I can find a way." He said without looking at her.

"I'm not sorry."

"We're not having this conversation on this plane."

"What better plane to have it on? This is _our plane_ and _our_ crew. We pay for their silence."

"I'm not discussing this."

"Fine. You don't have to speak, but you'll listen." Jaime was silent as Cersei spoke to him, "I love you. I'm sorry that you feel I've hurt you. I never meant to. It was selfish of me, it was wrong to do things the way I did. If you believe nothing else that I say, believe that I love you. It is only you that I love and care for. You are the only person in this world that truly matters to me. I _have_ been with Robert. It was good. Very good. But nothing compares to the the things I felt when you were inside me. My body felt good; so good that I was ready to cum the moment I slid over your cock. You love me. You love me unconditionally like no one ever has because I am your sister - your twin - your other half, and because I know how much you love me, it made me feel good emotionally in a way I have never experienced. I felt whole and fulfilled for the first time in my life. I need you Jaime. I need you. You can lie to yourself for the rest of your life, but I know you felt good. I know the orgasm you experienced was like no other you've ever had. You may have felt good and safe with Brienne, you loved her. I know you did. You do. You always will. But not like you love me. You could never love anyone like you love me."

Jaime put his head in his hands. He never said a word. He just wanted to cry, but he held back, swallowing the thick lump in his throat. _I could just jump out of this fucking plane and end this all._

**Later that Night**

**Brienne**

It was midnight. She couldn't sleep. Brienne tried the bed first. That didn't work even when she tried to pretend that this wasn't a break-up and Jaime was just a way for a few days. He would be back soon. She tried the bedroom down the hall that was originally supposed to be hers, but it was cold and empty and lonely - more so than the room she shared with Jaime. She tried sleeping on the sofa, but she also shared that with Jaime. She stared at her phone wanting to dial his number so bad that her heart ached. She dialed his number in her phone and took it out. She waited a while, pacing, staring at the blue neon lights that were the only lights on in the house. "That's a lot of neon." She had said to him the first time she visited. Her heart was in pieces and she was fighting with herself to not call him but all she wanted was to hear his voice. _There will be a consequence to every single thing I do! If I call and hear him once, I will want to keep hearing him and keep talking to him and I will never be able to give him up. Why is this so fucking hard? I need this to stop...stop...stop...please gods make this feeling go away!_ She hit her knees and buried her face in the sofa cushion. The phone rang. She saw the caller ID and answered immediately without thinking.

"Jaime?"

He hung up.

"Jaime?"

She dialed him back immediately.

"Brienne." He answered.

"You called."

"I-I did, I wanted to...it was a mistake."

"No. It wasn't. It's okay."

"I'm sorry."

"I was just thinking of you."

"You shouldn't do that."

"I can't stop."

"I can't stop either, but it doesn't change things. It has to be."

"Does it? Are you sure?"

He didn't answer. She asked again. "Brienne...I don't want to hurt you. This is not..."

"Then don't hurt me. If you don't want to hurt me get on a plane and come to Mereen and be with me."

"I can't do that. I can't come back."

"That's not true. I told you, I don't care what you've done, I don't need to know, as long as I have you, I don't care." She caught herself and realized how crazy and deperate she must sound right now. "I'm...sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay. The truth is that I miss you terribly. But this is how it needs to be."

"Jaime...I was siting here fighting with myself to not call you. I had your number in my phone and I was ready to hit send and then you called me."

"We can't do this to ourselves. I wanted to hear your voice and that was selfish and stupid. I'll try harder. I won't bother you, okay?"

"You're not."

He was hurting and he was angry - at himself - not with her. He yelled into the phone, "I am! This is not right! We will never be together - we can't. You think I'm a good man. I'm not. There is nothing good about me. You don't deserve a man like me, Brienne. We're done. That's it. Don't call me, and I won't call you. Don't think about me, it's not healthy. Just let me go. Let me go, okay?" He was becoming too emotional and just hung up.

"Hello? Jaime?"

There was nothing. "Jaime!!!!"

She was devastated all over again. She tossed the phone on the sofa and cried into her hands, _please. please, please call back. Just call back. Don't call me back. Don't ever fucking call me back. You're right. I don't deserve this!_

**Jaime**

Jaime looked at the clock. 2 am. Two performances tomorrow. He needs to be up by 10 am to make it to the venue for an 11 o'clock sound check and then there is a concert is at 2 o'clock and another at 6:30.

He downed a shot of tequila and set the glass down on the dresser. He decided on another shot and paced the room thinking about the horrible decision he made to call Brienne. _I just wanted to hear her voice. But that was cruel and selfish. Just like I told her._

He didn't want to be that man. He wanted to be her man. The one she loved and wanted but, _she shouldn't want me anymore. I want her to move on and be happy and forget me. I can't do this to her again...gods help me, I love her. I need her and I need to step away - help me be strong - help me do this with some sort of fucking dignity. For both of us._

He took another shot. 

_And what? What am I becoming? A fucking 19 year old alcoholic?_

He pulled the bottle of pills from his pocket. The blue ones Robert gave him. _I don't even know what this is. I don't want to do this. I don't. But I need to drown this pain away and...Cersei is right. I am too fucking weak. But I can hear Brienne's voice saying how wrong she is. Who's right?_

He looked in the mirror at his red eyes, messy hair and scruff. Brienne would say he looked incredibly sexy. 

"Which one of you is right!?" He was crying now. _If I was strong, I would have stayed. I would have fought. I would have been smarter. I would have fought against the shame and the guilt and if I was so fucking strong...Cersei wouldn't have...s_ _ay it. Look in the mirror and say it out loud. It happened. Be strong and say it. Your sister fucking raped you. In. Your. Sleep._

He tossed the pill in his mouth and took a swig straight from the tequila bottle. "Yeah. Exactly. Now we know who was right." He walked away from the mirror with the bottle in his hand and suddenly turned around and threw it at the mirror shattering the bottle, the mirror and sending tequila dripping down the wall. He stripped down to his underwear, laid on the bed and fell asleep.

**Brienne**

Anger surged trough her veins. A hurricane was roaring through her body and mind and she was ready to tear something up. She would do what she always did and take it out on the drums, she supposed. She picked up her sticks and began to play but it just wasn't helping. She played hard and loud and after just three minutes she couldn't see through hear tears. She still sounded good, but this was only making her angrier as she thought back to the night Jaime cooked her dinner and gave her this very set. She stopped and caught her breath and when she stood, she was so frustrated and angry that she sent the high hat and the ride crashing to the floor and she kicked the bass drum, tearing the head. She instantly regretted it, of course. It was immature and stupid but there was no outlet for her and no one to talk to. She could call her friends, but this wasn't their business. _They'll accuse him of cheating. And that's not why this happened. I don't know. I may never know, and I probably don't want to._ Now she was crying for a whole new reason - she destroyed the drums from Jaime.   
  


**2 days later**

The doorbell rang. “Hello! Delivery for Miss Tarth.”

”I haven’t ordered anything.”

”From Jaime Lannister.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are rough for our two favs at the moment. This was a bit emotional.
> 
> I'd love to hear from you. I am hoping to write more tonight.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne receives Jaime's gift and news that she will be interning with Robert at Stag Records.  
> Cersei has news for Jaime.

**2 days later**

The doorbell rang. “Hello! Delivery for Miss Tarth.”

”I haven’t ordered anything.”

”From Jaime Lannister.”

Mel walked up behind her, "He sent you a gift? This makes no sense."

"No, it doesn't. At all. What's he trying to do?"

"There is a letter. Let's open it."

"I don't know. Maybe I should just send it back. I am scared to even see what this could be and what if he... " _What if its not even from him? What if this is a cruel joke from Cersei. Well, then I'd know the moment I open it._ "Let's open these boxes."

"What about the letter?" Mel asked,

"I need to open the boxes first."

"Okay, I'll grab a knife." Melisandre went to the kitchen and returned immediately with a knife. The phone rang. It was Lyanna letting Brienne know the plane landed and she needed to head to the airport to pick her up.

Brienne said to Melisandre, "Well, this will have to wait. We've got to pick up Lyanna."

"Can't we just hurry and open _one box?"_

"No. We cannot. They will still be here when we return. He's not coming back. Let's just go."

They picked up Lyanna, grabbed some take out and returned home. When they got in, Mel brought Lyanna directly to the boxes as Brienne setup the plates and poured some drinks. "Hey come on you two, everything is ready."

"You mean, you're going to eat first?"

"You don't want cold food, do you?"

"Microwave." Mel said.

Lyanna said, "She is doing this torture us."

"I am not."

Mel added, "She is procrastinating."

"I'm hungry."

"No way I would eat first." Lyanna said.

"Me either, but that's our friend. So...let's eat."

Brienne did her best to take her time eating but she really only ate about half the burger and 6 fries before she couldn't take it anymore. "Forget this, let's go."

The two girls practically leapt from their chairs to follow their friend to den where the boxes waited. "Where is that knife?" Brienne asked.

"Right here." Mel handed it to Brienne.

Brienne took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I don't know if I'm ready."

"You have to be ready. You're a tough one, come on, open it." Lyanna said.

Brienne cut into the tape across the top of the box and opened the flaps. "A box inside a box. Nice."

"Come on, we'll help. Turn it over and we can lift the open box off." Mel said.

The three young ladies turned the box over, and together lifted the brown box to reveal another box. Brienne cut through that one, opened the flaps and the girls removed the foam packaging. They saw something shiny. "Oh gods, Brienne!" Lyanna exclaimed.

"This mother..." Melisandre started.

"Watch it!" Brienne said.

"I'm sorry." Mel said.

"Ah, I understand." Brienne took the cymbals from the box and looked at them. "How did he know? Do you think he knew? I mean...these are more valuable than the entire first set he got me."

Mel asked, "How would he know? There is no way. Unless he is telepathic. You can't possibly have that good a connection."

"You'd be surprised." Brienne said.

"Or he has cameras set up and he's watching." Lyanna suggested.

"You watch too many movies." Brienne laughed.

She pulled out the entire set and got to the bass drums. She said, "These are beautiful. I can't believe he did this. What is this? Like a parting gift. A final farewell? _Why?_ I mean...how could he think this was a good idea?"

The two girls stared at her wide eyed. "I don't think he did this as a parting gift." Lyanna said.

"Definitely not." Mel agreed.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Mel said, "He is either asking for forgiveness and wants you back...or he ordered these before he called it quits."

"Why do you say that?" Brienne asked.

The two girls looked at each other and turned the bass drums around so Brienne could see them. Brienne's eyes filled with tears and said, "That mother..."

"No! Don't say it! You don't mean it anyway." Lyanna said.

"No, I don't mean it. But I don't understand this. They're beautiful but...I just...why is he doing this?"

"There was the letter. Read the letter." Lyanna said.

"Come on Lyanna, let's give her some time."

"It's okay. I will take it up to the bedroom. I will be down soon." Brienne went upstairs and sat in the middle of the bed she once shared with Jaime Lannister. Her Golden Lion. She hoped that this letter would give her the answers that she needed. 

_My Brienne, my love, my fiancé:_

_I love the sound of that. I'm sorry we are aren't getting to spend a lot of time together these days. I really miss being with you._

_I hope you like your gift! I know you already have a set. I saw these and just had to buy them for you. I wish I would have been home to see your face when you opened them. I hope you don't think the design is too tacky, I had it custom designed for you because, well, you're my Evenstar - my guiding light, and I wanted something special for you. I love you, more than anyone else in this word and I will live and die for you. I can't wait to spend time with you again, marry you and live as one._

_Enjoy your new drums, and think of me when you play. We'll be playing together again soon, my love._

_With all my love and all my heart, forever yours-  
Your Golden Lion, Jai_

Instead she was left with more confusion and grief. It was a beautiful set, and obviously, he bought these the day before he broke up with her. How could so much change in so little time?

***************************************************

**Lannisport  
** **Afterparty at the Sunset Sea Hotel**

The lights were low, the music was loud, and Jaime mingled with guests and smiled, perfectly playing the part. He made some new contacts that he was going to speak with Robert about. He was as excited as he could be under the circumstances of his life, that he met Princess Shireen, a vocalist from Dragonstone. He admired her for a while on the pop scene and would love to write for her. She was gracious and told him that she would love to work with him as well. Perhaps their managers will speak soon. He had a few drinks - nothing too strong, he was going to try to tone it down after his recent incident with the mirror in his hotel room. He walked into a room where he found his sister sitting on the sofa with two men. She was hovering over a mirror with a razor blade in her hand. The mirror had three white piles of dust and Cersei was laughing with the men as she formed the piles into lines. Jaime rushed over and grabbed her wrist. He looked at his sister and spoke to the men without looking at them. "Leave me with my sister." When the men walked away, Jaime asked, "What in seven hells are you doing?"

"Trying something new."

"No. You don't want to do this. Please. I can't walk down this road with you. I'm not strong enough for that."

"You have no confidence, you never did." She moved the lines around the mirror, more or less just playing with them, really.

"Why are you doing this?"

"I want to."

"And you do everything you want, don't you? Not this time."

"No?" She leaned forward and put the tiny glass straw to her nose. Just before she inhaled, Jaime knocked from her fingers. "Are you completely mad?"

"Yes!" He hissed. "I am completely mad. Don't do this. I will give you anything you want, I will do...anything you want. Leave with me now."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

They left the party and went to her room. 

**********************************

**Brienne's Condo**

"She emerges from the crypts." Lyanna announced two hours later.

"What's it say?" Mel asked.

"What it says...is..." She sighed. "It tells me that he loves me with all that he is. But it is also clear that he wrote it just before we parted ways. That's that."

"Well, now you have to call him to thank him. That's the perfect reason to call, isn't it?"

"I can't call him. He told me to never call."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe he didn't mean it. Maybe he thought that's what he was supposed to say. Think about what was in that letter. I didn't see it. But I saw how he looked at you at the Wolfie's. The whole damn world saw it and if they saw it, you know the twisted sister from the lowest of the seven hells saw it too. You're right Brienne. This is not your Jaime." Mel said.

"It doesn't matter. He doesn't want me. Or he does want me but we just can't be together. He said to trust him that this was best. I trust him. I've always trusted him, but I just...I've never hurt like this in my life. I want to thank him for the drums..."

"Send him a letter." Lyanna suggested.

"She'll get the letter and..." Brienne started.

Lyanna interrupted, "Not if I deliver it. If he can't come back here, and his tour is over, where else would he go but home to King's Landing where his family is? Write the letter and I will bring it to him. I will get it to him, I promise."

"You're sure?"

"I promise."

"Do it!" Mel encouraged.

Brienne wrote a letter to Jaime and a week later, Lyanna was ready to return to King's Landing. Brienne hugged her friend goodbye at the airport and Lyanna promised to call her once the letter was delivered.

Once Lyanna was home, it took her a few days to catch up with Jaime. She met him at the Red Keep, where they used to go as high school kids. "Thanks for meeting me. I spent the last week in Mereen, with Brienne."

Jaime looked up in surprise. "How is she?"

"She is torn apart. Devastated. It hurt even more and confused her even more when she received your gift."

"My gift..."

"Did you not send her a new drum set?"

"Oh gods. Yes. I did. I had them custom painted. I ordered them before..."

"She figured that out, You ordered them just before you broke up with her. I will let her know she was right. She wrote you this thank you note. I promised that I would ensure it reached your hands unopened. Here it is." She slid it across the table to him. "She is never going to bother you again. She just wanted to ensure you received her letter and read it. I'll leave you to it then."

Jaime sat and thought for a few minutes and then he left for Blackwater Bay. He wanted to be alone to read her letter and think without distraction. He perched himself on the sea wall and looked out at the bay. He wished Brienne was physically with him, rather than just a piece of paper. He opened the envelope.

_Jaime, My love:_

_You will always be my love, whether either of us want it to be that way. I wanted to let you know that I received the custom drums and I love them. They are truly beautiful. I will cherish this last gift you sent. I know when you requested them, you sent them out of love. Just because our relationship ended, doesn't mean our love ended. You asked that I never call you again, and I shall abide by your wishes. But don't think for one moment, that I will stop loving you or that I can stop thinking of you. You're too important to me. Please know that whether you deserve it or not, I forgive whatever you mistakes you have made. I promised to always stand by you. If this is your decision, I will not beg you to stay. I have to let you go. If you should ever change your mind and decide that perhaps we deserve another chance, please don't hold back. Don't deny us the happiness we both deserve. Promise yourself that. I wish you all the best._

_My heart is yours, now and always,_

_Your Evenstar_

_*****************************_

**Two Months Later - Robert Baratheon's Office**

"Why would you do this?" Jaime asked from behind a soundboard.

"Because she is top of her class."

"My brother broke up with her two months ago. It's too fresh. Darling, you can't expect either of them to just work together."

"In this industry, we all cross paths one way or another. Everybody fucks everybody at some point, one way or another and you learn to be professional about it and pretend none of it ever happened. If they're going to be in this industry, they need to learn young."

"It's too soon." Jaime insisted.

"It's never too soon," Robert insisted. 

"What if it is?" Cersei asked, "What if she doesn't accept your offer or if she does just to get back at Jaime and ruin things."

Robert said, "I think we all know better than that. Besides, won't have any other choice. I get first choice because I am the top producer in the industry and I have already staked my claim."

"She deserves to make her own choice." Jaime said,

"Do you know how this works? No. Because you don't need to. Interns don't make the choice who they work for. The producers do. You will thank me later, Kingslayer."

"I don't think I will. Not this time."

"I just don't know why you're so insistent on Brienne Tarth." Cersei said.

"Well, two reasons, my beautiful lioness. First...your brother is still in love and even though he is a big fuck up, he deserves another chance. And second, I am a selfish bastard in need of a good intern who is going to do everything I need and strive to make herself successful and in the process make us all highly successful as well. And there is no one that's going to do it like Brienne."

"You're right. You are a bastard." Cersei said. She smiled and kissed Robert. "But you're my bastard. And I..." she whispered now, "I have completely fallen for you think I am falling for you."

Jaime rolled his eyes and walked out.

**********************

**Later that Evening**

"Hello?" Brienne answered.

"Congratulations."

"Who is this?"

"Your new employer for the next year."

"What?"

"Robert Baratheon of Stag Records."

"Robert!?"

"Yes."

"No, I...I appreciate the offer, I do. But I can't..."

"You can. You are. You know this is the best opportunity for you."

"You do realize that Jaime and I are no longer together?"

"Aye. This is going to be a good thing. Trust me."

"It's too soon. Do you have any idea how..."

"Funny thing here...Jaime said all the same bullshit. If you're going to be in the music industry, you need to learn to..."

"I understand. You're right. It's a great opportunity. When do I start?"

Rather than talk about it continuously and try to argue, Brienne wanted to move on. She knew that if Robert personally called, he meant business and no one else was going to be calling. Maybe she wouldn't really have to be around Jaime all that much. She needed something great on her resume if she was going to get a great job. She had nothing and no one - her father was gone. No place of her own. She didn't want to stay in Jaime's condo much longer. She felt stuck - she'd be out of the condo - but now she would be working with Jaime and Cersei. Maybe Robert would give her an office job. She knew better than that. He was going to throw her in front and center. No. None of it was fair, but what had been lately?

After a quick visit to King's Landing to complete paperwork at Stag Records, she would be heading back at the end of the month. She caught up with Lyanna, who could not have been more excited that she was coming home. She was only home for a week, but she had a lot to get done in that time. She had inherited everything that Selwyn owned. But this was really the first time she went back to her childhood home. Since she only needed two days at the studio, she made use of the time to clean up the house, with Lyanna's help, of course, and have the car detailed. She was thankful that she had kept Selwyn's house - otherwise, she would be apartment hunting. The plan was to clean out all of the old junk that was no longer needed and make it as much her own as possible. There were a few things that she just couldn't part with - some ended up stored in the garage and some remained in the house. Once she got a little bit of money, she would start redecorating.

Exhausted from her efforts in King's Landing, she returned to Mereen to begin packing. There wasn't much to pack - but she was a little lost. What would she do with all the stuff in the condo? She couldn't afford to have it all shipped and it wasn't originally hers anyway.

Mel was going to check on the apartment weekly and would likely end up spending some nights there - it was much bigger than her small apartment she used to share with Brienne. Brienne was okay with that. She trusted Mel and they had become good friends. It would certainly be good to have someone staying there.

**********************************

**Cersei and Jaime  
Lannister Residence**

"Come in." Cersei said.

"You asked to see me." Jaime stated with little emotion.

"I did. Will you sit with me? Please?" She tapped the edge of her bed and sat down. Jaime looked her up and down. She was wearing a red satin night shirt that buttoned up the front. It was cut low at the top and reached 4 inches above her knees and showed her tanned, toned legs. 

"I think I'll stand here if it's alright."

"It's not. I need you."

"Cersei..."

"Not...in that way. I promise. I just need you near."

"If its all the same..."

"It's not. This...I need to talk to you."

Jaime relented and sat next to his sister. "What's the matter?"

"We have a problem."

"What's there a problem with? Scheduling? Arrangements?"

"No, sweet brother...I wish it were that simple." Her eyes filled with tears. Tears he wish he were immune to. 

"What is it?"

"I'm pregnant."

"How? You swore to me you were on the pill and that you were careful. How - who- who's the father?"

"I don't know." 

"How do you not know? You said..."

"Yes, Jaime, I know what I said, my darling, little brother...I know. It doesn't change anything with us."

"I was afraid you'd say that. You promised that it was you and I. You and I alone...no Brienne...no one. You know that I don't want this. Not because I don't love you..."

"I'm going to marry Robert."

"He asked you?"

"No. Not yet. This hurts so much. I love you so much. I don't want to do this, Jaime."

"How is it fair that you created this horrid situation, ruined my life and took all that I held dear, and now you get to marry someone and have all the things I wanted and will never have?"

"Don't say that. I'm only doing this for one reason. For us. I was terrified that something like this would happen. No one can know about us and who else would the baby be for if not for Robert."

"Right. Your problem is solved. While I live in misery because of all that you've done."

"Father will be so disappointed. I am terrified. I don't know how to be a mother. I just hope it's yours. I want this baby to be yours Jaime...I love you...I need you always. I don't want it to be for Robert; if it's Robert's baby I don't want it. I want to have this with you."

"Stop, please!"

"Don't you want a baby?"

"Not now! Not with you! I wanted life and a baby with Brienne. You took that from me. Forgive me if I am not walking on air. This is not right. Nothing about this is right. Marry Robert. Make things look as best they can. I did not create this problem - you created all of this."

"Jaime, please don't be this way."

"How do you want me to be? You want me to pretend that this is a great thing? Do you know that if this baby is mine, there could be grave consequences? He could be born blind, deaf, or both or be crippled or have any number of health conditions because we're brother and sister - and worse - twins. So how do you want me to be? You want me to smile, and make love to you right now and pretend that this is a happy occasion to celebrate? Shall I go and get father and tell him that his _children_ are having a child of their own?"

"With or without you on my side, I will love this baby with all my heart and I will cherish him or her and I will know that I created him - with you."

"You don't even know whose baby it is. Save it."

He walked out and went to his own room. He was sickened by what he'd just heard. His hands shook. His palms were sweaty and he clenched his fists. He paced the room breathing deeply. He was dizzy. _This is not really happening, I was already in a nightmare, how can everything in the world just fall apart like this? Brienne...she is set to return tomorrow and now this. She is intelligent, she will figure this out. Gods...I hope Robert marries Cersei. I hope that baby is his. Please gods...let that baby be for Robert Baratheon._ He laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. His mind was utterly blank. He stared up at the ceiling until everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming back for more! It only gets more intense from here. Please share your thoughts if you have a moment, comments are always welcome and appreciated.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne begins her internship with Robert and befriends Renly.  
> Jaime and Brienne somewhat learn to deal with working together.  
> What shocking things does Brienne find out about?

**Internship Begins**

"You'll shadow me in everything I do. Except fuck, shower, and piss." Robert laughed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't behave that way. Forgive me?"

"Sure." Brienne said, rolling her eyes

"Come on, I'll show around. You've met Renley, my younger brother. He is my assistant. He hopes I die soon so he can inherit the business." Robert said, looking at Renley with a smile. "Renley, remember Brienne? She is going to be our new intern."

"I'm not _hoping_ you die, Robert. I _pray. Hard_ to the seven day and night." Renley smiled at Brienne. "Welcome to the studio, Brienne. Good luck with my brother. He's um...he's really something special."

Brienne spent the week learning her way around the studios, familiarizing herself with contracts, learning the equipment, setting up appointments, learning tour schedules, meeting artists, helping clean out storage rooms and filing documents. At the end of the week, she still hadn't seen Jaime or Cersei, and part of her was grateful. Yet, a bigger piece of her was full of disappointment. 

She was exhausted and her body was sore from all the physical work she had to do. Brienne didn't realize she was on call 24-7 just like Robert. She had gotten calls from clients with questions, hair and make-up artists, caterers, transportation companies, etc. at all hours. Friday night, she laid on her sofa with a container of ice cream and watched a movie. She was getting sleepy, so she put the tub of ice cream on coffee table and just when she closed her eyes, the phone rang.

She popped up and answered, "Hello?" She looked around the room and heard the phone ringing. She searched the sofa for the phone, but couldn't find it. It kept ringing, and she finally found it on the floor. "Hello?"

"What's up, blondie?"

"Renly?"

"Renly."

"Oh! Hi. What's... _up_?"

"I'm headed out for the evening. Come out with me for drinks. We'll celebrate your first week of success."

"Like...just for fun?"

"Yeah, like...just for fun. You're up for some fun, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah, sure. Always."

" _You_ were falling asleep on the sofa, in front of the TV. Come on, get up, get dressed and let’s go out!"

"Okay, yeah. Where should I..."

"I'll pick you up in an hour."

"But you don't know..."

"I know everything, Tarth. See you in one hour. Exactly. One. Hour."

Renly showed up precisely in an hour. He had called her at 10:22 and was at her house ringing the bell at 11:22. They went out to a club called The Unsullied. Cover charge was $150, which wasn’t all that unreasonable since they only served top-shelf liquor and it was included in the cover. Everything was black and violet purple, the music was fast and loud, the shots flowed freely and the lights danced with the music. There was a DJ on a stage, with half-dressed men and women dancing and having a good time with one another; she could have joined them on stage had she wanted to, but she was having a great time dancing with Renly on the floor. It was hot in the club and she was starting to glisten. Renly said, "Come on, let's get some air." Brienne smiled and nodded. They went outside on a back patio where it was much quieter. Renly handed her a drink. 

"Are you having a good time?" He asked.

"Yeah, this is great. I haven't been out like this in...ever, really."

"I'm glad you came out with me. It's good to have a friend."

"It sure is." She smiled and sipped her drink. "You mean...you don't have a lot of friends?" She asked.

"Not in the business, no. Not anywhere really. I don't have a lot of time. Robert keeps me very busy. I suspect the two of us will be taking over everything soon enough."

"Us - you and me? Why?"

"Robert is marrying Cersei in the next month. Before she starts showing, he says."

Brienne nearly spit out her drink. She choked it back and her eyes watered. She was at a loss for words. "Cersei...she's...are you sure?"

"That's the word on the street. My big brother is getting his heir. Which knocks the crown right off my head. Ahhh...he thinks I care. Truth is I don't. I've gotten my fair share out of the family business. I have a trust fund. Robert can run things and run himself into an early grave, and I can stay young and beautiful and still have fun." He smiled.

"When did this all come up. With Cersei, I mean?"

"The baby? He _just_ found out about it and begged her to marry him. She was a little hesitant at first but, she relented, saying the truth is that she is madly in love with him."

"You're serious?" She wanted to gag.

"Yeah, it is rather sickening, if you ask me. They are both quite smitten."

"When is the wedding?"

"The date is to be determined, but it will be as soon as possible."

"What about the contract that she and Jaime signed for the next ten years? Is she able to get out of it?"

"Oh, she doesn't want out of that. No way."

"The baby brings more attention to her, more spotlight." Brienne said, thoughtfully.

"You know her well." Renly grinned. 

"Too well." Brienne said, taking the last sip of her drink.

"It's near 3 am. We should go. Only the gods know when Robert will call us to be his step-and-fetch or one of the twins will need something. They are the biggest draw right now - outweighing all of Robert's clients. Just wait until they go public with this wedding and baby announcement. Cersei is more needy than Jaime. He rarely calls. Especially now, since you...well...the two of you parted ways. Sorry about that, by the way. He is rather quiet and keeps to himself."

"Yes...he would be."

"Are you going to be able to do this?"

"I have no idea." She quickly corrected herself. "No, that's not true. I will because it seems I have no choice if I want to graduate."

"I know this won't be easy. But I will stand by you."

"Thank you."

"You can be my date at the wedding. Presuming you don't already have another..."

"I'm not going to this wedding."

"Oh...yes. You have to go. Robert is most definitely going to invite you and it would be taken as a personal slight if you missed it."

Another two weeks went by. She was Renly's date to Robert and Cersei's wedding which is the first time she saw Jaime since the night he broke up with her. They each thought that the other looked 10-15 pounds lighter, both wanted to run to the other, hold on tight and never let go. Jaime looked absolutely miserable at the wedding. He thought the same of Brienne.

Renly said to Brienne, "The twins are supposed to perform together this evening. At least one song."

"What a surprise." She said, dripping with sarcasm.

"Do you want to bail?"

"No, I'm used to it. Besides, this will be my life for the next year."

Cersei went to Jaime, "I've changed my mind about the song."

"No problem, we don't have to do anything. I think I might..."

"Oh, no...I want to perform with you, it's just...the perfect wedding song is 'We've Only Just Begun'. Don't you think?"

"It is a perfect wedding song. But you're not singing that tonight."

"You're denying me at my wedding?"

"Yes. I am."

"Because that's the song you wrote for Brienne. When you were ten."

"Yeah. That's why. Let it go."

"You still care for her. After everything."

"Brienne has done nothing wrong. We're here because of you. You have clearly won. If I do a song with you, it will be the one we rehearsed. The new one."

"I don't want to do that one."

"Good. Then we won't do a song."'

"You're refusing me on my wedding night?"

"I'm not your husband. I can refuse you for the rest of my life."

He walked away and as he rounded the corner, he literally ran right into Brienne.

"Oh gods! I am so sorry...." When he realized it was Brienne, his face took on a look of shock, and he could barely get out a "Hi." It took his breath away to see her up close for the first time in so long. Her eyes searched his soul for answers, and he felt as though she immediately knew his secrets. That just couldn't be though, could it? He almost couldn't hear her reply a weak, "Hi."

"I..." _missed you...I still love you...please come outside with me..._ "I didn't expect you to come." He managed to get out.

"Neither did I. Would you rather I leave?" 

"No! No. I just...this is so hard."

"It is. We may as well get used to this. I will be around for the next year according to Robert ." Her voice cracked and she was getting emotional just looking at him. It wasn't right being in the same room with him and they couldn't touch each other.

"We always get through though, don't we?"

"Yes. We do. Now, if you'll excuse me...Golden Lion." She walked away and went outside, alone on the balcony.

Jaime stood alone in the hallway for a moment, but then headed out to see her. She saw him coming and walked away but he called out to her. Not wanting to create a scene, she stopped, and turned to look out at the night sky. He walked up behind her. "Brienne."

"Yes." She kept her back to him.

"If you'd rather not work with Robert, I can talk to him. But he is rather set on you doing this for some reason."

"It's not that, it's fine, really."

"Or if you'd rather not...work with me..."

"I don't know how to do this. But I will. I will abide by your wishes and I won't reach out to you. We can be professionals about this. We are mature enough, aren't we?"

He nodded. "We are."

They made their promises and tried their hardest. It wasn't easy pretending that he didn't love her and need her. It wasn't easy pretending that she had no feelings for him and didn't want to kiss him every time she laid eyes on him. They were so good at making it look so easy. While she smiled on the outside, she was dying on the inside. She wondered what went wrong, what his mistake was, what was so bad that could never be fixed. She would watch Cersei with him and know deep down that every move she made was for Brienne's own benefit. Jaime himself would have found that hard to deny. 

As the months went on, they found the awkwardness fading. They were even able to laugh together. It didn't take away their grief and angst - it only made it harder. Every time they shared a moment of ease and happiness, it felt like it did before the break up Sometimes they forgot they were no longer 'Braime'. Then Cersei would speak or walk up behind one of them and the mood was shattered like glass.

Brienne casually sat on the baby grand in the studio late one evening while Jaime played. She said, "No, it's got to be faster than that."

"What, you don't like it?"

"I do. I think it's great. Like everything else you've written. It would just be better faster. That doesn't go with the lyrics. The lyrics don't sound like a ballad."

"So...like this?" He played a few bars.

"Yeah, just like that! Now let's add...." she jumped down and went to the drums, "this."

"Oh yeah! That's great! Keep going!"

They were playing together again. It was perfectly timed and the rhythm felt so good, it was almost like dancing together. They smiled and couldn't take their eyes off each other. They both laughed at the end and Jaime said, "we should try this more often. You always make every thing I do sound so much better."

She looked into his eyes, bit her lip, and held her breath. He said, "Say it."

"I guess not everything."

"Yes. Everything."

"Come on, let's pack up and get out of here. We've been here like 15 hours. Did you realize that?"

"This is my playground. I could live here."

"Yeah, me too really. But we need some sleep."

"And food. Aren't you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Share some pop tarts?"

"I think we need more than that...and I think _you, Golden Lion_ can afford to buy me something a lot more tasty and nutritious."

"Ahhh....are you inviting me to buy you dinner?"

She smiled. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

" _Please_ , have dinner with me."

"It's 2 am. You can buy me breakfast."

He smiled and turned the light off in the studio and followed her out.

They stopped at the diner on the corner and sat in a booth in the back. The waitress brought them coffee. They were quiet at first. She wondered, _was this a mistake? Is he getting over me? Could this make things harder? They can't possibly get harder. It's got to let up somehow._

Jaime stirred his coffee and thought to himself, _I can't believe we are doing this. I'm fucking stupid and selfish a-fucking-gain. She looks happy though. I am dying to kiss those lips. To touch her hand. Something - anything._

Finally, she asked, "So, Cersei seems to be doing well with this pregnancy. She was in a decent mood."

"Oh...yeah. She is happy. I wouldn't have thought she was ready but she is all into...shopping mostly. For the baby of course. But she has already picked out what she wants in the baby's nursery and car seats and strollers...and...she hopes its a girl that she can turn into a mini-cers." He laughed dryly.

"Can the world handle another Cersei?"

"I know I can't." Jaime said without a smile.

"Let me guess...the nursery will be red and gold and decorated with lion cubs?"

"Elephants, if you can believe that."

"What?" Brienne laughed.

"It's beyond me the things my sister does." His smile faded as he remembered the worst thing his sister had ever done. He looked down at the cup his hands rested around.

"Jaime?"

"I'm sorry....let's not talk about Cersei. Tell me about you...how's the house coming? I passed by the other day, and I noticed that you painted the outside."

"Oh, you did?"

He looked away shyly and grinned as his face turned red. "Yeah, it's really looking nice."

"Thank you. I um...I've done a lot on the inside - not as much as I need to, but enough to make it _start_ to look like mine."

"Are you happy?"

"No. I mean yes! I...I am, generally. I guess."

"I know the feeling." He sipped his coffee.

"We'll be okay. We will. You've got the world on a string, Jaime and I'm learning all this stuff from Robert and Renly and...it's only a year."

"We said it would be forever." He replied.

"We did. But that's not in the cards for us."

He looked at her then. She said, "We will find ways to move on."

"Are you moving on with Renly?"

"Renly?"

"He seems quite smitten."

She laughed. "Renly Baratheon is not smitten with me. You're the only fool who found me even remotely attractive."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true."

"That I am a fool?"

"Only for leaving." She said.

"You're right. I am."

"But it doesn't change a damn thing does it?"

"It can't. Nothing can."

"I'm not asking it to. I'm not."

"I know."

"This wasn't supposed to go this way. We had a good time playing together, didn't we?"

"Let's keep it that way! Play drums for us."

"No."

"Why not?" He was genuinely disappointed.

"If you need me to play, I will play during test runs like I did tonight, I will be back up in a real emergency when you can't get another drummer and I may even play on an album or something. But I can't play as part of your band for performances and on a regular basis."

"I can live with that. For now."

_Just like I have to live with this fucking arrangement for a year._

Just when they got to the point of some sort of routine normalcy, Cersei reminded Jaime that she only had one month of pregnancy left. She became more needy - not just to him but to everyone. She was uncomfortable, swollen, irritable, not sleeping well, and certainly not looking the part of a Lannister Lioness. She didn't care either. 

"Jaime!"

"What now Cersei?" He and Brienne were sitting together on the sofa, laughing over some chocolate cake, discussing the arrangement of a new song when Cersei burst through the doors.

"Oh. Chocolate cake!" She exclaimed with a smile.

"Yes. What is it?" Jaime asked, in a tone that told her that he was annoyed.

"I wasn't offered chocolate cake."

"That's not what you came storming in here for."

"I forgot what I wanted, but now I want some of that cake."

"It's in the break room. Renly brought it."

"Well, go cut me a piece."

"Cut your own."

"Jaimeeeee....my feet are killing me, I'm tired, I'm starving and people are treating me so awful."

"I'll get the cake." Brienne put her slice down on the coffee table and walked out just to get away from the dragon shit Cersei was serving.

"What is wrong with you? She is an intern, not your waitress." Jaime said.

"Oh please. Kiss me, while she is gone."

"Fuck off." He stood from the sofa and walked away. Cersei followed him.

"Is that how you speak to the mother of your child?" She whispered in his ear. 

"Not my child for sure."

"Is that how you sleep at night? You lie to yourself over and over. I miss you. It's you I think of when Robert makes love to me. It's you, I want inside me." She stepped closer and grabbed a chunk of his hair. Her lips were about to touch his when Brienne strode through the door, "Here's your..." The plate crashed, cracking into several pieces when it hit the floor..."cake."

When Brienne realized she dropped the plate, "Shit! I'm sorry...I'll get you...I'll take care..."

Jaime rushed to Brienne who was already on the floor picking up the mess. He grabbed her hand. She was bleeding, but she hadn't even noticed. "It's alright. Stop." Her hands were shaking. He knew, _she saw. "_ Settle down." He whispered.

"I think..."

"Shhh. It's okay. Fuck, baby, you're bleeding!"

She looked into his eyes and stood up. " _I am not your baby_." _I know this isn't what it looked like. I know it couldn't be. It wasn't. I will forget this and I will be fine. I will bury this and never think of this again, s_ he thought. 

Jaime said, "I'm sorry."

Brienne tried to keep the panic out of her voice, "Jaime...I'm going to go..." _go home and never fucking come back - fuck everything_ , "get something to clean up this glass and cake."

"I'll get my own damn cake." Cersei stormed out.

Jaime started, "Brienne...I...look at your hand, please...you're bleeding."

All in one quick run on sentence, Brienne interrupted him, "I don't know why I'm such a clutz sometimes really I just...maybe I have carpal tunnel or something the plate just slipped right out of my hand. Isn't that crazy?"

"Brienne..."

"I need to get a broom. You should check on Cersei."


	33. The New Little Lion

Jaime was slapped hard in the face by the reality that this baby was coming. He prayed to the seven day and night, that this baby was not his. He was terrified. So much so, that he couldn't eat or sleep. His only sanity was making music. That, and seeing Brienne as often as he could, yet he wasn't himself. He snapped at her out of the blue a few times, and although he profusely apologized and did his best to make up for it, he felt horrible. Rightfully so, she thought. 

Brienne couldn't help but think that what she saw was real. It was too close, not the way a brother and sister behave - certainly not Jaime and Cersei. Jaime's behavior spoke volumes. He was angrier than usual with Cersei, short tempered, and leaving her to fend for herself, which was very irritating to her. Brienne found herself trying to appease both twins just so she didn't have to witness the bickering and fakeness. 

Brienne was utterly exhausted. She stretched out on the sofa in the studio with her arm stretched over her eyes. Jaime walked in and sat down next to her. "I didn't invite you to sit, Golden Lion." She grinned.

"How'd you know it was me."

"I smelled you."

"Oh, please, Miss Tarth. I'm just as worn out as you are."

"From what? Writing songs all day?"

"Arranging music is hard."

"So is dealing with Cersei."

"I deserve a break then, don't I?" He chuckled.

"Oh, I don't know. You made the bed you sleep in. Perhaps you should lie in it."

He was silent and put his head in hands. She finally looked at him and sat up suddenly. "What's the matter?" She put her hand on his shoulder and he put his hand on top of hers. He replied, "Nothing. I'm okay."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Don't be. It's okay. You're not wrong. Cersei is due in just a few days. She wants me to be there with her, no matter what time it happens. Even if its in the middle of the night."

"Do you want to be there?"

"I don't know. I don't love her. You understand that, don't you?"

"She is your sister."

"She is hateful. She can be so cruel. I am not even sure she can be a mother. I hate to see her with a child."

Brienne bit her lip and closed her eyes. Finally, she said, "That baby will have people around him or her to love it. You are going to be a great uncle. Robert seems excited. he is going to be a good father. Tyrion must be happy, and your dad and Aunt Genna probably can't wait to spoil the newest member of the family..."

"What if something goes wrong? What if something is wrong with the baby? She will be livid. She will..."

"Why would anything be wrong?" Before he could answer she cut him off for fear of what he would say. "Jaime...everything will be fine. Once she takes one look at that baby her world is going to change for the better. Maybe Cersei needs that unconditional love that only a child can bring." Brienne found herself not believing her own words, but she couldn't seem to stop herself, "You will always be in this baby life. You heard her plans. To keep working and keep the baby with her at all times - in the studio, on tours...maybe she will get a nanny or something. You are going to be a great uncle to this baby. I know it. You will treat it like your own and help take good care of it. Maybe it will be more like you and less like Cersei. Or maybe like Robert."

"Let's hope this baby is all Robert."

"Jaime...we made a promise when we were children. To always look after each other, always protect and be there for one another. And things may be what they are but I will always love you and stand by you, and if all we can ever be is friends...I will accept that but I _will always_ stand by you and be your friend. For as long as you will have me. I can never turn my back on you."

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he hugged her. She held on to him. "I told you. Anything is forgivable."

He pulled away and touched her cheek, "Thank you. Thank you, Bri. Thank you." He said.

"Whatever it is keeping us apart...the blame doesn't lie with you. And I will never believe otherwise."

"I'll always love you, Brienne. I will. You know that don't you?"

"Come on. Let's get out of here."

They parted ways at their cars and went home for the evening. At 1 am, Jaime got a call. Robert said that Cersei was in labor and that he should meet them at the hospital. He pondered whether or not to go. Did he want to see? He knew the baby was his. No matter how much he prayed, how much he begged the gods, he knew deep down the baby was his. Did he want to see this baby? If he did, would he love it? What would he feel? Would he feel anything? He didn't want to feel anything. Would Cersei be able to convince Robert the baby was his own? What if she couldn't?

Jaime got to the hospital an hour later and Cersei was still in labor. Tyrion, Tywin, Aunt Genna, Robert, and Renly were there. They were all in the waiting room, except for Robert, who was in the room with Cersei. When he briefly said hello to his family, Tyrion noticed that something was off with him immediately.

"Are you feeling well?" Tyrion asked.

"I think I am nervous."

"Why? You're not the one pushing a human being out of a hole the size of golf ball."

"Tyrion! You stop that!" Aunt Genna said. "Jaime, dear...Cersei is in room 302. She has been asking for you."

"Thank you Aunt Genna."

Jaime approached the door and heard, " _Where_ is my brother!?"

He opened the door. "There you are! Jaime! Darling." She held her hand out to him.

Robert breathed a sign of relief and said, "Thank the bloody gods you're here! I need a break." He kissed Cersei's forehead and left the room. Once he was gone, she commented, "He can leave and never return for all I care."

"That's a lie." Jaime said.

"It's not. I want you. I need you here with me. No one else, just you, Jaime." Her eyes filled with tears. Jaime wasn't having any of her lies tonight. He was too upset and nervous. He was filled with such anxiety that he felt sick. 

"You married Robert. Robert is the father of this child."

 _"You_ are the father of this child. I know it. I know it in my heart. You _know. I know you know it, Jaime."_

He rolled his eyes. "I'm going to get Robert to come sit with you."

"Wait. Please don't leave me."

"I don't belong here. You know I don't. It's Robert's place by your side. You can't deny that, and you can't turn him away, not now."

"I won't turn him away. I just need you to be here too. I love you. I love our baby already - I did from the moment I found out we..." The monitor started beeping and she took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Tears sprung to her eyes.

"Cersei?" 

"Oh gods, Jaime...I can't do this. Please, please make this stop." He rushed to her side and took his hand. 

"Cersei...you're going to be fine. It's going to be okay." He kissed her hand and looked into her eyes.

"Your voice...just hearing you speak makes everything okay. Oh, Jaime...please...please don't go."

"You know that I can't stay when you birth this baby."

"Stay as long as you can. Please."

"Right then. As long as I can." He kissed her cheek. "Do you have a name for this baby?"

"Joffrey, if it's a boy. I have always loved the name Myrcella for a girl."

Jaime nodded.

At 2 pm the next afternoon, Joffrey James Baratheon entered the world. His mother was extremely exhausted but in good condition. His "father" was elated to welcome him into the world with a smile and tear-filled eyes. Uncle Jaime walked into the room and hesitated at the door.

"Jaime." Cersei said, "Come meet your new nephew."

Jaime looked at him in Cersei's arms and immediately knew that Joffrey was his. His heart raced and he felt like he was sweating. His palms were sweaty. He looked up at Cersei and she smiled at him. He sat down beside her and she asked if he wanted to hold the baby. He put his arms out to take him and when he sniggled the baby against his chest, Joffrey opened his eyes and looked at Jaime. "He has our eyes." Jaime said without looking away from the baby. The baby seemed to smile at him. Jaime blew it off as a fluke. Perhaps it was his imagination. He gently rubbed his hand on Joffrey's soft, fuzzy blonde hair. Jaime was in love. He blinked away his tears and handed the baby over to Robert. 

Everyone had a chance to hold the new little lion - the Prince of Stag Records. Cersei was so tired, her eyes were closing involuntarily. Everyone was completely exhausted, although, no one more than Cersei. 

"Robert." She said with her eyes closed.

"Yes?"

"Give the baby to my brother so you can rest."

Jaime took the baby from Robert and sat down on the rocker with him. He couldn't stop staring at him. He had tears in his eyes most of the time. He held him there for three hours, just staring at him, watching him sleep. He wanted to sleep himself but he couldn't put the baby down. _You're a beautiful boy. So this is what it's like...to be a father. I'll never know what it's like to be your daddy, but I'll be the best uncle you could ever ask for. Tyrion and I...we will spoil you rotten. I hope you're okay. Gods this was wrong, so wrong in so many ways, my boy...I just hope you're healthy. That's all I want._

 _"_ Jaime." 

"You're awake." He brought the baby over to her and sat down next to her again. He smiled at her.

"My two favorite men. I hadn't gotten to hold him much."

"He is perfect Cersei. He is so beautiful." Jaime just couldn't stop smiling.

She saw the look on her brother's face. "Put him down." She said sternly.

"What? Oh, you want to hold him?"

"No. Put him in that baby thing."

"But, you just said you didn't..."

"Put the baby down, Jaime."

He was crushed and startled by her behavior. This is not what he expected. He thought that if he was happy, she would be happy. He put the baby down in the little bed, and stood next to Cersei. He asked, "What's wrong?"

"What do you think is wrong? How stupid can you be?"

"What do you mean? You're my twin sister, I care for you and I care for my new nephew. You were exhausted and sleeping. I just stayed to keep an eye on you both."

"Where is Robert?"

"He went home to sleep, shower and pick up a few things. You left the house so quickly."

Joffrey started crying. Jaime immediately went to him and picked him up, "Shhh...are you hungry?" The baby stopped once Jaime held him close and laid Joffrey's head on his shoulder. "There, you're such a good boy."

"Jaime."

"What?"

"Call the nurse to come for him."

"Why? Robert will be back soon."

"Call the nurse."

The nurse came right away and took Joffrey to the nursery. As soon as she was out of the room, Cersei tore into Jaime. "You don't get to bond with him. You don't get to love him and hold him or care for him. He is not yours, he is Robert's. You're nothing but his uncle. You understand?"

"I understand, I am his uncle. But I do love him and I can help."

"No. You can't. And you won't. Get out. I need to sleep."

"Cersei...you wanted me to love him. You said..."

"No. I said get out."

Jaime walked out and didn't look back. He wiped the tears from his face, got into his car and drove around. He passed Blackwater Bay, but that hurt him even more. _Right where I proposed. Oh Brienne...I wish he was ours. If he were yours instead, this could feel good. It would feel right. I would be taking you home tomorrow to our king sized bed and our little one would sleep soundly between us. I want to take him home, and love him. She is not going to love him. She could never love anyone the way she loves herself._

He kept driving, but he was so, so, sleepy. Before he knew it, he was on Brienne's doorstep. She opened the door and was surprised to see him. "Hi!" She said with a wide smile. Once she got a good look at his face, she asked, "What's the matter?"

"Cersei had the baby." He stalked past her into the house.

"Oh? I am sorry I wasn't there, not that I should have been...but..." _Shut up Tarth, what are you saying?_

His eyes were red and flooded with tears, "He is beautiful. Perfect in every way. A real little lion with fuzzy...barely-there golden hair and the most beautiful eyes..."

With the look in Jaime's eyes, the tremble in his voice, she knew. That told her all she needed to know. 

"He...he...she is not going to be a good mother. She is not like you." 

Brienne sat with him on the sofa. "I can't wait to see him." _Can I? Jaime just had a baby with another woman. Not just any woman! I know he did. Oh gods...Jaime...how...this is not your fault, this cannot possibly be your fucking fault. Can it?_

"I don't know that she will ever let us see him. You should have seen the look on her face when I held him. She made me put him down. Then he cried. I picked him up and held him close and he stopped. He stopped for _me_. Then she made me call the nurse to take him away."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe she was jealous."

"Of her own son? A brand new baby?"

"She is not like you." He said again.

"Jaime...she is just tired and exhausted."

"Don't do that. Don't make me feel better by..."

"I'm sorry." She forgot herself and took his hand. "It's going to be okay. It will. You look so tired, love. Fuck...Jaime."

"What?"

"Nothing." She walked away and looked out the window. _Oh gods, please...make this easier._ "You never told me the baby's name."

"Joffrey. Joffrey James Baratheon."

"Let me fix you something to eat." She left the living room before he could he answer. She hoped he wouldn't follow her into the kitchen because she couldn't stop crying while preparing his sandwich. They were supposed to be together. They were supposed to be planning their own wedding by now and planning their own family. _I can't do this to myself. I can't. I shouldn't - I have no real proof. I don't know for sure. Stop lying to yourself. Is he lying to himself? He's got to know._ She dried her eyes and when she returned with his sandwich and some chips, he was already asleep. She covered him with a blanket and stood watching him for a moment. 

_Jaime...how are you going to do this? She's got you now. She's definitely got you._ Still, she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to lay on the sofa and sleep there with him. Instead, she went to her room and got into her bed alone and cried herself to sleep.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne goes on tour with The Lannisters for their first full tour of Westeros.

**2000**   
**Westeros Tour**

**Prince's Pass, Dorne**

The Westeros tour was underway with the first stop being in Dorn. Cersei had insisted on not causing a delay in their schedule. She was looking and feeling great, and wanted "to get on with life" again. Jaime met Cersei in her suite. She was in her robe, sitting in a chair, having her hair and make-up done. Jaime on the other hand, was already in his performance attire - the first outfit was black pants and a crimson red shirt. His shoes were so shiny, he could see his reflection. He walked in quietly in case the baby was sleeping, which he was not. He was in his bassinet, squirming, whining, moving his legs around, seemingly irritable. Jaime walked over to him and smiled. The baby started crying and kicked some more. "Hey lion cub. What's the matter?" He reached for him and Cersei said, "Let him be, he is fine. Come here, we need to talk."

Jaime walked over to his sister with a fake smile and said, "You are looking beautiful today sweet sister." To which she replied, "As always."

While he spoke with Cersei about a few songs and outfit changes, Joffrey grew more restless and cried louder. Yet, she insisted that he needed to learn that he wasn't going to be doted on or rushed to every time he whines. Twenty minutes later, Brienne knocked on the door to go over last-minute items before one last sound and lighting check. Joffrey was still crying. No one moved to get him. Jaime knew better than to make a move. Brienne was growing concerned, throwing looks at Jaime who just shrugged. Cersei was not about to move - she was in the hair and make-up chair. Finally she huffed loudly and yelled, "Would one of you please get him and make him stop!?"

Jaime looked at Brienne and walked over to the baby. He picked him up and Cersei fussed, "Not you! Give him to Brienne!"

"Oh, no, I can't...I've never even held a baby, I don't know..."

" _Give him to Brienne._ "

Brienne was nervous, "Jaime, really..."

Then she had the baby in her arms and he stopped crying immediately. "Jaime." She said. "He is all wet. He's been wet for a while, his diaper is cold and his clothes are wet."

Cersei asked, "Then what should you do if he's wet? Change him."

"Cersei, I don't know how to..."

"It's a baby not a tire. Change him." Cersei replied in annoyance.

Brienne looked at Jaime and said, "Tires, I can change."

"I'll do it." Jaime said.

Cersei said, "I need you over here with me. She can learn something new."

"She is not your babysitter Cersei."

"Jaime!" His sister yelled.

"I've got him. Go." Brienne said.

Jaime said, "I've seen Tyrion get his diaper. We can do this."

"Go to your sister. I will figure it out."

"She can wait. Lay him on the bed."

Jaime went to the bag on the dresser and took out a diaper, wipes, some powder, and diaper cream.

Cersei called over her shoulder, "Put a towel down genius. I don't want to sleep in piss or baby shit tonight." 

Brienne looked at Jaime wide-eyed. He gave a weak smile and his face reddened. When he returned with a towel, Brienne laid the baby down, and together they changed him. As soon as Brienne took his diaper off, he peed all over her. Jaime said, "Shit! I am so sorry! I forgot...you have to keep him covered in case...well...that."

She laughed, "It's okay. Lesson learned. Don't use that language in front of the baby."

Jaime smiled at her, relaxed a bit, and watched her finish with Joffrey. "His clothes are all wet too. Can you get another outfit for him? Please?"

"Sure." 

"Thank you, Uncle Jaime." Brienne smiled at Joffrey. He smiled back and seemed to be much happier now that he was dry.

Brienne was so careful and gentle with him, Jaime was amazed at how well she handled everything for a first-timer.

Brienne told Jaime to ask if Cersei wanted to feed him or hold him to which she replied, "Just have her give him a bottle. Do you really think I have time for that right now?"

Jaime dreaded asking Brienne and she could see it on his face. "Just tell me how to make his bottle."

"I can feed him." Jaime said.

Brienne thought, _this bitch is playing both of us at a game she will never win._ "Baby - Jaime." She corrected herself. "Get his bottle for me. I'll feed him."

Jaime returned with the bottle, and Brienne took it. "Hi baby...are you hungry? You're a sweet boy." Joffrey took his bottle staring at Brienne the whole time. Jaime sat on the bed watching. "He looks like you. But you and Cersei look like copies of each other, so...he should look like you."

Jaime didn't reply. He just sat and watched Brienne, knowing that she knew Joffrey was his. She was sweet. She looked like she would would make a great mother someday. He couldn't help but think to himself, _this is what should have been. Us. With our baby. This is what feels right. But it's just a stupid fantasy._

Cersei walked up and said, "Look at you two caring for my son. You're absolutely adorable with him. Like a real mother and father. Only... _not_." She took Joffrey from Brienne's arms just as he finished his bottle. She said, "Thank you. I can handle him from here."

"You're welcome. He's really sweet."

Cersei walked away with Joffrey and he began to cry. Brienne looked to Jaime. He looked over at Cersei who was walking the floor with Joffrey. She patted his back and he just fussed more and more until finally he threw up on her dress. "Fuck!" She yelled and held Joffrey out away from her. Jaime rushed over and took the baby. Cersei said, "Give him back to _her,_ he likes her better anyway."

"Cersei, I'm sure he is just fussy because he..."

"Just take him!" She disappeared in a hurry to change and have her dress cleaned. Joffrey was much less fussy once he was in Brienne's arms. She couldn't help but smile. Brienne would rather take care of the baby herself than subject him to Cersei anyway. Although Cersei was irritable and mean, she was the picture of perfection on stage. 

They headed out to the venue in a limo. Joffrey's car seat was strapped in, his stroller stored in the trunk, and Jaime got in first and put Joffrey in securely. Cersei got in next, followed by Brienne, who was acting as manager since Robert wasn't able to join them for the first performance.

The crowd roared when the main lights went out. Cersei took her place on the stage, Jaime sat at the piano and the crowd only grew louder when the stage spotlights came on. The crowd went silent when Jaime began to play. Even Joffrey seemed to light up when he heard the piano. Brienne couldn't help but watch him and smile. Cersei's voice was flawless, as was Jaime's playing. She watched Joffrey looking around trying to see where the sounds were coming from.

"You hear your mommy?" She picked him up and held him so that he could see. "That's mommy singing." She kissed the top of his head. "She sounds so beautiful, doesn't she?" She thought, _but not as good as your daddy._ Joffrey fell asleep at the fourth song. Brienne swayed back and forth to the music with him. When Jaime and Cersei came off stage for a break 30 minutes later, Jaime went straight to Brienne. He patted Joffrey's back and asked softy, "How long has been sleeping?"

"Since the 4th song I think."

"Do you want to put him down?"

"Can I just hold him a little longer? I mean, I don't want to disturb him."

Jaime nodded. _God's, I want to kiss you_. Instead he just looked in her eyes. "Jai...you better go to the bathroom and get a drink. You'll run out of time."

"Brienne..."

"I know."

"No, you don't."

"Oh...I do. Go on. Please. I will put him down in a moment."

He touched her hand and went on his way.

On the third stop of the trip, Robert finally joined them. He missed the second stop, and Cersei claimed that she missed him so much, she needed time with him to herself. She told Brienne, 'You'll keep Joffrey for us tonight." Of course this made Brienne nervous. Taking care of a baby with Jaime and Cersei present was one thing, but all on her own - when she had never cared for a baby before was completely different. She was beginning to think that hiring a nanny was going to be a necessity. 

After the concert that night, Brienne gathered all of Joffrey's necessities. Robert helped by bringing the stroller and the playpen and setting it up.

"You know...I know you're not supposed to be our babysitter. I do appreciate you doing this for us. I heard you're doing a fantastic job as acting manager. How are you feeling about managing?"

"I haven't had any issues so far. I think I...I learned a good bit from you before the tour, and I have a long way to go, I know, but I am well on my way. My time with you is just about up - I only have another few weeks and then my internship is over."

"This soon already?"

"Yeah...thank the gods."

"Ready to run off so soon?"

"Well...it's just that - I appreciate all I've learned. But Jaime and I..."

"What, you don't see how he looks at you?"

"That's the problem. I look at him the same way and it's never going to be anything more than that. We shouldn't talk about this with each other."

"So you wouldn't consider staying?"

"Why would you want me to?"

"I can't tour with them all the time. You know the ins and outs and..."

"No. I can't. Thanks for bringing everything. I appreciate the help. I will take good care of him and if I need anything, I will let you know."

"Thank you." Robert kissed Joffrey's head and went out the door.

Brienne looked at Joffrey, who was now 5 months old, sitting in his play pen. He giggled at her when she walked by. "Are you laughing at me? What's to funny?" She reached down and he put his arms up for her. She ran some water in the tub and undressed him to give him a bath. She talked to him the entire time, both of them smiling and laughing. He loved to splash in the tub and by the time they were done, she was soaked. She wrapped him in a towel, brought him to the bed and put him in a diaper and his pajamas. She put him in his playpen so that she could change her clothes and he was less than pleased about that. But he wasn't down for long. As soon as she changed her shirt, she picked him up again. There was a knock at the door. "Who could that be? Could it be mommy missing you?" Brienne went to the door and opened it with a smile. "Hi Uncle Jai!" Joffrey practically leapt from her arms trying to get to Jaime, who caught him and covered him in kisses. 

"There's my boy!" Jaime said proudly.

They both laughed. "You're just in time."

"For what?" Jaime asked.

"Well, Joff has just had a bath and he soaked me. I changed my shirt to give him a bottle and put him to sleep so that I could have a shower, but if you're here, would you mind watching him for a few minutes?"

"Sure, go ahead.

After a quick shower, Brienne found Jaime and Joffrey playing in the big, king-sized bed. Jaime roared like a lion and Joffrey giggled and reached for Jaime's face. Jaime grabbed him and turned on his back, holding Joffrey high above him. He would quickly bring him down and hoist him back up making the boy laugh out loud. Brienne leaned against the door frame between the bathroom and the bedroom of her suite. She was mesmerized watching Jaime with his son, wishing that Joffrey was just his nephew and they were babysitting together. She wanted to crawl into the bed with them, give Jaime a kiss, and talk about the babies they would someday have, and tell him what a wonderful daddy he would be. But then...he already is.

"Da, da, da, da." The baby said.

"Nooooo...Jai. Say Jai, Jai, Jai."

The baby giggled, "Da, da, da, da!"

Jaime asked, "Can you say, "Bri Bri? Say Bri."

"Bee bee!"

Jaime heard a gasp behind him and and he turned to see Brienne in shorts and a T-shirt behind them. "You heard him!?" Jaime was all smiles and full of excitement.

She laughed, "I did! Can you believe it?"

"He said your name before he said 'mama'."

The baby said, "Ma ma ma!" He reached for Brienne who took him from Jaime and gave him kisses.

"No, I'm Bri Bri."

"Ma ma."

Jaime sat up and ran his hands through his hair. Brienne said, "That's going to be a problem isn't it?"

"I wish you....I think you're...even Joffrey knows you're more of a mother than Cersei will ever be."

"He's only five months old, Jai. He doesn't know." She leaned against the pillows and gave Joffrey his bottle. Jaime leaned back next to them and watched Joffrey. He caressed the baby's forehead with the back of his finger and said, "I didn't expect to love him like this."

"Neither did I." Brienne said. After a moment she added, "You wouldn't be human if you didn't love him, Jaime. I'm glad you love him. Thank the gods you do." She looked at him then. He swallowed hard. "Well then, I guess you're human too."

"I don't want to be. I wish I could turn all this off." Joffrey's eyes closed and his bottle was empty. Brienne held him up so that his head was on her shoulder. She patted his back and continued talking to Jaime. "My internship ends next month, and part of me can't wait be finished and move on and the other part...doesn't want to leave Joffrey...or you."

"Then don't."

"Don't? As though it's so simple?"

"I don't want you go."

"Why?" She moved to lay the baby between them. "Is this so easy for you? Because...it isn't for me, Jaime. I am with you day in and day out on this tour. We were together for days on end at the studio and every day I asked the gods to make it easier, to not hurt so much that you are standing right in front of me and I can't reach out to you. I can't be with you. Is it so easy to over look the promises...that we should have been planning a wedding, planning... _our_ family?" She had tears in her eyes as she looked down at Joffrey.

"It's not easy. It's been like living in seven hells every day. But I rather live in the deepest hell with you by my side than never see you." He didn't look up, he just kept looking at Joffrey.

She folded her arms and kept watching Joffrey too. The baby seemed to be easier to focus on than each other. Finally she said, "Yeah...me too."

"Please don't go."

"Jaime please..."

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry for everything. I can't...I won't beg you to stay. But you want to stay, and I would love it if you did. Joffrey would love it..."

"Don't use this baby against me. He is being used enough as it is."

"I was just kidding. I didn't mean to. I will never do that to either of you."

"You look quite comfortable over there across this big bed."

"I am."

"Well, you make a great barrier in case our boy gets restless and rolls too far."

"Does that mean I get to spend the night?"

"Only because Joffrey needs you as a barrier between him and the floor."

"Now who is using the baby?" Jaime slid down and laid on his side facing Brienne and Joffrey. Brienne positioned herself the same way, facing Jaime and Joffrey, and the three of them slept soundly through the night in the giant king-sized bed.

*******************

**5 months later**

The tour continued to be a success. Robert and Jaime talked Brienne into staying on as assistant manager, receiving 5% of all the twins' earnings. Additionally, stag records would match whatever she earned from The Lannisters. Every performance was sold out and there was talk of a world tour after this. Brienne was earning double what she should for her experience - how could she possibly turn that down? If things didn't work out and she wanted to quit, she could do so at any time and probably not even have to find actual work. She could be a drummer in a band in any city and live comfortably. Only...there was, of course, a contract involved. Then there was always the hope that being around Jaime so much, he would cave in and they would get back together, although she knew deep down, Cersei would forever be in their way.

Joffrey was 10 months old, trying his best to stand on wobbly legs, holding onto the rail of his play pen. He was watching Cersei in the mirror, getting ready for the evening's performance. "Ma ma ma!" 

"Hi handsome! You're watching mommy?" Cersei said sweetly.

"Ma ma!" Cersei walked over to him and kissed him on the head.

"Are you trying to walk? You are growing way too fast, do you know that? Here, do you want to play with this?" She handed him the stuffed lion and pretended to roar. Joffrey squealed and threw the lion out of the play pen. Cersei grinned and picked it up and tossed it back in. Joffrey laughed and threw it back out. "I see...you want to play a game! Mommy has to get ready. We will play later little love."

He sat down and played with the lion, saying, "Beeeeee!" 

"What are you saying in there little lion?"

"Beeeeee! Bee!"

Cersei walked over to the play pen again and stretched her arms out for him, "Do want to come over here with me?" The baby shook his head no and whined. Jaime walked through the door. "Beebee!" Joffrey yelled.

Jaime said, "Beebee? I'm Uncle Jai! Say Jai!" Joffrey shook his head, and said, "Beeee!"

"He is being moody all of a sudden." Cersei said putting on her mascara.

"Is he? Maybe he is hungry."

"He's had a bottle. And even that didn't go so well."

"Why is that?"

"I don't know, he didn't seem interested."

"Well, did you hold him and give it to him?"

"He is almost a year old, he can hold his own bottle."

"I know that Cers, but sometimes when he is tired and cranky, he likes to be held when he takes his bottle."

"And how would you know that?"

"I just know."

"You've been hanging out with him and Brienne?"

"A little."

"I told you..."

"You'll get over it. He is my nephew and Brienne is my friend."

"Is that all she is?"

"Does it matter?"

"BEEEE!" The baby started crying. "Beebee beebee!" His face was red and tears were streaming down his cheeks.

Jaime went to pick him up but Cersei grabbed his hand. "He is fine. I don't know what he wants anyway."

"Cersei, you can't just let him cry like that. He is going to make himself sick." Joffrey got to the point where he was crying so much that no sounds came from him, and his face was almost purple. Jaime picked him and blew in his face and then he began cry out loud again. There was a knock on the door and Joffrey said, "Beebee! Beebeeee!"

Jaime opened the door and when Joffrey saw it was Brienne, he dove at her, saying, "Beebee!" 

"Whoa! What's wrong, my golden boy?" She took him and held him close, running her fingers over his fuzzy blonde hair and giving him kisses. He laid his head on her shoulder and said, "Beebee." Brienne mouthed to Jaime, "What's going on?" Jaime shrugged.

"You've got to be _fucking kidding_. _That's_ what he was crying about?" Cersei stormed over and tried to take him from Brienne, but Jaime gently put his hand out in front of her and told Brienne, "Go. Take him."

"Cersei, stop." Jaime said. 

Cersei stormed to the door, "No, he is my son, this..." Jaime grabbed her arm and spun her to him. "I said, stop." He said kissing her lips. She calmed down in his arms and melted into him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience! I am glad you came back for more and I look forward to your comments!


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a great holiday! Welcome back to this crazy AF saga! I’m sorry I’m deliriously tired. 
> 
> This chapter digs a little further into the Brienne / Joffrey relationship. But not quite as far as it needs to. We are getting there though. I hope you start to understand the dynamic between everyone and how Jaime feels about Joffrey and Brienne. Please let me know how feel!

**Joffrey's First Birthday  
** **Tywin Lannister's Mansion**

Tywin's first-born grandson was going to have the biggest, best party ever. He spared no expense to celebrate the little lion prince. Tywin refused to call him a stag; Joffrey was much powerful and would be too great to be a mere stag. He also did it to get under Robert's skin a bit, but the King of the Music World took it all in stride. 

Outside near the pool, Tywin had a crew set up circus-like tents with beautiful colors. There were bouncy houses and slides, clowns and magicians, horseback rides, a DJ played all the latest children's music from movies and shows. Tyrion, who was now 15 carried Joffrey everywhere he wanted to go. Jaime leaned against a giant column with his ankles crossed and his arms folded. The sun was bright and his designer sunglasses came in handy. A soft breeze blew through his blonde hair as he watched his little brother with Joffrey. He positively glowing. Tyrion took Joffrey to see the ponies. A clown came up to them and Joffrey cried at first. Jaime moved to go over and help, but Tyrion had him calmed down almost immediately. Joffrey smiled and stole the clown's nose and tried to put it on Tyrion. Brienne walked up behind Jaime with a drink for each of them.

She said, "Tyrion is positively in love."

"I'm so glad. I knew he would be. He adores Joff."

"Seems like Joff adores him as well." She nodded in their direction.

"Too bad they don't get to spend much time together. He'd make a great babysitter when my sister is drunk."

Brienne chuckled. "I thought I made a great babysitter when your sister is drunk."

"You do. We do." He looked into her eyes, and she looked back and said, "I should go help Tyrion." She called after him, "T! Hold on there!" Jaime watched as Brienne helped Tyrion on to the horse and then put Joffrey on the horse with him and she walked them around the yard. Unbidden thoughts flooded Jaime's head. They were always flooding his head. When she had walked up to him, he wanted to feel her arms around him. He wanted to kiss her when he looked into her eyes. He couldn't watch her anymore. He turned around and went inside to the bar to pour a drink. 

"Hello good-brother," Robert said.

"Hey."

"Some party your papa threw my son, don't you think?"

"It certainly out ranks anything we ever had as children." Jaime smiled.

"You still love her, don't you?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb. You know who."

"I can't not love her. She is everything. She always has been."

"Then tell her that. Do you see the way she looks at you? She looks at you like you are the sun and stars. Like you're her world."

"I know. And I am not good for her. I will never be good for her."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just know." Jaime put the bottle of Crown away and walked away.

"You're wrong. You couldn't be more wrong."

Jaime stepped out the back door without a looking back. He walked up to the horse that Brienne had been walking just in time. She took Joffrey down and Jaime turned his back to Tyrion. "Come on bud, hop on my shoulders. Cersei is ready to do the cake."

Tyrion said, "We haven't done this in a long time! I'm a lot heavier now!" He got on Jaime's shoulders and Jaime grunted.

"Gods! Yes! You have."

Tyrion laughed and asked, "Can you get me to the house?"

"If we fall in the pool, at least we can swim."

Brienne gave Joffrey kisses and said, "Oh little boy! Why are you so sticky?"

Tyrion said, "We ate a candy apple together."

Brienne laughed, "You still love those, don't you?"

"At least Cersei didn't toss this one into the dirt."

Once they were inside at the cake table, Cersei took Joffrey from Brienne and stood behind the cake with Robert. The family was picture perfect. Joffrey smiled and pointed at his cake. Robert took him from Cersei and let him grab a handful of cake which he held out for Robert to taste. Then he held his hand out for Cersei to take a bite as well. She laughed at him and tasted the cake, gave him a kiss and said, "You try some. It's your cake!" She gently put his hand up to his mouth and he tasted it with a big smile. He went for another handful and held it out to Jaime, who stood with Brienne across the room. "Jai!!" He yelled.

"Oh, it's my turn?" Jaime walked over to him an licked his fingers. "Mmmm, that's a good cake! Look, you have to blow out the candle. Ready? Help him daddy." He said to Robert. Everyone sang and when they finished, Joffrey smiled and clapped his hands.

Brienne's heart was breaking. It had to hurt Jaime to call another man his son's daddy. Robert said to Joffrey, "Can you blow? We've been working on that haven't we? One, two, three!" Joffrey and Robert blew his candle out and everyone departed the cake table.

One of Tywin's cooks came to cut the cake, and Jaime returned to Brienne's side. She put her hand on his shoulder. "You're the sweetest. You know that?"

"Yeah. I know." He walked away. She stood there for a moment and decided to follow him. She watched him walk up the stairs to his room. Before joining him, she poured herself a glass of Crown and then went up. He was sitting in the window, playing his guitar, soft and sweet. "What was that?" She asked when he stopped.

"I don't know. I was just fooling around. Should you be in here?"

"No. I shouldn't. Should I?"

"Why are you in here?"

She turned to leave and just as she reached the door, his arms were around her waist and her back was against his chest. He pushed the door shut. His mouth was against her neck and she could feel his breath on her skin. She let out a breath and melted against him. It felt like being home for the first time in so long. Her head fell back on his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" She asked. Her voice was shaky.

"What I've wanted to do every day for nearly two years. I miss you. I miss you so much, I can't breathe sometimes."

"Neither can I."

He turned her around to face him, and they were against the door. She couldn't look at him. She was afraid; of what, she didn't know. She had a feeling though. Her arms were around his neck and his were around her waist. He moved to kiss her and she stopped him, putting her hands on his chest.

"Jaime." She gasped.

"Yes." He breathed into her mouth.

"I want to kiss you. I want to be here with you."

He kissed her and she let him for a moment, and she kissed him back, but she stopped and pushed him away.

Her eyes were full of pain and fear, "I miss you. I want this with you. But...I can't. You understand that don't you? Please don't do this to me. Don't let me think that this can lead where it can't. It never will." She thought enough to walk out his door calmly so she didn't draw attention and headed straight into the bathroom. She ran the hot and cold water on full blast and sobbed into her hands quietly. She was regretting not letting the kiss last longer. Not staying his arms. 

Jaime stared out the window at the party below. Robert was holding Joffrey near the magicians and jugglers. Jaime regretted touching Brienne at all. He should have known better. He heard the alarm chime and knew that it was her walking out the front door. He raced down the stairs and followed her to her car.

"Brienne, wait." She turned to look at him. He was out of breath from running down the stairs and down the street. He could see her eyes were red and puffy, her lips were beautifully swollen, and her nose was red.

"Please." He said, "Forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive." She continued walking, allowing him to follow her.

"I shouldn't have done that to you."

"You should have. It's not like I haven't craved you for nearly two years. But you should have meant it."

"I did...I meant it. I have never stopped having those feelings for you...wanting you..."

"I am not angry with you Jaime. I know the position you're in. I know. Perhaps you never stopped wanting me. Did you stop wanting a relationship? With me? Did you stop wanting to marry me? Because that never stopped for me. It's just like you said, 'I rather live in the deepest of the seven hells with you by my side than never see you again.' No matter how hard it is...I am still here. We can't make it harder. I can't have a taste and then have nothing again. And I won't be number two in your life. It's all or nothing."

She opened the car door, "I am not angry. I am not hurt, I feel empty and lonely and I want you close to me. As close as two people can ever be. We just can't. I will see you at the airport in a few days." She got in, started the car and drove away, leaving him in the street.

Later that evening, Cersei tried putting Joffrey to sleep. He was restless and cranky and just wouldn't have it. He cried for his 'bean' for 30 minutes. They were spending the night at Tywin's because it was late by the time the party ended and everyone had more than their share to drink. Jaime was right next door in his room and he could hear Joffrey through the walls. _He has to learn to sleep with her. Robert is there, he will help. I can't run every time he cries. And neither can..._

Suddenly there was a banging on the wall. Cersei would always to bang loudly when she wanted his attention. _Oh for fucks sake._ He ignored her. When he didn't come running within five minutes, she was banging on his door with a red-faced Joffrey. Jaime opened the door and stared at them. Joffrey put his arms out for Jaime.

"You can't tell me you didn't hear him."

"I'm not telling you anything." He cradled Joffrey against his bare chest. "Jai Jai bean!" Cersei looked Jaime up and down - his bare feet, loose fitting jeans, bare chest, the screaming baby. 

"Call her." Cersei said.

"No, that's not fair. He is ours...I mean, he's yours, and I will help you with him but I am not calling her. Just go. I will take care of him tonight if you can't." He closed the door in her face.

"Come on baby boy. Shhh....Jai-Jai's got you. I've got you."

"Bean."

"What about me? I love you." He walked to the mirror and stood there holding his son. He looked at their reflection. "My golden boy. Would you like some music? I bet you would." Jaime went over to the CD collection and found some slow jazz. He put the CD on and walked the floor with Joffrey. Soon the boy had his head on Jaime's shoulder and was drifting asleep as Jaime slow danced with him around the room. Just when Jaime thought he was asleep and tried to lay him down, he began to cry again and whined out, "bean..." 

"Okay...okay. Shhhh..." Jaime picked him again and continued dancing around the room for another thirty minutes.

_I could do this every night if I had to. But soon we won't have to at all. You're growing way to fast. Slow down little one. Slow down._

_If you were mine you'd never shed a tear  
_ _I would slow down time and stop your fears  
I'd never miss a step  
I'd never miss a beat of your heart  
We'd never have to be apart  
You'd never have to miss me  
If you were mine, you'd be with me all the time_

_You'd never have to wonder  
You'd never have to search  
I'd always be at your side  
There would be nothing to decide  
If you were mine. If only you were mine.  
  
_

Jaime's phone rang. "Bean." Joffrey said quietly.

Jaime looked at the caller ID and answered right away. "Hello?"

"You're quiet. Is everything alright?"

"I'm putting the baby to sleep. He was giving Cersei a hard time."

"Oh...I'm sorry..bad timing. I will talk to you later."

"No, no. Its alright."

"I...we'll talk another time. Get some rest." Brienne insisted.

"No, please. It's you he's been crying for over the last hour."

"What? Why didn't you call?"

"It's not fair to you, Brienne. It's just not. I know you love him." Jaime sat on the bed and the baby cried. "Okay...come on Joff." He stood again and Brienne heard him say, "Bean." while continuing to cry.

"I'm coming over."

"You don't have to. By the time you get here, he will be fine again. I think he's had too much sugar today. He is overly sleepy, cranky, and I think he is just plain miserable."

"I can be there in ten minutes."

Brienne hung up and headed out the door. When she arrived at the Lannister Mansion, Jaime was waiting on the doorstep with a cranky Joffrey. She got out the car and Jaime noted that she was wearing cut off shorts and a crop top. Brienne saw his face when she came up the steps and she looked at herself and said, "I left in a hurry. Excuse my appearance."

"Bean!" Joffrey jumped into her arms and put his arms around her neck right away.

"Oh my darling boy! I've missed you." She kissed his cheeks and hugged him tight. 

"Bean!" He gave her kisses and Jaime couldn't help but feel relieved and happy.

"Come on love. Let's go inside. Let's see...I know. Maybe Uncle Jaime can play the piano for us. You would like that, wouldn't you?"

"I bet he would." Jaime said, looking at Joffrey with a smile.

They walked to the ball room and Brienne kicked her sandals off. Jaime sat down on the bench and played something slow. "No, no, Uncle Jaime. Play us something fun. Joff...say 'fun!'"

The baby smiled and Brienne sat on the floor with her legs crossed. She stood him up and held his little hands and as Jaime played for them, Joffrey danced. The baby laughed and bounced and Brienne couldn't help but get on her knees and dance with him. Jaime was all smiles and loving this moment. It would be forever engrained in his memory as one of his favorites. He was worried that the whole house would wake up and come down stairs as it was now after 1 o'clock in the morning. Tywin slept soundly in his sound-proof room and Cersei had so much wine all throughout the day that even a semi-truck wouldn't wake her. Robert was sleeping with a friend called Valium and Tyrion would have been the only one... _ahhh there he is now._

"Hi little brother!" Jaime exclaimed as Tyrion trotted into the room. 

"What's all this? A dance party! And I wasn't invited."

"You don't need an invite to a party in your own house! Come dance with us!" Brienne laughed.

Tyrion took over for Brienne and danced with Joffrey. He held his nephew's hands and walked backwards and Joffrey took his first steps. With Brienne standing behind Joffrey, Tyrion let go and Joffrey took three steps on his own and then fell on his butt.

"Come on bud! You can do it!" Tyrion said. He took his hands again and helped him up and Joffrey did it again.

"Oh gods! Jaime look! He is doing it!" Brienne was so happy, it was like seeing her own son take his very first steps. She was happy to be a part of this milestone for Joffrey, but even happier that Jaime got to see it as well. Tyrion was very excited and he even wished that Cersei would have been there to see Joffrey walking as well. 

"I bet your mommy would have loved to see you take your first steps!" Tyrion said to Joffrey, who pointed at Brienne and said, "Mommy?"

"No...silly boy! I'm not mommy. I'm Brienne!"

"Bean!" He walked to her and she stepped back, back, back and farther back and this time he took six steps! She picked him up and spun him around in the air above her head. He giggled and cooed and she brought him down and covered him in kisses. "You're such a big boy! I am so proud of you, you did so good! You're my golden boy."

Joffrey kissed Brienne and hugged her tight. She patted his back and he snuggled against her. She motioned to Jaime that he should start playing something slow and quiet. He gave her a nod and a smile and played soft music. "T...give him a kiss goodnight?" She asked. Tyrion walked over and she got down on one knee for Tyrion to give him a kiss. "Good night Brienne."

"Good night."

"It was fun." He smiled and patted his brother on the arm as he walked toward the door. On his way out, he took the liberty of hitting the lights. Moonlight flooded the room through the floor-to-ceiling windows. It was beautiful. It was absolutely perfect for Joffrey to fall asleep - the ambiance was painfully romantic. Moonlight and soft music, and the two of them putting the baby to sleep. After twenty minutes, Brienne walked over to Jaime and touched his shoulder. "Can you see if his eyes are closed?" She whispered.

She turned around so that Jaime could see Joffrey's face and he said, "He's asleep. Can you carry him up and lay him in my bed?"

"I think so."

"Let's try. I know you must be tired too."

She yawned. "What makes you say that?"

Jaime laughed softly and said, "Come on, I'll make sure you don't fall."

"Thanks so much." She smiled.

Jaime walked behind her up the stairs. He wouldn't be human if he didn't notice her ass in those too-short shorts, or those long legs that he was so tempted to touch. Or the skin that her shirt failed to cover. _How can the gods be so fucking cruel?_ Jaime opened the door to his room and Brienne tried to lay Joffrey down, but he whined. "Shhh, baby, sleep."

Jaime whispered, "I'm sorry, I thought..." 

Brienne put her finger to her lips to hush Jaime. She sat on the bed for a few moments, then laid back and Joffrey didn't make a sound or move. Jaime looked at Brienne and smiled.

"What now?" He asked, "Will you have to sleep that way?" 

She smiled and whispered, "No."

Jaime sat on the other side of the bed and after five minutes, Brienne slowly, gently, turned to the side, laying Joffrey on the bed. Jaime was amazed. "Lay down. You have to lay close to him or he'll wake up."

"What?" He asked.

"Come on, you don't want to do this all night, do you?"

"I-"

"Just put your arm around him." Brienne covered them both with the blanket and said, "Good night, Jaime." She kissed Joffrey's chubby cheek and said, "I love you, golden boy."

Jaime watched her walk to the door, "Wait!' He whispered loudly, then looked at Joffrey.

"What is it?"

"What if he rolls out the bed? Maybe you should sleep on the other side."

"I should go...really."

"You don't have to go."

"Your sister..."

"She asked me to call you earlier. When he started crying."

"Did she?"

"She did." 

Brienne started walking back to the bed. She said, "He might wake up and cry if I'm not here."

"Then what will I do?"

"I guess it would be best. For Joffrey, I mean."

"Right. For Joffrey."

They were both lying to themselves. Of course they had Joffrey's best interest at heart, but neither of them wanted to part. As Brienne laid in the bed next to them, she knew this was not the healthiest decision. All she had to do was get up and go. _What happens when Cersei wakes up and finds me here? And what will the repercussions be? We've done this before. Just not in his personal bedroom. And we haven't been caught. Caught. As if we've slept together. No...she took that from me, didn't she?_ Yet, she laid there, unable to move.

Jaime laid there thinking similar thoughts. _Cersei is going to burst through those doors in the morning and go crazy when she sees Brienne in my bed. She is going to be loud and obnoxious and scare Joffrey. He is going to cry and cling to Brienne more than he already does and that will send her into a rage all on its own. She told me to call Brienne. No matter what I do...for anyone...its wrong. It's always wrong. Gods...she is raising my son...she loves him as if he were her own and she shouldn't. Anyone else would have left long ago; unable to even look at him. She has never confronted me outright. She has never said a word about Joffrey. She is not blind or ignorant. Here she is. Beautiful, sweet, compassionate, perfect. She loves us both. Seemingly unconditionally. And I have broken her. Gods Brienne...you're not human. In all the best ways...you couldn't possibly be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience and thank you reading! What do you think?


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tour continues. We get to see just how insensitive Cersei really is and how determined and loving Brienne and Jaime both are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good luck with this long chapter. I would truly love to hear from you after this one. What are your thoughts?

The tour resumed four days after Joffrey's birthday. Jaime, Brienne, Cersei, Joffrey, and even Robert flew out on the Lannister private jet to River Run. Brienne was reclined in her seat with Joffrey sleeping soundly on her lap. She planted a sweet kiss on his blonde hair and watched him sleep. She sighed softly and looked out the window. Jaime asked, "Are you tired?"

"I'm okay." Brienne smiled. 

"We've got another hour to go, so if you need some rest, you should get some sleep. I can take him."

"No, no, he's fine. He's sleeping so good."

Jaime took a blanket from the closet and covered them.

"Thanks." Brienne said looking up at him. Jaime moved her hair from her eyes and she grabbed his hand. He looked at her strangely and she shifted her eyes to Cersei. He nodded shortly and sat back down. She was asleep in less than five minutes.

Cersei said, "Robert, it's cold. Hold me."

"Alright love. Come on over here and warm up." 

Jaime wasn't paying her any attention at all and could not have cared less. He was more than occupied watching Joffrey and Brienne. The blanket slipped and he raised it higher. Cersei kissed Robert and made a point to moan in loudly and pull him down on top of her, but Jaime still didn't pay attention. He opened his back pack, pulled out his notebook and began writing lyrics for a new song. He was doodling and writing, doodling and writing. 

Cersei got up and took Robert by the hand and led him to the toilet. They could be heard fucking in the bathroom and twenty minutes later when they emerged, Cersei looked at Jaime who acted like he hadn't heard or noticed a thing.

"Robert, you fancy another drink with me?" He asked his good-brother.

"I do. Let me just take a look at our boy here. Yeah..." He said looking at Joffrey. "He is sound asleep. A spectacular little lion, don't you think?"

Jaime raised an eyebrow and asked, "Don't you mean stag?" 

"Nah...he is all lion and you know it. He hasn't gotten any of me in me in him. He's going to be fierce. I just call him the Prince of Stag Records to get under Tywin's skin. That's Bean's Golden Boy all the way, isn't he?"

Jaime's smile faded as he watched the two most important people in his life sleeping peacefully. _He certainly is Bean's Golden Boy. His mother isn't going to take kindly to that._

"Come on. Let's get those drinks, shall we?" Jaime said. Robert followed him to the back of the plane and watched Jaime pour the drinks. "Straight?" Jaime asked. Robert nodded a firm, 'yes.'

"Is Cersei alright?" Jaime asked.

"Oh she's fine.,.maybe a little air-sick..."

"She was enjoying a good fuck. That's not what I meant."

"How do you know what she sounds like..."

"I've heard you many nights in the room next door. I mean...she doesn't seem happy with Joffrey. Or...anything."

"I've wondered. Do you supposed it's post-partum depression?" Robert asked.

"How was Cersei with you? When you were alone together, before you married or before Joffrey was born?"

"Happy. Ready to be a wife and mother. But now...I just don't know."

"Doesn't it bother you? They way she is with your son?"

"She is under a lot of pressure. This business..."

"I'm under the same pressure - even more so. I am the writer, the producer, creator, I do it all. She stands there and sings. She only has to look pretty and remember the words. And if she doesn't, no one gives a shit."

"I love her. I want the best the for her and Joffrey."

"What would that be, Robert?"

"Happiness, security. Money..."

"Sanity."

Robert laughed, "What's that?"

"Do you ever worry what she might do?"

"She is a bit on edge. High strung, for sure. I know she is always full of anxiety and rage, but that's what makes her so sexy. I can get her to calm down. She is afraid, Jaime. She is not like Brienne, full of confidence and a natural mother. I see why you love her. I see why Joffrey loves her. Cersei is okay. She will be okay. She needs time to adjust."

"She's had a year and she hasn't tried. Will you please talk to her about getting some kind of help?"

"Now who's being high-strung?"

"Robert I'm serious."

"She's not going to hurt anyone. She loves that boy."

Jaime sipped his drink and realized it was pointless. He patted Robert's shoulder and went to the front of the plane. He adjusted the blanket on Brienne and Joffrey and then Cersei came up.

"You certainly love taking care of them, don't you?"

"I didn't want him to be cold."

"He looks so peaceful. If only he could stay that way forever."

Jaime just looked at her. She continued, "Brienne is the picture perfect mother you want for your son. Instead, you have me."

"Cersei..." His voice was stern.

"I love him, Jaime. I really do. I know its hard to believe, and I deserve that. I understand that. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know how to be anything but what I am. I promise, I will try. If it brings us closer together, I will try. I love you, and I love our son."

"He is not mine. He will never be mine." He walked away and took his seat, but he turned to her, "He loves you. A son always loves his mother unconditionally."

"His mother is holding him in her arms. Loving him as she sleeps."

As they began their descent, Jaime's mind ran wild. _What in seven hells is Cersei really playing at? Does she really feel that way? Is she sincere? This is just another game - another part of a game._ Jaime knew that if he didn't give Joffrey something to drink or snack on, his ears would start bothering him. That would lead to him being very irritable and to both him and Brienne - or at least Brienne - dealing with him all night and not getting any sleep. Cersei knew that, but she didn't move to do anything about it. Jaime got up, took Joffrey's sippy cup to the bar to fill it with apple juice, and when he returned, both Joff and Brienne were still asleep. He hated to wake them, but he knew it was necessary. He caressed Brienne's cheek and it felt really warm. He looked at Joffrey, who was red and sweaty. _Oh no. No, no, no....shit._ He placed his hand on Joffrey's cheek and he was really warm and clammy.

"Cersei! Bri...wake up." He stroked her arm. "Come on, baby, wake up."

"Hmmm?" She asked drowsily. "Oh, gods...are we...oh..." She looked at Jaime wide eyed.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I feel...I don't feel so well, Jai."

"I think you both have a fever." Jaime said.

"Shit...take him, now, please!" As soon as Jaime had him, she rushed to the toilet. She barely made it in the door and lifted the toilet lid before heaving into the toilet.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Cersei screamed, "Is she serious, right now?" She said pointing to the bathroom.

"Here, will one of you take him, please?" When Cersei didn't move to take her son, Jaime looked to Robert who took him immediately. When he did, Joffrey projectile vomited all over over Robert and Cersei.

"Oh gods!" She yelled. She stood still as a statue and couldn't move.

Robert fussed, "Cersei! It's just baby puke, go get changed for the love of the seven!" 

She yelled, "Brienne! Brienne! Come out here and help me! Jaime! Do something!"

Brienne slammed the bathroom door shut and continued throwing up in the toilet. 

Jaime said, "Cersei! Go get cleaned up so you can help with the baby."

"I can't care for a sick baby."

"You can, and you will." Jaime scolded.

"I will not! If either of us catch what he has we can't perform. We are _not_ risking that."

"Your fans adore you and your son. They will understand that you're a mother first." Jaime insisted, as he knocked on the bathroom door.

"Don't you _dare_ go in there and help her. You'll catch it." Cersei scolded him.

"I don't care!" He knocked on the door again. Brienne reached for the handle and opened the door, still hanging her head in the toilet.

Jaime asked, "Brienne...what do you need? What can I do?"

"Get me a gun."

"What?" He laughed, "That's not the answer."

"Yes...yes...that is the only fucking answer and I will take it, right...." she threw up again. Jaime got up and grabbed some towels from the bar. He ran the towels under cold water for her, and placed them on the back of her neck. "Oh gods..." She said, "How is Joffrey?"

"He only threw up the one time. He is with Robert."

"Where is Cersei? He needs his mommy."

"She is changing. Shhh...don't talk Bri." He had another cold towel that he was holding on her forehead and passing on her cheeks.

"Make sure he stays hydrated. You sh- sh- should find a pediatrician and make sure..."

"I will...I promise. He will be well cared for. So will you. As soon as we land, we will go straight to the hotel and have the best doctors in River Run come to you both."

"I'm okay. Really."

"I'm not so sure about that. We are almost on the ground, it won't be too much longer." He said squeezing her shoulder.

"I don't know if I can make it off this jet."

"I'll help you. You're going to be alright."

Cersei pranced over to the bathroom and said, "I've requested separate cars at the airport. One for Brienne and Joffrey and one for the rest of us. We can't all risk getting sick."

"You can't be serious." Jaime said.

"I am dead serious. All of us getting sick will delay this tour by several days if not two weeks and we are not..."

Brienne interrupted with, "It's fine. I've got him. Go on Jaime."

"I can't leave you alone as sick as you are to care for a baby who is also sick."

Cersei said, "See, she has this all under control - a great manager would. That's exactly what she is - a great manager. You should get her a raise. Or...has she already given you one?" She walked away.

"Jai..." Brienne grabbed his hand, but didn't turn her head, "I am okay. I will get through this." She took a deep breath and put her hand on the towel resting on the back of her neck. Jaime felt it and it was getting warm already so he took it from her and ran cold water on it. She continued, "Single mothers go through this every day and take care of their children. I can do it too."

"You're not a single mother. You're not his mother, he is not your responsibility...”

“Really?"

"Bri..."

She whipped her head up at him in anger, "I _will_ do it. I can." She threw up again. She refused to cry in front of him. She was a warrior and she was going to get through this and take care of his son, like any good mother...or loving person would do. She sniffled and held the ice cold towel over her face. "When her games backfire on her...promise me you'll remind her and you will remember...she gave him to me. I want him with me. If you leave him with her...it's me he needs right now. Not her. You know that."

"What about you? You can't get your head out of the toilet. How can you care for Joffrey and yourself?"

"I will figure it out. Let it go. Just get me to my room at the hotel."

In the limo on the way to the hotel, Joffrey threw up three more times. Brienne was nauseated the entire time, but still managed to care for the baby. As soon as the car parked at the hotel, she found the nearest trash can, although by that time, there was nothing left in her to come up. Robert carried a screaming Joffrey to Brienne's room and Jaime helped Brienne. 

"Leave them now, let's go. We have a show tonight." Cersei insisted.

Jaime called for a pediatrician to look at Joffrey and he called another doctor for Brienne. “They will be here soon." He said.

Brienne waved them all away and went to close the door. Part of her couldn't believe they actually left and the part of her was more than happy to be rid of them all. Joffrey fell asleep not long after they were gone, and the doctors showed up at the same time about an hour later. They confirmed that they each likely had a stomach virus. Brienne was given a shot of nausea medicine and a patch. There wasn't too much they could do for Joffrey. It should only last 24 to 48 hours and they both just needed to stay hydrated. As for the fever, they were each given meds for that. The medicine that the doctor gave Brienne was going to make her sleepy. 

She set up the play pen right next to her bed. She couldn't risk Joffrey waking up wandering around. Although he just took his first steps and wasn't running marathons, she could not take a risk of him getting into anything. Once he was sleeping again, she laid him down and then she showered and changed into some comfy sweat pants and a t-shirt and went to sleep herself.

Several hours later, they both woke. Brienne looked at the time and decided to order room service. Nothing heavy, just some drinks and toast and crackers really. The hotel was very helpful and understanding. She was feeling a bit better and ran a bath for herself and Joffrey. She couldn't have the world's most adorable baby smelling like puke all night. She definitely needed a warm bath herself. She filled the tub with a few of his bath toys, some bubbles and got them both undressed and into the tub. Joffrey laughed and splashed and Brienne couldn't help but laugh herself. The floor was all wet and Brienne's hair was wet - all from Joffrey's splashing. 

"Well, you must be feeling better, golden boy!" He laughed and poured a cup of water over her head. "Oh my goodness! Silly boy! Good thing I was planning to wash my hair!" She smiled at him.

It was customary for Jaime to have a key to her room since she always had Joffrey these days. After his performance, he went to her room to check on them. He walked in and called out to her, "Brienne?"

"We're in here."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah." The door was open, and she felt that it was fine since she was covered in bubbles and Joffrey was in there. Besides, it wasn't as though he hadn't seen her before. "Hi," She smiled.

Jaime smiled widely. "Well look at this lucky fella. You two look better."

"Not perfect, but we are getting there." She smiled back.

"He seems to have bounced back." He noted that she had dark circles around her eyes and her face was still pale.

"I hope so. He hasn't thrown up again, and neither have I. I'm still sleepy from the meds they gave me for nausea, but I'm alright. He seems wide awake though."

"Jai Jai! In!"

"I can't fit in there bud! I'm too big!" He knelt down by the tub and picked up the rubber ducky and played with Joffrey. While he played with Joffrey, Brienne washed her hair and then washed Joffrey's. She had Jaime help him stand up so she could give him a quick bath and then he wrapped him in a towel and got him out. While Brienne finished in the tub, Jaime got him dried and dressed. He had covered him in lotion and dressed him in cute footie pajamas with a duckie on the butt. He combed his hair, and when Brienne came out, she said, "There is my good smelling boy! You are so handsome!"

"Thank you!" Jaime replied.

Brienne smirked and said, "Not you, Uncle Jaime," as she took Joffrey and kissed him sweetly. "Are you staying a while?"

"If it's okay with you, sure."

"Well, I thought maybe you'd like to play with him while I check my emails and get a bit of organizing done. It's just that...I haven't been able to get anything done today and I am really behind. We have to be in three more cities in two days."

"Sure, go ahead. If you're not up to working right now, get some rest and do this in the morning."

"I can't, Jai. You know that."

His eyes sparkled as he looked at her and she took a deep breath and smiled. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I'm always ready to help." He said walking into main living area of the suite with Joffrey. Meanwhile, Brienne settled at the table and got into her work. 

Over the next several months, they were jet setting around Westeros, sometimes five or six cities in a week. There were magazine interviews, radio broadcasts, fan meet and greets, sometimes two performances in a day. Cersei either paid a major amount of attention to Joffrey or ignored him altogether. He rarely slept in her room. Cersei had the excuse that Robert finally joined them after a few weeks, or she was exhausted or Joffrey cried too much and wanted Brienne anyway. When Robert was there, Cersei ignored Jaime. When he wasn't there, she would beg him to stay in her room. He declined every time. 

Brienne pulled back on her relationship with Jaime, even when she had Joffrey. She had basically become full time mother, and manager of the two biggest stars in the world, and somehow she made it all look like a party. Joffrey was attached at her hip and eventually he just slept in her room every night. He was getting a bit big for a playpen, so he slept in the king-size bed with her. He was well-behaved at sound checks and performances - loving the lights and music and when the crowds would go wild, he would as well, clapping his hands and smiling. 

One night after taking a bow, Jaime saw him do the same off the side of the stage. Jaime smiled, knelt down and and waved him over. He ran on stage in his little jeans and dress shoes, and a white button down shirt untucked. Jaime scooped him up and had him wave to the crowd. Cersei walked over and stole some kisses from him and took him from Jaime. She said to him, "can you blow kisses to everyone?" The baby smiled and blew kisses to the crowd who cheered even louder. Cersei put him down and he ran off to Brienne. He was a natural born star. Just like his parents.

Although Brienne and Jaime were as distanced as possible, they still had conversations and business meetings and occasionally interacted with Joffrey. She put a stop to him having a key to her room, feeling that he had access to her at his leisure. It wasn't fair or right, and although she truly didn't mind, and even enjoyed when he'd pop up unexpectedly, she felt that it was too intimate and close. She was feeling like they were a little family - a secret family in the shadows that could never truly exist. They shared everything but their bodies and Brienne so wanted Jaime to take her in his arms and love her.

One evening after several months of nothingness, Robert and Cersei had Joffrey down at the pool of whatever hotel they were staying at. The almost-two-year old was content to be with his mommy and daddy this evening since they were at the pool, splashing and playing. Joffrey loved the water. He even loved jumping into Robert or Cersei's arms off the side of the pool.

Brienne lounged on her giant king-sized bed, stretched out staring at the ceiling. She was content for a few moments, until the Golden Lion creeped into her head. What else would she think of on her night off? Who else? There was no one else and never would be. 

_I will never not love him. I will never not have feelings for him and I will never stop wanting him back the way we were._ _I'm tired living this fucking life. I love this life. I love Joffrey and I would never leave him. Not with Cersei - he can't stand her - and I can't stand that he is with her and Robert suffering through her fakeness while she sucks up to Robert. I am raising Jaime's baby, giving up my own life and happiness in the meantime - what happiness? Jaime has Cersei, Cersei has Jaime and Robert, and I have Joffrey. The boy who should have -but never - will be mine. And Jaime...has me and Cersei. He can fuck Cersei when he needs to and I am still hanging around to play mommy and pick up all his broken pieces. Alternative? Ha! The fucking alternative is leaving a baby in a toxic environment all alone. So I suffer. Day after day looking at a man that I am in love with...who loves me back, but will not be with me. Look but don't touch. Hunger but never eat. I have a thirst that will never be quenched. What if I quenched it just once? I swear I want him to burst through those doors and want me. To want to make love to me all night. I have been saving myself for him my entire life and I suppose I will die a virgin. I can't share him. I can't live with knowing that if he isn't in my bed, he is in hers. Could that have been a one time thing? Gods Tarth, you're stupid. Men have needs and Cersei’s got him chained to her bed post, you know that. Could I learn to share? Gods! Do you hear yourself??? Fuck this...it's my one night off...I am going out._

Brienne showered and fixed her hair. She put on some make up and went down to the bar. A few men looked her way and that made her smile. They just weren't the right man. Not the one she really wanted. She was on her first drink when the one she wanted walked into the bar. She hadn't seen him come in. She was staring down at her drink, giving it a stir. He certainly saw her. How could he miss that tall blonde? Jaime walked over to the bar and ordered a "Crown and Seven." She knew that unmistakable voice. The one that made her melt each time she heard it. She looked over at him in a surprise. 

"Hi." Her smile was quite shy; her voice full of surprise. 

"Do you mind of I sit here?" He asked.

"Not at all. I didn't expect you to be here."

"Neither did I. It's nice to have a night off once in a while, isn't it?"

"It's been a long time."

The changing lights caught her blue eyes and made them sparkle, although, he knew they didn't need help from any source of light. Her smile was dazzling and he couldn't help but reminisce about their times together in Mereen. At times, those days felt like they were centuries ago. Other times it felt like it was just last night that she was in his arms, _where she belongs,_ he thought. _What I wouldn't give to go back in time and change everything._

He said, "You look beautiful."

She put her head down and looked into her drink again. "Thank you, Jaime. You always look handsome. You know that."

"Do I?"

"Yeah. You do."

He smiled.

"So...we are both free tonight. What shall we do? Would you like to have dinner with me? I know we haven't been exactly communicating these days."

"I'm not really hungry. Thank you."

"I see." He started to walk away with his drink.

"Jaime...I said I wasn't hungry. For dinner. It doesn't mean that I don't want to spend time with you." She said looking into his eyes.

 _What the fuck am I doing?_ She asked herself.

"Oh. Would you like to...there's a beautiful spot on the other side of the hotel...it's a water garden with waterfalls and flowers...beautiful lanterns. I found it last night."

"I'd love to see it."

"Come on, bring your drink. There is even a bar out there too, so..."

Jaime seemed nervous. This was the first time she had seen him this way in months. Then again, she had distanced herself from him quite a bit. They walked out of the backside of the hotel and it was like walking into another world. The night sky was lit only with torches and lanterns. The sound of rushing water could be heard, and the smell of sweet flowers seemed to hang in the air like an invisible fog. 

"This is quite magical." She heard herself say, and before she knew it, her hand was in his. Jaime's heart skipped at least three beats. It was like an electric shock through his body. She heard him take a deep breath and when she saw his eyes, she dropped his hand like she'd been burned by his touch. He snatched her hand and back immediately and intertwined their fingers. After a moment, they smiled at each other and went on walking through the gardens. They walked in silence for a while, feeling the warmth the other. Jaime feeling like just her hand in his was not enough. Brienne feeling the same, wanting him to kiss her, wanting to be locked in his arms. This would have to do for now. Each thinking, _Will I ever have this again?_

"Another drink?" He asked.

"Are you having another?"

"Only if you'll have one with me."

"Alright then. Another it is."

He ordered their drinks and took her to the waterfalls. It was dark there, and peaceful. Fireflies danced around the nearby bushes and the sound of the rushing water seemed to calm her racing heart. They had barely spoken in the last few months and they were barely speaking now, yet it seemed so natural and right to be together. Finally, Jaime took a sip of his drink and said, "I discovered this place last night and I knew I wanted to bring you here."

"Well then...I guess it was lucky we ran into each other at the bar."

"Yeah. If I would have invited you...like over the phone, or if I had knocked on your door...would you have come with me?"

"I-I don't know. In any case...I'm really glad I'm here with you now."

He moved in a little closer to her and asked, "Why did you shut me out all these months?"

"I shut you out?"

"Brienne."

"I did. I'm sorry. I didn't want to. Things were getting harder and harder. We were supposed to just have a business relationship. But we have Joffrey. He did bring us together...it felt like. It felt like the three of us were a team. A team that we just weren't supposed to be. Like this little family. And it was nice and all. I liked it. You would spend the night in my room, you were perfect and helpful."

"And that was bad?" He tilted his head and looked at her sideways.

"No...it was wonderful, Jai." She said with sadness. "But it's too much and too painful to have you right in front of me acting like we are a family and in the end... _we_ can never be. We won't have our own baby together. We won't be the couple we wanted to be."

"You're right. It certainly is a roller coaster isn't it?" He turned around and leaned back on the rails.

"I miss us." She admitted.

"Oh Brienne." He sighed and touched her face. "So do I."

In an instant her lips were upon his. Their tongues glided into each other's mouths, hands were in hair and under clothing - it was a fleeting moment that neither wanted to give up, but couldn't quite give into. They pulled apart. He said, "You don't want this."

"Why not?" She was almost demanding.

"It's not right...after so much has happened. I don't want to hurt you. And we both know that I will."

"I don't care. Fuck...I don't bloody care anymore. I can care later. I just...right now...I want to give in to you and everything that we want. Fuck what we can't have. Why can't we have it?"

She walked away, but only got six steps before she turned to ensure he was following her. Of course he was. They made it up to her room and bolted the door. They kissed again and her hands slid into his shirt. "What are you...?" He asked.

"You know."

"Brienne...wait." His shirt was off and her hands were on his belt.

"No. You love me. I know you do. It's in your eyes every time you look at me. Its in the way you help me and take care of me and still put me first." She kissed him and ran her hand through his hair, "I've waited for you as long as I can and I can't go anymore. I'm tired missing you." Her eyes watered. "I'm exhausted and miserable _wishing_ for you. I'm tired living with an empty heart when you are _right here in front of me, Jaime_. We are here, together, and we belong together. If all I can have is this one night, so be it. But I want this one night, to be with you."

"You don't understand." He said looking down.

"What's to understand? Look at me. Look at me!" She took his face in her hands and turned it to her. "Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't still want me and think of being my husband. Walk out on me. It would make all this so much easier, don't you think?"

He eyes seemed to bore into her soul. Those beautiful green eyes looking into oceans of blue neither could tear away from.

She continued, "You _can't. Why?_ "

"It's everything. I won't lie to you, I don't want hurt you by lying and the gods know I can't live without you."

"Then why are you?!"

"You know why!"

"I don't care! I don't! I don't care what you have done, I know it was wrong. I also know it wasn't you! It was never your fault. I know it was a mistake and I know that you are stuck..."

"If I could erase it and change it I would. Even though it means not having Jo..."

She put her hand over his mouth, "Stop. Don't. Please don't say that. We both love him. Don't ever wish him away." She moved her hand. 

He ran his hands through his hair and paced the room. He loved her more now than he had before - how? How is that possible. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You don't know what you do to me. How much you mean to me. I want you - but I want a life with you. I don't want just one night. I want everything for the rest of our lives." 

"If I am honest...so do I. We should already be married. With a baby of our own."

He kissed her. "Don't stop this time. Don't ever stop." She breathed. "Make love to me, Jaime? We're not children anymore. This time, I want all of you." They were undressed within a second and his tongue was working magic in all the most sensitive places. Truthfully, she was the only person he had ever done that to. If Cersei ever thought she would have that from him she was dead wrong. It was an intimate gesture of his love, only for Brienne. He made love to her with his tongue many times before, but knowing what this meant, knowing that this time was so much more special, he moved slower, he drug it out longer. She moved her hips, he caressed her belly, she moaned with pleasure and he stopped to look at her face. "Don't tease me."

"You love to be teased."

"I do...I do." She was breathless and he loved it. He kissed her thighs and caressed her with his fingers. He kissed her clit so softly she was about to come undone. He could feel it and he moved his tongue in circles and finally she came hard, calling his name and wrapping her legs around him. His cock was throbbing and aching to be inside her. He crawled up on the bed and kissed her. His cock brushed against her sensitive clit and she gasped as caressed her. 

"Hey..." He kissed her. "Are you sure you want this?" he stroked her cheek and looked into her eyes. "I understand if you don't. You're all that matters to me."

She cupped his face in her hands, "I'm sure." She ran her hands through his hair, and down his neck. "I want you. I have always wanted only you, Jaime."

He knew she was wet and ready and for him, but he was gentle and careful. He kissed her as he slowly eased himself inside her. "Oh gods." They whispered together. He laughed and kissed her again and asked, "Are you alright?" 

"Yes." She squeezed her eyes shut tight. 

"You've gotta breathe...come on, Bri...look at me. Please." He feathered kisses on her lips and cheeks and he could feel her getting hot. Her hands shook as she ran them down his back. 

She kissed him and opened her eyes. "I-I've never."

"I know...I know." He took her hands in his and intertwined their fingers, holding her hands above her head. She kept looking into his eyes. He said, "You feel so good. Oh...gods, Brienne." His head fell down to the crook of her neck and kissed her there, running his tongue to her collarbone. He looked up and asked, "tell me how you feel."

"There is not a word for what I feel."

He smiled and kissed her lips and her neck and she leaned up on her elbows and he kissed her nipples and licked them and caressed her sides and her belly and he could feel her tighten around his cock. She laid down flat and caressed his back and held him tight. He moved slow and deep and felt her start to move beneath him. "Is this...okay? Does that feel good for you, should I stop?" She asked.

"Do whatever feels good - whatever feels right. It feels so, so good. If it hurts, don't do it." 

He turned on his side, bringing her over with him. They were intertwined and not letting go. Sometimes he was still, sometimes he moved slowly, sometimes they moved together. They both had tears in their eyes but they would not look away. They just kept holding each other, kissing and loving. His hands were everywhere. His touches were soft and gentle and full of love. Brienne never felt this loved, even when they were together over two year ago. She completely surrendered to him and let herself feel every emotion her heart gave her. 

_Gods I love you, Brienne, I love you, I love you, I love you._ He wanted to say it all to her - confess his love, his hidden or not so hidden desires, the life he wanted. That he would run away with her and leave Cersei and Joffrey and...he couldn't leave Joffrey. All of them knew that. He knew Brienne couldn't leave Joffrey. 

"Can we stay this way all night?" She asked.

He wiped her tears and kissed her. "Brienne, I have never...ever felt like this. Please believe me." His voice broke. His eyes were full of tears. She thought, _I do, I believe you._ She couldn't speak, all she could do was kiss him and hold him. She let out a moan and she sighed, and the sounds coming from so deep within her made him want to come right then. He rolled over on top of her again and she felt him deeper. He rested all his weight on her to bury himself as far as he could. She let out a gasp.

"Too heavy?" He asked lifting up."

"No! No, please. Stay close to me." She moved her legs up higher and wrapped them around him and he moved faster than before but still soft and gentle. "Ohhhh, gods that feels so good," she said into his shoulder. He asked, "Can you cum again? Cum with me?" She kissed his neck and suddenly he grabbed her face and turned her towards him and thrust his tongue into her mouth. She could feel him breathing heavier and moving quicker, she felt him moan inside her mouth and felt him spill inside her. He kept kissing her even while he caught his breath. He stayed inside her until his cock was soft and slipped out. 

"I've never felt so incredible." He said. "Never." Brienne laid there quietly playing his hair. Then she stopped. He rolled to his side, but kept his hand on her stomach, and kissed her cheek. He rested his head on the pillow next to hers. He could see that her eyes were heavy. His felt heavy as well. He needed to sleep but wanted to make the most of this time, for he really didn't know if it would ever happen again. They made love twice again that same night, and every chance they could after that.

Even when Joffrey stayed in her room, they were able to be together because her suites had a sperate room for Joffrey. When they didn't, Jaime still slept in her bed, with Joffrey between them.

Jaime started to feel as though he could possibly make this all work. Brienne began to want to make it work. They both _needed_ to make it work. It was another one of those unspoken things between them. 

Robert began to spend less and less time with them on tour. He was confident in Brienne's abilities to handle everything in his absence and it allowed him to give his time to other clients. 

The Westerosi Tour ended just as Joffrey turned two years old. Everyone was ready for time off from travel. Only this meant that Joffrey wouldn't be with "Bean" full time anymore. It was time for him to go home with his mommy and daddy, and for Bean to be at her own home, all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I have a few questions though - do you like long chapters? Or do you prefer that I break them up?  
> I rather surprised myself that this story is over 100,000 words at this point. But I am long winded I guess.
> 
> Please tell me what you think of Jaime and Brienne at this point! I would love to know!
> 
> Happy New Year to you all and I truly thank each and every one of you for following me, reading my stories, and commenting. Here's to a better 2021 and new beginnings filled with great personal triumphs, health and happiness for all!
> 
> MUCH, MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tour has ended and everyone is figuring out life in King's Landing. It's not easy in any regard. Joffrey adjusts to his mommy. Brienne worries for Joffrey's safety. Jaime debuts a new song at the Festival of the Kings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this! Please let me know what you think!
> 
> The song in this Chapter is "A SONG FOR YOU" written by Leon Russell. My favorite version is the one sung by Karen Carpenter.
> 
> PLEASE READ THE NOTES AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER AND THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT! Its very important. Thank you all so much!

**Brienne's Home - King's Landing - 2002  
**

"Home at last." Brienne thought as she tossed her keys on the table in the hall. The house was a bit warm and musty from being closed up for so long. She went around opening a few windows. It was quiet. Too quiet. She was used to looking around for Joffrey, ensuring he was at her side, not getting into trouble. It was like something was missing. She looked out the window at the lawn and decided that it needed to be cut. She had hired someone to care for her property while on tour, and really, the lawn was fine. She just needed something to busy herself with. She felt tired and hungry though, so the lawn would wait. There was nothing in the refrigerator or pantry - why would there be? She emptied everything before she left. She grabbed her keys from the table, opened the door, and was surprised to see Jaime standing there holding a pizza box. 

Before she could say "Hello," Jaime's tongue was in her mouth and he was walking her backwards. She didn't stop him; she certainly didn't want to.

"I missed you." He said, placing the box on the coffee table.

"It's been 45 minutes." She smiled.

"Didn't you miss me?"

"Of course I did."

"Then why aren't you naked yet?" He asked, lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her through the house.

"I thought maybe you'd like to work for it." She said, kissing him. "Left, it's to the left." She said directing him.

He laid her on the bed and said, "Always part of the fun." He pulled her sweats and panties off simultaneously, and she pulled her shirt over her head. She unbuckled his belt, pulled his jeans down and knelt on the bed to be high enough to pull his shirt off. He spun her around and her back was against his bare chest. He put one knee on the bed and pulled her closer against him. This was perfect. His cock was between her legs, rubbing against her slit. He kissed her shoulder.

"I know it's been 45 minutes since I have seen you." He said. "But it's been over 12 hours since we have been intimate - since I have been able to put my hands and lips on you. It's not just your body I need to be close to."

"What is it?"

"Your love."

"You've never lost my love, Jaime."

"It feels so good to hear you say that."

She bet it did - and it would be good to hear him say it back. Only, he never did. Was he afraid? Did he not return her love? She couldn't afford to read into that. Not now, because she didn't know how long any of this was going to last. 

Two hours later, they showered and re-heated the pizza. She was rather quiet through everything. Usually they at least had pleasant conversation, but it seemed there wasn't much to say this evening.

"You've been awful quiet." He said.

"Have I? I...guess I'm tired."

"Should we just relax and watch a movie?"

"Sure."

"I tell you what...you get comfy on the sofa. I will clean all this and then I will come lay on the sofa with you." He smiled.

"I can help you." She got up and carried the plates to the sink.

"No, no. Come on. You really need to take a break. You've been going nonstop for months."

Jaime cleaned the kitchen and went into the living room with Brienne. She was snuggled under a blanket, falling asleep. He slid in behind her and held her close. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. It's just...do you think Joffrey is okay? Is she treating him well?"

"I'm sure he is fine. Robert is home now too and,,,"

"Will she let us see him?"

"Yeah...of course she will. You miss him already?"

"I feel like something is missing without him, you know?"

"Yeah. It is rather quiet. We're going to have to adjust I guess."

"Mmmhmph." She drifted off to sleep.

"Bri?" He kissed her cheek and closed his eyes. He was happy for the first time in years. He felt safe and free. He started feeling like they picked up where they left so long ago, and all was going to be right with the world once again. He knew better than that. But he was going to hang on to what he had for the moment and this time, he was determined to keep it. He wasn't letting her slip through his fingers again.

Just before midnight, his phone started ringing. Neither of them heard it the first two times it went off. The third time, Brienne mumbled, "Jai...is that yours?" She reached for it and looked at the screen. "It's Cersei."

He hit the send button and before he could say "hello", Cersei was barking in his ear. He could hear Joffrey crying in the background. Brienne could hear him too. She looked at Jaime with concern and hope. "Where is she?" Cersei asked.

"Bean! My Bean!" They heard him cry.

Brienne smiled and rushed to put her shoes on. Jaime held his hand up to her and shook his head. She heard him say, "Cersei, you have to function as a mother. Hold him, love him, and sing to him. He will go to sleep."

Brienne stood looking at Jaime with sad eyes and mouthed, "I don't mind." She shook her head and whispered, "Let's go!" He shook his head no. She grabbed his keys. Cersei was on the other end of the phone saying, "You know I am no good at this."

"But don't you want to be?" Jaime asked.

"Yes, Jaime...what kind of question is that? I think he might be ill."

"He is not, Cersei. He is fine."

"I think he has a fever." His sister insisted.

Brienne jingled the keys in Jaime's face. He sighed and relented. "We'll be there in 10 minutes."

In Jaime's car, Brienne smiled. She tried not to smile so big and totally failed. "I see that look. We can't do this every night. She has to learn. So does he. She has to be responsible for her son." He said.

"If he does have a fever, it's likely because he is cutting teeth again. He always gets a fever when..." She saw the way Jaime looked at her. "What?"

"Nothing. Nothing." He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

She continued, "He likes to listen to Evenstar, you know? That will quiet him. He still likes milk in a sippy cup before bed, so, that will help. If he hasn't had a bath yet, we can try that - warm water with some of that lavender soap and lotion makes him sleepy."

Jaime ran his hand through his hair. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"You know him better than she does. He doesn't..." He trailed off.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"Whatever you were going to say."

"I don't remember."

"You do."

She leaned her head against the window and was quiet the rest of the ride.

"Bri...we can't take him from his mother."

"You already have." She said getting out of the car. She stalked to the front door of the Baratheon home and rang the bell. When Robert answered, Joffrey was standing in the foyer red-faced and crying with large tears falling down his chubby cheeks. He ran to Brienne and practically climbed up her body. She picked him up immediately, saying, "Hi sweet boy! Oh my goodness...shhhh....shhhh. I'm here, baby...I'm here." She kissed the top of his head and patted his back.

Jaime asked Robert, "Where's Cersei?"

"Upstairs, in our room."

"Why? Shouldn't she be here trying to console her son?" Jaime asked with anger.

"She's exhausted. She just got back from a year on tour."

"We're not? She's his mother. She doesn't have time to give in to exhaustion." He took off to go find Cersei.

He knocked on the door and didn't wait for an answer before walking in. He found his sister standing in the middle of the room, holding a glass of wine, wearing nothing but a silk robe hanging open and showing her naked body underneath.

"Jaime! You're here." She walked over to him and kissed his lips. 

"Stop. Close that, will you?" He turned away.

"You're looking away, Why? Afraid to get caught with a hard-on?" She opened it and hung it off one shoulder. "You love what's under it."

"I don't. And I am not here for you."

"Of course you are." She said placing the wine glass down before tying her robe closed.

"Why aren't downstairs with your son?"

"Our. Son."

" _Your_ _son. My nephew._ Regardless, he is yours and your responsibility. How do you expect him to want to be with you if you don't take care of him? How's he going to get accustomed to being with you full time if you shove him onto everyone else?"

"I can't do it. Is that what you want to hear? Robert is playing daddy and it's not working. The only person Joffrey wants is that cow you've brought into everyone's lives."

"Cersei! That is not right or that's fair and you know it."

"What?"

"Don't speak of her that way. Ever. And might I remind you, that since that since that baby was four months old, _you shoved_ him into her arms. You created the situation we are in _ALL THE WAY AROUND."_

"It's not my fault I became pregnant when you came inside me."

"Don't say that. Ever again! All of it is your fault. He wouldn't even be here if not for you and the games you've played - the stunt you pulled that night."

"You regret him?"

"I don't regret him, I regret _you._ I regret how he came to be and I regret that he's yours."

"That's it. You wish he were hers. He will never be hers."

"You've already made it that way Cersei. Go down there with her and learn how to care for him."

"Because she knows it all. She is perfect for him. Why should I try?"

"You're his mother. You brought him into this world. And everything can be changed. You can fix it and make it better. You have to try. You _will try."_

"I'll try. Show me you love me."

"I don't love you."

"You still love her."

"Cersei...I am in your home, where you live with your husband. Brienne is downstairs taking care of your son. You belong with them. Learn something. Be his mommy."

"I can't _be_ a mommy."

"Well...you fake everything else. Go fake that. Maybe you'll fall in love with him like the rest of the world has." Jaime walked out of the room.

By the time Jaime walked downstairs, Joffrey was calming down. Brienne asked Robert, "Has he had his bath yet this evening?"

"No, not yet."

"Can I run him a bath?"

"Yeah, come on, I will show you to his room."

Just as Brienne had the water at the right temperature and she was undressing Joffrey, Cersei walked into the bathroom. "Hi," Brienne smiled.

Cersei looked around and asked, "Can I help?" 

"Yeah! Joffrey would love that." Brienne smiled.

"You think?" She was expressionless.

"I'm sure that would make him feel better." Brienne got Joffrey into the tub and sat on the floor. "Come sit down."

"On the floor?" Cersei looked at Brienne as though she were insane.

"You could sit on the edge of the tub, if you like. But it's more comfortable on the floor." Brienne said, taking a cup from the mesh bag on the wall. "Look baby, here's a froggy. Do you want to play with him?"

"Bean, wash my hair."

Brienne gestured to Cersei and said, "Look, mommy's here. Can mommy have a turn to wash you hair?" 

"I would love to wash your hair, little lion. Won't that be nice?"

"Okay, mommy."

Brienne smiled and so did Cersei. "Wet your hair now." Cersei said.

Brienne looked at Cersei, but Joffrey giggled and said, "Mommyyyy! Silly, you do it, not me!"

"Oh, I see." She stood thinking for a moment, and Brienne handed over the cup. Cersei filled it with water. Brienne told him, "Hold your head back so mommy can wet your hair."

Joffrey did as he was told and Cersei gently poured the water of his head. "Good job mommy!" Cersei laughed out loud and said, "Thank you, sweet boy!"

At the end of his bath, Cersei got Joffrey out of the tub, put the lotion on him, dressed him and combed his hair. Joffrey gave her a kiss. "Oh! How sweet." Cersei kissed his cheek and hugged her little boy tight. "Now what do we do? Would you like a story?" Cersei asked him. 

"Yes! The Bunny Book!"

"Well, you show me the bunny book, and I will read it."

Cersei and Joffrey sat in the big rocking chair and Joffrey made Brienne, "Sit in the bed and wait for me, Bean!"

"Okay!" 

After the story, Joffrey was still awake. He climbed off Cersei's lap and took her hand. "Time to tuck you in mommy. Let's go!"

"What?" Cersei was confused.

"He wants to tuck you in." Brienne said with a little laugh.

"Shouldn't I tuck you in?" She asked her son.

"Not you. Bean. I tuck _you_ in!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door.

"But Joffrey..." Cersei protested.

"Come on mommy!"

Brienne smiled and tilted her head to the door, gesturing her to go with it. Cersei went to her room holding Joffrey's little hand and Brienne followed.

"Get in now, mommy." Joffrey said sweetly. "Cover you up." He pulled the covers over her, with a little help of course, and said, "kiss you good night!" Brienne picked him up and he leaned over to kiss Cersei good night. "I love you!!!!" He said loudly.

Cersei felt a tightening her throat that should couldn't quite understand. She tried to swallow it away, but it just wouldn't go. Finally, just as Joffrey reached the door, she finally said, "I love you, little lion."

"Bye mommy."

Cersei wiped a tear that she never quite expected to fall. 

Brienne went back into the nursery with Joffrey. He hadn't slept in his baby bed for over a year and had now outgrown it. There was a queen sized bed in his nursery that was meant for Cersei to sleep close to him when he was first born. Brienne put him in the "big bed" rather than the baby bed. Jaime walked up to the door and stood listening. 

"You sleep with me, Bean."

"I will lay down with you until you fall asleep."

"Stay with me."

"I can't stay. I have to go home and sleep in my bed."

"This can be your bed."

"I wish I could, Golden Boy. But I have to go home tonight."

"No."

"This is your house sweet boy, I have go to my house."

"I could go with you."

"Your mommy would be so sad. And daddy too."

"No, they wouldn't. They won't mind. Please?"

"I can't take you home, darling."

"You can. I will be a good boy."

"You're always a good boy. You're sweet, and strong, and brave...and handsome, and smart...and funny!" She tickled his toes.

"I don't want to stay here."

"You don't? You would leave mommy? She loves you so much."

"Not like you. You can be my mommy."

"I can't baby." 

"Why?"

"Because...you already have a mommy. Let's go to sleep, now. Okay?"

"But...one day you will be my mommy?"

"I love you sweet boy. With all my heart."

"Don't cry, Bean. You strong too." He said wiping her face. She smiled and hugged him. 

"You're my sweet boy, Joffrey James."

Jaime wiped his eyes and walked into the room. He shouldn't have let that go on as long as it did. 

"Hey bud."

"Bean is sad, Jai Jai. Why?"

"Is she? That's because it's bed time. Bean likes to stay up and play with you. But if you don't sleep, you will be cranky and mean."

"Like mommy?"

Jaime laughed. "Please don't let mommy hear you say that."

Eventually, Joffrey drifted off to sleep. Brienne went to check on Cersei. She knocked on the door and Cersei answered. Brienne said, "That went well, I would say."

"It was nice. Do you supposed he will let me do it all again tomorrow?"

"When he wakes up tomorrow, give him hugs and kisses. Tell him what a sweet boy he is, and play something with him. Take him in the pool. He loves the water. Perhaps you and Robert could take him to the zoo."

"Or the Aquarium?" Cersei asked.

"He would love anything. You just have to be patient, and show him love."

"I never had a mother. I don't know how to be one."

"The gods only give us one mother. We both lost ours at a young age. Just think of all the things you dreamed of as young girl - the things you needed from a mother but never had. Make sure Joffrey has all those things. As long as you do it all with love, you will be perfect in his eyes."

They said their good byes and went to the car. Brienne was quiet the entire way home. He walked her to the door and asked, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, that's fine." Her voice was higher than usual.

"What's the matter?" He already knew. 

"Nothing. Why?"

"Because you've answered me twice now in a tone that's at least 4 octaves higher than your usual. I know you. You're either upset or talking to Joffrey and since I am not a two-year-old..." He walked up behind her, slid his hands around her waist and held her close to him. "What's the matter?"

She was so thankful that her back was to him when her face crumpled. She put her hands over her face and began to cry. He brought his arms up across her chest and held tighter. He kissed her cheek and turned her around. She tried not to turn, but she didn't have the energy to fight him. "Tell me." He said softly.

"He didn't want to stay. And I didn't want to leave him. How did this happen? He said..."

"Go on..."

"I can't."

He stroked her hair. She looked away. He said it for her, "He said, you could be his mommy."

She pushed his hand away. "You knew. What are you doing? Are you playing a game?"

"What? A game?"

"Are you and Cersei both trying to hurt me?"

"I'm lost."

"You knew what he said and you wanted me repeat it. Why? You knew it broke me then and you knew it would break me again and again and ag..."

"Bri...please...no, no, no...it's not a game. Its not. I am sorry. I know this is hard for you...I...gods I want to fix it. If I could go get him and bring here with us I would."

"Why can't she just love him? Why can't it just be real? Why do I have to love him and care so much? Why does he have to be hers? Fuck! Why does have to be..."

"I'm sorry." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her tears. 

"I don't want to feel like this. I don't. But I do." She cried.

"I know you love him. With everything you have. You're good for him. And you will always be in his life. One way or another, you will. But you have to let Cersei be his mother. You've got to let go a little."

"How can you say that? He is not happy - you know he is not happy. He doesn't want to be there, Jaime. You - of all people...should want the best for him."

"I do, baby...believe me I do. I can't change it or I would."

"Tell me you don't worry about him. Tell me you don't wonder how far she'll go to hurt us. She is not just after you, Jaime. She is after both of us, if not that baby too."

"Tell me how to make it better. Please. If you have a way to fix it, tell me."

She couldn't say it. Why couldn't she just say, _go get your son._ It was a simple sentence. Her throat was so tight, her heart beat so fast. She felt so helpless and weak of all things. _He's never told me. He doesn't want me to know. I've tried to tell him that I know. He knows that I know._ She screamed the words in her head, _GO GET YOUR SON!_ They just wouldn't come out.

He moved toward her and kissed her. She needed him to make her feel better, to take away the pain she felt and erase the anxiety. She stopped him abruptly. "That's not how you fix this." She backed up. 

"That's not why I kissed you."

"Why then?" She even asked herself _why am I saying this? I know better._

"I thought you needed to be close so me. I need to be close to you."

"Mmhmph. I know but...I-I am not someone you can distract by fucking me and giving me what you think is going to make me happy for five minutes. Don't do that to me. Don't treat me like you'd treat... Don't kiss me or fuck me just to..." She looked into his eyes and saw the hurt, but he could see that she mirrored the look in his eyes and her pain was deep. "I'm so sorry. I am...I don't know..." Her voice broke, "I'm sorry. You should go."

She turned away and went into the bedroom. He followed her.

"I'm not going anywhere. I understand what you're saying. I _understand_ what you're telling me you feel. I would never do that to you. I couldn't. My heart is in every touch, every kiss with you. My heart belongs to you and no one else. I don't want to hurt you, I want to make it all better. I just want to love you. I hate that your heart is aching, but...look at me! I am hurting too! I miss him too, I worry about him every day - I love him. I know your heart is broken, Brienne. So is mine."

She took him in her arms and kissed him. His tongue slipped in her mouth and before she could even think, she was unbuttoning her shirt. He unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off. His pants were next to go and he slipped his fingers into the waistband of her shorts. He kissed down her chest, dropping to his knees to kiss her stomach and he gave her a gentle push to sit on the bed. He nibbled at her thighs and when she laid back, he kissed her slit but she grabbed his hair and lifted his head. "Come up here."

"So soon?" He smiled.

"Now."

"Why?"

"I need you close. Where you belong."

He feathered kisses on her face, her neck, her breasts, her stomach. She turned over and he was on his back. She kissed his cock, and licked it to ensure that it was wet before sinking down. His hands caressed her thighs and as she slowly rocked her hips, they slid up to her nipples where his thumbs caressed circles. She gasped and he could feel her tighten around him. His eyes rolled back and he breathed in through his clenched teeth. She moved a little faster and he sat up to kiss her. She leaned back on one hand to get a deeper angle and she swung her legs straight out and crossed them behind him. He grabbed her under her butt and held her tighter to him. "Oh...ahhh." He loved to hear her feel good. He kissed her again and her hands were in his hair. "Oh...I want you to cum. Cum for me, Jaime." He felt so good inside of her, and she didn't want to stop. But she wanted to please him, give him immense pleasure. 

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"Not really. Gods I wanna cum. I feel like I can right now...I just want to hold off. I don't want to stop."

He reached for her face and moved the little pieces of hair that stuck to her forehead and cheeks. She said, "I don't want you to stop making love to me. I just want to stay like this. Close to you."

He changed their position so that he was on top. He was still for a while, just kissing her, telling her, "I wish I could stay inside you all night. Loving you, the way I do. There is no one in this world like you. You are all that matters to me."

"There are no men like you, Jaime Lannister. Only you." He kissed her neck and she gently bit his shoulder. 

"I want you forever, Brienne. I want a real life with you. I want everything."

She rolled her hips up and he began moving with her again. They reached a perfect rhythm and couldn't stop - he looked into her eyes as they reached their climax together, both moaning in ecstacy and clinging to the other.

****************************

Before they knew it, they were all back in the studio. Cersei refused a nanny and refused to have Joffrey anywhere but with her. This really meant that she refused to have him anywhere but with Brienne. Now that Joffrey was 2 and a half, he was a lot more vocal and a lot more mobile. He was into everything, which made it hard for everyone to focus. He loved playing under Jaime's piano, which was fine, and he loved to sing with Cersei, which was fine. Except when they had to record tracks. Brienne had him quite occupied with the drums in an empty studio, however, she wasn't getting much work done. She was missing hearing Jaime play and helping him with arrangements. She understood the trade-off though and told herself that this is what life would be like if they had their own little one. She was back to feeling like Joffrey was hers and they, along with Jaime, were a little family. Some days it was everything she wanted, somedays she was terrified of her own feelings. 

It was an unspoken agreement that they tried not to tip off Cersei. They tried not to exchange glances, not to smile too much, not to look as though they were madly in love. However, they were. Jaime walked into the studio one morning while Brienne sat at the piano helping Joffrey eat his breakfast. Joffrey sat on top of the grand piano and Brienne was on the bench. Instead of the boy feeling himself, Brienne was in charge of feeding him because she didn't want him getting pancake syrup on the keys.

"Good morning!" Jaime smiled.

"Jai Jai!!!" Joffrey bellowed.

"JJ Two!" He said holding up two fingers.

Joffrey giggled and reached out to Jaime. Joffrey kissed Jaime on the lips. "Oh my gods, you're a sticky boy! Don't touch those keys. Good morning Bean." Jaime laughed.

"Good morning, Uncle Jaime."

"Is this the new breakfast spot?"

"It is his favorite spot in the studio, and the only place I could get him to sit still. So yes, this is the new breakfast spot." 

"Milk, please, Bean." Joffrey said.

"I'll hold it, you sip." She held the carton up to him and he sipped from the straw.

"I'm done." 

"Okay, let's go clean your hands. Uncle Jai will get you down - don't touch anything."

"Yes ma'am."

Jaime helped him down and Joffrey's hands went right into his uncle's hair. "Joffrey!" Jaime walked him into the bathroom with Brienne and she helped him wash his hands.

"Jai Jai has sticky hair. Wash it,"

"And how did Jai Jai get sticky hair?"

"My hands. I was sorry."

"Jai Jai can wash his own hair." Brienne smiled.

"In here, by myself? It would be so much easier with help from my two favorite people in the world."

"Not appropriate, if you know what I mean." Brienne said.

"Please?" Jaime asked, unbuttoning his shirt.

"Jai Jai needs help, Bean!"

"Oh, okay. Let's get this over with."

Cersei passed the bathroom while Brienne was helping Joffrey - who was standing on the toilet lid - scrub shirtless Jaime's hair. "Isn't this precious? What the fuck is going on?"

"I got syrup in Jai Jai's hair. It was sticky."

"You're standing on a toilet lid. This is not proper Lannister behavior."

"What's that mommy?"

"You're a Lannister. Lannisters don't stand on toilets with sticky hands and wash people's hair."

"I'm not a Lannister. I'm Bean's Golden Boy."

"I bet you are." She walked away.

"Ooooo...Mommy's mad!" The boy laughed out loud and jumped up and down.

"Mommy just hasn't had any coffee yet. She is okay." Jaime said. Brienne grabbed a hold of him for fear of him falling off the toilet.

She said, "Shhhh...baby that's not nice." While trying to stifle a laugh.

The weeks passed and Jaime was working on a new song. He had lyrics that he was closely guarding, but he was banging out beautiful music. There was a local performance coming up at the Festival of Kings and he was eager to play his new song. This was all his - Cersei wouldn't be singing it, he would. She had enough songs. This one was something special. 

**Festival of Kings - Fairgrounds**

It didn't go unnoticed by Cersei, that Jaime and Brienne were a little more friendly than usual. They were _happy_ , like children. Every moment they had, they had Joffrey on a new ride. His favorite seemed to be the "Big Wheel." He screamed and waved his hands. Jaime taught him to sing "Top of the World," and told him how the "Big Wheel" was Uncle Tyrion's favorite ride too. Tyrion showed up, now seventeen, looking handsome. Short, but handsome. 

Tyrion was there to greet Jaime, Joffrey, and Brienne when they stepped off the Ferris Wheel. "That used to be my favorite ride when I was a boy. It still is, in fact." Tyrion informed Joffrey. 

"I suspect my baby nephew will be able to ride the big rides next festival. While I remain on the sidelines, watching him enjoy himself."

"Not that soon, I hope. Jaime laughed."

"I got you a surprise Joffrey." 

"What!!?"

"Remember these?" Tyrion held up a delicious-looking candy apple.

"Ooohhh!" Joffrey held out his hand and said "thank you!"

Brienne opened it for him and he took a lick. Soon he was red and sticky, but Brienne was armed as always with baby wipes.

Jaime said to Tyrion, "Cersei and I perform in about 30 minutes. I've got to go get ready. You'll come watch?"

"Why else would I be here?" Tyrion rolled his eyes.

Jaime pointed at the Ferris Wheel behind him and Tyrion laughed. "I will come watch my siblings perform. You know I would never miss it."

"Good, I have a new song to debut and I want to know what you think."

"Oh! You're doing it?" Brienne was excited. 

"Yeah, can we have a moment? Quickly?"

"Does that mean I am on baby duty?" Tyrion asked.

"Sure." Jaime said. "Just hold on to him on that wheel thing, he gets overly excited."

"Maybe I'll save that for you. I can take him on the train."

"No more candy!" Brienne said.

Jaime looked around and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the Dragon Coaster. "I miss you." He said.

"I am right here, with you." She smiled.

"I haven't kissed you all day."

"I miss you too. Can we steal a kiss now?" She asked.

Jaime's answer was a soft, sweet kiss; his tongue caressing hers, and his hands around her waist. "Like that?"

"Just like that." She said opening her eyes.

"This song that I've been working on...I wrote it for you."

"And your sister is about to get out there in front of thousands of people and sing it for the first time?"

"No. I am."

"What!?"

"Today, you're not watching from back stage. Take our boy right out front. Just you and him. I will be singing this song for you. About you. I hope you can feel how much you mean to me, Brienne."

"I don't believe this."

"Believe it. All of it." He kissed her and went to get ready.

Brienne went back to Tyrion and brought Joffrey backstage to clean him up and change his clothes. She brought him to see his mommy and give her good luck kisses.

"Hello, my handsome boy!" Cersei greeted him. "You're here to wish mommy good luck?"

"Sing pretty mommy! I love you!"

"I love you too. Are you mommy's biggest fan?"

"Yep! Mommy, if you sing pretty, do you get a prize?"

"You're my prize love bug!"

"Mommy, if you do a good job, I will give you candy!"

"What a wonderful treat from my special boy!" She Cersei laughed and kissed him again. "Mommy has to go now, one more kiss?"

One last kiss for luck and Cersei stepped out into the open. The crowd cheered and Joffrey clapped his hands. He was so excited! "Jai Jai!" Jaime could see him talking to Brienne and dancing beside her. She held his hands and danced with him from the side of the stage. She had her radio at her side as always and a headset, but she had one hand on Joffrey and her eyes on Jaime and back to Joffrey. Back to Jaime. In the headset she heard the stage manager, "Ms. Tarth, Mr. Lannister has requested that you and his nephew make your way to the front of the stage now. Jonah from security will meet you at stage right to escort you down."

"Come on baby, Jai Jai wants us to go watch in the front."

She picked him up and they went down the steps to front of the stage. They were escorted by five security guards who stood beside them the entire time they were down there. Cersei stepped forward and spoke to the crowd.

"Good evening King's Landing! This is quite a turn out! My brother and I love the Festival of Kings. We have so many memories coming to the festival as children and I am definitely excited to begin making memories here with my own little one." The crowd cheered. "My brother, Jaime, has been working on a new song for a few weeks now and he is excited to share it here with you all at the festival for the very first time. There is an added element of surprise to this treat for you all...I am not performing this song. Ladies and gentlemen, may I proudly introduce, JAIME LANNISTER, singing A SONG FOR YOU!" As Cersei walked off stage, Jaime began to play.

Brienne's face lit up as she watched his fingers move across the keys. She hadn't heard him sing seriously before, and when he opened his mouth and she heard the words come out, she nearly fell to her knees. 

_**"I've been so many places in my life and time. I've sung a lot of songs, I've made some bad rhyme. I've acted out my love in stages, with ten thousand people watching, but we're alone now and I'm singing this for you."**_ The crowd around her disappeared and they were the only two people in the world. As he sang, he looked at only Brienne. As she watched him, she stared right back into his eyes. She was a vision of heaven and all his world was standing before him. As she held his son in her arms, she swayed back and forth to the music and Joffrey laid his head on her shoulder. Jaime smiled and nodded as the breeze blew her hair across her face. Tyrion listened to the words of the song and watched his brother and he watched Brienne with Joffrey. He wasn't the only one paying attention. Cersei could see everything from the side of the stage - how Jaime never looked anywhere but at Brienne, how Brienne looked at Jaime. There was no mistaking that look. 

_**"I know your image of me is what I hope to be. I've treated you unkindly, but darling can't you see? There's no one more important to me. Darling can't you please see through me? 'Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you."** _

Brienne bit her lip and closed her eyes. Joffrey picked his head up and touched Brienne's face, "Bean. Jai Jai is singing this song for _you_?"

She shook her head yes and smiled. He said, "It's pretty. Just like you."

She laughed and kissed him. "Thank you, baby. You make me so happy. Do you know that?"

"You make Jai Jai happy."

"You think so?"

"He is singing for you so that _must_ mean you make him happy!" He shrugged.

"I hope so my darling boy. I hope so."

He put his finger on her lips and said, "Shhhh....you have to listen!"

_" **I love you in a place where there's no space or time. I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine. And when my life is over, remember when we were together...we were alone and I was singing this song for you. You taught me precious secrets, of a truth withholding nothing, you came out in front and I was hiding. But now I'm so much better, and if my words don't come together, listen to the melody, 'cause my love is in there hiding."**_

_Oh gods,_ she thought. He can't be doing this...not with Cersei here. She rolled her eyes up to the sky to stop her tears from falling. She smiled and hugged Joffrey. He kissed him to hide her face. Jaime could see her. He was so proud. He was every bit a man in love and maybe this was his way of putting it all out there. 

_**"I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine. And when my life is over, remember when we were together...we were alone and I was singing this song for you. We were alone, and I was singing this song...for...you."** _

The crowd went absolutely crazy. Jaime stood up and took a bow. He waved to the crowd and smiled and laughed - he was so happy that everyone loved it. But nothing compared to look of adoration in Brienne's eyes, and Joffrey's smile as he clapped furiously and had the biggest smile on his little face. Jaime bent down at the foot of the stage and asked her, "Come up with me?!" He had to shout because the crowd going insane. He was high on life at that moment and nothing else mattered but Brienne.

"Are you crazy!?" She shouted back.

"Yes! I am crazy about you, and the the world needs to know about it! That's your song!" He looked to his brother, "Tyrion! Take Joffrey!"

"No! Jai, this crowd is crazy, no way!"

He waved Tyrion off and took Joffrey on stage with him and pulled Brienne up. She stood next to him and turned to the crowd and they cheered louder. Jaime kissed her right there on stage for all of King's Landing to see. While she was incredibly happy, she was incredibly afraid of the consequences. She wasn't ready for Cersei to know their secret yet. She knew this was the beginning of another end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important Notes - PLEASE READ!  
> Going back a few (several) chapters, you'll recall some scars that Brienne had. You may also recall conversation or the phrasing that Brienne "already laid her life on the line" for Joffrey. The explanation for that is coming up soon. The next chapter will likely be short to separate the possible TRIGGERS / GRAPHIC VIOLENCE from other parts of the story and give readers a chance to opt out of reading that part. If you can handle sword fights and bear pit scenes, you can handle this. However, I like to give you the option. Whether you choose to read that part or not, you will not lose any of the story, you will understand and know what took place. It's just that I want you to have the option. A warning will be placed in the TITLE of the chapter in question. For now...please tell me what you thought of this chapter - I LOVE hearing from you all - and be sure to read the next chapter because that's not the one in question. YET. If you're confused - please ask questions! Thanks!


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cersei shows her jealous side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter and there is definitely more to come. I wanted to post this though because I am not sure how long it will tale me to get the next stuff out and rather than have you wait too long...here is a little something for you.

**Baratheon Residence**

**1 Week after the Festival**

Cersei laid stretched out on the leather sofa in Robert's office. Joffrey sat straddling Brienne's lap, "reading her a magazine." Jaime sat slouched in a wingback chair with his feet on the coffee table, and Robert was at his desk nosing through contracts.

Joffrey "read" to Brienne, "This piano is black and shiny and plays pretty music to people. It is a million dollars and on sale for twenty-two dollars." Jaime burst into laughter. 

"Are you _sure_ it's only 22 dollars?" He asked his nephew.

" _Yessssss!!!_ We should go buy one daddy, they are cheap right now!"

Brienne, Jaime and Robert burst into laughter and Robert said, "I will order one right away Joff!"

Cersei was rather unemotional when she said, "Well, here is an interesting article in Westeros Weekly. All about Jaime Lannister and the debut of his - and I quote - new song and smooth, seductive voice at the Festival of Kings last week. While all the world is familiar with his perfect playing, and his sister's golden voice, those at the festival had no idea the joy and wonder they were in for when Cersei Lannister announced that her twin would be performing solo. Jaime wrote the music and lyrics for 'A Song for You,' apparently for his former fiancé, Brienne Tarth, who you may remember he was engaged to when he released EVENSTAR at the age of 17. EVENSTAR was also written for Tarth who, has apparently rekindled her relationship with Lannister. The Golden Lion of Lannister called the Evenstar on stage following his performance to seemingly to solidify the fact that the song was written for her with a passionate kiss for all of King's Landing to witness."

"That's not what that says." Jaime said with a smirk.

"Read it yourself little brother."

"I believe you. Bri, take it home and we'll frame it." He laughed. Cersei threw the magazine at him.

"That's not nice mommy." Joffrey said.

Cersei scoffed. Renly came in and offered everyone chocolate cake. "Just a small piece for Joffrey. Oh, Cersei, can he have a little?" Brienne asked.

"I'll let _you_ make that decision, mommy of the year." Cersei answered sarcastically. Brienne rolled her eyes.

"Joff, have you had sugar today?" Brienne asked tickling his tummy.

"Ahhhh....no, Bean, no sugar for me!"

"Would you like some chocolate cake?"

"Eat some too!" He said excitedly.

"None for me little lion, I gained 5 pounds at the festival. I can't button my pants!"

"What!?!" Joffrey laughed. "You silly!"

"It's true! Look! My belly is getting big!" She lifted her shirt a little and poked her belly out. She added, "I know who will share your cake - chocolate cake is Jai Jai's favorite."

"Jai Jai! You share my cake?"

"Definitely, buddy!"

Cersei got up and headed for the door.

"Where are you going mommy? Don't you want cake too?"

"No, Joffrey. No cake for me."

"Where you headed love?" Robert asked.

"To get some sun by the pool. I'd invite _Bean_ to come with me, but she is already glowing enough as it is."

Brienne looked at Jaime quizzically. He just shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Mommy, wait for me!" Joffrey said. This surprised everyone. "I want to swim with you!"

"You're spending the night at Brienne's."

"Bean! I'm sleeping with you tonight! You happy?"

Cersei was highly annoyed by this point, "Joffrey. You're almost 3. Say her name. It is BRRREE ENN. Say it."

"I like calling her Bean."

"Joffrey!" Cersei fussed.

"Cersei. Stop." Jaime said sternly.

"If I call her BRRREEEE ANN...I can call you CERSEI." He smiled.

Jaime stifled a laugh, but Brienne grew anxious.

"No. You cannot." Cersei said.

"Yes!" He insisted.

"She is Brienne, and I am mommy."

"Cersei." Joffrey frowned and folded his arms.

"Mommy." Cersei said with force.

"Cersei, let this go. He is two." Robert said with a grin.

"Bye Cersei." Joffrey said with a wave.

Cersei stepped forward and held her hand up. When she swung forward to slap Joffrey, Brienne instinctively turned to the side and covered Joffrey with her body. Jaime got up and grabbed Cersei. Robert rose from his chair and stood by. Joffrey began to cry. Cersei said, "Its time for him to go."

"You said he was going home with me. That's fine. I am taking him home." Joffrey had his arms tight around Brienne's neck. "Baby, it's okay, you've gotta let go a little." But he wouldn't. She whispered, "Come on Golden Boy, I am right here. Loosen up a tiny bit for me, please?" He finally did.

"That's not what I mean." Cersei stated.

"What could you _possibly_ mean?" Jaime asked.

"It's time for him to go and stay with father from now on. We will be recording soon and leaving on the world tour. He doesn't need to be underfoot all the time. Tywin will be good for him."

"What?" Jaime asked, and at the same time, Brienne said, "I've taken perfectly good care of him..."

"Excuse me, I am his father." Robert said. "We can get a proper nanny at home and for the tour but you don't send your baby away because..."

"My decision is final! **I** am his mother. **I** know what is best for him. He is going to live with my father." 

"Cersei..." Jaime and Brienne said in unison. They looked at each other, she looked at them and laughed and stormed out the room.

Jaime ran after her. She calmly walked to her bedroom upstairs and he didn't stop following her. He went right into her bedroom and slammed the door.

Meanwhile, Robert and Brienne went to Joffrey's room to pack his belongings for the night. "I'm leaving town for the week. Tonight." Robert said. "Maybe you should plan on having him a little longer than just the night."

"She won't let him stay too long. You know that."

"If she won't let you keep him, maybe he would like to spend some time with Tywin."

"And why would that be Robert? Tell me. Please. I think I need to hear it from someone else, that I am not the only one who worries about this baby."

"You're not."

"Are you going to do anything?"

"What can I do? She is his mother."

"You're his father. Her husband. Do you think your wife needs some kind of help? Before someone really gets hurt?"

************************************

Jaime asked Cersei, "Have you gone completely mad? How could you raise a hand to a two year old baby?"

"Mommy of the year certainly did her job didn't she?"

"Stop it. Just stop!"

"He is my son. I make the decisions. He is too attached to her - I can't care for him. He needs to stay in King's Landing with father when we leave."

"Since when have you had his best interest at heart - or anything for that matter? He has been traveling with us and in her care for over two years now. Brienne is the only caretaker he knows. Are you really going to send him to father, who he barely knows - he certainly wouldn't know any nanny or sitter father would hire and he won't know us when we we return in two years."

"He seems as though he doesn't know us now."

"That's not true and you know it. He calls you mommy, and he gives you good luck kisses before you go in stage, you tuck each other in at night. Do you hear yourself?"

"I'm his mother - that's all. Not a mommy."

"Is that what this is about? Take care of him, be good to him, kind and loving, he will love you more and want to be with you. If you are cruel to him, why should he want to be with you? Be his mommy, Cersei!"

"Like you're his daddy?"

"Don't do this. Be rational, for once. You've created the life we all live and you know it."

She sauntered over to him and kissed him. His jaw tightened, fists clenched, and his body tensed.

"And it's a beautiful life we live, isn't it?"

"Cersei..."

"Stop this, Jaime, please." She ran her finger nails softly down his jawline.

"Don't send him away. He is just a baby. He will be so afraid without the people he knows close to him."

"I will let him stay with that beast of a manager of ours. If...if you come back to me. Make love to me, Jaime. Make me feel good. It's been so long. Make me love you and scream your name and Joffrey can have anyone he wants. I miss you inside me. I love you, Jaime. Nothing matters but you and Joffrey. Be with me, only me, and I swear to you I will never be with another man again."

"You're a married woman Cersei. You can't possibly."

Jaime shoved past his sister and out the room. He ran into Robert, "Where is Brienne and Joffrey?"

"She took him to her house."

"Does she have everything she needs for him?"

"I think so. I told her that maybe she should plan to keep him a few days. I'm leaving tonight for the Eyrie."

"Right then. Safe travels. Thank you."

"Jaime...he is a baby. He shouldn't be subjected to Cersei's fits. But he shouldn't be sent away either. I'm leaving. See what you can figure out with your sister."

********************************************

Jaime nodded and left the house. He drove straight to Brienne's house. Jaime let himself in the house and found Brienne pacing. It was written all over her face - she couldn't live without Joffrey anymore than he could live without her.

"Jaime." She kissed him and hugged him. He held onto her for several moments until the sound of his son crying in the bedroom startled him. Brienne didn't miss a beat - she was promptly at Joffrey's sitting on the bed next to Joffrey patting his back. "Shhh....it's okay my love. Shhhh." She caressed his his cheek with the back of her fingers and turned to leave the room. She wasn't expecting Jaime to be right behind her and she ran into him. He grabbed her to keep her from falling over. She was shaking, but she gently escaped his grip and pulled him out of the room so they could talk.

"He's okay now."

"Are you?"

"I-"

"I know you're not. I know this is killing you, so tell me what you want."

"You know what I want."

"This is all too hard on you."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Wrong. I know you care about me. In reality there is only one person who matters and that's Joffrey." She was nasally, her eyes were red and watery. "If she sends him away, he will be lost and scared and feel like we don't want him. _Please. Don't let her send him away."_

"Bri..." He thought for a moment, tapping his knuckles on the table. He didn't look at her as he continued, "Wouldn't your life be easier if we let him go? Just a few months with Tywin...you could have time for yourself and work easier instead of running after Joffrey constantly while trying to manage three music careers."

"Easier for who? Not Joffrey. When we were on tour, it was my room he slept in. It was me who fed him, bathed, him, looked after him, took care of him when he was sick. It's me he cries for at night and it's me he looks for when he wakes up. I have loved him like he was my son all this time. I didn't give birth to him but, gods Jaime - he's like he's More than he is hers, he is mine, and you know it. My heart is in shreds. I've grown used to that though."

Jaime turned to look at her. She continued, "And quite used to having Joffrey at my side for so long. This goes beyond her selfishness and narcissistic games with us. This is _his life._ Talk to the _queen."_

 _"_ And tell her what?"

"I don't imagine it's a conversation she wants."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, looking forward to your comments! Thanks so much for reading!


	39. Chapter 39

**2020 - Brienne's Home  
**

He looked up from the picture and saw the pain and panic in her eyes. _I thought I could be ready for this. I will never be ready for this._ Suddenly the closet didn't have enough air to breathe. She stood up. "I can't breathe in here," She said, walking out. He followed her, still carrying the picture he just couldn't put down. Her knees buckled and she sat on the bed. He sat beside her. Suddenly her open bedroom full of sunlight and windows felt like a shrinking prison cell; she got up to walk away. He followed her to the door and grabbed her hand. She turned suddenly and her back was against the wall. He was less than an inch from her face.

"Please don't run away," he begged quietly.

"Please...don't be angry with me."

He backed up. "Why would I be angry?"

"I-I-I don't know. A hundred reasons come to mind." She tripped over her words; she couldn't think. This was never going to be easy. It was never easy to think about much less speak of out loud. Speak to Jaime about it? Off limits completely. She had never spoken of it to a living soul. How in seven hells was she going to do it now - with _him_? She felt dizzy and weak. Tears streamed down her face and he couldn't catch her breath. 

The only thing he could think of to comfort her was a kiss. "I am not angry. I promise."

"I never meant to hurt you by not telling you. I tried. I tried to tell you the day you told me about Cersei. Then...I just couldn't and by the time he was gone...there was no point in hurting you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Jaime, I am so sorry!" She sobbed.

He wrapped her in his arms and could feel his heart racing. He kept telling himself to breathe, but he couldn't. His heart was already breaking. His heart broke for both of them, and for their baby. Suddenly he took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Can you tell me now?"

*********************************************************

**2002 - Brienne**

Cersei had a sudden change of heart about Joffrey and he would be joining them in the studio and on tour after all. It literally made Brienne sick thinking of what Jaime may have done for Joffrey to stay. He wasn't quite himself after that, and she felt horribly guilty about saying the things she had. She was sick for days that turned into weeks and eventually she gave in and went to the doctor because she wasn't keeping anything down. 

Dr. Tarley laughed and happily informed her, "You're not ill. You're having a baby."

"I'm _what?"_

"I can do an ultrasound and see if we can tell how far along you are. When was your last menstrual period?"

"My what?" Brienne was trying so hard to process this but she just couldn't. She was on the pill and hadn't missed any. 

"Your last period?"

"My period? I-well...I haven't been paying much attention. I've been so..."

"It's alright. It happens."

"No, no, no. Not to me. I've been so careful I thought."

"So this wasn't planned. It's going to be alright."

 _No...its not. It's definitely not._ She looked at her hands, not wanting to look her doctor in the eye. She heard him say something about an ultrasound. He told her to wait there and his nurse would come to get her. She came in with a little microphone looking thing that looked like an old fashioned recorder and told Brienne to pull up her shirt. She did.

"You can hear the baby's heartbeat." The nurse said happily.

"Are we sure there is a baby?"

The nurse laughed. "If the test says there is a baby, there is a baby. There is never a false positive. Only a false negative. And you've definitely got a positive."

"Right. Okay." Brienne laid back on the table, raised her shirt a little and the nurse put the wand on her belly. She could hear it right away, loud and clear. 

"There it is!"

"That's it?!?"

"Yeah! Isn't it wonderful?"

"It is!?" Brienne smiled. _Oh gods this is real. This is happening. I'm having a baby with Jaime. Jaime!!! Gods what will he say?_ "How soon will I know if its a boy or a girl?" She was becoming excited now and she was definitely already in love. 

"What do you hope for?"

"A boy."

"You will have to be about 4 months before you can find out but Dr. Tarley has never been wrong based on heartbeat alone. It's uncanny, really - he is amazing."

"So, he can tell me today?"

"He ordered an ultrasound - he may if you ask him. Hold on a few minutes and I will walk you to the ultrasound room. If you think you're in love after hearing the heartbeat, wait until you see your little one growing inside you for the first time."

Brienne's heart fluttered. She was overly excited. Boy or girl didn't matter. She couldn't wait to see the look on Jaime's face when she told him. How should she tell him? Should she just blurt it out? Make a big deal about it and plan it? _I don't have time to plan - I want to tell him now! Oh gods Jaime...we're having a baby of our own! I don't know how or why this is happening right now, but it is and there is no turning back. And Joffrey - how cute will he be about it? It will be like having a little brother or sister. He is so cute. I imagine this baby will look quite like him...Joffrey...Joffrey...CERSEI._ Her heart sank. She was suddenly filled with terror and dread. If she thought life was complicated before, that must have been a cake walk compared to what she was in store for. 

_Jaime will never let her near this baby. He will do whatever it takes. I can't live with him doing whatever it takes. What the fuck am I going to do? We will figure this out. Together. That's just how it has to be. It's okay - we will do this together._

The nurse was right...if she thought she was in love before...there was nothing like seeing her baby on the screen for the first time. It didn't look much like a baby yet though. _It looks like...a...BEAN! This is too much! I can't call my baby bean! SPROUT! I will call it sprout until we think of a name...or at least until we know if we have a "he" or a "she". Oh...I wish Jaime were here._

Dr. Tarley came in to take a look. She got to hear her baby's heart beat again. She so wished Jaime could hear that sound. It truly was the greatest sound in the world. "I hear you can tell whether a baby is a boy or a girl just by the heartbeat." She said without taking her eyes off the screen.

"And I have never been wrong." He said proudly.

"So...what's your guess?"

"Oh I don't have to guess. You're having a boy!"

"REALLY!? How do you know?"

"The heartbeat! A very fast beat is a girl. A slow beat, is a boy."

"This sounds fast to me."

"Not as fast as it could be, believe me. But we will know for certain in a few weeks. I am never wrong though."

"But everything is fine, as far as you can see? No problems?"

"No problems. I expect you to have a full term, healthy baby. Looks like you are 13 weeks. Your due date is...July 27th. Are you feeling better about this now?"

"I'm excited." She smiled. It wasn't a lie. But she was deeply terrified. She and Jaime would work it all out though and it would be fine. Even if she had to disappear forever, she would work it out. _That's drastic. That's not going to be the case. Let's not go completely mad over this, shall we Tarth?_

On the way home, she thought of what she'd cook them for dinner. How she would tell him. Would she tell him in bed while she made love to him? Or over dinner? Or over a movie? In the shower? Should she call him now? Maybe just to hear his voice. _No! If I call him now, will have to tell him now because I have no patience and I am a nervous wreck. It will have to wait._

She was too jittery to cook when she got home. They would order take out. She was going to let him decide what to order. She couldn't stop thinking and pacing, and going from being ecstatic to nervous to terrified, and all this thinking was driving her crazy. She was overly emotional. Only one thing she could do - not drink! She headed down to the basement to play the drums. Some day would she would say to their little boy, _your daddy bought me these. He had them painted especially for me._ _Oh gods, I can't wait to feel you move. I know you'll be dancing inside me when you hear your daddy play. He'll write songs about you._

She was totally in her zone and didn't hear Jaime come down. She stopped abruptly when she was him. 

"Oh! Gods! You scared me!" 

He gave a weak smile. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay. I missed you a lot today." She said from behind the drums. She twirled the stick in her left hand absent-mindedly staring at his beautifully windblown hair.

"Me too."

She tried to smile, but she knew something was wrong. "Jaime...what's wrong?" 

"I just saw Cersei."

"Oh?" 

"She-ahhh..." He ran his hands through his hair and turned away.

"Is she...okay? Is Joffrey...okay?"

"Yeah...they are fine."

"I don't understand." She said standing.

"We can't...you and I have to stop."

" _Stop what!?"_

"We can't be together. This is not going to work. Not with...she's pregnant. Due in September."

Brienne was like a deer in the headlights. Her legs wouldn't hold her up. She fell back against the wall. She barely got out the word, "What?" She couldn't catch her breath. Something heavy was weighing her down and the room began to spin. It was just an illusion, she knew but she just couldn't balance. 

"She is saying that..."

"This is my fault. It's my fault...I sent you to her. I made a mistake...I thought that Joffrey needed me. And I just...I...Jaime, no!"

"I have to go."

"Wait. Why? I don't understand. You have to tell me...what's so different? She has Robert. What if the baby is his?"

"Its not."

"Jaime!!! How do you know?"

"It doesn't matter. Mine...his...if I say with you, she will terminate the pregnancy. I can't....I'm sorry." 

Her eyes widened as he went up the steps - her breath quickened - she was sick. She whispered, "What about our baby? We...we're having a baby too. Baby, we're having a baby..." she cried into her hands and slid down the wall to he cold cement floor. She heard the front door upstairs slam shut. 

"FFFFFUCK...no!!! No., no. Jaime!" She couldn't stop crying. Her head was killing her, she was crampy, snotty, and sick. She laid on the cold floor in the dampness and the dark and stayed there.

Brienne cried herself to sleep. Hours later, she woke up and took the picture of the ultrasound out of the pocket of her leather jacket. She cried when she looked at it. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry. I've messed everything up, I'm so sorry. It's okay. It is. You'll see, I can fix anything. That's what mommies do. They fix the worst situations and that's what I am going to do for you. Okay...okay...we are...Tarths, and you're a Lion and...okay. We are leaving. Moving to Tarth. That's what we will do. You are going to have the best life growing up on Tarth...do you know...Papa Selwyn grew up there and mommy spent so many amazing summers there...and you are going to be the most beautiful, perfect, brave boy. I will teach you to swim in the ocean, I will teach you to shoot a bow, ride horses, and you and I will be the best drummers on Tarth - just you and me. I know your daddy loves you. He just can't be with us. He is a good man, there is no man like him in this world. He just needs to be somewhere else."

She didn't know where any of that came from, but her mind was made up. It seemed like the only logical thing to do. How could she stay in Kings Landing and work for Robert and the twins if she were pregnant? You can't hide that forever, and you certainly can't hide a baby. She couldn't let Cersei know that she was pregnant now. The gods only knew what what happen and she would die protecting her baby if she had to. Jaime made his choice. He was trapped and there was no way out. Cersei could have been bluffing about the termination but they would never know and Jaime could never live with that, and neither could she. She wanted Jaime with her so bad. He deserved to have a child he could claim as his. He deserved to be a daddy. 

Brienne stayed up all night looking at her finances. She was very well off with the money she made as the manager of The Lannisters. She rarely spent any money because she was mostly on tour where everything was always paid for anyway. She had no house note to pay because Selwyn's house was paid for. Now she could sell it because she was never coming back. She had finally received the life insurance money from his death because although they never found his body, enough time had passed that he was declared dead. If she planned everything right, she could build a nice house for herself and her son and not really have to work until he began school. She was hurting badly that Jaime wouldn't be part of their lives, yet, she was incredibly confident that this would work and she would be able to give their son a good life.

Robert called the next morning at 10 am. "Hello?" She said opening her eyes.

"You're still asleep? What the fuck is up with you? You missed a meeting this morning."

"Oh...gods...yeah. We need to talk. Can we met in an hour?"

"No, Tarth, I am leaving town again tonight and it would have been great to have your lovely face in the fucking meeting about that."

"Well...okay we'll talk now. I have to quit."

"What the fuck are you getting at? Be serious."

"I am. I know its short notice and I am really sorry about that. It can't be helped."

"The fuck it can't. Everything is negotiable."

"Not this time."

"Every. Time."

"No, Robert. I've got to go." She hung up but he called repeatedly. She put the phone on silent and even smiled to herself about that. _In fact..._ she turned the damn thing off. 

She looked in the mirror and stripped naked to finally take a look at her naked body. Her breasts were a little fuller. Her face was definitely fuller. She wasn't even about to be showing yet but still there was the slightest bit of a pooch. She caressed her belly and thought, _That's my baby. He is safe and he will be happy, and there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him._

After a shower, she dressed and went to the local market to buy some healthy food. The junk food was going to be trashed as soon as she got back. She stopped at the back loading dock to get some boxes for packing. With her plan running through head, and a sad smile on her face, she pulled into her driveway to see Robert's car. _Shit. Is he for real?_

"Hi Robert."

"You wanted to talk. Talk."

"I've already talked to you. This morning. I have to quit. I am leaving Kings Landing."

"You don't need to live in Kings Landing to work for Stag Records."

"How do you figure?"

"Cersei and Jaime are going away on tour for two years - around the globe. Sell this and you won't need a house for a long time. Or ever maybe - if you get Jaime to marry you."

"Not appropriate conversation."

"Come on, we're more than employee/boss."

"Are we?"

"Brienne. Look...what has Cersei done? I can fix it."

"You certainly can't fix this. Look, I don't want to talk about it. It's not just Cersei."

"Joffrey too much? I will hire a nanny."

"No. It's not Joffrey. Please let it go and just accept my resignation."

"You know who won't let this go so easily."

"He will adjust. Hire someone good. Hire someone who will love him and treat him well. He will forget me."

"No one can forget you Brienne."

"They will. I have to go now. Kiss Joffrey for me. No need to say good bye...just let him forget me." She said walking into the house.

She tried not to think of him, not to picture his little face - those chubby cheeks, and gorgeous green eyes. Jaime's eyes. _He is going to look just like Joffrey and I will miss him every day for the rest of my life. Let it go, Tarth...let it go._

After calling 32 times and getting no answer, Jaime knocked on Brienne's door. She didn't even look to see who it might be, she just answered the door. "Jaime?"

"I called first. 32 times. I know your phone works. What the hell?" He barged in. He was stunned to see her place a wreck with boxes and things out of order - everything - out of order. "What are you doing?"

"Packing."

"Why?"

"I'm leaving."

"You were serious?"

"I don't recall having this conversation with you."

"You had it with Robert. Why are you quitting - what - you're running away?"

"I really wouldn't call it that. I can't stay here - I don't want to stay here."

"We can work this out."

"No, we can't. Its not that simple."

"I just have to make it seem..."

"I'm not hiding. And I am not lying. I love you. Do you understand? I understand your position and I am not asking you to choose me instead. But I can't stay. Even if you and I stay together, I can't work for Cersei anymore. And I can't be around her anymore."

"What about me and Joffrey? He was looking for you today and Tywin had to come get him from the studio..."

"He will adjust. He will forget me."

"I won't."

"What?"

"He won't. You fought for him to stay and now you're leaving him?"

"I am not leaving because I want to. Well, I do want to. If I could stay I would. Circumstances are beyond my control right now and I can't stay."

"What does that mean?"

"I have lived for you since I was ten years old. I'm 23 years old, Jaime. The last two and a half of those 13 years I have lived for your...son. Your _sister's son._ I am still living your son, Jaime. Believe me I am doing this _for your son. No one else."_

"That baby may not be mine,"

"He is." She began to cry. He hugged her and she let him; she hadn't realized how much she needed him. She knew he didn't understand what she was saying, and she wasn't sure she wanted him to. What good could come from it? She was too afraid of Cersei's wrath.

"I can't let you go. I can't."

"You have to this time. This one time, we can't look back. I have to go. This has to be the one time we are grown up about it and we have to let each other go. For your babies...you know it's better that we never see each other again." She could have meant Joffrey and Cersei's unborn baby - who's life Cersei threatened. But she meant her baby too. Jaime didn't need to know that though. 

Her heart was shredded - it may as well not even exist. How it was still beating she would never know. It would be easier if she just died in his arms. She was a mother now though, and she had to be strong. All this stress and grief wasn't good for her baby. 

"What if I figure something out?"

"Please don't. I've thought of excuses, and reasons and angles and Cersei could be bluffing. But she may not. Neither of us could live with that."

"My father...."

"No. I love you. With all my heart and soul. I know you won't forget me. No matter how hard you try." Her voice broke. She took a deep breath to steady herself, "So when you think of me, know that I left because I love you and I had to protect your baby. That's all. You should go now."

"One kiss?"

"I should tell you no. But I can't."

He kissed her deeply, with love and passion and it seemed to last forever and yet not long enough. Without a word, he was gone.


	40. Chapter 40

**2002 Baratheon Residence**

Jaime and Cersei were rehearsing songs for the kick off of the new tour. Jaime sat at the piano and Cersei stood next to him. Joffrey was playing under the piano when he started asking, "Mommy, when can we go swim?"

"Later. Maybe Uncle Jaime can take you when we finish."

"Jai Jai call Bean! Bean can swim too!"

"Cersei...from the top." He started to play.

"Jai Jai!" Joffrey yelled. "Jai Jai!" 

"Would you _fucking answer your son?"_

"Cersei!" Jaime yelled in a way that Joffrey hadn't heard before.

"Jai Jai, I want to call Bean to swim."

Jaime rested his head in his hands. He had been avoiding or making excuses for a week on why he couldn't call Bean or why Bean couldn't play with him. Finally he said, "Come up here, baby."

"You come down here. Come play with me."

Jaime relented and crawled under the piano. Cersei went to the bar to pour her fourth glass of wine. Jaime said, "Joff, Bean can't come play anymore."

Joffrey gasped, "Did she get put in time-out!?"

Jaime chuckled. "No. She has to go away."

"For work?"

"Yes."

"But she has to come say bye bye and give me kisses first!"

"Sometimes people have to leave in a hurry, and she wasn't able to come say goodbye."

"Let's call her."

"We can't call her, she is busy now."

"No, my Bean loves to talk to me, she will answer for her Golden Boy."

"I tell you what, mommy and I can practice later. Let's go get you changed and we will go for a swim, just us guys."

"But...Jai Jai. Please? Just one try, one time?"

"What baby?"

"Just call her. One time for me? I can leave a message. I miss my Bean. I need her."

"What about me? And mommy, you've got me and Uncle T and mommy and daddy, and Papa Tywin."

"Nooooo." He said as started to cry. Jaime held him and said, "Come on now. Please, be a strong boy. Like Bean taught you."

Cersei got annoyed with all of this, "Fucking take him over there. Show him she is gone. Joffrey, she is gone. She is not coming back. I'm what you get."

"Jai Jai?" He saw Cersei coming and grabbed onto Jaime.

"Cersei, stop."

She grabbed him and pulled him from under the piano and took him to the car out front. Jaime ran to catch up. "Cersei! What in hells are you doing? You can't drive after you've been drinking! Cersei, please just stop!"

 _Gods what is she doing?_ He called Brienne and of course she was not picking up. He left a message, "Bri...I am so sorry to call. Cersei is in some kind of melt down I think she and Joffrey are on their way to your house. She has been drinking a bit and I am really worried. Please be careful."

He called again and again and again. He couldn't call Cersei - he didn't want her distracted more than she already was.

Cersei slammed on the brakes in front of Brienne's house. When she heard the noise, Brienne looked out the window and she saw Joffrey running to the door. 

She opened the door for him and bent down to his level and scooped him up in a bear hug. "Hello my Golden Boy!"

"I _told_ Jai Jai I was still your golden boy!"

"Of course you are! I missed you so much." She kissed his cheeks several times and then looked to Cersei. "What are you doing?"

"He cries for you every day. He can't seem to live without you. He wanted you to come swim with him, and Jaime informed him you were leaving. On business. Maybe you should be honest with my son and tell him you're never coming back."

Jaime pulled up in his car. He got out and rushed to the house. "Brienne! Joffrey!" He pushed past Cersei and took Joffrey's face in his hands and asked, "Sweet boy...are you alright?"

"Yes." 

"Bri...you okay? I've called. I - I am sorry."

"What's going on?" She asked.

"I just told you." Cersei said.

Brienne put Joffrey down. He looked inside. "Are you really going? Forever?"

Brienne looked at Jaime for help. When she got nothing from him, she said, "I am going. I have to go, but I am sure we will see each other again."

"Mother of the year has become a liar." Cersei snarled.

"I'm not lying. You really think I will go away and never, ever come back to Kings Landing?"

"Take me with you. I want to go with you." Joffrey pleaded.

"I can't do that, baby, you have to stay with mommy and daddy. You get to do fun things and visit amazing places. And you get to hear Jai Jai play his guitar and piano under the big lights."

"You come too! I want to watch him with you."

"I know you do. I would love that. I just can't."

"Your boss won't let you? My daddy is your boss he will let!"

With tear-filled eyes, she looked to Jaime and Cersei. "I can't. Not this time."

Cersei said, "Joffrey wanted to go swimming. With you. While Jaime and I rehearse, you and Joffrey can go swimming. One last time."

Brienne wasn't comfortable with that but Joffrey's face lit up and he clapped and said, "Please!?"

"We have to make a deal, Joff." Brienne said.

"Okay, okay!"

"Listen carefully and you have to promise." He nodded and she continued, "I will come swimming with you, but when its time for me to leave, you are going to be my good, strong, Golden Boy and you won't ask me to stay. Because you know I can't. I will give you sweet goodbye kisses and that will be enough."

"Enough. I promise."

"Hand shake?" They shook hands. "Sweet kisses?" He gave her a kiss. "Okay. Maybe you can ride back with Jai Jai, and I will meet you at home."

"I can drive you." Jaime said.

"I'll just..."

"No, ride with us."

Cersei rolled her eyes and went to her car. Brienne said, "Maybe Cersei should ride with you and I can drive her car back."

"Oh for the love of the seven!" Cersei shouted.

"Mommy come on!" Joffrey shouted. Cersei went with them and tossed her keys to Brienne.

Brienne went back into the house to grab a swim suit and clothes and she met them as promised. She couldn't believe this was happening. She did want one last day with Joffrey, but it was just odd the way Cersei showed up - and after having been drinking - driving with Joffrey.

By the time Brienne arrived at the Baratheon home, Joffrey was in his swim suit already with his little sunglasses, happily waiting at the door. He took her hand and excitedly lead her through the house. She couldn't help but smile at his excitement. Jaime watched her rush by, wishing she would slow down, thinking this was his last time to see those long, beautiful legs walk past him. He really had an eye-full when she shimmied out of her shorts and pulled her T-Shirt over her head, revealing a sexy blue bikini. She looked incredible. He noticed some subtle differences that he couldn't quite out his finger on but she was gorgeous.

He had a perfect view of the pool from the window and he was grateful he didn't need sheet music or to look at the keys. Cersei said, "You've made six mistakes in the last 4 hours. Is your dick hard enough to fall off? Or have you already cum twice in your pants?"

He remained silent and his face turned red. He looked away form the window. Cersei continued, "Are you sorry she is running away from reality? Wish you could just run out there and take her right there on the diving board?"

"Don't talk to me about Brienne. My only mistake was trusting you. My mistake is this career you worked up for yourself and dragged me with you. You ready to sing again?"

"I'm rather enjoying watching you watch her. The way you look at her. Why can't you look at me that way? Is it because she's a better mother? She will be a mother someday, you know that, don't you? Not with _you_ at her side. But there is no way she will get through life without finding someone to give her a child."

"Why are you like this? I don't understand. Can you explain it? Are you mentally fucked or are you just cruel? How can you hate everyone the way you do and not hate yourself?"

"I'm a lot smarter than you. A lot." She laughed and disappeared walked out the room.

Jaime stood at the window watching Brienne and Joffrey. He jumped off the side of the pool into her arms several times already and now he was on the diving board. 

"Bean! Don't catch me this time, let me go!" He smiled and Brienne backed up to give him room. She knew he was going to run and jump. He went all the way to the bottom and came back up. He was quite the swimmer! Brienne taught him well, and he just loved the water. She thought that he would love Tarth. The slide was his favorite. Jaime was waiting for him to go there next and sure enough....


	41. TRIGGER WARNING - See Notes please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we find out how Brienne got her scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really think this chapter is okay to read if you're okay with the bear it thing. But please use your discretion.  
> For those of you who choose to read it, thank you, and please let me know your thoughts.
> 
> If you decide not to read it, message me on instagram or ask me for my email address and I will post it for you to ask me. I will tell you in a few sentences without the details.

“Slide!” Joffrey pointed and smiled.

“Again? You love to slide don’t you?” Brienne asked.

Joffrey tugged Brienne by the hand, practically dragging her up the smooth cement steps of the Baratheon Family pool. Brienne followed the little lion with his shaggy blonde hair to the slide. He knew the routine well by now, climbing to the top, sitting down, and waiting for Bean to sit behind him. Jaime stood by the window watching the two of them play together. He loved watching how happy they both looked, the constant smiles, the way that Brienne freely and happily snuggled with him and gave him kisses and Joff returned them many times over. It made Jaime happy that someone loved his little boy and he had someone to love in return, but so incredibly sad that this was all ending. He watched as Brienne pulled Joffrey up on to her lap and together they laughed as they slid down the “big big slide,” as Joffrey called it. As they hit the water, Brienne held him up high so that he didn’t go under, and he held his little arms up as though he were going down a roller coaster. Jaime could hear Brienne’s laughs and Joffrey’s squeals from inside the house.

Cersei came into the den and found Jaime looking a bit too far away; she seethed and threw a sofa pillow at her twin. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Watching Joffrey and Brienne. Don’t you like watching him have a good time?”

"Sit your ass at that piano and lets get this shit over with.”

Jaime sat down and looked at his sister. “Why are you so cold to him, Cers? Don’t you love him, at all?”

“I’m not doing this with you. Why do you care? You don’t care.”

“I must care if I am trying to talk to you about this.”

“Robert will be home any moment. Let it go. Play.”

“No.”

“You want to talk? Let’s talk about how much you loooove Brienne Tarth.”

“Cersei.”

“The way you look at her, or better yet, the way she looks at you. Don't forget...I'm the one having your baby. Again. I gave you Joffrey and you ignore me. I am giving you a baby girl and you shun me every chance you get. I love you. I need you. I need you now more than ever and you choose to love another."

"You are my _sister_. I love you as my sister. I am genetically wired to not fall in love with you. I can't be who you want me to be. I don't want to be who you want me to be."

Cersei heard the front door open and the bell of the alarm chime. “Oh. You’re saved. My wonderful husband is home from the gods know where.”

Jaime looked at his sister with anger in his eyes. Robert walked in before either of them could continue.

“If it isn’t 'The Lannister Twins, looking happy and content as always.”

“Hello Darling. I’ve missed you.” Cersei said, sounding as honest as she could with a beautiful, cunning smile.

“I bet you did.” Robert smiled. He walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the lips and then headed to the bar. He poured himself a whiskey and offered some to his brother-in-law who politely refused and began playing a song for his sister to rehearse. Robert went off to his study to make phone calls without going out to see Joffrey, whom he hadn’t seen in over a week.

Joffrey and Brienne stopped for a snack. He was eating ice cream when he spotted Ramsay. 

“Puppy!” He shouted.

Brienne's heart stopped in her chest. 

“Joffrey...no, he is not a friendly puppy.” 

“Puppy!” Joffrey chased after Ramsey, Robert’s Direwolf.

“Joff...no, no, darling. Please. Ramsey doesn’t like to play. It’s nap time, aren’t you sleepy?” Brienne said running after Joffrey. Ramsey could have been a friendly dog, but Robert wanted Ramsey and Miranda as guard dogs. Usually, they were kept in a kennel when Joffrey was playing in the yard.

Joffrey was excited to see “the puppy” and ran after him. The ground was a bit slippery for the almost three-year-old and as he reached for Ramsey’s tail, he slipped, grabbing the dog’s tail for balance. Ramsey let out a ferocious growl and spun around catching Joffrey by the edge of his swimsuit. Brienne screamed Joffrey’s name while running toward him.

Jaime heard Brienne's screams from inside and ran to a nearby window see Ramsey shaking Joffrey by his swimsuit, and Brienne fighting him off. He ran outside to help, yelling at Cersei to call for help.

Jaime made it outside just as Brienne got a hold of Joffrey. Ramsey growled at her and lunged, sinking his fangs into her left hip and slashing his paw across her chest. She cried out and quickly passed Joffrey to Jaime just in time as Ramsey knocked her into the pool with him. Jaime and Joffrey watched in horror as Brienne and Ramsey sunk to the bottom of the pool and red blood swirled in the water.

“Bean! Bean! Jai Jai, get Bean!” Joffrey pointed.

Cersei casually walked outside with a glass of wine in hand and Jaime ran to her to pass off Joffrey who began to cry. Cersei took her sweet time bringing him inside. She looked at him to see if he was harmed and when he only had a few small cuts and scratches, she placed him in his play yard and went to the window. Jaime was out of sight by now, having dove into the pool after Brienne.

Jaime was pulling Brienne to the surface just as Robert walked outside with a shotgun ready to fire at Ramsey.

“Come on Lannister move! Get her out!” He yelled.

Jaime had Brienne's head above water, was trying to tread water and get her up and over the side of the in-ground pool. He barely had her out of the pool when Robert fired one shot killing the wolf.

"Jaime!!!! On your right!" Robert screamed.

Miranda was charging Jaime and Brienne. Jaime had to pull Brienne back to him and kick off the side to get them away to the left. Robert took the shot just in time, killing Miranda. He dropped his gun and and ran to Jaime to help pull him out of the pool. Jaime held Brienne in his arms and tried to apply pressure to her wounds. “Call someone!” He screamed. He turned his attention to Brienne, “Bri...it’s alright...you’re going to be alright...”

Her eyes opened wide and she clawed at his shirt, “Jaime...the baby..."

“He’s fine. He is with his mother.”

“No, no...you don’t...”

Blood was everywhere, on Robert, on Jaime. Brienne tried her hardest keep her eyes open and focus on Jaime, but they just kept closing. She was cold, shivering. Her lips were blue. Her body went limp.

“Bri...please, just hang on. Paramedics are on their way. Stay with me, Evenstar.”

Robert looked up and could see Cersei watching them from the windows. She stood there casually drinking a glass of wine as though she were at a boring cocktail party.

“Kingslayer...you need to go. Now.” Robert said, looking at his brother-in-law.

“I’m not leaving her.”

“Jaime...Cersei is watching.”

“I don’t care.” He said pressing harder on Brienne’s wounds but his hands kept slipping.

“We both know it’s better for both of you if you go to Cersei. Check on Joffrey.”

“No!”

“Jaime! Go. Check on your son.” Robert said, placing his hands over Jaime’s to apply pressure.

Jaime looked into Robert’s eyes, surprised and searching for what, he didn’t know.

Robert said, “it’s okay. She will be okay. You need to go.”

Jaime took one more look at Brienne, who looked lifeless and pale. Her eyes were closed and although she seemed to be fading, she still looked beautiful. Robert went on, “If I can see how much you love her, Cersei can see it too. Please just fucking go. Joffrey needs you. I can hear him screaming in there and she isn’t even looking at him.”

Jaime kissed Brienne's head and hurried to the house.

Cersei glared at him over the rim of her wine glass. He walked to Joffrey not caring that his clothes were soaked and he was covered in blood. Jaime picked up the crying boy and Joffrey quietly sobbed on Jaime’s shoulder. He pointed outside and quietly said “bean.” 

Jaime didn’t answer, he simply patted his son’s back and said “shhh.”

Joffrey picked up his head, placed his hands on either side of Jaime’s face, and said “Bean?”

Jaime repeated, “Bean.”

Joffrey asked, “Bean is okay?”

“Bean is okay, baby.”

“You Bean’s golden boy?” Joffrey asked.

“ _You_ are Bean’s Golden Boy.” Jaime's eyes were sad; his voice was quiet. His hair dripped, his clothes stuck to him, and he smelled of blood.

“I’m bean’s golden boy. I love my Bean.”

“Bean loves you, golden boy.”

He leaned his head forward to touch Joffrey’s and Cersei scoffed and rolled her eyes.

Joffrey placed his head on Jaime’s shoulder again. Jaime turned so that Joffrey couldn’t see out the windows, but Jaime himself still could. He watched as Robert held Brienne and was truly doing his best to stop the blood flow, but Jaime could see it oozing between his fingers and the pavement was stained red. He felt sick, but he held on to Joffrey and ignored the anger in Cersei’s eyes.

Robert kept talking to Brienne trying to keep her conscious but he had no idea whether it was working. He could feel her breathing, and wondered if she were going into shock. He was getting nervous and beginning to sweat. “Come on you. You’re strong and you’re going to be fine. Joffrey needs you. Jaime needs you. He sure does love you, gods Brienne...did you know that? I wonder half the time if he knows it.” He looked down at her. He could practically see the color leaving her body. He looked at the dead wolf in the pool and practically shivered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This stops a bit abruptly but will pick up here in the next chapter.  
> Please let me know what you think of these last few chapters - I appreciate you all for reading and commenting.


	42. Chapter 42

The paramedics arrived and took over. Robert walked inside and took Joffrey, who was now sleeping, from Jaime.

“Thank you, Uncle Jaime.” He said to his brother-in-law, and took the little boy. “I’ve got him. I will stay with him. It’s okay, go on, go with her.”

Jaime ran out to the ambulance and rode with Brienne to the hospital. He held her hand and kissed her forehead. He wanted to say so much, but could only stare at her, willing her eyes to open. He stroked her hand and prayed to the gods to keep her safe, to wake her up. But her beautiful eyes remained closed. What he wouldn’t he give to see those crystal blue eyes roll at him, to pierce his soul, to know what he was thinking before he did. He wanted so much and deserved so little. But if it meant Brienne’s life or his, the gods could surely have his own.

At the Baratheon residence, Robert brought Joffrey to his room and although he hated to wake him, he needed to get him out of his wet swimming trunks. He changed his clothes and Joffrey was so tired, so that he didn’t even wake up. Robert brought him into the master bedroom and laid down in the bed with him. He turned the TV on and let the boy sleep.

Cersei came in. “Why is he in here?”

“So I can watch him.”

“He has a bedroom.”

“You have a problem with your son laying in our bed.”

“You’ve been gone for weeks. Didn’t you miss me?”

“Of course I missed you, Cersei. After all that’s just happened - our son was traumatized - your brother and Brienne were almost killed...Joffrey could have been killed.”

Cersei scoffed, “ugh! Brienne.” She sipped her wine.

Robert got up and grabbed her by the arm, spilling wine in the white rug. He pulled her out of the room and gently closed the door so they wouldn’t wake Joffrey.

“Cersei...what is wrong with you? Why do you act like you hate her so much? She does a wonderful job managing your entire life, including raising our son.”

“Our son?”

“Our son.”

“Do you love him?”

“Of course I love him.”

“Do you love me?”

“Are you playing a game?”

“Answer the question. Do you? Have you ever?”

“Yes. Cersei. I always have. And I must be clinically insane because I believe...I always will.”

She smirked and put her arms around him, kissing him and backing him against the wall. She took his shirt off; he slipped her dress off....

**Kings Landing Memorial Hospital**

At the hospital, Jaime paced the halls until he was called over by a doctor.

“Mr. Lannister? A doctor will speak with you now.”

Jaime ran his hands over his face and swallowed a lump in his throat. He listened as the doctor spoke about surgery and scarring and blood loss, but he wasn’t fully comprehending any of it. He would be able to see her in a few hours and she would be okay. She would be in a great deal of pain but all he needed to hear and understand was that she would be okay.

That night, Jaime finally got to see his Evenstar. She had some color back in her cheeks, but not enough for Jaime’s liking. She was still very pale and he couldn’t stand watching her as the anesthesia wore off. She was still asleep, yet she was restless and irritable. She opened her eyes and the color drained from her face. He knew she was going to be sick and held a pail in front of her. She leaned to the side and threw up four times before she leaned back, clutching her abdomen. Tears streamed her face and she hid behind her hands as she sobbed.

Jaime put the pail down and stood next to the bed. He gently grabbed her hands and pulled them away from her face.

“Brienne...please. It’s only going to hurt more if you cry.”

She cried harder and all Jaime could do was hold her. He fought his own tears to be strong for her. When she calmed down, she asked, “where is Joff?”

“With Robert.”

“And Cersei?”

“Home with them. Don’t worry about them. About him. He is fine.”

“Jaime...” she looked up at him.

“Shh...you should rest.” He said running his hand through her hair.

“I need to...”

“What? Anything.”

“I need...oh gods. Jai-“ she looked at him with panic in her eyes and tears poured from her face. She was cramping badly and she could hardly move. She knew exactly what this meant and there was nothing she or anyone else could do. It was over. “Oh Jaime!” She cried doubling over.

“What’s wrong?”

“Please...just go. Go.”

“I will get help.”

A team of doctors and nurses rushed in closing Jaime out of the room. Both Brienne and the bed were covered in blood. That’s the last thing Jaime saw as they rushed Brienne down the hall. He thought she was bleeding from her injuries. He was terrified. His knees were weak and his brain felt like mush. He started pleading with the gods that if a life had to be taken, take his instead.

When the procedure was finished and Brienne was stable, the nurse asked if they should speak with her husband.

“No. He is not my husband. I don’t want anyone to know I was ever pregnant.”

“As you wish, Ms. Tarth.”

“Please ask him to go. Tell him that I will call him in a few days.”

“Go? Did she say why?”

“She isn’t well, sir. She will be okay though. She did say that she would call you.”

“Can I tell her good bye for the evening, at least?”

“She really prefers to be alone at this time.”

Jaime was dumbfounded. He wanted to know what happened, wanted to hold her, but he knew that he should just abide by her wishes. But what if that’s not what she truly wanted? What if she wanted him? _Why the fuck would she want me now?_ He walked out of the hospital with his head hung low and his hands in his pockets.

She did want him. She needed him. But what good would any of it have done? They were never going to last; never going to be a family. It wasn’t meant to be - it was always going to be him and Cersei. Cersei would make sure of that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	43. Chapter 43

**2020 - Brienne's Bedroom**

Jaime's head was swirling with questions - questions for himself, questions for Brienne, emotions, embarrassment, compassion, fury, grief...he was going to explode. He stared into Brienne's eyes. She saw pain and fury staring back at her. He saw grief and fear in her eyes. He clenched his jaw and held his breath and then he looked away for a moment before rushing out the room. Brienne fell to her knees and cried, "Jaime! Please don't leave again!" _Please, please don't leave again._

It should have stopped him in his tracks, but it didn't. He went out into the yard as far from the house as he could, to the willow tree that stood so tall and strong. If only he could be as strong as that tree. He felt small and weak, like a dandelion who's seeds were being blown every which way. He was shattered and scattered. He wanted to swing at that tree; to tear it down and destroy it. He pounded his fists into it - not even thinking about the damage he would inflict upon his right hand. He needed to focus on physical pain rather than that which weighed so heavy on his heart. Brienne ran out to him, finding him on his knees. His head was leaning against the bark of the tree. He was sweating, his hair was a mess, his hands were bleeding. She stopped about three feet before him, afraid of what was going to happen. Not afraid of Jaime himself - never Jaime - only of what he was feeling; what he might say. "Jaime..." He let out a growl, and stood. He stalked toward her and grabbed her face. His face crumpled as he laid his forehead on hers. 

He let out a sob and said, "My baby. _My baby, my baby...._ you had _our baby_ inside you and I didn't know." He breathed deeply and asked, "How could I not know?!"

She squeezed her eyes shut tight and swallowed hard. Tears stung her eyes. "Oh, Bri...I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I am sorry I was never there. Can you forgive me?"

"No, no! No!" She cried. He backed away, wide-eyed. "Jaime...there is nothing to forgive. You didn't know."

"I should have!"

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry...I couldn't tell you. Or, I thought that I shouldn't. Please understand. Please don't be angry." She pleaded.

"Is that what you think? Brienne...no! Oh, gods..." He took her in his arms. "I could never be angry at you. I _am_ angry, but _not_ with you. Don't think that, please." Her platinum blonde hair had his blood and sweat in it now, and she was shaking. He went on to say, "I am angry and sad that we lost our baby. I am angry that I was blind to something so special and important. I should have been there for you. You were leaving to protect him...all on your own..."

She shook her head at him. " _I lost him!!!!!_ " She shoved him away. "I _failed_ him on my own. And I _lost him on my own_." She had never said that out loud before. She had never said anything out loud before. The words flowed out like a rushing waterfall. She was shocked at her outburst and covered her mouth with her hands, staring in to his eyes and then sobbing uncontrollably.

"That is not true. None of it is your fault! You didn't cause what happened that day!"

Her voice was shaky as she spoke quickly, "I made all the wrong decisions. In every way possible - for him, for you. And I am so sorry. I've wanted to tell you. I needed you so much. But you made your choice - and I could never fault you for that or ask you to do anything different. There could have been two babies lost. I haven't spoken about him to anyone - ever. No one could know. For the for the time in 13 years, I was scared of what Cersei might do. To him. To us. I had to leave. Once he was gone, I still couldn't stay. I couldn't look at you without telling you the truth but I didn't want to hurt you. I couldn't stand to put you through all that. I thought it was the right thing. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of him, or wondered what he would be like. July 27th should have been his birthday. Every year on that day, I think of him and imagine him at that age and what he'd be like. And every year, on the day that I lost him..." She looked away from him and was quiet for a few seconds. He just watched her and listened for what she would say next. "I've never forgotten the sound of his heart beating. I've never stopped wanting to feel him move inside me, to meet him, and hold him. To look into his eyes and see you looking back at me."

He touched her face again, ignoring his hands. She reached for his left hand and felt the blood. "Oh gods..." she said looking at his hand, "let's go take care of this."

He gave her a sad smile and a tear fell. "Always taking care of me. Let me take care of you, for once. Please?"

"Please do." She breathed, "Gods, I need you, Jaime." He kissed her forehead and said, "I love you. So much. Come on, let's clean up and talk inside. Shall we?" 

She nodded. 

He put his arm around her and they walked to the house. He said, "I'm sorry I ran off. I didn't mean to run from you. I just didn't know what to do with myself. I was so...so many things in that moment. I still am."

Brienne was quiet for a few steps. "I understand," She finally said.

"I feel so empty and broken. Brienne...I...he was ours. _Our baby._ I feel this fury, and sadness, and...we lost the greatest thing we could ever have together. I feel like he was stolen. That never ever should have happened."

"We created a perfect, beautiful baby. And the gods said we couldn't keep him."

"I wish it all would have been so different."

"Me too."

By this time, they were in the house, both of Jaime's hands were bloody, Brienne's hair was full of it. Their emotions had them exhausted. Jaime went into the master bathroom and ran water in the shower. He went back to the bedroom to get her and found her sitting on the bed.

"Hey..." He said as he sat down and took her hand. "...I know you never wanted to bring this up. And as much as this hurts, for all the pain we're both in, I am so thankful you told me. I am thankful that I know about our little miracle. I don't regret seeing that beautiful picture. Do you have any idea how amazing you are? How strong you are?"

"I'm not really."

"You kept this is all locked away and never told a soul. And yet...you raised another woman's son - a boy that adores you and looks to you as his mother. The only one he has known. And yet...you've never resented him. You've loved him through everything."

"Do you think our baby would look like Joffrey?"

"I think our baby would look like you. With the most beautiful sapphire eyes, and rosy cheeks, full, beautiful lips. And he'd have my golden skin and hair. But he would be good, and strong like you. He would be confident, smart, brave."

"It hurts so much to think of what he could be...and not have him here with us. He could be so talented, and sweet. He would be like you, caring, and kind and so handsome."

"Is it possible to miss something you've never known? Never had? I've only known about him since a short while ago...but I want him so bad. I want him to be here with us. It's just not fair. Our baby is real. He existed, and we will honor his memory. Did you give him a name?"

"Jaiden. J-A-I-D-E-N."

"I love it."

"Really?"

"I do. Let's go shower. The water has been running quite a while and the steam is coming into the bedroom. After that, we'll rest a while, and then we can talk some more."

They stripped and got into the shower. the warm water felt good running down their bodies. Brienne kissed his knuckles and looked up at him, but he didn't seem to be in pain; just grieving. He took her hand and twirled her around as though they were dancing. He washed her hair and the rest of her and gave her a simple, sweet kiss. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held him close, whispering in his ear, "I love you, Jaime."

"I love you more than anything in this world, and I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

"I buried this so deep and went far away inside for long, that finally talking about it feels like its happening for the first time. I don't want to feel this way." She barely got the words out before beginning to cry again.

He swallowed hard and wiped her tears away, "I'm here, my love. I am here this time, and I will carry you through." He kissed her softly.

After their shower, they got into bed, naked. They didn't make love, or even talk. They simply held each other and drifted off to sleep.

Hours later when Jaime woke, Brienne was still in his arms, still asleep. He pulled the covers up over both of them, and slid his hand across her stomach. She moaned softly and settled against him. He kissed her shoulder and she turned to him. She captured his lips and wrapped her leg around his. "Hi beautiful." He said.

"Hi."

Neither of them quite knew what to say. She just tucked her head under his chin and closed her eyes again. She grinned when she felt his growing hard against her center. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be sorry." She kissed his chest.

"I'm not _really_ sorry. You seem to just...have this affect on me. It's beyond my control."

"I'm glad I have that affect." She smiled, kissing up his neck. Her hand glided down his back to his ass and she pressed him to her. "Jaime...are you okay? I mean, for this?"

"I love you. I am always okay to love you, Bri. It's okay...let's just love each other."

*********************************************

**2020 - ESSOS**

**ESSOSI ASYLUM & DETENTION CENTER**

Dr. Unella entered the prison cell and stared at Cersei. 

"Can I help you?"

"Cersei Lannister. It's a pleasure."

"I'm sure it is."

"I'm sure you are. I'm here to talk to you about the events surrounding your brother's incident."

"I stabbed him. You can say it. I stabbed him. In his precious hand. He is lucky I didn't cut it off."

"I'm sure he is thrilled about that. So you confess then...to stabbing him?"

"I just told you I did. So if there is nothing else..."

"There is."

"Why? I've confessed. I don't wish to discuss anything else."

"You're out of luck on that one Your Grace."

"Your Grace?"

"The Queen of the Music Industry."

"Not any more."

"Regrets?"

"I was due for a break."

"From what?"

"Anger. Hatred. Malice. Destruction."

"Of who?"

"Everything. Everyone. Especially myself."

"That's a good place to start. Why do you hate yourself?"

"I don't want to go through this. You got what you came for."

"I have not. I am here to see if you're fit to stand trial."

"I don't need a trial. I am guilty. I need a sentence."

"You need a trial and law provides as such."

"I'm fit to stand trial. Why the psychology?"

"Would you not feel better to get rid of some of this burden you're carrying?"

Cersei didn't answer. She didn't know. Her biggest fear was reflecting on the truth of her life. She was afraid of herself and facing who she was; she never liked who she was.

"No. It wouldn't. What are you going to do with all of this information? Share it with the world? The Lady of House Lannister - not a lion, just a monster."

"Is that what you think of yourself?"

"That's what I know."

"Have you ever loved anyone? Anyone at all. I mean truly loved them?"

"I thought I did. But I couldn't possibly love anyone. Not for the things I've done. The lies I have I told, the sadness, and devastation."

"You mean your brother's hand?"

"No. Not his hand."

"What then?"

**********************************

**August 2002 - Stag Records Studios**

**Brienne's Office**

Jaime cornered Brienne in her office against the wall. The door was cracked open at least an inch and a half but he didn't notice. "Shhhh! Shhh....I'm not ready to get caught. I need you to be my secret for a little longer." Brienne laughed. 

"Gods, I can't go any more. I needed to kiss you. I need a lot more than a kiss." Jaime said sliding his hands under Brienne's shirt.

"We were just together this morning."

"You don't know how much I have missed you the last two years."

"Oh, I think I do. I want to be with you...we need to be careful."

"I can be careful. Just promise me I can come over tonight."

"I promise you can come over tonight."

He kissed her again and held her against him. Neither of them noticed Cersei right outside the door. She walked away just as Brienne pushed the door open to step out. Later that day, Cersei snuck into Brienne's office digging in drawers and looking in doors. She found Brienne's bag. _She is on the pill! If she isn't fucking my brother, why does she need the pill?_

Two weeks later, while Brienne was busy with Joffrey and in and out of the studio with Jaime, Cersei was back in her office. She opened the door of the credenza and looked inside the bag. There it was the pack of pills. Cersei took out the packet and replaced it with another pack that looked identical.

A few months later, Cersei noticed some changes in Brienne that could only mean one thing. 

************************************

**Three weeks after the incident with Ramsey at the Pool  
Lannister Family Mansion**

**Dinner with Tywin**

Cersei followed Jaime into the kitchen and they were alone at last. Joffrey was in the dining room with Tywin, Tyrion, and Robert. Cersei shoved Jaime against the marble top of the island and asked, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She slapped his face. "Snap out of this trance you're in. You're like a lost dog."

Jaime grabbed her hand and said, "I will let that go because I am an adult and you're pregnant. But if you ever lay a hand on me in that way again, you _will_ regret it."

"Why are you being like this?" Her eyes filled with tears.

"Please don't do this now."

"Do what? Show how concerned I am for my brother? That I love you, I need you, I want you? That I am carrying your baby inside me and I want us to be happy?"

"That's not my baby."

"You can't know that."

"I _know._ Cersei... _please..._ I can't do this with you. I've given you what you want, and I need you to give me what I want."

"What is that?" She asked.

"Space, time...freedom. I need to...think."

"Will you ever truly be mine?"

"No Cersei. This is a ridiculous, pointless conversation."

"My darling baby brother. _She is gone_. I am all you have and I promise you....I am all you will ever need. Our baby boy is out there and he loves and adores you. Needs you. Our baby girl and I...we need you so much,"

"You have Robert."

"It's not the same. Its you - only you, Jaime. You know that. And you just keep turning away. I am so alone. I know you're hurting. I can help you."

Jaime heard Joffrey crying and tried to make an escape. Cersei grabbed his arm and pulled him toward her. "What are you doing?" He asked.

She kissed him like she hadn't kissed him before. Soft and gentle. With his eyes closed, he thought of Brienne. He backed away and went back to the dining room to find Joffrey with Robert. The boy had tried to go find Jaime and smacked his head on the edge of the table. When he saw Jaime, he reached for him. Jaime rubbed his forehead and kissed the red spot that was starting to swell. "Let's get you some ice." Jaime went back into the kitchen just as Cersei was walking out.

"What happened to my lion cub?" She asked Joffrey. "Come with mommy, I will help you."

"No!" The boy cried louder and hugged Jaime tighter around his neck. Jaime was still holding Joffrey and went into the freezer for some ice. He sat Joffrey on the counter and made him an ice pack. Cersei stood in front of Joffrey and tried to talk to him, but he rejected her. "Joffrey, that's not nice baby, your mommy loves you." Jaime said.

"No. Bean."

Jaime hung his head and Cersei scoffed and walked out of the kitchen. Jaime tried to explain things, but the three year-old wasn't understanding. He wanted what he wanted and that was that. Just like his real daddy. Just like his mommy. Only, they had very different ways of handling that. Jaime hoped to the gods that Joffrey was more him than Cersei. 

As the weeks went by, Joffrey lost his appetite and he was still crying himself to sleep. Cersei had him staying with Jaime, Tywin and Tyrion, but even that wasn't helping. Jaime had vowed not to call Brienne but he was running out of ways to distract Joffrey, running out of things to try feeding him. Joffrey couldn't live on ice cream alone and even that wasn't gaining his attention. Cersei wasn't worried about her son's condition. She was intent on trying to seduce Jaime. Nothing was working though, because he, along with Joffrey, was grieving for Brienne.

At two o'clock in the morning, Joffrey was still not asleep and begging Jaime just to call Bean. "I called little lion. She must be sleeping. She isn't answering. It's very late. What if you lay down and we try Bean tomorrow?"

"Jai Jai...why did Bean leave me?"

"She didn't leave _you_ , Joffrey. She left King's Landing for a work project. Remember?"

"I miss her. You miss you. Let's go find her."

The words resonated in Jaime's head all night and the next day. There was only place she could be, and Tarth is not that big. Surely he could find her on that island if he worked hard enough. He left Joffrey with Tywin and flew to Storm's End, where he boarded a yacht to Tarth. He arrived in just a few hours and set out on his quest. He had nothing but a pocket full of money, some credit cards, and a backpack. He had no plan, but he just started wandering aimlessly. There was a market on Tarth, and he stopped there for a stroll. No Brienne. Everybody needs to eat. He would visit that market everyday if he had to. He visited a local pub, a hardware store, a bakery, and decided to scour the neighborhoods. He began asking people if anyone had seen her or heard of her. Finally after two days, he had some luck. 

"Brienne! Yeah...she runs on the beach every morning at sunrise. She is building a house out there so she is always working - seven days a week that girl! Damn near 24 hours a day."

"Where exactly?" Jaime asked the man.

"At the Straights. Just where Evenfall once her stood. That's where her father's vacation home once stood. But he was lost with it after that hurricane several years ago."

"Thank you. I should have known. Thank you again." Jaime smiled. He was off to see Brienne, finally after all these weeks. He couldn't wait, and yet he was afraid. He had no idea what to say or how to convince her to come back. Would he even be able to? Should he even try?

He walked along the beach, looking for the house that might be hers. There were quite a few houses under construction, but only this one could be hers. They were all on stilts, high above the ground - at least 15 feet, due to the possibility of another storm and flooding. Hers was finished on the outside for the most part. Blue siding on the outside, trimmed white. High ceilings and large windows. There was a balcony facing the beach of course. He saw her. Relaxing in a hammock under the patio - under the house. He wanted to rush over to her, but he decided to wait. He would wait until morning and find her during her run on the beach.

Jaime left his hotel at 4:30 the next morning, to make it to the beach on time. He was right on the beach, but he didn't know if she finished at sunrise, or started at sunrise, and there was no way he was going to miss her. The sun just started to rise and he sat on a giant boulder looking out for her. He shirtless and shoeless in his sunglasses and a pair of red Kraken Brand swim shorts. The breeze blew his hair and he knew he looked like a god sitting there. He always knew. 

Brienne stretched and started her run just as the sky lightened. She wore her short black diving shorts to take a dip after run and a black and silver sports bra top. Her hair was in a pony tail. Just as the sun formed a bright orange semi circle in the water, Jaime saw her appear. His heart stopped in his chest and then suddenly started pounding furiously. His palms began to sweat and he couldn't think of a single word. His tongue was thick and heavy and had he thought of a word, he wouldn't even be able to say it.

Running helped Brienne think without distraction. Of course she thought of the baby and Jaime. She thought of Joffrey and wondered if he was getting on alright with Cersei or if he was still missing her. She missed showering the little cub in kisses, and him falling on her at night. He was getting big for that, but she loved it all the same. She missed Jaime, although she didn't want to think of him. However, that's all she thought of - seemingly 24-hours a day - she even dreamed of him. She could even feel him, and her body never stopped craving him. Today even with the sea air and salt, she swore she could smell him. _That is not Jaime Lannister running toward me. He looks exactly like him, but it can't be. It better not be. Please gods let it be...._

She stopped immediately and looked at the man toward her. She stood there dumbfounded, unable to move. He stopped a foot in front of her. She asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to Tarth...because...well...I'm not much of a fighter. Not against my feelings for you. Neither is Joffrey and I can't fight him either.

"You can't fight against your sister either." She took off running.

"Brienne...wait." He jogged after her. "Please wait!" She was torn between wanting to see him and wishing he were far away. Suddenly she heard, "OOOWWWW fuck!" She turned around to see him standing on one leg, bolding his foot up and looking at the underneath. She walked toward him and took a look. He sliced his foot open on a broken shell.

"You're supposed to wear shoes to run on the beach. Or at least watch where you're stepping." She scowled at his foot. "I hope you're happy. You've screwed up my whole day now."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh stop. Do you really think I am not _elated_ to see you?" 

"I don't know. You did leave without a goodbye. Never called me back after that scary episode at the hospital, all I heard from the nurse was that you didn't want to see anyone, especially me and you would call. I never got a call."

"Stop the drama, Lannister." She put his arm around her shoulder and helped him hop to her house.

"It's not drama. I called the hospital every day to check on you. They had to had to have told you. I called five times a day."

"Yes. Thank you for your concern."

"That's it? Thank you for...why didn't you call me?"

"I couldn't."

"What about when you got home or on your way out of Kings Landing?"

She sat him in a chair outside and went up to get her first aid kit. She had bought it after several splinters and cuts while working on the house. She returned and started cleaning his foot.

"You will need stitches, I think. I can't can get it to stop bleeding."

"Brienne..." he winced, "Leave the foot for now."

"Jaime...you're bleeding. I can't just _leave the foot."_

"Why did you feel you couldn't talk talk to me?"

" _Why?_ Maybe I didn't want to. Maybe I was hurt and crushed because you chose Cersei over me!"

"I didn't choose her over you."

"You did." She said squeezing his foot harder.

He gritted his teeth as long as he could and then blurted out, " _That bloody hurts!_ "

"Does it?"

"You're angry. I get it."

"I sent you to her. I know that. But did it occur to you that I may have been being sarcastic and I was hurt and angry?"

"Yes. It did! Please talk to me rationally. Why didn't you call?"

"Look, I should have called. There were things I couldn't talk about..."

"What things?"

She calmly and quietly said, "Please let it go this time. I really can't. Just respect that and we can move on. Okay?"

He nodded in agreement. "Are you completely shutting me out?"

"I would like to. But I am not strong that either. And I can't not be kind to you and love you and still be your stupid friend." She looked at his foot again and could see that the gash was rather wide and deep. "We should really get you to the hospital to have this taken care of. I can't do this one on my own."

"You're not stupid."

"The hells I'm not."

Jaime's foot was cleaned and stitched at the hospital and he was told not to walk on it for at least 5 days. _Great_ , Brienne thought. She agreed that he could stay with her, but she was sleeping on an air mattress on the floor until the inside of the was finished and she could move furniture in. "We'll stop and pick one up for you on the way home. You can wait in the car."

"Can't I share yours?"

"No."

That night, they sat out under the stars and lit a fire while they had dinner. It was just burgers from a local drive thru, but it was dinner.

"Brienne...can we talk about some things?"

"What things?"

"I didn't choose Cersei over you. She is volatile and hateful. She used a baby against me in the worst way. I am not making excuses, I swear to you. I just couldn't let..."

"I understand. Truly, I do. Let's not do this, please?"

He was quiet. She asked, "How is Joffrey?"

"Not well."

"What's the matter?" She finally looked up from her food.

"I think he is grieving for you. He won't eat, he isn't sleeping at night and I have given into calling when I promised myself I wouldn't - I need to leave you alone."

"Then why have you come here?"

"I'm selfish. I want you to come back."

"I can't go back. I can't back to that life, Jaime. It was a painful two years yearning for you and then finally being with you, only to have you ripped away. Its been the same cycle for 13 years and I can't do it. _I love you_. And I love Joffrey....I mean...can you keep doing this to _yourself?_ "

"I still rather have you in someway than not at all. If we are never together again...I will learn to adjust. I did before. I learned to fake it."

"But its not right. It's painful and miserable."

"It is."

"I don't want to be near your sister. There is so much more involved now and so many more reasons..."

"Come home with me. I need you - you don't have to be in a relationship with me. Joffrey needs you too."

"I told you never to use him against me."

"That's not what this is. It's a fact."

"I love him. I've told you that. But I was hired as your manager. Don't you think it's time..."

"You're right..."

"Jaime...It's hard. Being away from you. But I am afraid it will be harder being so close to you. And Cersei...she is having a baby now. Things will only get worse. I don't mean worse right now, while she is expecting. I mean worse forever. Not just for you. For Joffrey, and most of all for me."

"You?"

"How do you think this makes me feel?"

"I'm sorry. I know you and I had a beautiful future. We still can..."

"When? If you outlive your sister and we are in our 80s? No we can't. We are done. Forever. We will never be at peace."

Brienne dozed off in the hammock, and Jaime stayed out looking at the stars. He laid on a blanket looking up at the sky, wishing for things to be different, knowing they never could be. His cell phone rang. 

"Hello?"

"Jai Jai!"

"Hi!"

"Did you find my Bean?"

"Yes...I did."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Bean fell asleep. But I will ask her to..." Brienne stood over him, holding out her hand.

"Hello my Golden Boy!" She smiled into the phone.

"Beeeeeeaaaannnn!" Joffrey squealed into the the phone. He was so loud that she had to pull the phone away from her ear.

"How are little one?"

"I miss you!"

"I miss you too, my darling."

"When are you coming back?" he asked sweetly.

"I don't know yet. I am building something big!"

"What are you building?"

"I'm building a house!"

"A whole house!!!!"

"A whole house."

"Can I see your house?"

"I will have Jai Jai send you a picture. I've heard a story about you."

"What story?"

"I heard you have eaten nothing but ice cream!"

"I'm not hungry since you went away."

"Let's make a deal."

"What deal?"

"If you eat like a big boy, I will come home for a few days and see you. I have to finish this project before I can leave, but I am almost done."

"Will you stay?"

"I don't know if I can stay, but we will see. I love you."

"I love you! I will be good, I promise!"

"You're always good, my love. You're my good, strong, brave boy. Now, here is Jai Jai." She handed the phone back to Jaime and went back under the house. He finished the call and walked over to see her. He was so happy that she was coming home, she wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Without thinking, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him back until his hands grazed the still-healing slashes across her side. She gasped and backed away.

"I'm sorry did I hurt you?" His eyes were full of concern.

"No - I - I -we can't forget ourselves. Please don't do that again." _Oh I want you - gods! Damn you, Jaime I want you._ She just couldn't have his hands near her belly. His baby was there and now he is not. She wanted to tell him, but she wouldn't hurt him. No matter how bad she was hurting, she wasn't going to do that to him. 

"You're right. It's getting a bit cold out here, you think?"

They went to bed, although neither of them really slept. It was cold inside, they were on air mattresses in sleeping bags as though they were camping. "We could have done this outside under the stars." Jaime smiled into the darkness.

"That would be beautiful." Brienne replied.

It was an absolutely miserable night, sleeping next to each other on separate mattresses - each wishing they had the warmth and closeness of the other. The next night was cloudless and after laughing about it and thinking and talking, they decided to just go for it and camp out under the stars. There was no electricity inside anyway, and they would have had the windows open for flowing air, but they wouldn't have been sleeping under the stars. They took everything into the yard and slept outside. They tried to keep things light and not to get into serious conversation. Brienne had been quiet for a while, thinking that her belly should be swollen, and Jaime should be kissing and caressing it, talking to their little boy about all the adventures they were sure to have. She snuggled into her sleeping bag and Jaime heard a sniffle.

"Are you alright? Too cold?"

She answered with another sniffle, sounding a bit nasally, "No - I'm fine. It's beautiful out here with the stars looking down on us."

"Why should the stars look down on one such as me?" Jaime mumbled.

"Because you're a good man. With a huge heart. You gave up a lot to save someone else. Don't think I don't know that."

"Go to sleep Evenstar."

"You too, Golden Lion."

The days went by too slow and much too quickly. Jaime took a boat back to Storm's End to fly back to King's Landing. When he arrived at the studio, Cersei was there. She demanded, "Where have you been?"

"Does it matter?"

"It must, if I am asking."

"I went to see Brienne. She hadn't answered my calls, Joffrey is having a bad time and I was worried."

"He will get over it."

"Yeah. And you will get over this."

"Are you seeing her again?"

"No. I'm not. Don't ever worry about that again. We are done."

"Are you sure?"

He took her hand in his and kissed it. "I am absolutely certain, sweet sister."

"Oh Jaime..." She put her arms around him and he relaxed into her. Suddenly, he stepped back. 

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"You um...your stomach is so flat. I thought you'd be bigger by now."

He said splaying his hand on her belly. "Tiny me, tiny baby. I swear I felt her move the other day." She said, holding his hand in place. He kissed her cheek. 

"I missed you," He said.

"You did?" She looked into his eyes.

"I did, Cersei. I actually did. I would kiss you right now. But we can't risk that." He whispered in her ear.

"Risk it. I would risk everything for you."

"We can't risk anything - think of Joffrey and...our baby girl."

"I love you so much." She whispered.

"I know you do. Promise me something?" He asked, looking into her eyes, caressing the side of her face. HIs eyes filed with tears. _Gods, Brienne, I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry._

"Anything in the world." Cersei replied.

"Promise me you will take care of yourself. If not for you or me, for our baby. Please try to relax, and be calm. Find a way to stop all this anger and resentment. If you love me - as your brother, as the father of your babies...you have to be good to us and good to yourself. That's the only way this will work. Show us how much you love us, please?"

"I'm sorry I've worried you. I will try my hardest to be...less agitated. I'm so hormonal these days. I am in every direction all at once and I feel like you're so far away."

"I was. But I am here now. Okay?"

Cersei's eyes filled with tears. Jaime said, "Hey...stop all that. I hear Robert is leaving town. Can Joffrey and I come stay with you a few nights? It will be good to get him acclimated to his own bedroom again, don't you think? Perhaps it will be easier if I am there too? I need to spend time with you. I realized...while I was gone...you've got my baby inside you and this is where I belong."

"Yes, yes, please...come stay with me. He leaves tonight. I can't wait to be with you."

"Good. Neither can I." He brushed his finger across her lips and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience while waiting for this one. I didn't get to write as much as I wanted to the last few days. What do you think? What the hell is Jaime doing?


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More suprises...will Cersei ever quit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support and positive comments. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this one!
> 
> Enjoy!

Jaime's performance with Cersei was so convincing that he almost convinced himself. He didn't want to be in Cersei's bed anymore than he wanted to be away from Brienne. But if Brienne was coming back, for any length of time...he had to buy himself some time. He had to convince Cersei that there was no chance of him ever getting back with Brienne - in order to protect Brienne from Cersei's wrath. He had to convince himself of that too. It would be cruel to act as though there were ever a chance - a sliver of hope. 

Everything was over between Jaime and Brienne and he had to make it known. How was he going to do that? He would have to love someone else. At least pretend to.

Robert had been gone about two hours when Jaime showed up on Cersei's doorstep with Joffrey. "Hi my baby!"

"Hello mommy."

Cersei kissed Jaime hello and kissed Joffrey as well. Jaime put him down and he walked to the piano. "Jai Jai! Play a song for mommy to sing to me."

"Well! Okay! This is a surprise." Jaime said, happily.

"Joffrey, would you like to sing with me?"

The boy smiled and put his arms up for her to pick him up. She kissed him and sat him on the piano. 

Jaime asked, "What do you want to sing? How about this?" 

With the first three notes, Joffrey clapped his hands, "You know this mommy! You know this!"

"I certainly do, little lion. Together are you you ready?" She smiled.

Together the three of them sang, "Sing! Sing a song! Make it simple..."

Joffrey shook his finger at Jaime and fussed, "No! No, no Jai Jai! This one is just me and mommy. You sing next."

"Oh, pardon me sir. Okay, you and Mommy, from the top!" Jaime played again from the beginning Cersei and Joffrey sang, "Sing! Sing a song! Make it simple, to last your whole life long! Don't worry if its not good enough, for anyone else to hear...just sing! Sing a song! Just sing! Sing a song!"

Joffrey clapped and Cersei clapped with him. She laughed a beautiful, genuine laugh that made Jaime feel happy. He was happy to see his sister loving her son, having a good time with him, and for Joffrey to feel comfortable with his mother. It all felt real.

"Shall we sing something else?" Cersei asked.

"Mommy, sing Tupper the world!"

"Tupper the world?" She laughed. He shook his head 'yes' and Jaime played the song. Cersei picked up Joffrey and held him up high above her head, "I'm on the top of the world looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find...." She held him on her hip and danced around the room, "...is the love that I've found, ever since you've been around, your love's putme on the top of the world!"

"Put me down to dance with you mommy!" He took her hands and they continued to dance. She twirled him around and he laughed and smiled and she twirled too. It was the most amazing, free feeling Cersei had in a long time. Possibly ever. After three more songs, Joffrey was getting sleepy. 

"Jai Jai. I need milk."

"Okay, come on, let's get your cup. Do you want to show mommy our routine?" Jaime asked.

He put his arms up for Jaime to carry him to the kitchen. He was so sleepy that his head fell on Jaime's shoulder.

Jaime said, "Don't fall asleep before we get your milk. Are you still awake?"

"Uhh huh." He answered sleepily.

"We better hurry then." Jaime smiled.

Joffrey grabbed a hold of Jaime's hair and held it between his fingers. "Do I need a haircut?" He asked his 'nephew'.

"No. I hold it." He yawned.

Cersei watched everything. She smiled and waited by the kitchen island.

Jaime said, "Okay Mommy, we need a cup for Joffrey."

"Okay," Cersei got a little red sippy cup out of the cupboard.

"Give it to me, mommy."

Jaime sat him on the counter top and told Cersei to stand by so he didn't fall. "Well, who stands by when you're at your house?"

"No one, but he is usually not sleepy. He is really good about it. What's the rule at Paw Ty's?" Jaime asked.

"Sit still like a statue. So I don't do a humpty dumpty."

"Right!" Jaime laughed. He got the milk and poured it in to Joffrey's cup. "Cersei, can you put the lid on while I put the milk away?"

"Sure."

"Mommy, hold me."

Jaime couldn't help but smile widely. He was happy that Joffrey actually wanted to be with Cersei. Cersei carried him to the living room and sat on the sofa with him.

"I want to sleep in mommy's bed, Jai Jai."

"Okay baby."

"Jaime..."

"We'll have our time. Just for one night, let him. It will be good for the two of you."

"But..."

"Cers...please?"

"Alright. One night in mommy's bed."

"I love you, mommy."

"I love you too." She said.

When Joffrey was just about asleep, Jaime carried him up to Cersei's bed and laid him down. Jaime laid on one side of him, and Cersei on the other.

She asked, "Is this what it's like?"

"Is what like?" Jaime asked his sister.

Cersei leaned over and kissed Joffrey. "To be a mommy."

"I suppose it is."

"Is that what it was like when he stayed with her? The two of you, with him in the middle?"

"Cersei..."

"I'm not angry. I'm...I'm an idiot. I've missed everything in the first three years of his life and now...I don't know."

"You have a lot of time to make things right. To make things different. Better." Jaime said turning on his back. Cersei couldn't stop staring at Joffrey. She kissed him again and said, "He is still so little. He's beautiful. He's a sweet boy, isn't he? He's never...mean. Is he?"

"No. He is perfect." Jaime said looking at her.

"I don't want him to be like me, Jaime. He can't be like me."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. All the evil things I have said and done to cause pain. Just because...I'm sorry. I am so sorry, and I know that doesn't excuse it all or make up for it. I couldn't begin to do that. What kind of monster can't bond with her own son? Who does the cruel things I have done? I've hurt him. I've hurt you." Her voice shook, but she refused to break. "I don't want him to feel the things I feel or have the fears I have."

"What are you saying?" He sat up.

"I know what I am. And I know it's not right. I don't know how to not feel those things, Jaime." She stood up from the bed and went to the bar. She opened a wine bottle and Jaime rushed over and stopped her.

"Wait. Please." He gently placed his hand over hers and put the bottle down. "Maybe you shouldn't do this tonight." He rubbed her arm softly. "Try. We're talking and this is nice, isn't it? Please, keep talking to me." He tilted her chin up. 

"What if we don't talk?"

"What's so wrong with us talking? Maybe we can learn new things about each other. Maybe we can figure each other out and love each other as we should."

"I don't know what you mean by that." She said softly.

"Of all the people in the world, you and I - twins - should have love and compassion and a connection. Time and time again we have pushed each other away..."

"It's always been my fault. I don't blame you. I don't want to talk about this." She began to cry.

He grabbed her by the shoulders - not forcefully; compassionately, gently, like a brother would. "It's me, Cers. Just me. Tell me what's wrong so I can help you."

"I just want to disappear. I want it all to go away. Can't you understand?" She put her head on his chest. "Make it go away. That's what I want." She grabbed a fist full of his shirt and hung on. She took his face in her hands, so softly. She kissed his lips.

"I love you, Cersei. I do. So much. Please just talk to me instead of..."

"I can't."

"Don't be afraid."

"It's not you that I am afraid of." She looked at Joffrey and went over to her sleeping baby. She laid next to him and stroked his cheek.

"Careful, you'll wake him." Jaime said softly.

"My baby boy. I am so sorry. I promise, I will do better. I will do better for you. I will love you and take care of you as a mother should. We'll have fun together. No more sadness, no more..." She kissed him on the cheek one more time.

**2020 - ESSOS**

**ESSOSI ASYLUM & DETENTION CENTER**

"I meant every single word to my brother and our son that night. At least in that moment, I did. I wanted Joffrey to love me, and I _wanted_ to love him."

"You didn't?"

"Some days, I could have given him to a stranger on the street and walked away. Without looking back. Without another thought. But then, there were times he called me 'mommy' and he would say, 'love you' to me and kiss me. He would sing with me and clap for me. But other times, I just used him to hurt Jaime. To hurt Brienne."

"Why?"

"Jaime was the closest thing to me. To being me. On the outside, it was like looking in a mirror. On the inside...there were never two different people. He was free, and easy going, always relaxed. He was normal and I was...me. He seemed happy to be who he was. As a child, I didn't understand why I couldn't be that way. But looking back now, I think I looked at him and he had inner beauty and peace that I never found. I was uptight and serious, angry about everything and I didn't know why. Everything about me felt out of place and wrong."

"What specifically?"

"I don't have an answer for that. I certainly don't want to talk about it."

"I'll sound like Jaime, but what's wrong with talking?"

"I've had a lot of time to think in here. And I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to see myself. I don't want to face myself."

"What is it about yourself that you're trying to run from?"

"Everything."

"What is everything?"

"I don't want to be here. In my own skin, in this life, in this world. I don't know that I ever did. And I have three beautiful children that...deserve so much better than I could ever be, but they at least deserve to have me not die on them. I have tried to find happiness. I have tried to find contentment. I don't think it's because I was spoiled. It's not _things_ that I want. I destroyed my brother's life because he had what I could never find. And instead of destroying myself...I destroyed the next best thing. I took everything he had."

**2003 - Brienne**

Her island home was complete. _Well, it's finished. It will never be complete. But it's as close as it will ever be. I should be proud...and I am. It's a beautiful house. It would be better with...I have to stop. Gods please help me stop...please._ She stood on the balcony and looked out at the beach. The sun was a big orange semicircle, slowly sinking into the ocean. _What I wouldn't give to be walking on the beach with Jaime. Talking about our little one to come, looking forward to sunny days and star-filled nights. I guess there is no way we could get a piano up here._ She could almost feel him behind her, his hands on her waist, his lips tickling her neck. She could hear him saying, 'If we wanted to, we could get a piano up here. It wouldn't have to be a grand. But we could if we wanted to.' The wind blew softly across her face, ruffling her hair. She sighed and turned to go back inside. She didn't bother with dinner, she packed her bags and crashed on the sofa. Her bedroom furniture hadn't arrived yet and she didn't even care. She was leaving in the morning for King's Landing as promised. 

**2003 - Jaime & Cersei**

"Why do you look so sad?" Jaime asked.

"You should know. Robert comes back tonight, and you'll be going back home."

"Don't do this to yourself."

"We have barely had any time together."

"It's been three weeks."

"Three weeks is not enough. I need you. We hardly had any time alone together."

"That's what life is like Cersei. When you have a child, he is everything. You're about to have another one." He knelt down and kissed her belly.

"She loves you." She said referring to the baby.

"And I love her." He said, thinking of Brienne. "Sit down. I have something to tell you."

"You've written something new?"

"No...I have not. When I went to see Brienne, Joffrey called me and they spoke. Briefly. She promised to come see him, and she arrives tomorrow."

"Jaime! No..."

"Listen...it's fine. I assure you, with all my heart, there is nothing between us. She is only here to see Joffrey and then she is going back."

"Back where?"

"Home. Far away from us. It's you and I. And our babies."

She kissed him and leaned back on the bed, pulling him with her. "Cersei..." he sat up on his elbow. "...You love me?"

"More than anything in this world."

"No. What about Robert?"

"We've talked about this. I don't love him. I married him because of Joffrey."

"Cersei...if you love me...you will be on your best behavior. You will respect Brienne while she is here and she will not know about us. Not ever. Just like Robert will never know. And while you and I are together...I understand that you have to be a proper wife to Robert. You can't push him away. This baby is his, you understand?"

"Jaime..."

"You understand?"

"Yes."

"But other than Robert...I will be the only other man in your life. Promise me."

"Of course. I love you - only you."

He closed his eyes, and thinking of Brienne, he kissed her lips convincing her that he was in love with her. 

"Jai Jai!" _Thank the bloody gods!_ Jaime thought, as he jumped up and went to get Joffrey.

**2003 - Brienne's Visit to Stag Records Studios**

Renly was first to greet Brienne when she got out of the elevator. "What the fuck!?!?!? Look at you! All tanned and flawless!" He eyed her outfit - tight blue jeans and a red, sleeveless button down silk shirt with a collar, tucked into her jeans, perfectly manicured toes with red sandals. "The island gods have treated you well." Renly smiled.

She smirked and gave him a warm hug. "How are you?"

"Bored to fucking death in this mausoleum."

"Is that you being a bit dramatic? Or...?"

"I suppose. But things are about to get interesting with you being here. Beware, Robert is here this morning and he wants your ass back, bad."

"No, he doesn't."

"If he doesn't, I can promise, _you know who does_."

"Those days are behind us."

"If you say so. Hey, what are doing tonight?"

"I was going to spend some time with Joffrey, if your sister-in-law allows it."

"Oh, believe me, she will allow it. Her fake ass was stuck with him for the last three weeks, playing mom of the year in front of her brother while mine was off partying somewhere three worlds away. I was going to ask if you wanted to come out to dinner and a movie."

"That sounds great! I would love to."

"Good, I want you to meet Tormund Giantsbane. I'm trying to sign him and he's playing hard to get. He is going to sign...he is just playing me, I know it."

"I know him! We went to University together. He is a great drummer, isn't he? Gods, I would love to see him. What's he doing here, so far south? He couldn't wait to go back to the north - last I heard."

"Money talks. Call me later." 

Brienne went down the hall and could hear Jaime and Robert laughing. She heard Joffrey singing and playing and when she rounded the corner, Joffrey saw her. He ran to her and she knelt down to hug him. "Bean!!!! You came back! I missed you! You can't go away no more!"

"I've missed you too! I am so happy to see you. Let me see you. I think you are definitely taller." It nearly broke her heart looking at him - his blonde hair had grown, his green eyes sparkled and that smile was so pure. She instantly thought that's what her boy may have been like.

"It's nice to see you, Bri...enne." Jaime said. He didn't smile, which she noticed.

"And you."

"Look who's back! Where the fuck have you been?" Robert smiled, and came to hug her.

"At my new place. Enjoying it very much."

"Enough to keep you away longer?"

"Enough." She said.

Robert sighed and said, "We'll see."

Jaime wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked. He wanted to kiss her, and say to hells with Cersei. He was ready to take her back to Tarth and stay there with her forever. He would make love to her for hours at their home on the beach - the windows open, the curtains blowing in the sea breeze, the sound of the waves crashing on shore as she writhed against him, moaning with pleasure....

"Hello!" His trance was broken when his sister entered the room.

"Good afternoon, Cersei. How are you?" Brienne noticed how flat her stomach was and commented, "How are you feeling these days?"

"Fine. Everything is great. My little lion and I are getting on better than ever these days. Aren't we baby boy?" She said looking at Joffrey.

"That's great! How far along are you now?"

"Oh! It was just a false alarm. I am not having a baby. It was a false positive." She smiled and laid a friendly hand on Brienne's shoulder and walked out. Robert and Jaime looked at each other in surprise and both flew to the door asking together, "WHAT!?!?"

Brienne's breath hitched and she felt faint. She held Joffrey closer and sat down on the sofa with him. She held him against her and breathed deeply.

**2020 - ESSOS**

**ESSOSI ASYLUM & DETENTION CENTER**

Cersei took a deep breath. "I was never pregnant. I knew that all along. I never had a positive. False or otherwise. And I was happy about that."

"Did you ever confess that to anyone?"

"Not once."


	45. TRIGGER WARNING II - SEE NOTES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne returns to King's Landing to see Joffrey.  
> Joffrey sees Cersei's true colors.  
> Brienne & Jaime part ways again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a particularly rough but very brief episode with Joffrey & Cersei in which she is physically abusive. It is VERY brief and Jaime and Brienne are immediately there to the rescue. Joffrey will be fine.
> 
> Thank you for your patience with this chapter - I know it has taken a while to get this one out. I am hoping that the next one will not take nearly as long.

**2003 - Brienne's Home in King's Landing**

The doorbell rang and Brienne looked out the upstairs bedroom window. Jaime's car was parked in her driveway. _What the fuck? You're kidding. He is not serious. Why? Maybe he will go away._ The bell rang and rang, and rang again. Then her phone rang. He started beating on the door. _Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!_ She opened the door and opened her mouth to speak but before she could get the words out, Jaime beat her to it.

"What took you so long? Do you have company?" He pushed his way through the door.

"At 3:30 in the morning? No."

"He left?"

"Who?"

"The ginger."

Brienne burst into laughter and Jaime asked with sarcasm, "That's funny to you?"

"Yes, actually. You were jealous years ago and you still are. No. The ginger is not here, he never was."

"What's he doing hanging out with you and Renly?"

"Not that I owe you any explanation but, Renly signed him as a drummer to fill in and and write and whatever. You'll likely be working with him."

"No."

"Well, take that up with your brother-in-law, I have nothing to do with your affairs now. What can I do for you?"

"She lied. She was never pregnant."

"I know that."

"How do you know?"

"She said so today. She said plainly, 'it was a false positive.' You can't have a false positive, only a false negative."

Jaime eyed her. "How do you know that?"

Brienne's eyes opened wide, _oh shit!_ "Lots of medical shows." She shrugged.

"She lied. She must have known that. I can't believe I was so stupid!"

"Jaime...it's 3:30 in the morning. Why are you here?"

"Are you not angry?"

"It's 3:30 in the morning." She said in exhaustion.

"You want me to leave?"

"I don't know!"

"I'm furious! I can't believe....well, I can believe...I just..."

"Do you want the truth of it?" She asked.

He nodded. She asked, "No, Jaime, I mean _really._ All of it."

"Yes."

"I am angry. I am furious. I want to _beat_ something into nothing. Most of all your lying, sinister sister who has done nothing but hurt us _both_ for the last 13 years...but I am hurt. And I am done. My heart will never be done with you and that hurts the most, that angers me the most. But I just can't...and I won't _keep_ doing this to myself! So _please for the love of the gods_...tell me what the fuck you're doing at my house at this hour?"

"I'll never be done with you either."

"Yes you are. You said it just weeks ago. We have to be."

"That was when I thought..."

"Exactly. And now she doesn't need you. Actually, she never did. Jaime...I know why you made the choice you did. I know why you said the things you did. You're a good man and you wanted to protect an innocent life. I can't blame you for that. Hells, I would have chosen for you. You can't come to me when she doesn't need you or doesn't threaten you or shoves you aside and expect me to be waiting to take you back just so you can do the same to me cast me aside all over again. We are done."

"That's not what I'm doing. That's not what I ever meant to do."

"I know. I promise you...I know. But I can't keep going back with you and living with the feeling that the world is going to crumble around me again. Things have changed so much in the last month. I have lost so much....please don't do this. Please...you have to let me go."

"I don't want to let you go! I can't just turn you off like a fucking switch."

"But you can't just come and go like I'm a revolving door either! I'm not the Kingslayer's whore! I am not here for you to break and fix and break again - we are living in a hellish lie. I came back because I promised Joffrey that I would. I will see him over the next few days and then I am going back home."

"Are you really selling this place?"

"There is a sign out front."

"I'll buy it."

"What? No."

"Why?"

"Why would you?"

"What if you change your mind and want to come home?"

"This is not home. Tarth is home. This will never be my home again. Besides...I can buy something else."

"But you would need a place to live in the mean time."

"I'm not coming back."

"Brienne..."

"You're stuck in a contract. You're stuck with sister. Things will never change."

"So you're giving up?"

"You gave up! How many times have you walked away from me? You walked away when were children, you walked away when we were engaged to be married and you walked when I...you walked away before and now I need to walk away and not make this any harder than it is. Don't say anything. Don't look at me. Just walk out the door."

Not wanting to hurt her and knowing she was right, he did.

******************************************

The next two days with Joffrey were fun and happy days. They went all over King's Landing, just the two of them. They hit the King's Landing Zoo & Marine Life Center, where Joffrey was awed by the killer whales and the dolphin show. He even got to feed the dolphins. Although he did say that the raw fish was "ewe stinky!" They were there for the feeding of the gators and the lions - which Joffrey did not participate in. They sat on a blanket in a grassy area and had grilled cheese sandwiches and chips from the Gator's Den and then chocolate-dipped ice cream on a stick in the shape of a whale. Joffrey was having the time of his little life, holding Bean's hand, being a big boy. He did get a little tired walking and although they brought the stroller, he wanted to be carried which, Bean was more than happy to oblige. It had been too long since she'd held him, and she was well aware that the next time - if there was a next time, he would be too big to be held.

He fell asleep in his car seat on the way home. Brienne watched him in the rearview mirror on he way home, and all the way on the slow drive up the Baratheon driveway which seemed to be a mile long. Perhaps it was. She found herself wishing it would never end. She could stare at the sleeping boy with the light gold hair forever; his chubby cheeks were red from a day in the hot sun, his shoes were taken off as soon as he got into his seat. He blew kisses to his Bean in the mirror just before nodding off while still talking about the stuffed lion he was clutching in his arms. Bean let him pick one thing from the gift shop to take home and of course he picked a soft plush lion. "When we get home he needs milk and a nap in my bed 'cause he's going to be cranky later."

When Brienne put the car in park, she took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Jaime came out to help with the stroller, the bag, the car seat, and of course, Joffrey. "Did you have fun?" Jaime asked.

"We did, thanks. He um...fell asleep by the time we pulled out of the parking lot. He's had a long day." She looked down and said, "Thanks for helping." She figured Jaime would be there when she dropped Joffrey off. Robert was upstairs, at least, so there was nothing going between her former lover and his sister. At least, not today. Jaime looked in the back seat and said, "Wow, he really is knocked out. I see he got a gift."

"That's Ty. He named him after his paw and his little uncle." She smiled.

"He came up with that on his own? What was wrong with Jaime?"

Brienne held her hands up, "He came up with it on his own." She smirked.

"I'm not buying that." He smiled.

Cersei came out of the house and trotted down the front steps to the car. "Where's my handsome boy?" She said going to the car for Joffrey.

Brienne said, "Oh, he fell asleep. You might want to..." Just then, Joffrey began to cry because he was woken to soon. 

Cersei said, "Fabulous. Here we go!" Throwing her hands up.

"I'll get him," Brienne said. She stepped toward the car and Cersei cut her off, saying, "He's my son, I've got him." When she reached into the car to get him out, Brienne winced. She knew what was coming. Sure enough Joffrey screamed louder and cried, "Bean! No, not Cersei, Bean!" and he kicked his legs. Of course, he didn't mean to kick his mother's arms, he was just being a very tired toddler. But Cersei was angry. She unbuckled his harness and pulled out of the car by his arm. "Let's go!" She pulled him from the car. He wasn't ready and his knees hit the cement, but in her anger, Cersei just pulled him along. 

"Stop mommy!" He cried, trying to stand up, but she was going to fast for him. "Jai Jai, Bean!" The boy cried reaching for the two people he loved most on the world.

Jaime rushed over to him and yelled at Cersei, "Are you completely mad!? What is _wrong with you?"_ He tried to grab Joffrey who was screaming at the top of his lungs by now as he was being dragged to the house but Cersei shoved Jaime backwards with her free hand. He recovered his balance quickly, and grabbed Joffrey, passing him to Brienne. "Take him with you!" He yelled.

"What?"

"Take him home!" He grabbed Cersei and dragged her into the house. She was livid, but so was Jaime.

Cersei screamed at him, "What the fuck are you doing? You sent her here to take my son, and then you hand him over like you have a claim!"

Jaime was in her face, his eyes full of fury, "I have the _only claim._ " He bit on words and she slapped his face. He laughed at her, saying, "You're no mother. You can never be a mother. Thank the gods you're not really pregnant."

Jaime walked out of the house and got into his car to head to Brienne's. _Everything is a complicated fiasco. A fucking fiasco. And I am the asshole at the center of it. FUCK!!! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!_ He pounded the steering wheel. _I wonder if I wasn't here would life be easier - more simple for everyone - especially Brienne. This is seven kingdoms of fucked up in every which way and back. Oh...my baby...my baby boy. What have I done?_

Joffrey screamed the whole way home. Brienne tried her best to calm him, but he was scared and his knees, legs and feet were cut up. Tears welled in her eyes as the little boy - still a baby, really, cried and cried. She got him out the car and carried him into the house. He finally stopped crying, once he was in her arms. "Oh my sweet boy. You're okay. I've got you. Shhh...let's clean you up, shall we?" She carried him up the stairs and into the bathroom. She sat him on the counter and looked at his knees. He sniffled. She wiped his nose and dried his eyes. Jaime let himself into the house and called out her. "We're up here." Brienne answered.

As soon as Jaime was in the doorway, Joffrey reached up for him. Jaime picked him up and held him, kissing his cheeks and cradling him against his chest. "It's okay. I'm here. I've got my brave boy."

Brienne asked, "Where was Robert while all this was happening?" 

"He was upstairs with his headphones on. He couldn't hear any of that. I am sure he's still in his office and she's getting..."

"Drunk." Joffrey finished.

Jaime and Brienne just looked at each other.

Brienne left the bathroom and Jaime followed her. "What's wrong? Bri?"

"I need a moment, okay. Just one second." She sat on the edge of the bed and held her head in her hands. She took a deep breath, _stop this. Get it together. Save this for later. Take care of him...you have to focus on the moment, not the past, not the future. And your fucking opinions do not matter._ She got up and ran Joffrey a bath. "Come on, baby. Come with me." 

After a quick bath and some fresh jammies, Brienne sat him on the bed and knelt in front of him. "Uncle Jaime, please get us some band-aids and the anti-biotic gel from the bathroom. Thank you."

She kissed his knees and said, "All better now."

"Is that what real mommies do?"

All Brienne could say was, "I don't know, love. I never had a mommy."

"Why does mommy hate me?"

Jaime fell back against the wall as though someone shoved him. Brienne's heart broke and she was left speechless. Jaime ran his hands over his face and squeezed his eyes shut to ward off the tears burning behind his eyelids. Brienne looked to him for help, but none was coming.

She finally said, "Mommies don't hate their children, darling. Some mommies get lost on the inside and need a little help finding their way out. You're my golden boy and I love you as tall as the highest mountain, as deep as the deepest ocean, and to all seven kingdoms and back a million times. A million times, I love you."

"Why can't you be my mommy?"

*************************************

Joffrey was asleep in Brienne's bed. Jaime and Brienne went downstairs to talk. He ordered them a pizza and they sat on the sofa to eat and talk. "Have you noticed that in our entire lifetime together we have rarely sat at a table to eat a meal?" He asked.

"I rather like it this way. Comfy and casual."

"You weren't so comfy and casual earlier."

"What do you mean?"

"Your hands were shaking. Slightly. You wanted to cry."

"I did cry." She said sipping her drink.

"You?"

All in one sentence, "I've been doing that a lot lately how can you take the events of the last two hours so lightly?"

"I'm not. I just don't know what to do. I don't want this for him. I don't want my sweet...nephew to turn into his mother. And I am worried about his safety. I don't want him seriously hurt anymore than he already has been."

"It's child abuse."

"Mental and physical."

"You realize that if you and I are as affected as we are by Cersei's behaviors...do you understand the effect that it must have on his little mind? Did you hear the questions he asked?"

"I did."

"I made a mistake. I never should have asked you to talk to Cersei and let him stay. He doesn't belong with her. Would your father really take him?"

"I don't know."

"We can't let him stay there. He was broken hearted and so were we."

" _We_ can't let him stay?" Jaime gave a weak smile.

"We are not in this together, but we have to at least be united on it. You know what I mean. You can't possibly tell me that it feels good sending him back. I'm surprised she isn't beating the door down now."

There was a knock on the door and Brienne cocked her eyebrow at him as she got up from the sofa too look out the peep hole. "Well it's not your sister but it's the next best thing. She has sent the King."

Brienne opened the door. "Your son is sleeping. Please be quiet." She stood aside to let him in.

"I'm sorry for what you've been through today." Robert said.

"Don't apologize to me. There is a little boy sleeping upstairs who's skin was practically flayed off his body."

"Is he okay?"

"His skin will heal. He was traumatized. I don't know that he will forget this."

For over 2 hours, Robert begged and argued reasons for Brienne to stay on as manager. He offered to double her salary. She still said no. He could well afford it and still make millions. He offered to triple her salary. She was leaving for Tarth in two days. Nothing was going to stop her. When Robert left, she went to check on Joffrey, and when she returned Jaime was still there. 

She walked down the stairs and he met her at the bottom. "Are you really turning down over 5 million dollars a year?"

She looked at his eyes, and his lips, and quietly replied, "I'm turning down heart ache and deception."

"You're turning down me and Joffrey."

"I could never turn you down. But you're not mine. You'll never be mine. It's time for you to go."

"I don't want to leave you."

"You already have. Good night, Jaime."

"Brienne...please."

"Good night."

***************************************

Brienne kept Joffrey the next two days, while everyone prepared for the tour. It wasn't easy to say goodbye and leave him. At least she didn't have to bring him to Cersei. On her way to the airport, she dropped him off at Paw Ty's with Uncle Jaime. "Be a good boy and go find Paw Paw." Jaime said to him. He kissed Bean goodbye and went to find his Paw, who was hiding with cookies for his first grandson.

"I guess this is goodbye. Again." Brienne said. "Look after him...please."

"You know I will do my best."

"Yeah. I know. It would really be better for him to stay here. But I know Cersei is going to do what she wants."

"She always does." he sighed.

"Well...be careful. Take good care of yourself, Golden Lion." Her voice broke and she really needed to get on the road. She turned to go and he grabbed her arm.

"I at least want a kiss goodbye."

"No." She said abruptly pulling away. "I-I can't. I want to. We just can't." She got in the car and he sadly watched her drive away.

Tears streamed down her face as she dove down the long driveway to the road. _Get your shit together, Tarth. You can't cry yourself to the fucking airport._ She wiped her tears, and tried to forget what she was leaving. _There is no reason to do this to yourself. It is psychotic. I cannot save or fix the Lannisters. I can't! Cersei will never change and Jaime and Joffrey are chained to her. Nothing can change that. If I take Robert up on his offer, it means seven hells 24-seven. It means sinister Cersei and beautiful Jaime who I will never get over and...can never actually have. So...what...look at him day after day, wanting him, loving him...giving in to him now and then and compromising myself for him...dammit!_ She swallowed the lump in her throat, but it didn't go away. Her heart pounded. She wanted to scream and she couldn't hold it back anymore. She was alone in her car, so she screamed. "JAIME! FUCK! Fuck you Cersei, FUCK YOU!" She sobbed. _Gods, I love you! I love you, and I miss you so much it hurts...why does it have to hurt so bad? I don't want to leave you. I will never understand this bullshit. And I will never be over you._

*********************************

Guilt racked Jaime's brain. He felt like he should go look for Tywin and Joffrey, but all he could think of was Brienne. All he wanted to think of was Brienne. He went up to his room to try to pack a few more last minute things, but could only stare at the four walls around him. _I've lost everything. Even if she turns around walks through the door right now...she will never trust me and she will never be mine. She is right. If she accepts his offer, we will both live in misery. We can fake it well enough...make it look easy. We can become better at that. But that's not fair or right for either of us. Gods I don't want to be here. I can't leave my boy. He's not mine either though. He can never be mine. Does Brienne really know? Would she love him anyway? She isn't stupid. I've thought about this a thousand times. She's got to know but she just won't say it. Neither will I. And yet...she loves me._ He sat on the bed and sobbed into his hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please take a moment to share your thoughts if you have a moment.
> 
> The next chapter will pick up where this one left off, however, it will move things along a bit.


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally see a little of Cersei and Robert together. Just how much does Robert know?

**Brienne arrives back on Tarth**

Brienne arrived at the beach house that she was so proud of. She tossed her keys on the bar and looked around at her beautiful, but empty home. Sure, it was fully furnished with just right touches here and there, but she was alone. _I'm fine. I don't need anyone anyway. I'm better off alone; without the heartbreak._ She turned on the TV. _Maybe the noise will drown out Jaime's voice in my head. Robert's offer. Joffrey's cries. Gods I miss them. I miss them together. I miss them individually. I can't imagine what Joffrey's life will be like with Cersei._ She opened the windows and let in the sea breeze. Unhappy with the choices on the TV, she turned it off, turned up the radio and kicked off her shoes. Out she went to sit on her balcony with a glass of wine, and as soon her butt hit the chair, "Evenstar" played on the radio.

"Oh gods! Are you kidding? This is not fair!" She yelled at the sky, as though she was yelling at the gods. _Is this a sign? Gods no, don't think that. Don't be ridiculous._ She leaned her head back against the wall behind her and closed her eyes. Brienne was taken back through the years before the world crumbled at her feet - when Jaime was hers, or so she thought. So she felt. What she wouldn't give to feel that again, to truly believe that again. She opened her eyes and let the burning tears flow down her cheeks. _I don't want to remember. I don't want to relive those days._ The sun setting over the sea made for a beautiful painting. A beautiful painting she should have been sharing with Jaime. _He's leaving tomorrow. He will be traveling around the world for two years. No more chance meetings. This is got to be for the best. It's going to be. Maybe I can met someone out here on Tarth and start a completely new life. Who am I kidding. There will never be anyone else. And I will make it that way._

She refilled her glass of wine and took it downstairs for a walk on the beach. This just made everything worse. She wanted to be walking on the beach with Jaime. She could feel him there with her. His arms around her. His warm breath in her ear. His lips anywhere and everywhere. _How dare he? He came here and infiltrated my personal space! Now I can't get him out of my head - its like he is haunting me. That's right...he always will. Oh gods!!!!! Am I going crazy? I am officially going crazy. When is this shit going to end? When will I ever get him out of my head? I am cursed._ In many ways, she was. Having Jaime there for a few days, made it easy to know what it would be like walking the beach him, sleeping next to him, running on the beach with him watching from the balcony.

That night she tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. Thoughts of Cersei and Joffrey the day before plagued her mind. She could still hear him crying, calling for her and Jaime.

"Fuck!"

************************

 **Cersei & Robert  
** **Baratheon Estate**

Robert finished his shower and walked out of the bathroom naked. Cersei stood near the bed, pouring a glass of wine and took note of her husband's hard, thick cock. 

"Hello." She said with a seductive smile.

He walked over to her and kissed her neck, sliding his hands across her middle and untying her silk robe. "Hello." He said in a low, deep voice.

Cersei put the wine down on the side table and wrapped one arm around her husband's shoulders and the other hand around his already somewhat stiff cock, and kissed his lips.

He said, "Cersei...I love you. You know that don't you?"

"Sometimes." She breathed into his ear.

"Do I make you happy?" He asked.

"Sometimes." She smiled.

"I want to make you happy all the time. I want to be the only man you think of."

She let go of his cock and caressed his back, asking, "What makes you think that you're not?" She kissed his chest softly.

"I'm not. I know I am not. What will it take to have you all to myself? Your body, your mind, your heart." He palmed her pussy and kissed her neck.

"I'm yours my darling. All yours. No one else's. No matter what. I am your wife. You're all I want."

He caressed her neck and licked her lips. He gently shoved her robe off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor before taking a nipple between his teeth. "Mmmm..." she moaned. She sat on the edge of the bed, leaned back on her elbows, placed one foot flat on the mattress with her knee bent up. "Make me cum. Kiss me." She requested. He trailed kisses from her chest to her belly button and knelt on the floor before her. 

"Tell me..." he said.

"Pleasure me."

He kissed her inner thighs softly and nibbled her sensitive flesh. "Tell me Cersei..."

"I can't deny you, Robert. I can't deny you anything. I love you. You know that. Now please. Kiss me where it feels good. Make me feel good."

They fucked for over two hours. When they were finally exhausted, Cersei was sore, sweaty, sticky, and smiling. Robert was too. It was just how they liked it. He said, "I'm not your lion. I'm a stag. I'll never be your lion, Cersei." His grip around her waist was tight. He held her naked body to his and entwined his legs between hers.

"No. No you won't. But you're twice as fierce as any lion, my king. You certainly fuck like a lion."

"Well, you would know, wouldn't you? I married you because I loved you...not because you were pregnant. I wanted to marry you anyway." 

She chuckled innocently, "Robert...what is love, truly?" She placed his hand over her breast and squeezed. "Is it what you feel in your heart? Is it a million fans standing below you and above you, screaming your name? Buying your music, making radio requests, buying magazines because you're on the cover? Is it a man...falling hard for the feeling between his legs? What's love?"

"It's the feeling that when I am near you...no matter how fucking crazy you are...how mad you can be...how heartless you can be...I can't walk away from you. Perhaps its the lies you fed me, and continue to do so." His cock was hard again, and she writhed against him. He enjoyed the feel of her ass against him. He continued, "The things you made me believe, the son you've given me that I couldn't have had without you. The wrong choices that I want to be right."

"I've done horrible things. Especially today. Our boy. Oh Robert...I can't get it right. I let anger over come me - and I can't control it."

"You just need more help."

"It's not help with Joffrey that I need. It's..."

"I've offered Brienne her job back."

"What? Why?"

"It would be good for the baby."

"He's not a baby anymore."

"He is. He is three years old. He needs your attention."

"It's not my attention he wants. He wants that fucking cow my brother adores so much."

"What's wrong with Jaime loving someone. You love me."

"That's different."

"Is it? I mean, he will always be your brother. Your twin. No matter what. You're bound by blood. Do you even love me as much as you love him? No."

"It's completely different."

"It should be, but it's not, is it? Joffrey needs her. You want her back. You know you do." His hand snaked between her legs to caress her sensitive spot. He went on, "I need her. Our marriage needs her. Your brother..."

She turned around to face him and wrapped her leg around his waist. She was wet, rubbing herself on his cock. He slipped inside her. She kissed his lips, he kissed her back. She kissed his shoulder. "Why do I want her, baby?" she asked. "Why do we need her, Robert? Tell me." She grinned mischievously.

"Just fuck me." He held on to her waist and rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him.

"Mmmm....you feel good. Talk to me, Robert." She looked into his eyes and ran her fingernails softly down his chest. He smiled, licked her fingers and played with her nipples. "Ahhhh...that feels good." 

"You need her in Jaime's face. To torment them both." He said.

She rocked her hips slightly faster.

"Tell me why you need her." Cersei said to her husband.

"I need her to be in Jaime's face...to be in your way." He raised his hips and grabbed her hair pulling her down to his lips. 

***********************************

**Jaime**

Jaime sat in a chaise lounge on the side of the built-in pool watching the moon reflect off the smooth-as-glass water. A glass of whiskey rested on his bare abs. He may have been in King's Landing, but his heart was on the beach in Tarth. His mind was moving faster than a hurricane whipping across Storm's End. A dangerous place and yet that's the only place he wanted to be.

 _Ahhh...Brienne._ He sipped his whiskey. _I could be on a plane tonight and be with you in a few hours, if you'd let me. If I'd let me. Am I really that much of a coward? We'd never forgive ourselves. You, for me giving up my contract and career - for walking away from Joffrey. Me, for walking away from Joffrey. I can't have you raise another woman's baby - my son with my sister. Things could have been different. They could be different. You've already been raising him. We could have our own. There are so many what ifs..._

 _What if I had just not into her room that night? I want you to be my wife._ He looked up at the moon. _I want to be with you on Tarth. Walking the beach with you, standing on that balcony with you in my arms...I want to make love to you again. I miss you. Everything about you._

"My boy." Tywin said walking around to the chair next to Jaime. "Mind if I join you this fine evening?"

"You're still up?"

"Joffrey finally went to sleep. Shouldn't _you_ be getting some sleep?"

"I can't."

"You're leaving tomorrow for a world tour. You should be...forgive me...um...Tupper the World...is it?"

Jaime grinned. "That's it." He sipped his whiskey. Tywin laughed.

"I'm going to miss you when you go."

"I'm going to miss you too. A lot."

"You sound like you don't want to go."

"I don't. Not really." He said looking at the moon.

"What's changed?"

"That's just it, dad. Nothing's changed."

"Your sister."

Jaime curled his lips and nodded. Tywin noticed his son swallowed hard as he lifted his glass for another sip. "I took a lot of shit in my day. Brienne took a lot more. I'm afraid that my...nephew is taking a lot more than the two of us combined. And there is not a fucking thing that I can do."

"Wasn't Brienne..."

"No. Brienne is gone. None of this is fair to her. She can't keep baring the brunt of everything - and believe me...she is oceans away and still bearing it. Cersei knows what buttons to press, what strings to pull. She ruined everything. More than once and she never pays the consequences. Everyone else does. I rather fucking drown than go on this tour. I rather...I'm stuck in a contract with Robert...Cersei is my sister and there is no escape. Joffrey is my nephew and if I turn my back on Cersei, she turns on him. Why is everything about me with her?"

"Your sister needs help and she is an adult. It's out of my hands. But you're an adult too."

"Its not that simple."

"You're sitting here pining over a woman?"

"A woman Cersei put through hell. And mind you, I can choose any woman I want. Cersei will damage every relationship I ever attempt. But there is nothing and no one I want."

"So it's Brienne or nothing?"

"Brienne or nothing."

"Does Brienne know that?"

"Yeah."

"Does she feel the same?"

"I don't know anymore. I don't even know if it matters. Let's not do this, huh? Are you going to come see us? Bring Tyrion and Aunt Genna out?"

"We'll see. Good night."

"Good night."

Jaime downed the rest of his whiskey and went inside to pour another glass. He opened the dresser drawer and took out a bottle of pills and popped two into his mouth. He took off his jeans and shoes and laid on the bed in his underwear. He turned on his side and looked at the moon shining through his window. He smiled thinking, _maybe she's looking at the moon over Tarth, thinking of me._ He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

***************************************************

**King's Landing Airport 9 am  
Lannister Family Private Jet**

Crew members loaded what seemed to be endless amounts of trunks onto the bottom of the plane. Joffrey stood on the sofa looking out of the window. "Mommy! Your microphones are in that one! Jai Jai! Is your piano coming?"

"No! Silly boy! We can't take a grand piano on a plane!" Jaime said, tickling his nephew. Joffrey squealed with laughter and asked, "You have my milk ready for take off?"

"I thought you wanted apple juice." Jaime said kissing the top of Joffrey's head.

"Mmmmmm.....nooooo....oh okay! Apple juice! I tricked you!"

"Ahhh!!! You had me worried! I will have your juice." 

"Kisses." Joffrey said. Jaime gave him kisses.

"I'm going to check some things. I will be back in a minute. Can you sit still a few minutes?" Jaime asked his nephew.

"Okay, Jai Jai. I will talk to mommy. Mommy! Are your dresses under the plane?"

"I hope so! Or I will have to wear my pajamas on stage!"

Joffrey laughed out loud and said, "Mommyyyy!!!! You so silly!"

Cersei laughed and hugged him.

The pilot said they would be closing the doors soon and that in the next five minutes, everyone needed to be seated with their seat belts fastened. Jaime went to the bar at the back of the plane and poured Joffrey's apple juice, and some whiskey for himself. He drank the glass in a gulp and poured another. He closed his eyes and wished so badly that Brienne was on that plane. He drank that glass as well and poured another before going back to Joffrey. He heard the doors lock and handed his nephew the juice and clicked his seatbelt. Joff knew the routine well by now. He sat on the sofa, which was his favorite spot because he had a clear view out of the side windows on the other side of the plane. Ty was held tightly in one arm and his juice was in the other hand. He let out an excited giggle when the plane started slowly moving. He could see out the windows across from him. Jaime was making silly faces at him when suddenly Joffrey screamed, "STOP! STOP! Jai Jai!!! Make him stop! Bean!!!! Look!" He pointed excitedly.

Jaime turned to see Brienne standing with one single bag on her shoulder. She looked defeated as the plane moved to taxi to the runway. Jaime quickly undid his seatbelt and ran to the cockpit. Before he knew it, the door opened, the stairs were lowered and he was running down to greet her.

The hot King's Landing sun beat down on them. She looked amazing in her ripped jeans and white t-shirt, with her mirrored aviators and pinky-red lips. 

"Are you really here? Are you sure about this?" He asked breathlessly.

She took the glasses off and looked into his squinting eyes that looked amazing in the sunlight. She took a deep breath and asked, "I've lost my mind, haven't I?"

"Thank the gods." He smiled.

She answered, "Yes. I'm here."

He smiled widely, took her bag and held his arm out to allow her up the stairs first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time goes on and Joffrey is almost five. More mistakes are made. Jaime has a bit of trouble.
> 
> The song in this chapter is THE SCIENTIST by Cold Play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for returning to read this story - we are moving along. As always it is greatly appreciated that you're here with me and leaving all your fabulous comments. It really is inspirational and keeps me going.
> 
> Please leave your thoughts if you have a moment. I'd love to know how feel about the story!
> 
> Thanks again! And again and again!

**2003 - World Tour  
Lannister Private Jet**

Jaime and Brienne sat on opposite sides of the jet to get to the opposite side of the world. They barely spoke for hours. She had a few hours to kill with Robert, discussing hotel arrangements, venues, specific lighting arrangements, transportation, etc. Through at least one hour of it, Joffrey slept with his head on her lap. Since she had quit previously, Brienne was completely out of the loop on where they were going, how many performances were in each city, which hotels were booked, who was playing with the rest of the band and where those people were supposed to be staying. It was a good thing Robert was there and would be for at least two months. It was rather discouraging that he would likely be leaving the tour for at least a month within the next two or three months. She was used to that though, and understood that Robert couldn't be everywhere all at once.

Cersei made it a point to try to converse and snuggle up to Jaime while Brienne and Robert were talking business. However, Jaime had taken a Xanax and downed more whiskey, and he just couldn't keep his eyes open. If he couldn't be with Brienne, he would just sleep.

That night, Brienne wasn't in her room 5 minutes when Jaime knocked on the door. She opened it with the intention of telling him to go away, but he walked right past her and into the room.

"I didn't invite you in." She asked.

"I...well...I know I shouldn't be here."

"That's right. Can you please go? It's 4 am. What is it with you showing up so damn late...or early?"

"Okay. I will go." He held his hands up in surrender. "I just wanted to thank you."

"Are you still drunk?"

"I'm...a little."

"Come on Jai...don't do this. Not to me...not to _yourself._ You're stronger and better than this."

"I'm not."

"That's dragon shit and I'm not believing otherwise. You're as strong as you want to be."

"I wanted to thank you for coming. You have no idea how much this means to me. Especially to Joffrey. Where is he?"

"With Cersei and Robert. He was asleep, remember? So they took him in their room - it was closer and easier. And thank the gods because I am exhausted." She smiled.

Jaime stared into her eyes. He was captivated.

She asked, "What?"

He walked up to her and softly kissed her. _Oh gods no! No...this is not happening. Oh gods...thank you...yes...I miss you...I love you..._ Her hands were in his hair and then gripping his shirt. He couldn't stop kissing her and holding on to her and it felt so right and so good, and, then she backed away. 

He nearly had to catch his breath, "What?" He asked.

"We're not doing this. This isn't why I came back." She said.

He hung his head. "Good night, Brienne."

"Good night." She closed the door behind him, feeling regretful and empty. 

The months went on, and there were no more knocks at Brienne's door, even when Joffrey would have been the perfect excuse for Jaime to come over. She wished he would come knocking - even just to see Joffrey and nothing else. Every night she'd shower and lay in bed thinking of Jaime. Thinking of the songs he played as she watched him from the side of the stage earlier in the evening. He watched her while he played. Certain ways that he would look at her during specific songs made her feel like they were written for her. They were; there was no denying that and he wouldn't have tried. She'd stood with her headset and her little shadow, Joffrey, who had his own special head set and clipboard. He was "Asses-ant Manager" and he was _very_ important. He "helped" during sound checks, lighting arrangements and tests. He especially loved talking into Cersei's and Jaime's microphones for sound checks and hearing himself loud in the stadiums and outdoor arenas. He even made sure that Jai Jai's piano was properly tuned and his guitars were set in the right stands. Brienne never got enough of seeing Jaime interact with Joffrey.

Robert eventually left the tour - supposedly only for a month. That month turned into three. Cersei took advantage of that and pushed Joffrey off on Brienne more and more. Eventually he was back to sleeping in her room every single night when Robert was gone. Still no knocks from Jaime. _That's what you wanted, remember? And you know where he is._

Only he wasn't. It was still rare that Jaime answered Cersei's requests. Until she figured out a new tactic. Feeling that Jaime was hanging out in Brienne's room because of Joffrey, it was time to steal her son back. That seemed to work, as Jaime began spending more time in her room in order to be with Joffrey. They even used their days off together to take Joffrey out exploring new places. 

At the end of their first month together, Cersei and Jaime had just put Joffrey to sleep like a real family. Jaime never stopped missing Brienne, wishing that it was her that he was experiencing all these places and making memories for Joffrey with. While the boy slept in the second bedroom of Cersei's suite, she decided it was time for a shower. Of course, she conveniently left the door open. Jaime stretched out on the sofa to watch TV while keeping an ear out for Joffrey. He had a clear view of his sister's naked body in the shower. Steam drifted out his way and he could smell the soap and shampoo. He kept eyes on the TV and then..."Jaime?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you please get me the conditioner? I forgot it on the counter."

 _Conveniently, I am sure._ He rolled his eyes and went to hand her the bottle. He averted his eyes as he handed over the bottle. She grabbed his hand.

"Well don't run off." She smiled.

"I'm not staying."

She scowled at him and made this tsks sound. She frowned. "Robert has been gone far too long. He is not coming back for another two months."

"Is that right? Well, that has nothing to do with..."

"It has everything to do with you."

"It shouldn't. Let go."

"I miss you. He's not like you Jaime...he doesn't move like you, he doesn't sound like you...he doesn't touch me...like you do."

He jerked his hand away and she fell forward, but he caught her. He was wet now, her naked body pressed against his. "What's this?" She smiled at him.

"Not for you."

"I don't care who its for. You need something, and you can have me all night." She said rubbing his cock.

"I don't want you."

"Save your lies. Come in here with me."

"Joffrey might wake up."

"He is exhausted. He is not waking up. We love each other. I know you love me. You've lost Brienne...you've given up on loving everyone. But together we are complete - two perfect halves of a whole. You can't deny that."

"You say that every time."

"Look at me."

He continued looking down at the floor. She raised his chin and kissed his lips. She began unbuttoning his shirt. "I am the one person you can have without consequences. Without games and rejections. I will love you unconditionally and give you all the pleasure you will ever want. Brienne is done with you. You may as well face that and let me love you." 

*********************************************

Jaime returned to his own room later that night. As he walked out the room with his shirt in his hand and the button on his pants undone, he ran into Brienne in the hall. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was wet. She stood there surprised to see him leaving his twin's room in that condition. All the worst images sprang before her eyes.

"Hey." He said, barely looking at her. "Where you going?" He asked.

"I need some ice." She quickly walked down the hall to the ice machine, and stood staring at it as though the ice would just fly from the machine into the bucket. She couldn't quite believe what she saw. Perhaps she could believe it, she just couldn't believe she had _seen it._ She stood there for a moment, hearing Cersei's voice play in her head, "I told you. He could never truly be yours. He is too good for you, too talented, too beautiful." Cersei had said. _She used to say that he was useless. That he was slow. That he couldn't add or read. But he was so smart. It took him a while to concentrate but he was smart. He is a good man. Too good for her. He will always be too good for her and...yes. He is gorgeous. Inside and out._

Brienne got back to her room and leaned against the door. She took a deep breath and sighed as she slammed the bucket down on the table. _Fuck Cersei! Fuck her!_ She took a shower, threw on the white fluffy robe and crawled into bed.

Many nights she fell asleep thinking of Jaime. She cried herself to sleep more than a few times. She would never stop loving him, never stop caring about him, and she never stopped being his friend.

*********************************************

Jaime couldn't get the look on Brienne's face out of his head. He barely looked at her and yet that image was burned in his mind. Full of shock and disappointment, and... _sadness_. _I never meant to hurt her. From the very beginning all I ever wanted was to love her...and for her to love me back. I could kid myself and blame it on Cersei all I want. I ruined it all as much as she did. Maybe more so. I am just a fucking idiot._

Jaime needed attention and love. He needed physical contact and affection. Cersei became a convenient habit for him but he hated himself. He hated what he was doing; what he had become and even though he had come to need Cersei, he became filled with hate and rage for her too. His body may have become Cersei's but his heart and his head were always with Brienne. His guilt and pain had him turning more and more and more to alcohol and Xanax at night and Adderall in the mornings.

Instead a glass of water at his side for concerts, he requested Crown. 

He couldn't stand that Brienne was hanging out with Tormund Giantsbane, his new drummer. In truth it meant nothing. She wasn't seeing him romantically, and never would. Tormund obviously had a crush.

"I don't see why you can't play drums for us."

"Jaime...explain to me how you think I can be your manager, your babysitter, and your drummer all at once. I didn't mean it like that, you know I love Joffrey."

"We can hire someone to watch Joffrey while you're playing."

"While I'm playing...right. And while I am playing on stage, a few feet away from you and your queen, who is doing all the rest of the work?"

"We can make this work."

"But we don't need to." She walked away and he followed.

"That guy Giantsbane...he's not that great a drummer."

"So that's what this is about?"

"He's not."

"Yes. He is. He is a great drummer. And he is the best you'll get."

" _You_ are the best I'd get."

She turned and looked at him dead in his eyes, "Well that's a damn shame now, isn't it? 'Cause ya can't have _me_." She left him standing in the hall.

**************************************************

Ten months into the tour, he stepped off stage at a hotel and casino in Lannisport. He was not drunk, but he was certainly buzzed. Cersei disappeared with Robert and Joffrey and Jaime looked at Brienne in her black T-shirt, jeans and boots, her hair messy, her eyes sparkling, her lipstick worn off through the night. He watched her finish up with the venue manager and walked over to her.

"What are you doing tonight?" He asked.

"I was just...I don't know. What are you doing?"

"Let's play a game."

"A game?"

"Join me for poker?"

"I don't play poker."

"Strip poker."

"That's a horrible idea and you know it." He smelled like Crown and she knew that he would taste like it too. She wanted to taste him. "But," She continued, "We could play Black Jack and maybe some roulette?"

"Can we hit a few slots after?"

"Before, after...whatever you like."

"Well my Lady...let's hit the roulette table." He stopped at the bar on the way and got a drink for each of them and held out his arm for her to take. She accepted and smiled as he lead her through the casino. A few people noticed him and stopped to say hello, ask for an autograph, a photo op. He graciously complied with his fans and Brienne smiled through it all and even took a few of the photos and posed with them as well. 

He said, "I'm sorry. I should have known. I didn't want that to happen."

"Oh stop. It's fine, and you know you love every moment of it."

He smiled shyly and said, "Okay, you're right. _BUT_ , I wanted some time with you. It's been way too long since we've hung out together - or had even a moment's conversation without being interrupted. I miss that."

She smiled and sipped her drink. He lead them to the casino cage and asked for $5,000 in chips. "Are you crazy?" Brienne asked.

"I am out with the best friend I've ever had. We _never do this!_ Come on, we are well over-due for a fabulous time. Half of this is yours anyway. If you lose though, I am deducting it from your paycheck." He turned and quickly walked away.

"I dare you." She said with a smile.

He turned around and said, "You better win Evenstar!" 

Her heart fluttered. The last time he called her that was over a year ago now. How she missed that; she missed him to her core, and let herself pretend that for this one night, they were where they used to be. They drank the night away, winning the entire time. He more than tripled his money, walking out with $18,500.00 and when they entered her room he kissed her as he made it rain. "I miss you so fucking much. I do, I am sorry, Brienne I miss you like I need air to breathe." She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around him.

"I miss you. Gods, I've missed you, Jaime."

He backed her against the wall and pulled her shirt over head. She popped the buttons on his shirt and slipped it off his shoulders, all the while, still kissing him. He pulled her jeans down, pulled off her boots and laid her on the floor, trailing kisses from her lips to her neck to her breasts, to her stomach and down to the slit between her legs. He planted soft kisses there and caressed her clit with his tongue. She arched her back and grabbed his hair, running her fingers through it, pulling on it and calling out his name. His cock was throbbing, straining in his jeans. He missed being the reason she was making those sounds come from deep within her and she wasn't holding back. She had been missing him, wanting him, needing him for so long, and she finally had him. She was ready to cum and more than anything, she wanted to feel him inside her again. "Jaime...I'm right there, yeah." She finally let go and could probably be heard four rooms over. She opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling as she caught breath. She smiled and sat up on her elbows. He was still laying on his belly looking up at her from between her legs. She looked into his eyes and just couldn't stop smiling. Neither could he. She looked around them at the money scattered all around and under them and laughed. "We just made love on top of thousands of dollars." She said. She was higher up now and had a decent view of his perfectly sculpted back. Her smile quickly faded and her face crumpled. She covered her face and laid flat on her back; her body shaking.

"What's wrong? Why...? Brienne?" He tried to pull her hands from her face but she wouldn't let him.

"Didn't you know? Couldn't you feel that?"

"Bri...I don't know.,."

"Don't you? Let me help you!" She stood and pulled him up, dragging him to the full length mirror across the room. She spun him around so his back was to it and turned his head to look. "Look at yourself!" He saw the red claw marks down his back, and his eyes flew open wide.

"She loves to mark her property doesn't she?" Brienne demanded.

"What? No!"

"Yes!"

"Brienne, please listen to me..."

"This was a mistake, Jaime. Just go."

"No, can we just talk about this?"

"Take your money and go."

"Keep the money, I don't care about the money, will you please..."

"Fuck you! I am not your whore - keep the money?" She began scooping it all up.

"Stop! Please? Brienne..."

She scooped up as much of the money as she could had shoved into his chest. "Get out of my room."

"Brienne!!!"

She pushed him out the door and locked it. _How am I so fucking stupid? Time after time, I continue this fucked up shit with this fucked up family and it changes NOTHING!_ She picked up his shirt from the floor and sniffed it. It smelled so good, just like him. She laid on the bed with it wrapped around her hand and fell asleep.

**************************************

Life went on with the tour, and Jaime and Brienne were back to speaking only out of necessity. Robert was there less and less. He'd meet them in a city here and there and spend a few months, but no more than a month at a time. Usually much less. Things were getting overwhelming and hectic for Brienne and she asked Robert for an assistant since he wouldn't be around much. She was feeing the pressure of being surrogate mom to an almost 5 year-old and manager 24-7. She was doing a great job, but she needed help. Robert couldn't send Renly, he was needed at the studio. He hired Jaime and Cersei's cousin Lancel to assist Brienne. Lancel was a big help in the beginning, but he started slacking. Sometimes he was on top of his game, and others not so much. Mostly, not so much. There was 9 months left, and Brienne couldn't wait to be done. 

Cersei stood center stage singing and dancing a little - completely captivating her crowd. Once that one was over, she sat on a stool to listen to her brother sing his newest song. He spoke to the crowd: "This one is new. I wrote it on tour and you are the very first to hear it. So I hope you like it. He sipped his drink and played beautifully. His voice was perfect.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry_  
_You don't know how lovely you are_  
_I had to find you_  
_Tell you I need you_

Brienne watched him, and he never took his eyes off her. They had a clear view of one another and as she listened to him, her eyes filled with tears. She knew he was singing to her and he knew he was breaking her heart. "Brienne...dance with me to Jai Jai's song." But she didn't even hear the little boy.

_Tell you I set you apart_  
_Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions_  
_Oh, let's go back to the start_

_Running in circles, coming up tails_  
Heads on a science apart  
Nobody said it was easy

_It's such a shame for us to part_

He suddenly seemed shaky. He missed a note, but no one would really notice - he was sweaty. Nothing too unusual, the stage lights were really hot out here. He looked pale and very uncomfortable. She could see his shirt getting wet and that's never happened before. He kept eye contact with her until his eyes rolled and his head bent forward. She ran over to him and caught him just before he hit the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Care to share your thoughts?
> 
> I'm thinking about putting a soundtrack together for this story. Any interest?


	48. Lost on You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very long chapter, moving things along a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient and returning. I am sorry for the delay. This is a rather long chapter and I hope you like it.  
> The song here is by LP. It's called LOST ON YOU, and its one of my favorites. I hope you check it out and listen to it, its sort of been one of the main songs I've listened to help me write this and thinking about it - it may have been the proper title choice for the story. 
> 
> Anyway, please share your thoughts with me - I look forward to hearing from you.

Jaime was rushed to the hospital and treated for exhaustion, dehydration, and addiction to alcohol and drugs. He was asleep in his hospital room when Brienne quietly opened his door. He was pale, and had dark circles under his eyes. She sighed and ran a hand through his hair. She sat beside him and slid her hand under his. "What has she done to you? How did it get this far, my golden lion? You've got to stop this." Her throat tightened and just as her tears fell, she saw a tear slide down his cheek. He could hear her. "Fuck." She whispered. 

His eyes opened and he said, "I'm sorry. Bri...please, forgive me. I can't change this. I can't stop it. I can't."

She didn't move away; she moved closer and laid her head on his chest. "Oh, Jaime. Your life is yours. Only yours and you have the power to change anything you want. I believe in you...you're a good man - no matter what lies she has fed you."

He looked up at the ceiling but laid a hand on her head. He took a deep, ragged breath and wished with all his heart that he was what she believed him to be.

"Well, well...someone having a bad night? The sick comforts the lame. How sweet of my baby brother." Cersei said, startling them both.

Brienne immediately moved to stand but Jaime caught her wrist. He looked into her eyes, "Not this time. You're not going anywhere." Brienne looked to Cersei, who stood before her looking glamourous in her concert dress - all sequins and a lot of bare skin.

Cersei said, "Do you have any idea how humiliated I was?" She directed at Jaime. She looked to Brienne next and said, "And you...just how do you plan to fix this PR nightmare he's created?"

"She is going to tell the truth. That I was suffering from exhaustion and dehydration."

"So we're leaving out the part about the drugs and alcohol? Your two best...and only...friends?"

"What is wrong with you?" Brienne blurted out. "Your brother is laying here..."

"Save it." Cersei said, holding up a hand. "He is weak. Always has been, always will be. How stupid are you to sink so low? Are you trying to ruin the one good kidney you have?"

"One?" Brienne asked.

Jaime looked at her and avoided the question turning back to Cersei. "Cersei, thanks for coming, but...you can go now."

"No. I think not. I want to hear about your plans. Your doctors suggest a few weeks off. That's not happening. We have two days until the next performance. Rest up. You should be better then."

"Whatever you say." He rolled his eyes.

"Jaime..." Brienne said. He squeezed her hand. 

"I will see you in two days." Cersei said walking out the room. She turned back and looked at them both stating, "I can't stand to look at either of you."

Once she was gone, Brienne looked at Jaime, who asked, "Are we surprised?”

”Not in the least. Please don't do this. You can’t go on this way. I’m not stupid. I know this has all been going on for a long time.”

"You've never said anything.”

”You would have denied it, we would have argued. Besides, you're not mine anymore. But you’re still my friend. Or at least I’m yours. Although, now, I don’t feel like a very good one.”

”Neither do I, if we are being honest.”

”Let’s not get too honest with ourselves.”

”Better not.” He said.

”Jaime...I know we haven’t been...very close or even cordial the last few months. I will always be your friend. If you let me. Let me help you through this. Please?”

”We’ve been through hell and back together, haven’t we?”

”One more walk through the flames?” She smiled.

”Is it really that bad?“ He smiled back.

She shrugged and suddenly heard herself quickly say, ”Come home with me for a while. Rest on the beach. We can go for walks...and talk and just unwind from all this. I can talk to Robert and get him to open the schedule." _What the fuck did I just do?_ She silently asked herself.

”When I said I wasn’t a good friend...I meant that I wasn’t a good friend to ask you to come back. Or to let you come back. I know I’ve hurt you. You don’t hurt the ones you care about the most in the world.”

”I’m not hurt. I...I don’t know. I guess I am. I just don’t like being apart.”

”Neither do I.” He admitted.

”Maybe this is all we are meant to be, Jaime.”

”Neither of us will ever accept that. Will we?”

”No.” She said, feeling defeated. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not. And I don’t care. Our lives are what they are, but you don’t have to do this alone. Neither of us should have go through anything all alone.”

**2020 - Brienne’s Home**

It's been three days since Jaime learned of the baby he lost with Brienne. The baby boy he never got to know, but couldn't let go of now. He wondered what he'd look like. _He would look like his mother. But he would have my personality. He'd be funny and mischievous._ Jaime smiled. _But he would be kind, loving, and considerate. My boy would be a talented drummer...just like his mother. He would love to write music...only better than me. I wish I'd known about you Jaiden. I'm sorry that I didn't...but I love you just the same. I always will._

That night after dinner, Jaime asked Brienne to join him under the willow tree. The bright orange-pink sun was half-way sunk behind the tree. The first thing she noticed was a flame coming from the ground. 

“Jaime...what’s...?” She smiled up at him.

”Look closer.”

They walked closer to the tree and she saw the stone. She knelt down and traced the letters engraved upon it:

> In Loving Memory of
> 
> JAIDEN TARTH-LANNISTER
> 
> 2002

She looked up at Jaime wide-eyed. She couldn't speak. He asked, "Are you alright with this? I should have told you - asked you. This isn't my place...my house, I mean. I really just wanted something special for our baby boy."

"It's perfect. Really. It's wonderful. He deserves something from...us - you...he deserves to be remembered. He was never forgotten, Jaime...I've never..." She stood then and he put his arms around her. She held on to him, saying, "You gave him your name."

"Of course I did, my love. Of course." He kissed her head. "Nothing is more hateful than failing to protect the ones you love." He said, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "We didn't have the chance to know him. But it doesn't make us love him any less. I will never make that mistake again. We'll try again...won't we?"

With tears in her eyes, she shook her head 'yes'. She hugged him again. He said, "I love you. With all that I am, I love you, Brienne. No one will ever hurt you again, or tear us apart. I won't fail you. I promise."

"You've never failed me. Not once." She kissed him. 

***************************************************

**2004 - TARTH**

Robert was able to fix the tour schedule and allow two weeks for Jaime to get some rest and relaxation. Cersei, of course, had a gigantic hissy fit and caused chaos, however, when she learned that it was arranged for everyone to have a vacation - Joffrey was going off with Tyrion and Tywin, and she and Robert were spending time together on an island somewhere "undisclosed" where she would be pampered and looked after and doted on by Robert, she was more than ready to comply. Lots of shopping would no doubt be involved.

Jaime and Brienne spent their mornings running on the beach together, swimming in the ocean, having breakfast and relaxing the middle part of the day away. In the evenings, they'd walk the beach as the sun sank into the ocean. They'd sit under the stars and talk, reminisce about when they were children, sometimes play soccer or volleyball. Many nights they sat on the balcony, looking at the moon's reflection on the water.

This particular morning Jaime woke up just after sunrise and found that Brienne was already gone. He stepped out onto the balcony and saw her surfing the waves. He smiled widely, quickly went to brush his teeth and throw on some swimming trunks. He ran down to the beach to watch her closer. 

Brienne was amazing with a surfboard. It was as though it was part of her body. _Is there anything she can't do?_ He wondered. He watched her until the waves brought her ashore. She rode in still standing on her board, smiling at him.

"You never told me you could do that."

"You have a summer home on Casterly Rock. Don't you surf?"

"It's been a while."

"Let's see what you got."

"Oh no! No way."

"Come on. Let's see."

They spent the next hour impressing each other with tricks and stunts, until Brienne noticed that he was getting burnt. "It's been a long time since you've been in the sun."

"Yeah...I need some sun screen I guess."

They went back to the house and showered and changed to go out and find him a board. He picked the first suitable board he could find, wanting to get back to the beach without wasting time. They spent the day surfing until the sun went down and they were exhausted.

"It's been a long time since I've done that!" He said collapsing on the sand. He laid back with a happy smile. She sat next to him. "Do you think you could live out here? On the beach full time?"

"I know I could." He laughed. "When I was a kid, I loved the beach. Being here with you these past few days has been a dream, really."

"It wouldn't always be like this. We're kind of on vacation from reality. We'd have other things to do, you know?"

"Oh, don't I?" He said suggestively.

She didn't answer him but she grinned and thought, _oh wouldn't it be nice...to be us again?_

He wanted to touch her, to kiss her. He'd wanted to do that day and night since they arrived on Tarth. The last few nights, he fell asleep on her couch with a hard on. He'd wake up with a hard on and have to maneuver his way to the bathroom so she wouldn't notice. They were friends again, and things were so wonderful, he was not about to ruin it. Soon enough they would be waking from this dream vacation and be heading back to Cersei. 

That night, they went out for dinner and soon after their return, he fell asleep on the sofa; his hair over his eyes, his jeans unbuttoned, his shirt...tossed on the floor. Brienne covered him with the blanket and stood looking at him for a moment. She wanted to touch him. To taste his lips. She ached to feel his arms around her. She sat in the cushy chair across from him and watched him sleep a while. She thought of all she lost with him, and suddenly grabbed a pen and paper and began to write:

When you get older, plainer, saner  
Will you remember all the danger  
We came from?

Burning like embers, falling, tender  
Longing for the days of no surrender  
Years ago  
And will you know

So smoke 'em if you got 'em  
Cause it's going down  
All I ever wanted was you  
I'll never get to heaven  
Cause I don't know how

Let's raise a glass  
Or two  
To all the things I've lost on you  
Ho, ooh  
Tell me are they lost on you?  
Ooh, oh  
Just that you could cut me loose  
Ho, ooh  
After everything I've lost on you  
Is that lost on you?  
Hoooooh  
Ooh, oh  
Hoooooh  
Is that lost on you?  
Hoooooh  
Ooh, oh  
Baby, is that lost on you?  
Is that lost on you?

Wishin' I could see the machinations  
Understand the toil of expectations  
In your mind  
Hold me like you never lost your patience  
Tell me that you love me more than hate me  
All the time  
And you're still mine

So smoke 'em if you got 'em  
Cause it's going down  
All I ever wanted was you  
Let's take a drink of heaven  
This can turn around

Let's raise a glass  
Or two  
To all the things I've lost on you  
Ho, oh  
Tell me are they lost on you?  
Ooh, oh  
Just that you could cut me loose  
Ho, oh  
After everything I've lost on you  
Is that lost on you?  
Hoooooh  
Ooh, oh  
Hoooooh  
Is that lost on you?  
Hoooooh  
Ooh, oh  
Baby, is that lost on you?  
Is that lost on you?

Let's raise a glass  
Or two  
To all the things I've lost on you  
Ho, oh  
Tell me are they lost on you  
Ooh, oh  
Just that you could cut me loose  
Ho, oh  
After everything I've lost on you  
Is that lost on you?  
Is that lost on you?

(SONG BY LP - LAURA PERGOLIZZI)

She looked at him a little longer, biting her lip. He looked so perfect in the moonlight - the way it danced across his face and chest. _He'll never be mine again. Yet, part of him will always be mine, won't it? We lost so much together...and you don't even know._

Their time together was precious to each of them; perhaps in different ways, but it was precious. Things would never be the same between them, which they knew. They were still in love and wanted each other as though no time had ever passed between this day and the first time they ever laid eyes on each other. Yet it had; so many things stood in their way, waiting to tear them apart and eat away at their souls. Although they didn't want this vacation dream to end, they knew it was time to wake up.

Jaime perched himself at the back of the ferry boat headed to Storm's End. Brienne stood beside him, leaning on the rail. He looked at her blue eyes and then to the water, then back to her eyes. The eyes that saved him, brought him comfort, joy, passion, love, surrender, confidence. He held her gaze and finally she asked, "What?"

He answered, "From the crystal clear waters of Tarth to the muddy waters of Cersei Lannister."

"That's an interesting way of putting things." Brienne commented as she turned to face the water.

"It's the truth isn't it?"

"I do believe." Brienne said, looking at the water.

*******************************************************

**Return to the Tour**

Cersei, Jaime, Brienne, and Lancel met up at the hotel in Volantis. Cersei lowered her sunglasses and peered at Jaime and Brienne who both approached with smiles, "Well don't you two look tanned and toned." She smiled that venomous smile and pushed her glasses back up. "I'd like a word with you, dear brother, if I may. I'll be in my room. Lancel, see to it that my personal things are brought to my room. Escort Lady Brienne to her room. We'll all have dinner together later this evening." She smiled at Jaime and walked away.

An hour later, Jaime knocked on his sister's door. She answered, naked, holding a glass of wine. "Hello brother. I've missed you." She stood aside and allowed him to enter.

"Hello, sweet sister." 

"Did you enjoy your time away?"

"I did. You're looking rather...happy. More beautiful than ever." He swallowed hard. 

"I didn't ask you here to talk. I asked you here because I have needed you for two weeks...and you were away with the big ugly bitch."

"No, Cersei. Don't do that. Don't talk like that. I've..."

"Missed me. I know you have."

"No."

"Get undressed."

"Cersei..."

"Jaime." She walked closer to him and caressed his cheek. "Your cock is hard. You haven't had a good fuck in much too long. Or have you?" She kissed him.

_Nothing in this life will ever change. Nothing._

************************************

The tour went on and on and on; it seemed that it would never end. More and more time was added on with more requests for appearances on television, radio, magazine shoots, more cities were added. Brienne appeared on the cover of Westeros Weekly. She was completely against it at first with every excuse ever written as to why she couldn't, shouldn't or wouldn't. Cersei was having a fit about it, and perhaps that was the only reason Brienne agreed to the cover - just to have a way to win against Cersei.

Jaime and Brienne's relationship remained nothing more than friends. His use of drugs and alcohol was what it had been years ago. He bargained with himself, _not in front of Joffrey...only at night to sleep. Never before a concert. Fuck. Then when? I don't want this life. I sound like a whiney brat._

They were staying in the Reach this particular night. Jaime's room was on the fiftieth floor - the penthouse suite. There was a knock at the door. He opened it wearing nothing but his jeans. Brienne smiled and thrust a newspaper against his bare chest. "What's this?" He smiled back.

"You're number one. NUMBER. FUCKING. ONE!" She cupped his face and grabbed a chunk of his hair with a sweet smile. She had to stop herself and back away before she kissed him.

"No, no, no... that's _your song._ You wrote it! You're number one!"

"Not a chance. That's you, I wrote that for you. You did it! You got it there!"

He grabbed her around the waist and spun her around. She laughed and kicked her feet. "Congratulations!" She laughed and threw her arms around his neck. "Let's celebrate!" He said. "I've got a fridge full of anything you want! Anything you want, name it Bri! Your wish is my command, my lady."

She licked her lips and said, "I'm just happy for you."

"Be happy for _us._ We make a great team, don't we? Music by Jaime Lannister, lyrics by Brienne Tarth. You know what this means...we'll be nominated for a Golden Dragon for sure."

"And a Wolfie."

"Definitely."

"Are you going to put me down, now?"

"No."

"Jaiiiimeee." She laughed and rolled her eyes.

He set her on her feet but didn't let go. Her smile faded. "Don't stop smiling." He said, sadly.

"Jaime." Her eyes sparkled.

"Don't stop. Please?" 

"You should let go."

"Don't make me."

"I don't...you should...we should just..." She tried to gently wrestle free.

"I'm sorry." He backed away.

She saw the bottle on the table. "What's that?"

"Oh...just...I figured as long as...I just needed something to take the edge off - just to go to sleep."

"But you were doing so well. I thought."

"I was. I did really well. For a while. It's just hard at night. I promised myself that I would never drink in front Joffrey, or before a performance, or unless I just couldn't..."

"Do you think that makes it okay?"

"Let's not fight, please."

"I don't want to fight with you, ever. I want to help you."

"Do you?" He kissed her.

"What are you doing?" She pushed him away.

"I can't go on without you!"

"Well you bloody well have to!"

"Do I?" He grabbed her around the waist again.

"Let go." She firmly stated.

"I can't."

"You will - you have to, Jaime."

"If I haven't let you go by now, what makes you think I ever will?"

"That's not my problem is it?"

"You love me." He said gruffly. "You love me not? My love don't love me?"

"That's not what I said. How drunk are you?"

"Don't say that." He let go abruptly and walked away. She wanted him. She wanted to walk over to him and touch his chest, kiss him, run her hands over his body.

"How much have you had?"

"I'm not drunk. Just because I want you, you think I am drunk? What the fuck is that?"

"You're drunk."

"Am I? I guess I am. But even when I'm not...I can't go on without you. I don't want to go on living - not the way I am. So, so what if this bottle of shit puts me out for a while and I am not tossing and turning and yearning for the one thing I want that I will never have?"

"You sound like a bloody woman, you know that? Do you think I am not hurting? Do you think I am not a room away or a floor away in my own fucking hell? Baby, I've been in that hell for six long years and the flames get higher every time I look at you. So don't use me as an excuse for your weakness. I am dying inside...and I am dying for something to take away my heart ache." She went for the door but he grabbed her.

"Wait!"

"Don't do this...I am sorry I came here, Jaime...I am, I am so sorry. I came to tell you the good news, but that's all - please let's not fight. Let me go and tomorrow it can be just like nothing happened."

He shoved her against the door. "You came here to tell me we were number one, or you came here with the excuse that we were number one?"

"I - I - I just - that's all Jaime. That's all. I swear."

"Make me believe that. Push me away."

She searched his eyes willing him away from her. He pressed his body harder against hers. She felt that familiar surge through her body. Was she fighting him, or was she fighting herself? She was definitely fighting her heart. She could feel herself slipping; losing the fight, and finally she grabbed his shoulders, gave him a hard shove backward and slipped out the door. 

As Brienne had promised, things remained the same. When she greeted him the next morning, it was as though nothing ever happened the night before. A few months later they learned that "Lost on You" was nominated for "Song of the Year" at the Wolfies. It was a great honor and this time, they did celebrate - with chocolate cake.

********************************

Joffrey was really becoming a big boy! He turned five just at the end of the tour. He spent more time with Brienne than he did with Cersei, but that was definitely a good thing. The little boy was subject to and witness to more than his fair share of his wonderful mother as it was. Brienne was grateful that the tour was soon-to-end. She found herself waking at 5:30 each day to ensure that Joffrey was fed, dressed and learning something new until 7:30, when she would check her emails to prepare for the day ahead. By 8 am she was checking Joffrey's work and then ringing Jaime's room, followed by Cersei's. She was dragging Joffrey along with her by 10 am to sound and lighting checks and back up to Cersei's room for costuming. She ensured that Joffrey had lunch, whether it was just Joffrey, or Joffrey and Brienne together, or sometimes he ate with Jaime or Cersei or everyone together. Brienne had successfully run the lives of Jaime, Joffrey, Cersei, herself, and sometimes even Robert. Lancel was supposed to be of assistance, but he was in his own world half the time. He was no help with Joffrey and he was so afraid to make a mistake that he didn't even try when it came to anything other than Cersei's minor requests such as "get me a drink". 

Joffrey, Jaime and Cersei were having breakfast on the verandah overlooking the Sunset Sea. Joffrey said, "Uncle Jaime, do you know how to spell lion?"

"Is that one of your new words that Bean taught you?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Would you like to spell it for me?"

"L-I-O-N. Lion!"

"Very good! Now let me hear you roar." Jaime smiled.

"RRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!" Joffrey growled and Jaime grabbed his chest and leaned his chair way back on two legs.

"WOW! That was quite scary. Maybe you shouldn't do that to me anymore." Jaime said.

Joffrey laughed out loud, a beautiful infections giggle that made Jaime laugh as well. Cersei continued eating her fruit and didn't say a word.

"Guess what, Uncle Jaime!"

"What?"

"I get to go to big boy school in a few months when we go home."

"Do you? Well, you're going to love it! I wish I could go back to big boy school."

"You're too old! And you know everything!"

"You think I know everything?" Jaime asked with a grin.

Cersei interrupted, "Believe me, your uncle Jaime knows nothing."

Joffrey shook his head. "He knows a lot of things, mommy. That's not nice."

Brienne joined them with her cell phone in her hand and her notebook in the other.

"For the love of the gods...what could you possibly need that for at breakfast?" Cersei asked.

"Well, I am not exactly happy to be toting this around."

"Sit down Bean. You need a break." Joffrey said swooping a piece of pancake through the syrup.

"Baby, you're all sticky. Are you eating syrup with your fingers?" Brienne asked.

"Mommy wasn't watching." He whispered.

Brienne went inside to wet a wash cloth to wipe Joffrey's face and hands. As soon as she was out of sight, Cersei grabbed his face and said, "What have I told you about talking about me?"

"I'm sorry, mommy."

"Thank you."

"Cersei. Don't do that. You've got nails. Look at his face." Jaime said.

"Are you telling me how to be a mother to my son?"

"I'm telling you not to grab his face."

"And I am politely reminding you to stay out of _my_ business with _my son_."

" _Your_ son?"

"Don't test me today, dear brother."

Brienne could hear them and called for Joffrey. He jumped down from the chair and ran to her at the entrance to the room. She wiped his hands and then his face, noticing the small scratch. "What happened?"

Joffrey didn't answer. She looked at Cersei and then Jaime, who just sighed. "Come on, darling. Let's go for a sound check, shall we?"

"Are you judging me as a mother now?"

"I would never." Brienne said.

"Don't mock me." Cersei demanded.

"I'll see you in a few hours." Brienne said, taking Joffrey by the hand.

Cersei was angry. She pushed her chair back and snatched Joffrey's other hand, pulling him away from Brienne.

"Do you think I don't know what's going on?" Cersei asked Brienne.

"Mommy." Joff said looking up Cersei. There was no answer. "Mommy! Let go, please. You're squeezing to tight."

Cersei ignored her little boy and stared into Brienne's eyes. Jaime got up and went to Joffrey. He took Cersei and Joffrey's hands in his and pulled them apart. Cersei finally looked at Jaime but only for a second before turning to Brienne and slapping her across the face. "No Mommy, no!" Joffrey yelled. Brienne straightened her back and quickly reminded herself that Joffrey was standing beside them and she needed to set the example. 

Jaime stepped between them, but it was too late before Joffrey grabbed Cersei's hand and slapped it hard, saying, "You don't slap my Bean that way! That's mean!"

Cersei bent down to speak to her son at eye level and as she reached for him, Jaime picked him up, saying, "That's enough! Young man...I believe we are needed at the sound check. Shall we?"

"Bye Mommy!" Joffrey said, waving to Cersei as Jaime carried him off. Jaime grabbed Brienne by the arm and pulled her off the verandah and out of Cersei's suite.

Once they were in the hall way, Jaime said to Joffrey, "Baby, are you alright?"

"I'm okay. I got mommy back for you, Bean. She was not nice to you."

Brienne didn't say anything. She was highly emotional for many reasons, wanting nothing more than to rush back into that suite and beat Cersei unrecognizable. She needed to get a hold of herself quickly. She remained silent all the way to the elevator. "Take him to the sound check. I'll take the stairs and meet you later. I have to skip it today. Find Lancel. He should be able to help." She ran to the stairs and down to her room. 

Lancel happened to greet Jaime and Joffrey as they exited the elevator. Jaime was desperate to know what Brienne was up to so he instructed Lancel to take Joffrey to the sound check.

"What?" Lancel was in a panic.

"Take him with you."

"I can't do a sound check!"

"No? But he can." He put Joffrey down and backed into the elevator.

"What if he wets his pants?"

"I'm potty trained now, cuz." Joffrey said, looking up and taking Lancel's hand.

Brienne ran down the stairs with tears of fury running down her cheeks. _She is a fucking monster. I can't stand that woman, and she knows it! She's been highly successful at ripping everything apart and taking everything from me for so fucking long, and now she is destroying her own child. I want to destroy her. I want to destroy something, anything. Gods help me. Please. Make this feeling go away._

Brienne was putting the key in the door when Jaime walked up behind her. "Hey! What are you doing?" He asked.

"I need to be alone for a while, alright? You have to take care of the sound check. Where is Joffrey?"

"He is with Lancel."

"I'm alright, Jaime. Please go."

He followed her into the room. She turned to face him, " _Why_ are you here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Did you? Really?"

"Of course..."

"Huh...strange."

"What do you mean?"

"Strange because when your sister slapped my face you stood there and said nothing to her."

"Brienne..."

"It doesn't matter! She has been hurting me and slapping in the face over and over for years and you've never cared enough to check on me and ensure I'm alright...oh wait. You came to ensure I wasn't going back after her."

"No. No that is not what this is!"

"It is. You had to know how I would feel."

"Right. I do. I feel it too, and I wanted to tear her apart right then and I do now."

She let out a bitter laugh. "Fine. Maybe I believe you. Can you just go? Please? Get out!"

"Talk to me!"

"I don't want to talk about it! What good will this do either of us? You need to be down stairs doing your sound check, I am not running after your sweet sister, I swear to all the gods. Is that good enough? I will never ever hurt you or Joffrey so that means Cersei is off limits."

"Brienne."

"Bloody fucking hells." She grabbed her clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. She looked in the mirror. Her cheek was still red and puffy. This made her even more angry. She wanted to throw things and break things. She wanted to hurt Cersei. _This is so unfair. So unfair._ She changed her clothes and walked out. "You're still here?" She stormed out, leaving him there, alone in her room. 

She took the stairs all the way down 15 floors and went to the hotel's gym. She found the punching bag in the center of the room and laid into it with all she had. Jaime stood at the door, out of the way, peeking in. He watched her wail away at the bag, sweat and tears covering her face. He lowered his eyes to the floor feeling like a failure yet again. He failed her. He always had, and his destiny would always be to do so. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much more to come!  
> Thanks for reading, and as always, I would love to hear from you!


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime has his first physical therapy session. The happy couple host a dinner party.

**2020 Brienne's Home - King's Landing**

"Alright, I'll be outside if you need me. Good luck. I know you can do this." Brienne kissed him and went through the French doors to spend some time on the patio.

Jaime welcomed the Physical Therapist in and they got to work. "How's it feeling, sir?"

"It could be better."

"I see there is still some swelling and bruising. Is it feeling stiff?"

"Yes. Stiff, tingly sometimes. A bit painful, still."

"Well let's get started with a short massage, then some exercises and we'll see how you feel after that. Sound good?"

"Okay."

He rubbed some lotion on Jaime's hand and began to massage it. "How's that, feel anything?"

"Yeah, I mean I can feel stuff, but I can't do much with my hand. I can barely sign my name. It's hard to do anything. I can't move my fingers like I want in order to play."

"It's going to be a while before you can do that. I know it's hard, but try not to push yourself. Don't be hard on yourself. It's definitely a process. It's hard to hear, I know, but you've had a traumatic injury, and two very serious surgeries. You're extremely lucky to have that hand. "

"I know. I just - I need to play again. Soon. If I can't play..."

"You _will_ play. Not today. Not tomorrow...and maybe not even four weeks from now. But you will."

At the end of the session, Jaime sat on the sofa in silence. He was scared, frustrated and angry. Brienne came inside and found him sitting there alone. "All done?" Brienne asked.

He was deep in thought, massaging his hand. "Jai?" She sat down.

"Hmmm? Hey." He gave a slight smile.

"How'd did it go?"

He grimaced. "Okay, I guess."

"What happened?"

"I don't have a lot of range in my fingers. And I may not be able to play again properly for months. I need to play." He looked at the floor. "I don't want this. This is not how our lives are supposed to be."

"You'll get there, baby. Just be patient." She kissed him. "I believe in you, and we can..." She trailed off and bit her lip looking away from him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I don't want to over step."

"I don't think you ever could."

"I'm willing to help you. If you need me. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, or unhappy. Or to make you think that I am disappointed."

"Of course I need you. You know that."

Changing the subject, she asked, "Do you want some ice?"

"That and some pain meds would be nice."

"Ibuprofen?"

He laughed, "I wasn't addicted to pain killers, Bri. But yeah, that will do."

She kissed him and returned shortly after with an ice pack, a towel, a glass of water and some meds. "Are you still up for tonight?" She asked.

"Yeah, definitely. Are you?"

"I've been looking forward to it since we planned it." He smiled, and she smiled back.

"Do we have everything we need?" Jaime asked.

"I think so. What time did you tell them to arrive?"

"I told them to be here for six. Dinner is at seven, right?"

"Right. Do you want to lay down for a while?"

"No. I am good. I want to help you in the kitchen."

"You can take it easy, Jai. It's okay."

"No, I need to be with you. I want to."

"Alright then. I would love that."

The steaks were marinating, pasta was boiling, tea was brewing, and mixed veggies were in the broiler. "You're quite the chef, you know?" Jaime commented.

"I learned from a great one."

"And who might that be?" Jaime asked stirring the brownie batter.

"I forget his name, actually."

"That's cruel! Perhaps this will help you remember?" He moved around the island and kissed her.

"Nope. I still can't remember."

"It was me! I taught you everything you know about cooking steaks."

"Was it? Oh...yeah! You did!" She laughed.

He smacked her on the butt with a kitchen towel. She laughed harder and he grinned, going back to his batter.

"I can't wait to taste those brownies." She said leaning on the island next to him.

"Oh no. No, no, no. Brownies are only for those who remember their roots."

She burst into laughter, "roots?" and went straight for the bowl. She dipped a finger in the batter and went to lick it, but he grabbed her hand and beat her to it. She made a sad face and asked, "Oh, now who is being cruel?" She asked, in a serious tone.

"I would never be cruel to you, love. Never." He ran his hand through her hair while looking into her eyes, then softly kissed her lips. He unbuttoned her shirt. "Miss Tarth. There is nothing under here." He smiled mischievously, "I love that about you. You know that, don't you?" 

He dipped his finger in the batter and looked at her. _"What_ are you planning to do with _that_ , good ser?"

"Who, me?" He rubbed his pointer finger and his thumb together, staring at the batter on his fingers. Then he covered her nipple in brownie batter. She tilted her head back with a smile. "Tell me you're planning to lick that off, Jaime Lannister."

"I show. I don't tell." He said kissing and licking his way from her ear to her neck to her shoulder her breast and sucking the batter off.

"Oh, gods we're in trouble."

"I hope so Tarth. I do hope so." he kissed he way down to her belly and knelt before her.

Just as she ran her fingers through his hair, the smoke alarm went off.

"Shit!" She yelled.

"Damn!" He said under his breath and laughed.

*************************************

The table was set outside on the patio, lanterns were lit, music was playing. Promptly at 6:00 the doorbell rang. Jaime and Brienne welcomed Tywin, Tyrion, Joffrey and the twins, and Aunt Genna. "It is so good to see you, Jaime!" Aunt Genna hugged him tight and pinched his cheek.

"I've missed you, Aunt Genna. Welcome! I'm glad you could make it. You remember Brienne."

"I do! It's lovely to see you dear. Thank you for having me in your home." Aunt Genna was a full 2 feet shorter than Brienne but she stood on her toes and hugged her as though they were old friends. Although they did know one another, they hadn't seen each other in years.

"I'm so glad you were able to join us tonight," Brienne smiled. 

"How are you my boy?" Tywin asked his eldest son. 

"Doing well, dad. And yourself?"

"Fine, fine. Good to see you both. Brienne, lovely to see you." He said kissing her cheek.

"Tyrion! Glad you're here little brother." Jaime knelt to hug his younger brother.

"I wouldn't miss it!"

"Uncle Jaime!" His niece exclaimed.

"Cella! Look at you! You're looking beautiful as ever, little lady!"

"Thank you!" She twirled around, spinning her dress and then reached up for a hug. 

Tommen hugged Brienne and Jaime, and Joffrey stepped through the door. Jaime gave him a tight hug and said, "It's great to have you here."

"I'm glad to be here. Thank you." He stepped forward and met Brienne's open arms. "How are you my golden boy?"

"I'm good. Thanks for having us all over. I've been looking forward to this. It really does mean a lot to me."

"I'm happy to hear that. Come on in. We're excited to have you all here." She smiled that brilliant, happy smile.

As everyone walked further into the house, Jaime put his arm around Brienne and kissed her head. "Thank you. This feels...so good, and so right."

"You don't have to thank me, Jaime. I'm loving this as much as you are."

Conversation and laughter flowed through dinner. Everyone had something to share and everyone was happy. The twins spoke about school and their activities and clubs they belong to and their interests. Joffrey was a little quiet, but he listened and laughed with everyone and appeared to be happy. Tommen mentioned that he wanted to get a cat, but he couldn't get one because Myrcella was allergic. 

Myrcella said, "I'm so sorry, Tommen. I know it's not the same, but...I'll buy you a stuffed cat with my own money. Or maybe we could get a bird instead. The kind that talks!"

"Oh, wouldn't that be nice?" Brienne said.

Joffrey said, "Can we, Paw? That would be so cool!"

"No, we may not. They are messy and loud." 

Myrcella laughed, "So are we, but you kept us."

"Yes, well, at least the three of you clean up after yourselves. For the most part." Tywin said.

Of course Tyrion brought some wine, and drank the night away. Jaime did well to stay away from that, and although he told Brienne she was welcome to partake, she politely refused. She didn't want to make it harder on him. What he hadn't explained to her was that as long as he was with her, he had no need for Xanax, Adderall, or an excessive amount of liquor. Now that he had his happiness, his comfort, the love of his life, he could breathe, he was free. All was right with the world and there was nothing stopping him, nothing holding him back, and nothing was going to take her away. If he told that to Brienne, she would feel like he was blaming her. Or worse, using her as an excuse. That's not how he felt. He felt like she was his weakness. He felt like nothing without her for so long, and he wanted to escape the emptiness he felt without her. She may have been at his side all these years, but she may as well have been worlds away.

He reached for her hand under the table. She stroked his hand with her thumb and smiled. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and she got up from the table, quickly turning her back to her guests and asking, "would anyone like some coffee?"

Immediately the three kids exclaimed, "I would!"

"Not you two." Tywin said. " Joff, if you want some, feel free. These two will never go to sleep."

"It's Friday!" They both said.

Joffrey laughed, "You will be up until Sunday if you have coffee. Paw's right. I don't really need anything. Thanks Bean."

"You guys are a something else." She headed for the kitchen and Jaime asked, "Dad, Aunt Genna, can I get you anything?"

"Coffee will do nicely, you Genna?"

"Yes, please."

"Tyrion?" Jaime asked.

"I'm still killing this bottle of wine."

Jaime smiled and headed to the kitchen to find Brienne putting on the pot of coffee. She wiped her eyes and then turned to face him.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

"I'm sorry. I am just being overly emotional I guess."

"Why's that?" He asked encircling her waist.

"It just feels so good having you here. It feels like...our lives...we are finally becoming what we were always meant to be." She felt her throat tighten, and she tried to swallow it away.

"But?"

"But?"

"There is usually a 'but' somewhere."

"No 'buts' this time, Jaime." She smiled.

He kissed her. 

Outside on the patio, Myrcella said, "I think I will see if Bean and Uncle Jai need some help with the coffee."

"They're probably fine, Cella. Let's check out the willow tree." Joffrey tried to distract her.

"It's polite to at least offer." She said, placing her napkin on the table. She opened the door leading to the kitchen and saw them kissing and silently turned around and rushed back to the table. "They're fine." She said sitting down.

Joffrey couldn't help but laugh and Tyrion quickly caught on, saying, "So, asking you to grab the last bottle of wine is strictly out of the question?"

"Strictly." She said.

After the adults had coffee, Brienne said, "Since Jaime is going to be be staying here with me for a while, and we love you all so much, we thought it might be nice if sometimes on the weekends you all wanted to come for a visit, you'd have your own space."

"So like, we could spend the night?" Tommen asked.

Jaime said, "You could spend the entire weekend. From Friday until Sunday. If you agree to get your homework done while you're here, and if it's okay with Paw."

The twins lit up and high-fived each other. Joffrey was happy, but nervous. He asked, "Really? You'd let us stay all weekend?" He couldn't stop the grin from creeping across his face.

"Of course!" Brienne said, "I mean, if you want to. You don't have to stay all weekend."

Joffrey looked to Jaime. "Weekends." Then he looked down at his ring and gave it a slow spin. Jaime squeezed his shoulder.

Brienne said, "We've set up part of the house for you, if you all would like to see it."

"There is another part of the house?" Myrcella asked.

"This place is bigger than it looks." Jaime answered.

Brienne said, "Come on, I've been dying to show you this all night!"

All three of the children got up quickly and followed Jaime and Brienne to the other side of the house. Tywin and Aunt Genna followed everyone as well. Tommen called out, "Uncle Tyrion, aren't you coming too?"

"I will find you soon my dear nephew. I am going to open a new bottle of wine first. Go on!"

Brienne lead them across the house and down a hallway. She opened a door that lead to an enormous room lined with windows and French doors overlooking the pool. Their eyes opened wide when they saw the 72" television and stereo system. There were gaming systems, sofas, bean bag chairs, video game machines, a pool table, and an air hockey table.

They were lit up like wild fire. "This is the coolest room ever!" Tommen said.

"You did all this for us?!" Myrcella exclaimed.

"You like it?"

"Oh gods! Yes!" She answered.

"Check this out," Brienne said. She walked over to the opposite wall and opened the doors revealing a second television matching the first one.

"Two TVs?" Joffrey asked.

"Well, you might not all feel like watching he same thing or playing the same game."

"This is insane." Myrcella said.

"Can we play air hockey?" Tommen asked.

"Yeah. There is one more thing though." Brienne said.

Jaime added, "Pick a door."

"Pick a door?" Tommen asked.

"Where?" Joffrey asked.

Jaime said, "Right down there." He pointed to another hallway.

The children all smiled at one another and went down the hall. They each picked a door and looked to each other, then opened them all at the same time to reveal large empty rooms.

"There is one for each of you. We can buy furnishings to your liking next time we're together."

"We each get a room for weekend visits?" Tommen asked.

"Is this okay with you?" Brienne asked.

"Wow! Thank you!" The twins said.

"Thank you. This is...this is amazing. It's all the best of everything." Joffrey said.

Jaime joined Aunt Genna and Tywin in the den. They sat on the sofa and started discussing his physical therapy. Tyrion soon joined the twins in the entertainment room and they took turns playing air hockey and then looked at all the video games.

Joffrey went out the French doors of the entertainment room to get a good look at the pool. Brienne took a walk outside with him.

"How's my golden boy?" She asked, coming up behind him.

"Oh. Hi. I'm fine. You've got an amazing home here."

"Thank you." She smiled.

"Are you sure you want us here on weekends?"

"Joff...I would have you here every day if I could."

He eyed her. She asked, "What's the matter?"

"I know you love me. I couldn't ask for anyone better in my life. I know you and Jaime are not just friends. Any fool can see that. But after everything...after all I have done...I would understand..."

"Oh Joffrey." She moved his hair from his eyes. "I've loved you for 15 years. That's never going to change. We all make mistakes. I know you couldn't help what happened. You're a better, different person now."

"Thanks to you. I know it was all because of you. You didn't give up. She sure did."

"I never turned my back on you, and never gave up on you. So why in the names of all the gods would I walk away from you now?"

"I keep telling myself that you are not like her. You'd never do any of those things. Neither would Jaime. But isn't it hard for you? To accept me for what I am?"

"I always knew the truth. From the day you were born. But when I held you for the first time...I fell for you. You were all Jaime. It was never as hard for me as it was for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I am looking forward to the next chapter. We should be getting back into the drama you've been used to.
> 
> Thoughts on this chapter?


	50. Chapter 50

**2005**

The tour ended. After a huge celebration at the Lannister Mansion, Brienne spent a few nights in a hotel before she was due to head back to Tarth. She made a deal with Robert that she would continue on working for him between Kings Landing and Tarth. She wasn't giving up her beach house that she had barely lived in, and she couldn't deny her love for Joffrey...or being an executive. Things were going well with the distance placed between herself and Jaime, or so she told herself, numerous times a day. She would be back in a few months to begin looking for a small home somewhere nearby the studio. In the meantime, she dropped by to see Joffrey's new big-boy suite at his house.

Joffrey answered the door like a little gentleman when the bell rang. Robert was standing nearby out of sight of course. Brienne caught a glimpse of him off to the side and smiled. He gave her a wink and went back to Cersei who was out by the pool. Joffrey took Brienne's hand and happily lead her upstairs to his very own suite.

"Uncle Jaime is coming to see it too. I can't wait until he gets here. He said he has a surprise for me."

"Oh, I know you can't wait for that!"

They were half way up the stairs when Jaime let himself into the house. "Hello?" He called out.

"Uncle Jaime!!!! Wait right here! Don't go any where Bean." Joffrey sat down and slid down the steps on his butt. Jaime scooped him up as soon as his butt hit the last step and held him high up in the air. Joffrey laughed, "I'm flying like a dragon! Look at me Bean!"

"What a fierce dragon you would be!" Jaime said, bringing Joffrey down for a hug.

"Do you know what?" Jaime asked.

"What?"

"It's only been a day and I have missed you something fierce."

"I missed you too," Joffrey said kissing his uncle's cheek.

Jaime looked up the stairs and saw Brienne. She was in shorts and a tank top with flat sandals and her toes were a beautiful shade of pink. "I see you're ready to get back to the beach."

"I can't wait." She replied.

"I want to go to the beach!" Joffrey said.

"Bean lives on the beach, did you know that?"

"I know. She said someday I can go visit her at the beach."

"And one day you will, love, but I came to see your new room!"

"It's a whole entire suite!" Joffrey was so excited.

"I know! So let's see it." Brienne said with a smile.

"Okay, Okay! Let's go!" Joffrey took both their hands and lead the way. He opened the door and both Jaime and Brienne said, "OOOOOHHHHH!"

"This is better than any room I ever had as a boy!" Jaime declared.

"Let me show you my office! It's just like daddy's! And I have my own bathroom too! I have a Wolfie in there!"

"You have a Wolfie in the bathroom?" Brienne asked.

"No! In my office! Silly!"

"Where is my surprise, Uncle Jai?"

"In my car."

"Guess what!? I have a computer in here and in the toy room, I have a guitar!"

Joffrey was so excited, he could hardly contain himself. Jaime grabbed Brienne's arm. She stopped in her tracks and looked at him, but before she could say anything, Jaime asked, "Should we have him tested for ADHD?"

"Likely. But he is just overly excited. He is usually pretty calm."

"How much sugar did you have today buddy?" Jaime asked.

"Mommy won't let me have any at all! Can you believe that?"

"Yes." They said together.

"Sit on the sofa and be the audience while I will play you a song." Joffrey said, picking up his blue electric guitar.

"Whoa! That's a sweet guitar, Joff. Do I get to teach you to play?"

"You can teach me later. I know a song. Sit down."

Brienne sat on the sofa and Jaime sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa. Cersei walked in before Joffrey could begin.

"Am I just in time for the concert?" Cersei asked.

"Yes! Mommy, you can be in the audience too!"

Cersei sat next to Brienne on the sofa and relaxed. She looked incredibly happy. Once Joffrey finished, he took a bow and everyone clapped for him. 

"Come sit here with me for moment, I have a surprise for you, my darling."

Joffrey smiled and ran to his mother, sitting next to her on the sofa. He gave her a big kiss on the cheek. "I don't see a surprise." He said.

"It's not a surprise you can see just yet, my love." She smiled. The boy wrinkled his nose and asked, "What kind of lousy surprise is that?"

"Well, it's a very special surprise."

Jaime and Brienne looked at each other and their smiles faded. They turned their attention back to Cersei. Cersei continued, "I have a baby in my belly."

Joffrey's eyes opened wide, "You ate a baby!?!?" He jumped from the sofa.

Brienne felt like she was punched in the stomach. Jaime's face turned red, the room began to spin. He was hot and could feel himself beginning to sweat. He swallowed hard. Cersei chuckled and said, "No, silly boy! The gods decided that it was time for you to become a big brother. Actually, the gods have blessed us with _two babies_. Twins." She grinned.

"Like you and Uncle Jaime?"

"Just like me and Uncle Jaime. The babies will grow in my belly and in a few months when they are ready, we get to meet them."

Jaime looked at Brienne who was turning pale. She stood up and Jaime discreetly grabbed her hand. She softly pulled it away. 

"Will these babies get their own rooms?" Joffrey asked.

"Yes, my love. The babies will have their own room. This is all yours, I promise."

"Are you excited about the babies?" Joffrey asked his mommy.

"I am over joyed." Cersei said, kissing her little boy. "You are going to love your new brothers. Or sisters. Or wouldn't it be amazing if you got a new brother and a new sister?"

"I guess so." Joffrey walked away. 

"He'll warm up to the idea soon enough." Cersei smiled at Jaime and Brienne.

"Congratulations Cersei. It's wonderful news. And congratulations Jaime. You're going to be an _uncle_." She patted him on the back and added, " _Once again._ How splendid for _you_." She walked out of the room and headed down the stairs. Jaime ran after her. "Was that your surprise?" She asked him.

"What?"

"For Joffrey..."

"It's an electric lion he can ride."

Joffrey heard this and screamed, "Can I see it?"

Brienne said, "Come on and walk me out golden boy, I've got to get going now. Uncle Jaime can give you your surprise."

********************************

Twins made for a complicated pregnancy. Cersei was uncomfortable from her 4th month on and was incredibly moody. She was tired all the time, but could never sleep. She was puffy everywhere, but couldn't keep anything down. She spent most of her time in bed and didn't want to be bothered by anyone. Joffrey was having issues with his school work and instead of helping him or getting help for him, she fussed at him and told him how ridiculous he was for not understanding. He was slow and stupid like his Uncle Jaime and would likely not amount to much.

Jaime and Tywin agreed to take him to stay with them for the duration of her pregnancy. 

"I can't do this on my own, Bri." Jaime said over the phone one night.

"You have no choice it seems. What about Tywin and Tyrion, are they no help?"

"Tyrion's never here and dad tries. You don't understand how complicated it is."

"I wish I could help."

"Perhaps there is a way..."

"Jaime that's not happening. I am not coming back right now."

"No. What if Joffrey and I came to spend some time with you. The school on Tarth might be better for him. He behaves well for you - he adores you."

His statement was met with silence. _Gods I miss them. This is not fair though, or right. Do I really want this right now? I need some time...that's why I came out here to escape everyone and everything._

Jaime continued, "I'm sorry. That was...out of line and presumptuous."

A week later, Joffrey and Jaime were at the beach house. They spent a wonderful week together on the beach, building sand castles, playing beach ball, chasing after one another. Jaime and Brienne cooked together, put Joffrey to bed together - they were like a real family. Each of them had never been happier over the last 5 years, but as usual the reality that they were not an actual family brought them heart ache.

Joffrey was indeed well-behaved and happy. Jaime and Brienne tucked him in and he said, "I love you."

"We love you too little lion." Brienne said.

"Then you won't make me to go school." Joffrey smiled big.

Jaime sat on the bed and Brienne stood next to him, "Baby...we talked about this."

"Mommy said it was pointless. I am not smart enough for it and I will be rich the rest of my life anyway."

"Mommy isn't always right. Mommy is feeling tired and uncomfortable and she is just being moody. She doesn't know what she is saying." Jaime said.

Brienne added, "You're one of the smartest people I know! Besides, if you're going to be rich, you have to know how to count your money or it will all disappear! Then how will you eat or have a house to live in?"

Jaime said, "Joffrey. I know it's hard sometimes."

"It's so hard."

"We will work together. All of us. We will figure this out together, I promise." Brienne said.

"Good night."

"Good night, love." Brienne bent down to give him good night kisses, Jaime did the same and they walked out together.

Jaime and Brienne went outside on the balcony. "I'm worried about him, Jaime." She said sitting in a chair.

"He's resilient."

"Is that what you tell yourself when he cries about the shit his mother throws at him daily?"

"I hate what she has done to him." He replied.

"And now she is bringing _two more_ little cubs into the world. Can you imagine how wonderful that will be?"

Jaime didn't answer. He just looked out at the moon. Brienne remained quiet, watching the waves crash on the shore. The breeze blew softly across her skin, tousling her hair. Jaime looked over admiring her beauty. The moonlight gave a beautiful glow to her skin. She sipped her wine and stretched her long legs out, resting her bare feet on the railing in front of her. He wanted to reach over and run his hand up her leg. Instead he turned back to the ocean, saying, "I know I can't pretend that she doesn't exist. That the things she does...don't bother me, hurt me or make me angry. I care about him, I love him. I want so much better for him but she is his mother and there is nothing I can do about that."

"So you've said. I know. I'm sorry I came across the way I did."

"You're not wrong. I know that."

"It's not like you need it pointed out to you, though. I don't mean to throw it in your face. I don't want to hurt you, Jaime. I never want to hurt you. You know that."

"I know." He turned to her, "Thank you. For having us here. I know it's not always easy. I feel like...I know I don't deserve you. I ask too much and I am selfish."

"I won't tell you differently, if that is what you're hoping for. But I keep giving in to you so...which one of us is to blame? There are several reasons I give in. And you know what they are. And you still do what you do and I do what I do so...here we are."

"We know each other well don't we?" He chuckled. "I can't stay away."

"Neither can I. Obviously. But we've both drawn a line in the sand. Invisible as it may seem."

Joffrey's first day of school went as well as could be expected for a little boy who just moved to an island. Joffrey was used to traveling and living on the go. That was during a tour though, and he fully understood that was over and he was supposed to be in one place - but where was his place. His mommy sent him to live with Paw and Jaime and Tyrion, and now he and Jaime took off to Tarth. Mommy was too busy or too sick to handle him. Uncle Jaime couldn't do it on his own. 

His Bean was waiting for him when he walked out of his first day. He smiled and ran to her. "I missed you too much." He announced, handing her his school bag.

"We missed you too, golden boy."

"Where is Uncle Jaime?"

"He is waiting for us at home with a surprise. Shall we go see?"

"Yeah!"

"Come on let's go! We will stop and pick up some ice cream for tonight's dessert."

Jaime was on the beach waiting for Joffrey and Brienne. Joffrey kicked off his shoes and ran into Jaime's open arms. "Oh, my boy! How was school?"

"Mmmmm....ugh! It was just school."

Jaime kissed the top of his head and said, "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Jaime's surprise was a brand new kite. They spent some time outside flying the new kite and having a snack before heading inside to start Joffrey's home work and dinner.

Brienne and Jaime shared some laughs as they prepared dinner while Joffrey sat at the bar getting all of his papers out. He was to practice writing the letters "P" and "R". He hated all letters, but these two in particular were a pain, along with the letter "S". 

While Jaime continued preparing dinner, Brienne sat at the bar with Joffrey to get started. "Can I make my chocolate milk? You promised."

"Oh, yes. So I did." Brienne got him a cup of milk, the chocolate syrup, and a spoon. Joffrey carefully mixed everything and set the syrup aside. He took a sip of the ice cold drink and said, "AHHH! Yummy!" He smiled and set the glass aside. Brienne laughed and looked at Jaime with a smile. She found herself wondering if this is what life would would be like had they stayed together.

Joffrey started to practice the letter "P" but he kept writing it backwards. "It looks beautiful! It's very neat. It's backwards though, baby."

Joffrey was confused and devastated. "No. It is not. See. This is the same," He said.

"They look the same to you?" She asked.

"Exactly." Joffrey said.

"Are you teasing?"

"No. It's the same." He insisted.

Brienne looked at Jaime. She knew the problem. Jaime knew it all too well.

"We write this letter like this. Here, let me help you."

"Its right!" He said.

"No, baby look...it has to go this way."

"Why does everybody say it's wrong! I hate this! Don't tease me. I thought you would be good about this, Bean!"

"Joff...I am, darling. Take a break for a minute."

"No! It's not backwards!"

Jaime said, "Joff...let's take a break for now. After dinner we can try again."

"What is wrong with you?" He asked.

"Nothing. We will look at it again after we eat, okay?" Jaime replied.

"Why is it wrong?"

"Watch, it goes like this. Give me your hand." Brienne said.

He put his head in his hands. "I don't understand. It looks the same to me."

"I know it does. That's okay."

"If everybody says it's wrong, it is not okay. Mommy's right!"

"No, no...that's not it." Brienne tried to assure him.

He tried not to cry, but he couldn't help himself. Brienne took his hand from his face and when she did, she accidentally spilled his milk on the homework sheet.

Upon seeing his ruined homework, Joffrey screamed at her, "Are you crazy!?! Look what you did! I will get in trouble tomorrow!"

"I'm sorry. It will be okay, it was just an accident."

"No it wasn't! How could you be so stupid? You did this on purpose, you stupid cow!" 

Jaime raised his voice, "JOFFREY JAMES!"

"Fuck you too, loser!"

Brienne looked at Jaime and stood from the bar stool. Joffrey took the bottle of chocolate syrup and squirted it on Brienne's shirt and gave her a push. Without a word, Brienne calmly walked to her room and shut the door behind her, leaving Jaime to deal with his son.

Realizing what he'd done, Joffrey burst into tears and ran to Brienne's door, "BEAN!" He beat on the door. Jaime ran over and picked him up and dropped him on the sofa.

"Sit here and don't even think of moving."

"I am sorry! I am so sorry!!!! Please, please, please make her open the door. I need to look at her and say I am sorry. I don't want to hurt my Bean! I love her!" Tears streamed his red cheeks and his nose was running.

The water started boiling over on the stove and Jaime had to run back to tend to the pasta. "Don't move!" He said.

While Joffrey cried on the sofa, Brienne looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She shook her head and took her shirt off, tossing it into the sink to rinse it. She just couldn't make herself move. _He is right. You are a stupid cow._ She left the shirt and walked to her bed, laid there and cried.

"Uncle Jaime. Please go get Bean. Let me talk to her."

Jaime looked up at him. "You are going to sit there for a little while and calm down. Then you are going to have a bath and go to bed."

"I-I-I-I am sorry I said that to you. I didn't mean that. I promise. I love you too much for that."

"I love you too, Joffrey."

"Can I go see Bean?"

"No. That's enough now. You really hurt her. You will be lucky to see her tomorrow."

Once Joffrey was asleep, Jaime knocked on Brienne's door and walked in without waiting for an answer. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her face was red and streaked. Jaime sat next to her on the bed and wiped a tear from her face.

"Those are Cersei's words. I know he doesn't understand." Brienne said.

"I am so sorry. I don't know what got into him. He had a bath and I put him to bed."

"Did you give him dinner?"

"A little. No ice cream."

She still hadn't looked at Jaime at all.

He continued, "He begged me to let him apologize."

"I heard."

"I don't know what I am doing."

"Neither do I."

"He is not your responsibility."

"Nor is he yours. He has a mother and a father. Does he not?"

"You'd have me send him back?"

She sighed. "No."

"I didn't think he would act that way. Not with you."

"We'll figure it out." She said quietly, taking his hand.


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joffrey has an accident. Jaime and Brienne get some alone time. Joffrey doesn't want to meet his new siblings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming back for more! Please share your thoughts at the end of the chapter, it's always great to hear from you!

In the morning, Jaime began preparing Joffrey's breakfast. Once the boy was dressed for school, they sat out on the balcony together and watched the waves roll in. "How are your eggs?" Jaime asked.

"Perfect. I like them mixy like this." Joffrey said.

"Mixy? Do you mean scrambled?" 

"Scrambled."

"You look sad today." Jaime commented.

"Bean is not coming to breakfast."

"No. She is not. You really hurt her last night."

"I know. I wanted to say how sorry I was. I am still so sorry. I love her. I never meant those things that I said. I was so mad that they just flew out of my mouth. I didn't like that at all. I hated it while it happened. I couldn't stop it."

"You couldn't stop it?"

"No. If you let me talk to her...do you think she will ever forgive me?"

"I believe she would."

"I'm sorry I said bad words to you last night. I love you Uncle Jaime. And I didn't mean that either. I know that 'F'-word is bad. Mommy only uses it when she is really mad. I promise I won't say that again."

 _Oh does she?_ Jaime thought. "Joffrey, why did you say those cruel things?"

"I felt so mad. I can't explain it. I just can't."

"Well, what did you feel?"

"Like everything in me was crushed or squished up tight, tight, tight inside and then it busted out."

The doors opened and Brienne stood leaning against the frame. "Good morning, gentlemen." She said.

"Good morning." Jaime said.

Joffrey perked up in his chair and said, "Good morning. Bean, I am so, so sorry for all the things I said and did. I never meant any of those things."

She quietly said, "I know you didn't. I love you, Joffrey James. I will always love you. I will always forgive you. But I can't be friends with someone who will hurt me."

"I promise I won't do that again."

"We will work on that together, right? And we will work on those letters some more as well?"

"Yes." He got up and went to her for a hug. She wrapped him in a warm hug and kissed his cheek. "I love you so much Bean."

"I love you too, golden boy. Go wash your face and hands and get your bag. It's time to go."

"Are you walking with me today?"

"Not today, lion cub. You and Uncle Jaime go on, and I will see you after school."

"Okay."

Joffrey went into the bathroom and Jaime walked over to Brienne. "Are you alright?"

She took a deep breath and said, "I just lied to a five-year-old."

"You don't forgive him?"

"Of course I do. I always will. I am just the fool who keeps returning to people who hurt me."

Jaime reached for her hand, "Brienne."

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Go on, get your boy off to school." Her eyes sparkled with tears. She longed for him to take her in her arms. He nodded and as he walked through the door, Joffrey came out of the bathroom.

"Now don't you look handsome!" Jaime said to his son. 

"Thank you, Uncle Jaime. One more goodbye kiss from Bean?"

"Quickly now." Jaime said.

"Have a good day at school, baby!" She said hugging him tightly. He gave her a kiss and said, "Have a good day at home with Uncle Jaime! He needs a kiss too, I think."

"Whaaaaat? He's a grown up, he doesn't need..."

"Just one! He will miss you while he walks me to school."

"Uncle Jaime...do you really need a kiss?" Brienne asked.

"I'm afraid I do, my lady." He smiled.

She pecked him on the cheek and opened the door for them. Jaime looked back at her on the way out and said, "I kept some biscuits warm in the oven for you." He flashed a sweet, dashing smile and closed the door behind him. When they were gone, she stood at the bar, eating her warm biscuits with butter and strawberry preserves. After two bites, she tossed it in the trash and decided to go for a walk on the beach. By the time she got down the stairs, Jaime was walking up the drive way. He smiled that same beautiful smile she adored, with those lips she desperately wanted pressed against her own. 

"Going out for a run? Want some company?"

"Oh...I...um..."

Jaime's phone rang and Brienne quickly smiled, gave him a wave and said, "You go ahead. We'll catch up in a bit." She took off without looking back and he lifted the phone to his ear without taking his eyes off her.

"Hey Cers. How's it..."

"Jaime!" She cried into the phone. His knees were weak and his heart stopped in his chest thinking the worst - something had happened to his father or Tyrion.

"Cersei? What is it? What's happened?"

"You have to come home." She sobbed. 

"Why? Has something happened to dad? Tyrion? What?"

"No!"

He felt instant relief and sat down on the steps, running his hand through his hair. "Cersei, you nearly gave me heart failure. What's the matter?"

"I've made a horrible mistake...letting Joffrey go. Please bring him home. Come back. I miss you so much. Come back to me."

Her pleas were met with silence. "Jaime! Say something, please. Please come home."

"No." He said softly.

"What? Why? Joffrey is my son. I want him home with me, now."

"He is not just yours. It's better for him here, and you know that. It's only been two weeks."

"I need you. I've never needed you so much. I need you here with me for the birth of our babies. I need your love, your touch. I can't do this without you."

"Is it me you want? Or Joffrey?"

"Both of you."

"Listen to me, okay? Calm down, Cers. You've got to think logically. He is five years old. He has been torn from his own home to go stay with dad and now he is on an island in a new school. We cannot tear him away from yet another place and send him to another school - even he has been there before. I will not do that. Get a grip on yourself and think about Joffrey for _once. Please."_

"It's her you don't want to leave. I will tell Robert about us. I swear to you. I don't care anymore. I choose you and our babies and I need a life with you."

"You have a life with me Cersei."

"Oh Jaime...no...not like I need. Not like I want. I miss you. I miss you so much. I know these babies feel your absence. I know it in my heart, as their mother."

"Cersei...they are not your only children. They are not your only priority."

"No. But you are my main priority. I love and need you like I have never needed you before. Please...just come home to me."

Brienne thought that by now, Jaime might be off the phone and walked up to see if he would join her. She walked up near the hammock, and heard him say, "That's not it. I love you. You know that. I love our life together and the empire we've built. I want you to think about your health, and the babies and...Joffrey is here _now._ He needs attention too. And he needs a lot of love. It has nothing to do with anything but Joffrey. He is still a baby himself."

On the other end of the phone, Cersei was crying, "I know Jaime...I know. I'm just scared and hurting. And I feel like only you can make things right for me."

"I've said what I had to say."

"So in a few months. After the twins arrive and Joffrey finishes school. You promise?"

"Yeah. It will be here before you know it. I will see you soon enough." He hung up.

Jaime stood and tossed his phone down. He hated to do it in case the school called about Joffrey, but he needed it to not ring for a while. He needed to focus on Brienne. He turned the corner and saw her standing there. "Hey. I was just coming to find you."

"Why?"

"I thought we could walk together."

"Okay. Yeah. Let's walk."

"What's wrong?"

"What's not these days?" She turned and headed to the beach.

Jaime knew that Brienne was still upset about the night before; that Joffrey hurt her, even though he probably had no idea what the words he spoke meant. To Brienne though, they cut deeper than any dagger ever could. His heart ached for her - he knew she thought of Cersei first when those were spoken, and that's what really hurt more than anything. It was like Cersei's mini-me was unleashed and Brienne had no idea how fierce things would become. Jaime felt that the longer he kept Joffrey from Cersei, the chances of anything major coming out of Joffrey would be slim.

He followed Brienne at a distance until she reached the water's edge. She was in her tank top and running shorts, without shoes. She stood with her feet in the shallow water, letting the small waves wash over her feet.

"Brienne...again. I am so sorry about last night."

"Me too, Jaime." She said, looking out over the water.

"I promise I'm going to keep him in line. And work hard for him to..."

"How long are you staying here?"

"Well...you and I talked about until the summer time, when school ended. And Cersei and the babies were settled. If you need..."

"No Jaime...don't turn it around on me. That's what we agreed on, yes. But what are your plans now?"

"I don't understand."

"Look, I really didn't mean to eavesdrop on your call, but this _is_ my house and I was just coming to invite you for a walk."

"My plans haven't changed. I don't want to wear out our welcome though..."

"Don't do that. You know I want you here." _Shit._ "I just mean you and Joffrey are always welcome."

"You..."

She walked away. Slowly, but she walked away all the same. "Brienne..." He walked alongside her and finally stepped in front of her and stopped. They were face to face.

He said, "Let's not do this. Let's not play games. You said yourself, no more games."

"Fine. You love her? And the life you have...the empire you built? Are you running off to her tomorrow?"

"She is my sister. That's all. And no. I am not running off to her. I am not leaving. I don't...want to leave." She nearly missed that last part over the wind picking up and the crashing waves. She still wasn't sure she heard him correctly. She knew though. He wouldn't be where he didn't want to be. Then again there was Joffrey, and he would do whatever he could for Joffrey.

"You run to her every time she calls. She commands and you obey. What in hells can she possibly have over you?"

He grabbed her hand and held it. "I am not going. It's better for us to stay here."

"Better for who? Joffrey? Or you?"

"Both. You know that."

"Do _you_?"

"Brienne..."

"I'm sorry."

"Why do we do this to ourselves all the time?"

"Because we are who we are and we can't change, as much as much as we want to. As much as we try. We just can't hate each other, and we can't stay away. It's like we're destined to punish ourselves and be miserable."

"I make you that miserable?"

"Not like you think."

"Why don't you tell me?"

"Tell you what? _For what reason?_ It's not going to help either of us. We need to just move on. Maybe move on with other people. I don't know! I don't have an answer."

"You want somebody else?"

"I don't know! I didn't say I _w_ _anted_ that. I mean...no one can ever...don't you just want someone? Someone to be with? To take away the pain and the late night loneliness? Someone else to think about and distract you from what used to be or could have been? Something or someone to make you feel better? Or even like you matter?" She asked him with sincerity.

"You matter, Brienne. You matter so much."

She looked down at the water washing over her feet and shook her head. 'What about you, Jaime? Don't you know how much you matter?"

"Not usually. No."

"How the fuck can you say that?"

"In all this mess, over all the years, you never fought for me, not once."

"Is that what you wanted? Someone to fight for you? How can I fight against your sister? She is the only reason...to my understanding, that we ever broke up. Tell me Jaime, how do I fight against your sister? I could kill her and I would still lose."

"How's that?"

"Because she is your _sister_ , your family. And I will always be nothing." She turned away from him.

"Is that what you think!? You can't really believe that."

"Don't."

"No. No, no, no. It's not going to be like that."

"You know what? For my sanity, it has to be. Don't try to make it better for me. Don't tell me that you left me to protect me. I know you had good intentions. But the truth is, you know your family comes first, even if it means your own happiness. I didn't fight because I couldn't ask you to choose between us and because I knew I couldn't win. I didn't want to make things harder on you. But you never fought for me either. We could have run away a hundred times and come here to Tarth. You could have done things differently. You still could have had the career you wanted without her. Jaime...the world was yours before Cersei sang her first note. Shutting myself off from you is easier without hearing you say how much I mean to you and if you could change it you would...blah, blah, blah."

"Brienne...we are here now..." He was interrupted by the sound of her cell phone ringing. "Call them back."

"It's Tarth Primary."

"Joffrey?"

Brienne answered the call, "Hello, this is Brienne."

"Miss Tarth, this is Davos Seaworth, the Principal at Tarth Primary. I tried to reach Mr. Lannister regarding his nephew, but there was no answer."

"I apologize for that, Mr. Seaworth. Is Joffrey alright?"

"He had quite a fall from the jungle gym, you may want to come and see about him."

She quickly said, "We're on our way," and hung up. 

"We have to go. Right now. They said he is okay, but..."

"Calm down, what happened?"

"He-he-he fell off the jungle gym."

"Let's go." 

They ran to the house and grabbed their shoes, Jaime's phone, and Brienne's car keys. They were at the school within 5 minutes. They raced through the doors with sand still on their legs, windblown hair, and red faces.

"We're here for Joffrey." Jaime said.

"Yes sir, he is in Mr. Seaworth's office. Right this way."

Jaime rushed through the door and knelt down before Joffrey who was sitting in Mr. Seaworth's chair. Joffrey barely looked up at them.

"Hey buddy! Are you alright?"

"I'm so sleepy. And I am dizzy."

"Did you hit your head?"

"Really hard."

"Jai...we should get him to the Emergency Room now."

"Come on, baby." Jaime picked up Joffrey and carried him to the door.

"Miss Tarth?"

"Yes, Mr. Seaworth?"

"He landed on his right side, falling on his arm and then his head hit pretty hard."

"What is the jungle gym sitting on? Is it padded?"

"It's padded, but he fell from the top. He was a flying dragon, I believe. Lighting up the wildfire under the Red Keep."

"Oh gods. Yes. He has quite the imagination, doesn't he?" She walked out, hastily following Jaime. When they got to the car she said, "Put him in his seatbelt and sit back there with him. We will be there in ten minutes."

"Bean! I gotta throw up!"

Brienne was lucky there was no one behind her or on the side of her. She swerved off the road and jumped out the car. Jaime opened the door and Brienne pulled Joffrey out. He threw up on the side of the road and then they were on their way again.

At the hospital, Brienne and Jaime paced up and down the waiting room while Joffrey was rushed off for scans of his head and arm. Jaime ran his hands through hair and swiped his hands down his face.

"Should you call Cersei?"

"I'm not worried about calling Cersei. I've got him."

"What about Robert?"

"Fuck him."

"Jaime...they are his parents."

He just gave a sideways glance and leaned against the wall. Brienne sat with her head in her hands. Jaime paced the room again and before she comprehended what she was doing, she was behind him, sliding her arms around his waist and up to chest. He held her hands tightly to his heart. "He's okay. I just know he is." She said, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"I know." He whispered.

"Mr. & Mrs. Lannister..." The doctor came in.

"Yes," Jaime replied. He felt cold when Brienne suddenly backed away.

"Your son..."

"Nephew. He's my nephew."

"I'm sorry. Joffrey is stable. He had quite a fall. There is no bleeding in his brain, but he does have a concussion. He doesn't have any broken bones or anything, but because of his head injury, he needs to be watched carefully."

Brienne asked, "Can we take him home?"

"You can, Mrs. Lannister, but he really needs to be watched closely. He needs a lot of rest. No running around, not much activity. Keep him well-hydrated. No video games, limited television, no bright lights. Try to keep him inside. No school for the rest of the week. Headaches are common but if there is anything severe, be sure to bring him back. If he has anymore vomiting...bring him back."

"Can we see him now?"

"Sure. He was really well-behaved through everything. He didn't cry. He was a real gentlemen. You'd swear he was a grown-up."

"He is. He's a Baratheon in name, but he's all Lannister." Jaime smiled, but he realized what his phrase really meant and his smile quickly faded. Brienne caught on and linked her arm with his. The doctor lead them to Joffrey. Jaime walked over to him and kissed his head. Brienne took his little hand in hers.

"Can we go home now? I-I really need to go home. Please take me home, Bean." He asked.

"Yeah...we can go home now, baby." He sat up and reached for Brienne who picked him up and carried him to the car. 

"Bri...I can take him, if you need me too, he's gotten so heavy."

"I got him, Jai...I got him. Don't I, baby? Rest your head on my shoulder?" She patted his back and kissed his cheek. Tears ran down her own cheeks, but she stayed ahead of Jaime and kept her face forward.

"I'm so sleepy." Joffrey said.

"Okay, little lion. We'll be home soon. We can rest together." Jaime said.

Brienne drove home and Jaime rode in the back seat with Joffrey, just as they did from the school to the hospital. He watched her in the mirror, and she watched the two of them. It was less than 20 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Jaime carried Joffrey up the stairs and to the bath tub. He had a warm bath and put on his jammies. Brienne prepared dinner while Joffrey and Jaime laid on the sofa. She listened as Jaime read him a book. Joffrey's eyes were closed but he wasn't asleep. 

"Dinner's ready, guys." Brienne said.

"I'm not hungry." Joffrey said.

"Okay. Maybe later then?" Jaime asked.

"Later."

"Well, how about, you lay here a while, and I will be right there at the table with Bean."

"Okay."

Jaime sat down with Brienne and had taken two bites of the delicious brisket she had made for them when his cell rang. He looked at it and pressed the button to ignore the call. 

"Do you need to take that?" Brienne asked.

"Probably. I just don't want to. I'm having dinner. With you."

"Cersei."

"Cersei." He replied. His phone buzzed again and then again two minutes later.

"Just take it." Brienne said.

"Hello?" He sounded irritated.

"What is wrong with you? Did you not think it was important to call me about our son's fall?"

"He's fine, Cersei. He is resting. I didn't want to worry you for nothing."

"What if something more serious had happened?"

"How do you even know about this?"

"I know everything that happens with my son. Don't ever forget that."

"You know what you want to know and fuck the rest."

Brienne whispered, "Jaime!" And looked to Joffrey on the sofa.

Cersei said, "Jaime, don't act cruel to me. How dare you? We are oceans apart and our son could have been killed. Have you no love and compassion?"

"Have _you_?" Jaime asked his twin.

"Why are you doing this? I asked you to come home. I called you and begged. I _pleaded_ for you and Joffrey to come home. I want nothing more than for us to be a family. A real family."

"Words are wind."

"Jaime. How can you say that? I am ready. I am more than ready to tell Robert everything. I will tell father. I will the world."

With that, Jaime walked outside. "Cersei...you take me for a fool. In so many ways I have been. But you love yourself more than you love me - more than you love Joffrey. You would never ruin yourself that way. Stop this now. We are staying as planned. It's best for Joffrey and after his accident, he certainly can't travel any time soon. You will be fine."

"Let me speak with him. I just need to hear his voice."

"Fine." He walked back inside and sat next to Joffrey. "Joff? Are you awake?"

"I am so sleepy Uncle Jaime. I just can't fall asleep." He said almost crying.

"Mommy wants to speak with you."

"Mommy? No." He cried. 

"Okay, okay. Shhhh."

"Call him tomorrow. I have to go now. He needs some rest."

Cersei protested, "Jaime..."

Jaime hung up the phone and tossed it onto the chair across the room. Brienne watched him from the table. He sat down next to Joffrey and kissed him. "I'm going to finish dinner and then I'll come sit with you. How about I put some music on?"

Joffrey shook his head. Jaime turned on some music and re-joined Brienne. "Do you want me to heat that up again for you?"

"Was I gone that long?"

"A bit."

"Thanks, I've got it." He put it in the microwave and could hear his phone buzzing. He walked over and saw that it was Cersei calling again, so he turned it off. He went back to the table yet again, and tried to eat. Brienne didn't ask how the call went. She thought it wasn't her business; didn't want to make it her business. She was Jaime's friend, housing him and his "nephew", so shouldn't be there for him at this time? Shouldn't she ask? She knew how the conversation went. He wasn't happy. He stared into his plate and was startled when Joffrey rolled over on the sofa. 

"That's it. There he goes." Brienne smiled.

"What?"

"He'll be asleep in two minutes. The music was a good idea. He's had a rough day."

"How do you know? That he will be asleep soon?"

She looked at him like he had three heads. "We shared a bed for most of his life. I know his sleeping habits. Bet me."

"A hundred bucks."

"Pinky swear."

"Don't you trust me?" Jaime grinned.

"Not when it comes to bets."

"A Lannister...

"Don't you dare." She smiled.

"Fine." He held out his pinky and she hooked hers around it.

After a few bites of food, Jaime looked at Brienne and put his fork down. "Together?"

"Go on, I can see from here." She smiled.

"You're just so sure of yourself." 

"I am." She said.

He tossed his napkin on the table and went to look at Joffrey. He stroked his hair and the boy didn't move. He looked over at her and she had her hand out. Jaime shrugged, "I don't have any cash."

"You're a Lannister. You shit cash. What's that saying? I think you're obligated."

He scoffed and took a hundred dragon note from his wallet. 

"You got lucky." He held it up and let float down to the table.

"I just know my boy."

Jaime smiled and brought their dishes to the sink and began washing them. Brienne covered Joffrey with a blanket and then walked out onto the balcony. The sound of the ocean this clear night was beautiful. The breeze across her face felt like a hundred kisses. She took a deep breath and sighed, "My boy." 

Jaime walked out with a glass of wine for her.

"He's sleeping soundly."

"Yeah." She held up her glass to him and said, "thanks."

"Sure. Dinner was delicious."

"What you had of it anyway."

"Maybe I can finish it for breakfast," He smiled. He looked into her sparkling eyes and felt his heart stop beating. His smile faded and he looked away as his eyes turned misty.

"I was so scared when Seaworth called. It seemed the world stopped turning until I saw him again."

"Yeah. I know what you mean." He edged closer to her.

"He's my boy Jaime. I guess that sounds...I don't know what it sounds like."

"I know. I know." He moved her hair from her eyes. She looked up at him.

"I don't think you do." She looked at him with such sad eyes, it nearly broke him. "I shouldn't say that, I know."

"No...you actually should. You're not wrong. He's...always been _your boy_. He sure loves you. I think he loves you more than he loves his mother. And you might love him more than she does. That's so hard to hear out loud."

"Your...nephew...is a very special little boy, Jaime. He's all I'll ever have. As far as children go. I know this won't last forever. I'll eventually move on from this...the Lion's Den, I suppose. He will grow up and forget me. But for now...he's all I've got and I care about him, I worry about him. And every time I try to walk away from the two of you...it just...I always fail."

"Please don't look at it that way One might say you've been highly successful at loving us so well and being incredibly strong when we couldn't be."

She let out a small laugh and said, "Yeah. One might." The way she looked at him was tearing him up.

"Brienne...I...gods I just miss you...I miss us. I...hate..."

"Daddy!"

Jaime immediately ran to Joffrey. "Joff? I'm here. What's wrong."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah...no...you know me. It's Jai Jai. Uncle Jaime."

"Daddy?"

"Are you still sleepy, baby? Brienne!"

She sat down next to Joffrey. "Mommy!"

"That's Bean. Brienne."

"No...mommy." He insisted. He laid his head on Brienne's shoulder and fell back to sleep.

Jaime's voice broke when he said, "He um...he's very confused. Concussions..."

"I know. It's okay. Concussions cause confusion. I don't think he knew where he was."

"No. I don't think he did."

"We shouldn't leave him alone here. He can sleep with me. I've got him."

Jaime followed Brienne as she carried Joffrey to her bed. She laid him down and covered him with the blanket. Jaime asked, "Remember when he was a baby, and he'd sleep between us when we were on the road? Maybe I should sleep on this side. Just so he doesn't fall out the bed. I mean, it could be safer, don't you think?"

"Like when he was a baby."

Jaime laid on one side of Joffrey and Brienne on the other. Exhausted, their eyes closed immediately. Brienne protectively put her arm around Joffrey, and Jaime did so at the time. They felt each other and popped up to look at the other. They just smiled, put their heads back down, and fell asleep.

The next few days found Joffrey irritable and with headaches. By the fourth day, he seemed more himself. They stayed inside to keep him out of the bright sunlight, but that night, Jaime suggested maybe they could go for a walk on the beach. They brought out flashlights and a bucket and went on the hunt for seashells. They enjoyed finally hearing Joffrey's giggles again and watching him chase after ghost crabs and let them go in the sea.

Brienne said, "You know, we could to the pier tomorrow evening with crab traps and I bet we'd catch enough for a nice size boil for the the three of us."

"A boil?"

"You've never had boiled crabs?"

"Yes, well, I have..."

"You've just never boiled them yourself."

"We can boil our own crabs?" Joffrey asked.

Brienne said, "Not only can we boil them for a delicious meal, but we can catch them too. We can even catch our own fish."

"Really? Uncle Jaime have you ever caught a fish?"

"No, I can't say that I have. If we catch a fish, who's going to clean it? Don't you have to take it to a market?"

Brienne cracked up laughing. "No! I will teach you how to clean and filet a fish, Jaime Lannister."

Jaime made a gagging sound to which Joffrey replied, "Be a man Jai Jai!"

Brienne and Jaime laughed. The next afternoon, they went to the pier with some bait, a crab trap and three fishing poles. Joffrey was so excited to learn to fish for the first time. Brienne baited his hook and taught him how to cast. "Now, you have to hold on to the rod, and when you feel a tug, yank back on the rod and start reeling in like this. Got it?"

"Got it."

Jaime and Brienne baited the crab trap and set it into the water. "And now...we just have to wait. Patiently." Jaime said.

"Yeah..." She laughed. "Let's see how well you and your ADHD-self can handle the waiting."

"I'll be fine. I can handle it."

Brienne smiled and patted his arm. She leaned against the railing on the pier and kept an eye on Joffrey. Jaime stood in front of her with a smile. "What?" She asked with a grin.

"Nothing. Nothing. Just...I mean, we should probably find _something_ to do, don't you think? We can't just _stand_ here and look at each other."

"I like the view just fine." She said.

"Oh, this is a beautiful view. But, we could write together."

"Mmmm...those days have passed us."

"Maybe we could skip stones?"

"There are no stones and if there there were, we would scare the fish. Your nephew seems quite content with a fishing rod, I can teach you to fish as well."

"Okay, okay. Yeah. But you have to bait the hook and when I catch the biggest fish, you have to take it off the hook. My hands are for guitars and pianos."

"Sure they are."

"Are you saying I'm not good at what I do?"

"Oh darling...you are very good at what you do." It came out very suggestive and he enjoyed watching her face turn three shades of red.

"Am I?" He moved in closer and eyed her lips.

Suddenly they heard a swooping sound and Joffrey gasped, "BEAN!!! I CAUGHT A FISH!!!!" He jumped up and down reeling in his line and Brienne and Jaime rushed over. The tip of the rod curved over and the line was taught across the water. "Reel it in! Come on Joff! You got him! Hold it tight!" Brienne yelled. She stood behind him and grabbed the rod with one hand and helped him reel with the other. A rainbow trout came flying out of the water. "I got him! I got him!" Joffrey was so excited that he stomped his feet and spun around. Brienne laughed and Jaime had a proud smile from ear to ear. 

Jaime said to him, "Let's take your picture with the fish and we'll send it to mommy and daddy."

"Okay!" Joffrey held the line up with the fish dangling and Jaime took he picture. He texted it to Cersei and Robert saying that Joffrey was feeling better and learning new and fun things.

Cersei called right away and finally got to talk to Joffrey.

"Mommy! You should have been here! You should catch a fish one day! You have to be strong to do it and really, really fast!"

Later, when Brienne pulled up the crab trap, they were pleased find almost two dozen crabs. On the walk back to the house, they stopped at the market for some salt, seasoning, potatoes, corn and sausage. "Are you guys ready to learn how to have a boil Tarth-Style?"

"Yeah!" Joffrey said.

They ate outside under the house with the lanterns lit and the sound of the ocean in the background. They taught Joffrey to peel crabs, but he wasn't very good at it. Jaime peeled two crabs for him and he ate some potatoes and corn. The stereo played, and they sang and danced and played ball. They ran on the beach and played tag. Joffrey was back to being to Joffrey - a happy little boy.

Joffrey returned to school the following week. Jaime and Brienne's days were either full of everything or pure relaxation. They got a full workout each day. They ran on the beach, swam, went surfing. They'd go to the market together for fresh veggies and meats and they even went fishing at the pier. They had heart felt talks and let go of a lot things they had held in for so long. One rainy day when they couldn't go for a run on the beach, Jaime knelt with his back to Brienne and said "Get on?"

"What?"

"Yeah, I can use you as a weight to do some squats."

"You are not serious."

"I am. Come on sit on my shoulders."

"You can't lift me."

"Get. On."

She rolled her eyes and finally complied. "So the Golden Lion thinks he can...WHOA! Jaime! Don't you dare drop me!"

"I am not going to drop you! You have so little faith in me. You wound me, my lady."

"I am no lady." She grabbed his hair to hold on.

"Ow! That hurts."

"Jaime! Don't you try to show off."

"Count with me."

He felt the warmth of her center on his neck, and could feel her smooth, warm skin on his bare shoulders and all he wanted to do was slide his hands higher up her thighs. The desire to touch her would never go away - his need, his want, his dream. The center of his shorts seemed to grow tighter, but he managed 10 squats. He moved to the sofa and asked, "Do you want to get off now?" _Damn that wasn't right._ He didn't bother correcting himself, he just laughed with her and sat down on the sofa. She leaned over and fell on her side, saying, "I have to say that was fun." She admitted.

He gave her a grin and a side-eye and asked breathlessly, "Think you could beat me?" His hand was still on her leg.

"I won't even try." She laughed, turning over on her back. 

Thunder rumbled in the distance and lightening flashed across the sky. She didn't move his hand from her leg. It felt warm and right and she was afraid that he'd take it away. She sat silently, enjoying the sounds of the rain, the wind and waves. The breeze blew through the open windows and they could smell the salt air. Jaime leaned his head back against the wall and slouched down getting comfortable. He closed his eyes and slid his hand down to her foot and gave it a squeeze. His fingers massaged the bottom of her foot and she let her head fall back on the arm rest. _Why turn down a good foot massage?_ She wondered.

He sang in his head, _Give in to me. Give in to me. I'm gonna burn for you....you're gonna melt for me. Come on, come on....give into me._ Suddenly he stopped and she sat up to look at him. "Why'd you stop, you tease?"

"If I don't stop, my hands will go higher and higher and my lips will touch yours. And...I don't think you want them to."

"Try me."

His lips crashed into hers and he was on top of her in a second. Their tongues collided for a full two minutes with her hands roaming from his back to his shoulders and tangling in his hair. _Oh my gods, I've missed you,_ he thought, as his hands slid up and down her ribs and then to her hair. She shifted her body with one leg bent, leaning against the back of the sofa, and the other hanging off the front so that he could he fit between them comfortably. He leaned his forehead against hers and smiled, kissing her once again. The thunder grew louder and the wind blew harder and so did their gasps and moans. He slowly kissed his way to her belly and slid her shorts and panties down. She ran her fingers through her his hair and sat up, pulling his face to hers. She kissed him softly and slid her tongue into his mouth. She pushed his shorts down and pulled him back on top her. He took her shirt off and kissed her everywhere. She could feel him hard and ready. He could feel that she was slick and wanting. No words were spoken. None were needed. Everything that either of them needed to know was felt in the the way they moved, the sounds they made and the way they looked at each other.

_I'm gonna wear you down_  
_I'm gonna make you see_  
_I'm gonna get to you_  
_You're gonna give give into me_

_I'm gonna start a fire_  
_You're gonna feel the heat_  
_I'm gonna burn for you_  
_You're gonna melt for me_

_Come on, come one_  
_Into my arms_  
_Come on, Come on_  
_Give into me_

_You're gonna take my hand  
Whisper the sweetest words  
And if you're ever sad  
I'll make you laugh  
I'll chase the hurt_

_My heart is set on you  
I don't want no one else  
And if you don't want me  
I guess I'll be all by myself  
  
_

_Come on, come one_  
_Into my arms_  
_Come on, Come on_  
_Give into me_

They didn't move after. Didn't say a word. He laid there on top of her and she relished the weight of him. Tears slid down her cheeks, she felt a wetness on her shoulder where his head rested. She choked back a sob and took a deep breath. Brienne knew she missed Jaime. She missed everything about him - his smell, his love, his touch, his kiss, his passion, the way he moved inside her and the feel of every inch of him. She just hadn't realized how much. 

Jaime laid there wishing he had resisted, knowing this was the last time she'd be with him. He had missed everything about the love of his life. He had longed for her; yearned, and ached. There was nothing that quenched his desire for her, and now that he had her, he knew that he would be facing all of that again as though it were day one. It was okay though. He'd go through it over and over for chance to be with her just once more. There was guilt though. Guilt and fear. _What have I done to her? She was always right. About everything. I didn't deserve this with her. It was selfish...but I will thank the gods every day for as long as I am breathing. Gods Brienne...I want you again. I want to stay with you forever here on our island with our boy being happy, living for ourselves. Fuck Cersei, fuck the world...I could die right here, right now and be completely fulfilled. I don't want to leave you Brienne. But I would just be better off...that's pathetic and weak. I love you, Bri...I will go on loving you until the gods take me._

Brienne held him close even as his cock grew soft. He knew she didn't want him to move. She knew he was hesitant and that he must be feeling something. She wasn't about to bring anything up. She was scared. But she didn't want to lose the feeling in this moment. She didn't want to give up any part of it. All Brienne wanted was for both of them to feel fulfilled and loved and happy. _He doesn't get that with Cersei. He can't possibly. Oh gods Jaime...just this. This is all I need for now. I will take this for the rest of my life. Just this feeling. Just this moment. Just your heart....Brienne...you damn fool. You can't live with just this. And you're an ass to think you can get away with pretending that you can._

They fell asleep together peacefully, their fingers intertwined, their hearts beating as one. 

**************************************

The months went by and Joffrey did well in school, until Brienne and Jaime reminded him that it was almost for the twins to arrive and they would be returning to King's Landing. Walking on the beach after school one Friday, Brienne said, "You're a lucky little boy! School is almost out for the summer and you'll be receiving two of the best gifts anyone could ever receive."

"What gifts?"

"The twins will be arriving soon!" Brienne answered.

"Yes...but...I could just stay here. Cersei won't need me. She will have two new babies. And daddy will be busy helping her. So...I am better here. She would just send me to Paw Ty anyway. And twins are not good. If one's a girl she will be mean."

"Why would she be mean?" Brienne asked. 

"Mommy is Uncle Jaime's twin and she is really mean to him."

"Oh." Jaime said. "Baby...it's going to be okay. Mommy loves me. Very much."

"Yes. But. I want to come back here with Bean."

"Joff, once you see your new babies, you won't want to leave them. You will fall completely in love with them, and want to be with them always."

"Is that true Bean?"

"I think so. You can't help but love new babies. As soon as I saw you I knew I always wanted to be with you."

Calls from Cersei became more frequent. She was nearing the end of her pregnancy and was becoming more and more needy toward Jaime. She was very choosy and methodical about her calls. She would either not call at all, or would call several times a day. She ensured calls while Joffrey was at school, but she also made certain to call when she knew he was home. Those were the times she thought it best to get Jaime upset. He would often have to go outside to speak with her, but Joffrey and Brienne could still hear the tones change in his voice. He would return to them and try to be calm and act like nothing was wrong, but they both knew. Even for a five-year-old, Joffrey knew.

"Come read me a story Joff." Jaime said after a tense call with his sister.

"Will it make you feel better?"

"I think it would."

"Okay! Today was library day and we got new books. I got one about a lion and a wolf."

"You don't say?"

"You're gonna love it!"

Jaime sat on the sofa and Joffrey curled up next to him with the book. Brienne sat in the chair across from them folding clothes and listening to Joffrey's story. Jaime had his arm around Joffrey and was looking at the book, only he wasn't really hearing Joffrey. He was reliving his conversation with Cersei.

"You're a pathetic excuse for a brother, a lover, a father. You gave me these babies and you refuse to return to me. To help me." She had said.

"Me? You forced this life on me and every chance you can, you want to take it away. You didn't want me near Joffrey until you realized you could him against Brienne. You're the one who thrust her into his life and lost. You use your son to hold her in our lives when you really want her out of it. You've won one and you've lost another."

"Have I?"

"You've won me Cersei. You know that. What else can you possibly want? I can never be with Brienne again, and when I come back I will be there - until you send me away again. Which I expect you will do as soon as I lay eyes on the twins."

"I need you. Come home to me, Jaime. I promise, they are yours and we need you. Help me."

Jaime's attention snapped back to Joffrey when the book was tossed across the den and he heard his nephew yell, "Help me! What the fuck? I don't know these words and you are just sitting there!" Joffrey got up on his knees on the sofa and grabbed Jaime's shirt with his hands and said, "Are you really this useless?" The boy pressed his forehead against Jaime's and screamed.

Brienne came up behind him and grabbed Joffrey off of Jaime. Jaime got up to help Brienne but Joffrey wiggled, kicked and twisted himself around, so Brienne had to adjust her grip and when she turned him face her, he bit her. She screamed in pain and Jaime grabbed Joffrey and tossed him gently on the chair. He asked Brienne, "Are you okay?" She looked at her shoulder and said, "I've had a lot worse."

Jaime looked to Joffrey. "Are you completely mad? Look at the consequences of your actions." He pulled Brienne forward and pointed at her shoulder.

Joffrey said, "Look what she did to me!" He held up his arm to reveal scratches.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. You know that was an accident." Brienne said.

"You wanted to get back at me for screaming at Uncle Jaime."

Jaime said, "Joffrey, you're a smart boy. You know the order of events. Had you not behaved that way, none of this would have happened. You should have simply asked for help."

"I did." 

"You threw the book and screamed at me. That's not asking for help. That's having a fit. Like a spoiled little boy. Lions of Lannister do not behave that way. You know better."

"Mommy does. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in Jaime's head was "GIVE IN TO ME" (Songwriters Billy Falcon / Elisha Hoffman / Rose Falcon) from the movie "Country Strong" performed by Garret Hedlund and Leighton. It's not really a country song in my opinion. I love it and perhaps you will find that it's perfect for these two.
> 
> Thanks again and please share your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, I welcome and look forward to comments. They keep me going and inspired. I love to entertain you and see what you think and feel, so please let me know!


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